December 31, 2013



Don't party too hard, doods!

December 22, 2013

...Cuz that's how I roll...

Okay, it's not me.
But I totally would, if I could figure out how...

December 18, 2013


Doods, I totally did not expect to get mail today but I got a BIG box, and on it was a return address that said,

and it was for me and Buddah! I inspected it pretty closely before it got opened and I could already tell there was some stellar stuff inside.

I mean, look all all this!

There were crunchy treats--TEMPTATIONS!--and toys and a nip banana and a scracther, and this little red sproingy toy that Buddah went nuts over, and even a mug for the Woman!

(Ok she took it whether it was for her or not. Because IT IS AWESOME and she thinks it's too nice for me or for Buddah.)

See? it is pretty spiffy.

We took too many pictures to show here, so if you want to see us get our presents from Allie, Ellie, and Raz from Friends Furever, go peek at the whole set of pictures on our Flickr thingy.

Allie & Ellie & Raz, thank you so much! Your gifts were super spiffy and totally made my day!

December 17, 2013

I'm really digging the tree this year

I mean, look at it. It's loaded with Doctor Who awesomeness, and one of my beds is near it--you can see the corner of it in the picture, there on the lower left--and it's near the fire place thingy.

And even though none of those presents are for me--and that's cool because I ask the people to spend money on toys and stuff because I know Santa will hook me up--I like looking at them. The Woman got all inspired and color-matched presents to people. The blue ones are for the Younger Human and the red and white ones are for the Man (and trust me, it's more even than it looks) and having them stacked like that makes for my absolutely favorite part.

Having everything there makes my nook even more private and I can take nice, quiet, Buddah-free naps, because he never thinks to look behind the tree. Doods, he's not even really playing with the tree this year. And that's a good thing, because the really cool Doctor Who ornaments are glass. Heck, there's another bigger tree in the front room and he's leaving that alone, too, though he gets under it.

That's actually all right. The people bought the skirt thingy just for us, so we'd have something soft to lay on if we wanted to lounge under the tree. I don't use it, really, but Buddah likes it.

There's only a week until Christmas, guys! ONE WEEK! I'm excited because I'm pretty sure Santa will bring me a new nip banana, but I'm also not looking forward to it because that means that not long after the tree will get put away and I'll lose my private space.

I wonder if I can glue the tree down when no one is looking...

December 14, 2013

The Woman went shopping with DKM today...

...and what did she get me?

NOTHING. She got me a big fat NOTHING.

On the other hand, she bought a couple somethings for That Damned Dog Butters. But ya know, I'm so used to it now that I didn't even bother registering a complaint. I just plopped down on the floor, hitched my back leg up, and licked myself.

I'm just gonna be 6 kinds of chill, and wait for Santa to bring me that real live fresh dead shrimp.

I'm not even gonna go poop on anyone's pillow.

Just chill.

That's how I roll.

What? Hell yes I've been in the nip tonight. Why are you asking?

December 12, 2013


Okay, so today the people put pants on--REAL PANTS--and left the house, saying they were going shopping for toys.

Now, the Younger Human doesn't play with toys.

The people don't play with toys.

So clearly, they were buying cat toys. I am a cat; I occasionally hunt the toys in the house to kill them.

When they go shopping they're usually gone for a long time, so I went into the room with the big comfy bed and jumped up there to take a long nap, and I admit, I was a little excited. New toys! It's been a while since I've had a toy I wanted to kill, so that was something to look forward to.

But then they came home, and what did they have?

A whole lot of nothing.

Seriously, nothing.

They walked in empty handed.

At first I thought they'd just struck out and couldn't find anything Max-worthy, but then the Woman left her phone where I could see it and LOOK AT THIS

Water fountain not included
There are a lot of toys there but not one damned cat toy.

So when the Woman sat down I jumped in her lap and was going to tell her exactly what I thought about it but then she went and said, "Lots of toys, right, Big Guy? And you bought most of them."

Well dammit, now I can't even be mad.

Not even a tiny bit.

Second load being delivered to the fire station
And really, doods, you bought these toys: it took 2 trips, filling up the back of the HHR both times. I save most of my money from my books every year to buy things for Toys for Tots at Christmas and some random cat thingies for cats that need cat thingies, but this is the Toys Haul.

When you bought copies of my books, you were also buying toys for sticky people who might not get much for the holidays.

It would have been nice if they'd SAID this is what they were doing instead of getting me all excited about waking up to a new thing to kill, but it's cool. Now I feel all warm and tingly, and it's not much longer until Christmas, and Santa will hook me up. The Woman assures me that she made sure he knows I would like a new nip banana and some real live fresh dead shrimp, and that's all I really want or need.

Thanks, guys. I don't always get a real feel for how many books I sell or where the money goes, but seeing this?

I freaking have warm fuzzies right now.

Now, pet my head and tell me I'm pretty. I feel pretty tonight.

December 08, 2013

I'm just surprised he still sorta fits in that

First he was like this

Then he was all

I feel his pain. It really sux when someone interrupts a good nap by taking a picture.

December 02, 2013


It's December, right?

Chilly outside, right?

Fire thingy weather, right?

So why won't the Woman PUT SOME PANTS ON???

Seriously...aside from the eye bleach I'm hoping Santa brings me, instead if pant she wears these slippery shorts that fit like skin, and that makes it very unpleasant for me to sit on her lap.

It's cold.

She should wear pants.

Five bucks to whomever can convince her that she needs pants.

November 28, 2013

=AHEM= Since Christmas is coming...

I don't want to be a pimp blog, but the holidays are coming and gift giving is coming and some of y'all expressed an interest in the things the Man makes when he's out in the garage instead of being in the house where he can admire me.

And even I have to admit, the stuff he makes is pretty cool.

Some of his newest pens...I think if you click you can biggify
He's got more than pens; he's got these thingies that help you put a bracelet on, bottle stoppers ( for like wine bottles for all you boozers out there), clocks, keyrings...lots of things.

Go check it out! CLICKY HERE or click on the link in the sidebar.

If he sells stuff, he might even buy me something like REAL LIVE FRESH DEAD SHRIMP!!!


No turkey for us this year. Again. But we get to see the Younger Human and I'm pretty sure there will be pie, so that'll suffice.

I hope you guys all have a great day!

November 22, 2013

There's no proof!

You may have heard a rumor today, probably on Facebook, that I was seen playing with one of these:

The Cat's Meow Toy
You know how rumors are: someone sees something and misunderstands it, and the next thing you know that misunderstanding is all over the freaking place.

I assure you, I was not playing with this thing.

There was something alive under it, and I was hunting.

Then I killed it.

But I was not playing.

And there's no proof, just that ugly rumor...

November 20, 2013

I deserve more

Chances are, if you follow me on Facebook, you know that one of my biggest issues with the Woman is that she frequently sits here without pants on. She wears these super thin Lycra shorts, but that's kinda like wearing nothing, and sitting on her lap is unpleasant because the shorts make it slippery and her blubber makes it squishily uncomfortable.

So I might have mentioned once or twice or ten times that I would like it if she would just put some pants on, so that I can be more comfortable.

Today she put pants on, and took a picture to prove it. But doods, don't let that fool you. It didn't benefit me at all. She put them on to go outside, and 20 seconds after she took the picture those pants were in a heap on top of the hamper in the bathroom.

By the time I got up from my second afternoon nap, she was back in her chair, watching TV while being all pantsless.

Why won't she think of the kitties? Really now.

November 15, 2013

November 14, 2013

Guess what I'm eating! GUESS!


I didn't even know the People had gone somewhere because I was taking my 3rd afternoon nap, but I heard the door open and close, and a couple minutes later my plate being put on the counter, so I got up to investigate. And it was steak! They must have gone out to see Mr. Cat Elman again and he sent home some delicious meaty wonder! 

Better yet: in an hour I get dinner!

November 13, 2013


Fireplace dood was here today! He cleaned all the pieces and parts of the fire thingy and put it all back together, and even cleaned the glass thing that keeps it from eating my fur.

I'm gonna be doing a lot of this during the winter
It's really not cold enough to get to use it, but the people have turned it on a couple of times just so Buddah and I can flop down and soak up some warms.

I didn't get to see Fireplace dood because I was napping under the bed and didn't even know he was here until he gone. Buddah got to see him and says he's a very nice guy who didn't even chase him around with his giant noisy vacuum thingy.

That's always a bonus.

November 10, 2013

Books! Books! Buy a Book! And Not Even Mine!

Ok, Doods, y'all know Mo from Purrchance to Dream, right? He's Dad to a bunch of our kitty friends, and he runs the CB page, AND he teaches sticky people. Or almost-not-sticky-anymore-people.

Anyways, his classroom needs books. Kids need books because without them their brains don't really form right and they're all mushy, which leads to them being super grumpy and then all they know how to do is text on their not-so-smart phones, using Kiddie Speak, like, "LOL u c dis? I cnt rilly reed!"

You can help. Mo has a wishlist of books and things for his classroom, and they're not at all spendy.

Please go buy one; Amazon will send it right to him so you don't even have to put pants on to leave the house. You'll be contributing to the betterment of some kids whose school doesn't quite have the fundage to load the bookcases in all the classrooms.

Remember, Santa is watching, and it would give you a few points on the Good Kitty List.

Just sayin'...

November 08, 2013

San Francisco Doods!

OK, so you guys know the Younger Human jumps into icy cold water every year to raise money for the Special Olympics, right? He's started his fundraising this year and there are gonna be prizes again, but the first one is one doods in the SF Bay Area will be most interested in.

Tickets to see The Book of Mormon at the Orpheum Theater on December 13th. That's a $250 value prize right there for one of the hottest shows out there. Every $5 you donate gets you a shot at them (and future prizes!) and he's drawing the winner on November 20th.

I'd try to win them but they don't allow cats in the theater. Plus, I don't want to leave the house.

All the money he raises goes to a good cause, and if he hits his goal this year, he'll dunk as a Princess again. But the kicker...the more money he raises, the more skin he'll show. If he hits $2000 he'll be a princess but if he hits $3000 he'll be a Jasmine-like princess!

I kind of wonder...if he hits $4000, can we get him to jump in the Woman's pink tights and other boobie things? Heh.

November 07, 2013

I don't have pictures to prove it, but...



Tonight the man threw some real live fresh dead cow on the grill and used the hots from the grill and some cheese and turned it into cheezeburgers, and I totally got some!

Later, when the Woman opened a can for my dinner and plopped that Fancy Feast onto my plate, I sniffed at it and decided it wasn't what I wanted, she freaking opened another can for me!

I'm also pretty sure that if I ask, she'll even turn on the fire thingy for me.

It's been a awesome day!

November 01, 2013



So here we were, writing my book, slowly making progress, when all the sudden last night the Woman announces that she's setting it aside for a while to write some piece of fluff for NaNoWriMo. And she knows it's fluff because she already titled it Fifty Thousand Words of Suck.

Oh, she says it'll be good for us to take a break because we've scrapped more words than we've kept, and that I have a whole month to really think about the direction I want the book to go, but she's missing the point.

She did not ask my permission.

Sure, I don't mind some down time, and the chance for extra naps, but don't you think she would have asked me if I thought it was all right first?

Oh, and she added insult to injury by getting a tattoo that wasn't of me.


I need some nip. Some really, wicked good, awesome nip.

October 28, 2013

The Party Was AWESOME!!!

Doods! That was an off-the-hook party and it made my 10th about 53 kinds of wicked cool! Thanks for coming and playing and eating and drinking...and whoever pooped outside the box by the washing machine...heh. The Woman said to thank everyone because as house trashing parties go, you guys were nice and tidy and didn't leave a huge mess, and the guest dogs even licked all the plates clean!

After everyone left, we sat down and ran the number of comment minus the ones she and I made through a generator, and these are the ten commenters that are going to get an Amazon gift card:

  • Tillie and Georgia
  • Shaggy and Scout
  • MargB
  • The Meezers & Billy
  • Jeter Harris
  • Kate
  • Darling Millie
  • conny warren
  • Beau Beau & Angie
  • amorrissey (Kaylee, Scrappy, etc.)
Those were the names used to comment with. If it's you, drop the Woman a line at kathompson -at- gmail -dot - com and put "Max's 10th" in the subject line. In the message, please leave your name and snail mail address is you want a physical card. If you want just the Amazon gift code (which you can use just like the card, but quicker) just tell her your name and the email address you want her to send it to.

Don't be shy...if you won, let us know! The holidays are coming and you can use your card to get anything Amazon sells!

I really wish I could give everyone who came a card, so I hope my genuine thanks is enough for those who didn't win. These last 10 years have been 1,467,198,399 kinds of awesome fun, and it would have sucked donkey balls without you all.

Thanks, doods. YOU ROCK!!!

October 26, 2013


Doods, it's here! I made it to 10 years with my blog, and that means we need to PARTY! Everyone transport over and we'll trash this place like no place has ever been trashed before!

There's food:

Real live fresh dead shrimps!
Hot dogs!
And for your beverage pleasures: Nipojitos and Niptinis:

Freshly made!
Plus, I have a couple of water fountains and Buddah has a mug for those who choose to not imbibe.

And we have toys!

The best nip bananas
Funky green things!
And for those who prefer to get their nip fresh for rolling in or nomming:

The music will be loud, the play rough as you want (or not), the food drinks plentiful (the Woman will replace as needed, so nom all you want), and doods, the fact that you're here will make this party TEN KINDS OF AWESOME!

Now, it's not a party without prizes, right? So at the end of the party--the People say we have to be done by Sunday at around 8pm Pacific Time--there will be prizes.

Since it's my 10th blogoversary, 10 of you doods are going to win a $25 Amazon gift card. All you have to do is comment. Comment anything you want (but play nice!) and comment as often as you want (but you know, not just "comment." PLAY WITH US!) After the party is over, I'll number the comments, and run them through a random number generator, and then post the lucky winners.

So party your asterisks off until Sunday and then come back Monday to see if you're gonna get to shop at Amazon!

And doods...thank you for all these wicked fun years. When I started blogging I couldn't find any other kitties and thought it was just me talking to the people out there. But then I found Timothy Dickens and Prince Muddy Paws, and others followed, and the CB has EXPLODED since then. It's been amazing.

So yeah, we deserve a PARTY?



October 24, 2013


Yep, Just two more days until my 10th blogoversary. 

You're gonna come celebrate with me, right? 

There just might be a giveaway, so you don't wanna miss it!

Maybe we'll even sit on Buddah's toys!
Don't forget! 

October 26th, 2013!

October 20, 2013


The Woman has had a cold for the last few days. This means lots of noise coming from her, as she sniffs and coughs and sneezes and hacks. It's disgusting, but there's not a lot I can do about it.

It also means lots of naps, because she sleeps a lot when she doesn't feel well. I don't mind this at all, because it means she leaves a giant warm place for me to curl up on after she gets up.

Another bonus is that she doesn't feel like doing much, so she sits here and watches TV all day when she's not napping, and I get her lap.

But tonight she crossed a line.

Tonight, as I jumped into her lap, she sneezed. And it wasn't one of those achoo sneezes. It was an ACHOO sneeze, the kind that hits a person so fast they can't cover their mouth. And she sneezed that giant surprise sneeze right into my face.


I know it's not her fault, but I'm not so sure I can forgive her for it. Because...doods...cooties.

I'm crawling with people-cooties.



October 16, 2013

In just 10 days...

...yep, just ten days...

this blog turns 10 years old.


See how impressed I am?
I wasn't even 3 years old when I started it. I was a little over two years old, and here I am now, 12.

Ten years seems like something to be celebrated.

I'm not 100% sure how, but it should be something spiffy.

So stayed tuned.



October 12, 2013

Dang. Six Days?

Yeah, doods, I really didn't mean to go almost a whole week without posting anything. I'm not exactly sorry about that, though, because I've been busy sitting in front of the open window while cool breezes come through the screen.

Yep, that's what I've been doing: just enjoying the nice weather and that the People have windows and the front door open. If I'm not asleep, I'm either looking out the window or looking out the front door and soaking up the Cool.

And oh man, I can see more out the front door now! A few weeks ago the Younger Human came over and chopped up the giant bush that was blocking me being able to see anything. There's still not much to see, but at least I can see more of the Not Much.

Also, I heard the Man say something about calling Fireplace Guy to come clean the fireplace, and that means Fireplace Weather is coming soon! I'll have open windows during the day and warms at night.

It's a good life, it really is.

October 06, 2013

Hey. Whatever works.

Ok. So. I wanted the Woman to get up this morning to open a can for me, because it was Hungry O'Clock and the Man was still asleep and Bast knows Buddah is useless when it comes to obtaining the noms. I reasoned that the Woman went to sleep last night before the Man did, so she should be the one to get up.

Now, sometimes she sticks her head under a pillow, which makes getting her attention a bit tricky. Usually I just shove my head under it right next to hers and meow into her ear, but dang, doods, that puts me right near Death Breath, and lately it's been even worse (she SAYS she brushes her teeth before she goes to bed, but guys...I'm doubting it. Because her mouth smells like month old kitty litter.)

I didn't want to stick my head under there.

So, I climbed on top of the pillow that was on her head, and plopped down.

All 16 pounds of me.


Now, the great thing about being on a pillow on top of a person's head--aside from the weight--is that every meow rips right through the pillow and seeps into their skull, so they hear it extra loud. With a bit of an echo. I didn't even mind that she pretended to keep sleeping (I knew better) because I knew she was getting to hear me on a whole new level.

When she caved and started to push the pillow off her head...let's just say I hunkered down a little harder, just to send a message.

I bet tomorrow she doesn't try to ignore me.

October 04, 2013

I don't eat those. Nope.

There was one of these thingies flying around the living room tonight. I noticed it because the Woman was all, "Holy carp, you guys, DO YOUR CAT JOB!" while wagging her pointy finger at it as it darted back and forth.

I admit, I was interested for a few seconds, because, hey! Flying thing!

But then I realized I would have to chase it. Then catch it. And then she would want me to eat it instead of just ripping its wings off.

I'm down with ripping off the wings. Not so much with eating it.

So I chased it for like 5 seconds, and Buddah chased it. I jumped up on a chair to watch, and he managed to smack it out of the air with his paw, and I think he hurt it because it sure as heck wasn't flying anywhere after that.

I don't know if Buddah ate it or not because I didn't want to watch that part of it, but no one can find it now and he was heard burping as he walked down the hall.

For about a minute, it really was entertaining. Buddah is useful after all...

October 03, 2013

An interjection from the Woman

A couple of people have asked about Max's health; they are worried because it seems like just before the release of Bite Me, and since then, he's talked a lot about death and dying, and a good deal of the book touches on the subject.

I just wanted to assure everyone that aside from being grumpy and 12, Max is fine.

I think that because of the book, and the timing of the loss of several of his friends here that it seems like he is death obsessed for a personal reason, but (barring anything catching us totally by surprise, and keeping in mind that he is a senior kitty) he's well.

I appreciate the concern. Thank you!

September 29, 2013

Ok, so I wasn't TOO neglected...

Good or bad, I wasn't as neglected as expected because the Woman came home a lot earlier than anyone expected, especially her. She drove all the way to San Francisco and checked into a hotel and met some pink people and had dinner with DKM, and then had to come home the next day. She didn't even get to walk for boobies.

Nope, not one step. Apparently she had issues of the litterbox variety, and didn't want front of a thousand other people.

So she came home and made a lap for me, and we watched stuff that she recorded on the DVR. Which for me is a good thing because I like watching TV from her lap. It's nice and warm and squishy, like a lap should be.

The problem was that we watched the last two episodes of Under the Dome, and guys...that was a so-so show with a WTF ending, and it really pissed us both off.

I needed her to make that up to me so tonight we're watching an old episode of Doctor Who, and that is much, much better. It's been so long since I've seen it that I'm all like OMG WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?! and that's exactly how good TV should be.

It's also distracting her from her boobie walk disappointment. I dunno why she's not happy, I mean she gave money for the boobies and it only means she didn't have to walk all those miles and sweat so much, and doods, let me tell you, she doesn't smell good after that.

Well, she doesn't smell very good most of the time, but after sweating. Yeah. Gross.

September 25, 2013

I will be neglected all weekend. Again.

The Woman, as she does a couple times a year, with intent to throw my routine into chaos, is running off to The Big City to do another of those boobie walks.

For the whole weekend.

While this is all well and good for the boobies, for me it means relying on the Man to open cans, and he doesn't always open them at the right time. AND he skips the late night snack because of "work."

I knew it was coming up when she painted her head all pink again (and I'm really getting tired of that shirt. She wears that shirt all.the.time) but I thought I might have another weekend or so.

She really should consider how this impacts me.

And holy carp, look how big her forehead is in that picture. That's freaking huge. It must be all that internal hot air... I think the dye trapped it in.

September 20, 2013


Almost a week ago the People went out in the morning, and when they came back the Woman said she bought something for me...but then didn't give it to me. I spent a lot of time wondering what it was. Food? Toys? Crunchies? WHAT IS IT?

But then she didn't give it to me and I kind of forgot about it, until last night when she unzipped the bag it was in and spread it out.

It's a brand new fuzzy blanket to replace the fuzzy blankets that she got rid of because they were too gnarly to clean!


It's going to live in the nook by the fireplace where I like to lounge and nap during winter. I bake by the fire, then go curl up on the fuzzy blanket to snooze for a while, and then get up and do it again.

She put a new bed in there, but I didn't like it as much as I did the fuzzy blanket. The bed is still there, but she folded the new blanket up and set it on top, so I should be nice and comfy.

Now...winter needs to get here. I have some baking to do.

September 15, 2013

:::rolls eyes:::

He thinks he's King of the Pillows

I'm going to let him keep thinking that, because he's getting fur all over them AND he's getting his butt all over them, and at night the Woman has been known to plant her face into them. So it amuses me. But the only royal thing he really is is a pain...

September 11, 2013


Tonight, I was sitting on the arm of the sofa, enjoying the nice breeze coming in through the open window, when the Woman walked in. This is nothing unusual and I expected her to be there soon, since she had only gotten up a few minutes ago to visit the giant litterbox room, and I was contemplating that upon her return I would sit in her lap and allow her a few minutes of me.

Well. Buddah came in first, and when she followed she reached down and patted him on the head and said, "Hey there, Buddy."



He is LITTLE MAN or SPAZ or even one of those gag me names like SWEETYKINS, but he is NOT Buddy.

I am deeply offended.

Seriously. So I only sat in her lap for like 3 minutes, long enough to roll onto the laptop keyboard and screw up her game of Bookworm.

Let's hear her call him by the nickname I hate again...

September 09, 2013

Dood totally deserved it!

Ok, once upon a time the people bought a pet stroller with the intent to take me outside. I only have to suffer in it once, because they got it when there were lots of fires north of the area we lived and the air was filled with smoke. They were at least that considerate, and took me back inside...and I think they pretty much forgot we had one (DO NOT remind lives in the rumbly bike room now.)

If they ever try to take me out in it again, I'm doing what this kitty did.

Oh yeah, dood totally deserved it.

September 06, 2013

I have a new name tonight


The Woman calls us by all kinds of different names and most of them make me gag because they're so...sweet.

Do I look cranky...?
But tonight she bestowed a new one on me, all because I growled at her when she told me I couldn't help Buddah finish his snack.

"Back off, Captain Crankypants. I'm bigger than you are and I'm not letting you take his food."


I'm not sure I like that.

Not at all.

September 04, 2013


Tonight while I was looking out the back window and enjoying the nice breeze that was blowing in, the Man and the Woman came into the living room, and she sat down on the sofa--which she never does--and said, "Max, come see!"

So I went and saw and SHE HAD TWINKIES!!!

After she opened the box she let me sniff...holy carp, doods, it smelled like AWESOME and SPIFFY! The only problem was that I could not just reach in and grab one, so I had to rely on her opposable thumbs and hope that she wouldn't rip one open, only let me sniff, and then shove it into her own mouth.

She really did it, guys. She got one, took the plastic skin off, and then ripped it open so that I could get to the silky smooth white guts inside.

Buddah wandered up to see what was going on and when he did he wanted some, too. And doods, I had no problem with that. There was more than enough Twinkie to go around. Besides, I HAVE A WHOLE BOX. I might even let the Woman have one.

The Woman got smart...she ripped it open the long way so that we could slurp up the innards. Wonderful, creamy innards.

Last bite. We nommed that thing to death.

I'm not sure when I get my next one, but I can be patient. Besides, I saw where the Woman put the box and I can get to it, and since it's now open...let's just say I have no problem with tearing the skin off a Twinkie with my bare teeth. So there might be some hunting going on tonight after the People go to bed.