September 28, 2004

Ok, so she finally opened the damn box. And you know what was in it? Another freaking plastic tomb! Somethig else she can haul me outside in, so the sticky people can try to touch me and scream at me. Why the hell does anyone need two of those things???

September 23, 2004

When the man in the brown truck brings a box, it's not fair to just set it down and not open it. Open the box! Come on already! I don't care if you already know what's in it, open the box already! I want the freaking box!

September 22, 2004

Any discussion that begins with “We need to talk about your bathroom habits” is bound to be one sided. Yeah. One sided. I am not going to sit here and listen to the criticisms of the naturally occurring effects of having a digestive system.

Look, people, you try using a litterbox. Give up the big white throne litterbox and use the real one. Let’s see how well you do trying to squat in a little box of sand and have perfect aim. Let’s see how wellyou keep the litter in the box. Go ahead. Try it.

Oh, but first, tape fur to your feet. Then try to get out of the box without leaving a little bit of litter trailing behind you. And let’s not forget the important act of burying your waste—come on, face it. The box is not the biggest thing in the world, the litter gets wet, so yeah, once in a while some is going to fly out and stick to the wall. Deal with it!

Your world is not going to come to an end if you have to sweep stray litter up once in a while, and your fingers will not fall off if you occasionally have to pick up a piece of poop that didn’t quite make it into the box.

And if you try to have this little talk with me again, I’m going to start using the bathtub instead. Let’s see how you like cleaning that up.

September 20, 2004

They took me outside again the day before yesterday. Not only did I have to put up with the Sticky People, but the Man kept running a stick over the plastic tomb, and also kept sticking it through the slats at me. What the hell is wrong with these people? I’m not a fricking dog that has to be let out everyday because he’s too stupid to use a litter box. I’m a cat, People, a feline. I’m perfectly all right with staying inside where it’s safe and quiet.

When the Woman took me back inside and opened the door to my tomb, I bit her.

Yeah, I said it. I bit her. And she deserved it. I bet she won’t be doing that for a while now, eh?

September 15, 2004

My stuff is going missing, and I don't like it one bit. First the nice loveseat upon which I occasionally napped suddenly vanished, and today it's the piano. And not just that, the bench I sat on to look out the front door went with it. The Woman keeps going through things and throwing stuff away... I'm afraid if I'm not careful, my bed will be next. Or worse, me!

This just isn't right. And I have the feeling things are only going to get worse...

September 11, 2004

They took me outside! ALL THE WAY OUTSIDE!!! LOOK!
I mean, come on! Not only did they shove me inside that plastic tomb, but they took me outside where all the sticky little creatures were playing. LOOK! They stuck their fingers in to try to touch me, they laughed, they were loud, and little littlest one...oh crap, he actually banged on it!

Worse yet, I could smell food on their germy little hands, but did I get any? Was there a reward for me not biting their dirty little fingers off?

Hell no! I just had to sit there and take it for like FIVE MINUTES!

Surely, this is poop-on-the pillow worthy.

September 04, 2004

I'm trying to figure out the point of the Woman's recent flurry of activity. There used to be all these boxes in my private little litter box room, and since they didn't keep me from what I needed to do in there, I didn't mind them. But now she's taking the boxes out, to another room, where she picks through them, as if she doesn't know what's in there.

Hello? Does she not remember that she's the one who put that stuff in those boxes?

It's harmless enough, and it keeps her occupied so that she's not bugging me, but she's not leaving any boxes empty for me! I don't ask for much, and I did notice the other day that my see-through box seems to be why won't she leave just one of those boxes empty for me? And what is so freaking important about looking in them anyway? If she'd listen I could tell her--nothing important. If there were food in any of them, it'd be bad by now anyway.

I dunno...this just doesn't seem like it's a good thing, at least not for me.

September 01, 2004

Getting a running start for an early morning wake-up head butt is very gets a Person out of bed in record time, let me tell you. They don't like it, but it's good for them. Really.