This got me to thinking. People are trained to respond to knocking. Well trained, it seems. Given this very nearly Pavlovian (Pavlov tricked dogs into drooling, you know; I'm not sure why he thought it was funny, but I think I would have liked to have seen him do it) response, it made me think.
So this morning, I jumped up on the bed, curled my paw into a tiny fist, and instead of punching the Woman in an eye, I knocked on her forehead.
Holy carp, it worked!
Her eyes fluttered open, she sucked in a deep breath, and said "Well, good morning." Then I sat down and said "I'm hungry," and she said, "Give me a minute, ok?"
So I was very polite, I gave her a minute and then accompanied her to the giant litter box room and helped her take her drugs, and then she actually went downstairs and fed us!
Granted, this is a little less fun than punching her in the eye (you learn less fun words, too) but it works! And it proves that People are a little closer to dogs than previously thought, given how trainable the apparently are.