December 10, 2018


Okay, so it was the Grandma, the Younger Human, and his Much Better Half...but still, people. AND THEY TOUCHED ME.

I mean, look at this. We were, like, NOSE TO NOSE for a minute there.

Dood, she's gonna try to kiss me, isn't she? I can feel it coming.

Well, if she's gonna kiss me, we might wanna try it as the French do, eh?

(Yeah, I dunno, I guess she didn't want to. Go figure.)

And Buddah's all, Dood, I dunno what your problem is. This is awesome. 

Oh, he was a total suck up tonight, being all nice and not bitey, making himself seem like a perfectly normal and almost affectionate kitty.

I wasn't totally anti-social. I did come out to see if there was food and if it was something I wanted. And I did allow my personal space to be invaded, because I like the Grandma and the Younger Human and his Much Better Half. And I didn't try to hit her face the way I did the younger Human's that one time...

They need to come back more often. I like it when Buddah's nice, and there was pizza. If there was pizza once, there will surely be pizza again.

Maybe next time I'll get that kiss.

November 29, 2018

Updated Update Redux

I was doing this at 5:30 this morning: sitting on the arm of the Woman's chair, staring at her.

This is a perfectly normal thing for me to do; I spend a lot of time trying to make her put the computer down so I can sit in her lap. This last week I haven't had to stare--she felt bad for me so I got a lap anytime I wanted and she got no work done.

But this morning she looked at me and said, "Clearly, you feel all right, cat. Here I thought you were going to die, but apparently you just caught a bug."

I refuted that; I do not eat bugs.

But then she said the horrible, awful, no good thing: "You owe me $500 in vet bills, you little shit."

Well now. *I* did not ask her to take me to the stabby guy. *I* did not consent to the theft of my blood, and I certainly did not tell her that since they were already taking my blood, they might as well do the super-expensive send-to-an-outside-lab tests. No, that was all on her.

She can bill me if she wants, but I'm totally not paying.

And I'm still gonna make her get up in the middle of the night to feed me. That kinda power is GLORIOUS.

November 27, 2018

Updated Update

Okay. I'm still here.

I'm eating, and I'm up to roughly 2/3 of what I ate before on a good day. Better: I'm enthusiastic about it and I'm asking for food every 3 hours or so.

The Woman wasn't too happy to be woken up at 5:15 this morning, but she got up and opened a can for me anyway. And she has to give me props, because yesterday I woke her at 3 in the morning. It was almost like letting her sleep in today.

Just in case, the stabby guy gave the people some of the meds that will make me want to eat, so if I stop eating again, they can shove one down my throat, tell me how sorry they are and what a good boy I am, and by the next day I should want food again.

The Woman says she's not quite as worried about me dying suddenly, or finding me curled up on the bed not as asleep as I look, but she's also not declaring me perfectly fine. But for now, I'm at least okay. Eating and drinking, begging for her lap when she's in the middle of something because that's just funny when I know she's trying to be super nice to me.

And last night I decided her head was going to share the pillow with me, and I turned it and her face into a nice, comfy bed. And she let me. can get away with SO much when the people think you're super sick.

I don't recommend testing it because it ends up in a visit to the stabby place where you actually get stabbed, but if you have to feel like crap, it's a benefit.

November 25, 2018

An Update on Me

I'm not ashamed...I totally cuddled
Doods, if you follow along on FB or read the Woman's blog, you know I haven't felt well for a good part of this week. I haven't been eating and felt rotten enough that I didn't sleep a whole lot from Wednesday-Friday.

The Woman's blogs posts are here, here, and here.

Long story short: I've been to the stabby guy twice, had blood stolen, been stabbed a couple times, had water shoved into my skin, and a pill jammed down my throat. I finally got some sleep Friday night, several hours spent stretched out on top of the Woman while she tried to sleep, but wanting food is still eluding me.

I ate a little bit at 3:15 this morning, and a little bit more at 7:30. I don't think the people will be happy unless I eat a couple more ounces today, and keep eating after that. The appetite stimulant the stabby guy gave me is supposed to last a couple of days, so there's hope that I'll want food again today and tomorrow, and then we have to see what I do.

All my blood work showed things are pretty normal for a guy with thyroid and kidney issues, so if I don't start rebounding, they might look at my heart and intestines. This is kind of a warning; the people promised me a long time ago that they wouldn't put me through a lot of stress when I hit this age, because going to the vet and having things manhandled (even at home) freaks me out.

Still...cross your fingers that this is just One Of Those Things, and that the appetite stimulant was just what I needed to start eating again...stabby dood did say if it worked they could give the people more to give me at home if needed.

On the upside to all this: I get a lap anytime I ask, and the Woman is staying home and not going to Starbucks to work. The only place she's gone is the store, and that's mostly been to get things she think will tempt me to eat. I think after my nap today, I'll plop down on her and ask her to put some Doctor Who on the TV and we can watch that together.

But that's where I am: I don't feel well and no one is really sure why, but they're on top of it and will cater to any whim they think I have.

November 13, 2018

Light's On!

Ok, the Man installed the LED light in the hallway, and it works pretty well. I can see if Buddah's down there at night. It doesn't keep him from stalking me, but at least I know where he is most of the time.

I don't think the Woman likes it, though, because if she gets up in the middle of the night to pee, it's RIGHT THERE in her eyes, but she's going to put up with it because I'm totally worth it.

November 12, 2018

He's a jerk

No, he really is.

This morning he pooped in front of the litter box. It's not that the box was too gross to use; he did it because he could, because he thinks there's some kind of power play going on and I won't step over it to get into the box.

I totally would have, if the Woman hadn't noticed like 30 seconds later. She cleaned it up, rendering his alpha posturing useless.

He's also been stalking me. He's way too obvious about it, so he winds up getting yelled at and a pointy finger jabbed in his direction. You want to piss Buddah off? Jab a finger at him. You don't even have to get close, he just has to see it. He knows what it means. Sometimes it even makes him cry.

But the worst part about the stalking is that my eyesight is going. He's a black kitty and if he's in the hallway when the lights are off, I can't see him. If I can't judge the threat level, I just won't go down the hall, because I can't trust him to not jump on me and start biting. The other morning, before the Woman got up, I wound up taking my nap in the living room because I knew he was back there somewhere, and I couldn't take a chance.

The Woman noticed. So during the day she's keeping the hall lights on, and at night there's a night light now. It's not quite bright enough, so this week the Man is stalling a floor-level LED strip. That should give me enough to at least figure out where Buddah is, but not so bright that it bothers the people while they sleep.

Kitchen lights are on at night. The front porch light is on and it's bright enough to make the living room visible.

None of this would be needed if Buddah wasn't such a furry little asterisk.

I know y'all think he's cute. You can be cute and a jerkwad at the same time, though. I miss the days when I was bigger than he was and could pin him to the floor with a warning growl.

Getting old sucks.

October 22, 2018

How To Annoy A Person, Step One

I've always stared at the Woman, trying to get her to do my bidding. Historically, I've stared at her from a distance: on the floor, on another chair, while lounging on the storage thingy that lives under the window that she keeps saying she wants to get rid of but still hasn't. In order for distance staring to be effective, however, I have to meow at her every now and then to make sure she knows I'm still there.

Lately, I've been sitting on the arm of her chair while she plays online or as she works. Sometimes she's watching TV or reading. It doesn't matter  what she's doing, just that she's in the comfy chair in the living room and trying to concentrate on something.

So I jump up, and she always asks me what I want. Head rubs? A lap?

I don't answer.

I just stare.

She goes back to whatever she's been doing; if she's not online or working, she'll pat her lap and tell me I'm welcome to it, but nine times out of ten she's not wearing pants and her lap is too squishy without pants, so I stay where I am, and stare.

After a few minutes, she tends to look up, then at the clock, and then informs me of how long it is until Food O'clock. It's pointless; my stomach knows exactly what time it is. I don't need to be told.

So I sit.

And stare.

She goes back to whatever she's doing, until she feels the creepiness of unblinking eyes on her, and then asks what I want.

I don't answer.

Inevitably, she gets fed up with it and sets aside whatever she's doing and gets up, heads to the kitchen, and calls out that I might as well follow. She's getting a treat for us, or giving us lunch early. Sometimes she just picks me up and sets me on the floor, telling me to just go be a cat somewhere else.

I wait a minute or two, and jump back up.

She's getting very good at ignoring me, though. Last night I sat on the arm of her chair for an hour and a half, staring, waiting, wondering how long it would take her to break.

She rubbed my head every now and then. She offered a lap. But then she went back to reading or writing, and didn't tell me how much longer it was until dinner.

So I moved closer.

I didn't meow.

I just waited.

I picked something on her face to hone in on, knowing that sooner or later she would realize I wasn't simply staring at her, but staring at something.

After a while, she glanced at me, then rubbed her chin and mumbled that she knows she needs to shave. Menopause is a bitch, and she can grow a goatee if she leaves it alone.

Right at 90 minutes, she sighed and said, "Fine. All right. I'll get up and feed you."

I wasn't even hungry, but that wasn't the point.

The point was winning, and I totally did.

September 30, 2018

By the skin of my teeth...

Where the heck does that saying come from, anyway? Teeth don't have skin. I mean, some of you need a good dental cleaning but no one that I'm aware of has actual skin on their teeth. If you do? Ew.

Anyway, I just made it. Another day and it would have been a month since I posted, and I said I wasn't gonna do that chit anymore. I was going to post more often. So what the heck happened?

Well, stuff happened, I guess. the biggest thing being that the Younger Human finally trapped the girl and dragged her off (kicking and screaming, I'm sure) to marry him.

Okay, fine. No one kicked and no one screamed. As I understand it (because I was not invited, but don't be upset on my behalf. That damned Dog Butters and his sister Lady weren't invited, either, and they LIVE with him. A bunch of people weren't invited, because it wasn't a big wedding and pretty much just people who were close here went) the whole thing was rather lovely and the place where they held it was almost as beautiful as the bride, and everyone was 67 kinds of happy.

Why not 70?

Because they're people, and people don't round up as often as they should.

So now the Younger Human has a wife! I'm glad I lived long enough to see it happen.


 This also happened, a new cover for paperback of The Emperor of San Francisco:

Now, these are proof copies, and the final cover was tweaked a little bit more (the title got bigger and the series line is a little different) and we're not sure how we wound up with five when it should have been here's your chance. If you haven't read any of the books and want to jump in from the start, you can snag--for free--one of these. You'll be the only 5 people in the world with this exact cover. All you have to do is comment here that you want one, and then email the Woman at with your name and mailing address...make the sure the subject line in the email says I WANT A PROOF COPY so she's sure to see it.

They'll be sent via USPS media mail, which is basically on the slow boat.

If you already have a copy, please leave this for people who haven't got one yet. And if you'd rather have one with the final cover, it's up on Amazon.


Oh, the other thing that kept me from blogging. THERE'S A DOCTOR WHO MARATHON ON RIGHT NOW! It's been on all week, and I've been sitting in the living room watching it.

Okay, I took a few naps because I'm old and naps happen, but I've watched A LOT of Who this week. And I will be all week. You know why?


Guys, I honestly wasn't sure I'd be around to see this season, but I am and it's gonna be AWESOME. If something happens to me between now and next Sunday I'm gonna be so pissed. So no one gets to cough on me or lick me or sneeze near me.

Oh yeah...she's gonna be AMAZING.

August 31, 2018

It wasn't me...

This is what the Woman walked out to at 7:30 this morning.

Buddah managed to hork all over her chair AND he nailed the rug. He's fine; he just throws up a lot.


This is now out.

Third book in the Return of the Wick Chronicles series.

Doods, this one is really good. It picks up a couple months after The Book of Hyrum, when things are being invented and Hyrum's want of his lost wallet gives the Emperor and Drew a chance to test out one of those things--they go back a couple years and follow Hyrum on his walk across the country. Let's just say that journey was not what they expected and you might appreciate Hyrum a little bit more in the end.

So far, you can get it in print [Amazon right now, other online stores to follow] and as an several stores. It's at Amazon [here] and is rolling out to other online books stores. The best way to see if it's at your preferred book seller is to check Books2Read [here]...they'll update available stores as it reaches their distribution channels.


Slowly but surely, all the Wick books will be available in stores that aren't Amazon. The first three, the Wick Chronicles (The Emperor of San Francisco, Ozoo, and Forked) are in distribution as a single volume. Again, look at Books2Read [here] to find the stores it's already in.

We kinda want to do a print version just because the cover is spiffy, but it would wind up being like 830 pages.

Not that we won''ll wind up being like thirty bucks, but that's still cheaper than getting them individually. Mostly, we just want one for ourselves. Your best bet is still getting it as a digital book.

Eventually (like, late next month, maybe) the Wick After Dark duo will go wide as a single ebook. 

Dunno about the last three. Probably someday, but they just came out so it'll be a while. I mean, they'll get released to as many stores as possible, but maybe not in a single volume for a while. And we're not sure if those three are an entire series or if future books will stay in it or if there'll be a new Wick series title.

In any case, we're taking some time off, because the Younger Human is getting married in a couple of weeks and we're distracted.

I think during that time the Woman and I are going to finish watching The Crown on Netflix.


Oh, there's steak in the fridge. Freshly grilled, just for me. I think I'm going to go stare at the Woman until she gives me some.

August 22, 2018

Cripes. Over a Month.

No idea how I didn't post for over a month. I really thought it was a couple weeks at the most. I suppose I lost track because I was busy taking care of a sick person, but she's mostly better now. But now that she's better I don't have much to do. While I wait on the edits for the newest book I'm dabbling in a bit of poetry again, but there's not much else for an old guy to.

Well, there's this:

We've had the fake fireplace since we moved in, and I don't think I've ever been on top of it. Buddah gets up there a lot; it's one of his favorite places to lounge, but he has a little bit of arthritis in his hips now and jumping up there isn't as easy. The people noticed he was thinking really hard every time he wanted to go up, and a couple times lately he's almost missed.

Since he's a kitty that likes to be up high, and he gets embarrassed easy, the Woman took this cat tree from near the corner of her desk where it rarely got used, and stuck it by the fake fireplace. So of course I had to investigate.

The problem for me now is I don't have an easy time getting down off that tree. The round thing isn't as big as I need it to be, so the Man is going to build a better step so I can use it, too.

Usually he takes over my stuff. This might be fun, taking his.

July 20, 2018

By request...

I've had a couple of requests on this lately, so... I present, the Reading Order of the Wick Books:

The Wick Chronicles
The Emperor of San Francisco

Wick After Dark
The Space Between Whens
The Blessings of Saint Wick

Return of the Wick Chronicles
The Whens of Wick
The Book of Hyrum
Jump (end of summer release; title subject to change)


Look at this. LOOK!

Last night I didn't finish my 9pm snack, thinking I would save a little bit for later. The Woman and I were at the desk doing some rewrites and I looked up, and BUDDAH WAS EATING MY FOOD! Worse yet, he hadn't even eaten all of his own! HE HAD FOOD ON THE COUNTER!

Woman, go fix this. Make him stop.

She did not make him stop.


For the most part, the rearranging of things has stopped. Now the people are trying to get things cleaned up, because rearranging everything creates a bigger mess than it cleans up.

Also, they put a new rug in the living room, so Buddah and I are trying to decide who gets to be the first to barf on it. The Man cleaned the other rug that went into the front room, and I made sure I horked on it a day later, because rugs in homes with kitties should never be hork-free. That's like a law. Or something.


We've had the hots here a lot lately, prompting a lot of people-whining. But dang, doods, it's summer, what do they expect?

The Woman just wants to go outside and ride her shiny neon pink bicycle but is too lazy to get up at WTF o'clock to ride before it gets hot. She SAYS that's because it's still dark out when it's not that hot, and she's night blind, but we all know the truth.


I really do think that in a previous life, she was a cat.

July 09, 2018

The rearranging of things hath begun...

Spot the kitty...
...and as expected, Buddah lost his chit and thought we'd moved again. But he's reaped the most so far; he loves to be UP, and now he has an even better UP than he had before. He still has the staircase-like bookcases to climb (on the left there, only partially visible) but now they lead to the top of the Very Tall bookcases, and at the end of those he has the TARDIS where he can hide and nap.

When they get done with the other room, which used to be the living room, he'll have another UP, but not as high up. Well, two more UPs if you include one he's already got. I'm totally on board with him getting so much out of this, because maybe then he'll leave me alone.

There was a near disaster yesterday. We ran out of steak bites. Like, I ate the last of them in the morning and realized that was it for the day. The Woman said she was sorry (but I don't believe it) and if I wanted a snack it had to be something else. I almost told her to shove that other snack, but then I realized it was roast beef, so I ate it. And tonight, there were fresh steak bites! The People sacrificed and went out for dinner and brought home a steak for me to last the week.

 No, I am not spoiled. Why do you ask?


Ya know what? 4th of July is over. People can stop blowing chit up now. As it is, there's a weekly game of Gun shot or Fireworks people in this town play on Facebook. This week it's like...holy carp. Gun shot or Firework or cannon blast. Enough. Please.


This hit Amazon a heck of a lot faster than we expected. The paperback probably won't surface for another week or so, but the Kindle version is already out now. The Book of Hyrum.

It's the second book in the Return of the Wick Chronicles, and one of y'all features prominently as a member of the Royal Guard, providing comedic relief and a pivotal moment that had the editor saying she wants this character to stick around.

Most of all...y'all are gonna love Hyrum. The Battleaxe Editor loved him and so did the beta readers. He's basically an 8 year old boy stuffed into the body of a 43 year old man who just wants to be good, and he walked across an entire continent to deliver a two-year old message to the Queen: Daddy wants to kill Red and the Prince. He doesn't know that the war started and ended while he was on the move, and he has no way of knowing that Florida and Pacifica are on the brink of a renewed war, this time with nukes. But man, he's gonna make sure he gets that message out, and then he's never, ever eating peanut butter again.


There was actually a discussion amongst the editor and the Woman and a couple others: will there even be peanut butter in 400 years? Or bananas?

There probably won't be any bananas, but we left references in. In my head, this is kind of an alternate universe, anyway. This universe gets to keep their bananas. And Jell-O, too.

We've also discussed whether or not there will be shrimp in 400 years. For Wick's sake, there's shrimp, because it seems mean to not have any. But reality, doods...there might not be a lot of real live fresh dead things that we like so much. And that sux.

June 30, 2018

10 days in

Ok, I've been 17 for 10 whole days, and I have to say, I kind of enjoy being an old man. There's been steak literally every day. I mean, the other day the Man was outside grilling a steak for me, and then he and the Woman had sandwiches. If that doesn't mean I rate the highest here, I don't know what does.


It's been wicked hot outside lately, so the Woman has been staying home to work more than she's been going over to Starbucks. We're still waiting on stuff to finish The Book of Hyrum, so we dove into the next one, and doods, we got, like, 80% of the vomit draft done. At first we were just going to take more notes for it, but then we started writing, and...boom. A book started to form.


Last night while we were working, I looked up and the Woman had actual tears in her eyes. And I was all, what this isn't sad stuff, lady. Because it's not. And she was all, well it's not sad but it is stressful and feels really unfair to do this to such a nice person. So I reminded her that he's not real and then she threw the computer across the room and yelled WELL HE IS TO ME.

True story.

Well, some of it.


The People are starting to talk about rearranging all the rooms here. Like, the library becomes the living room and the living room becomes the office and the office becomes the dammit room. This happens every now and then because they got so used to moving every couple of years thanks to the USAF, but actual moving sucks, so they make everything feel new. The thing is, Buddah's gonna THINK we moved and lose his damned mind over it.

So no one tell him.

It will amuse me, and at my age, being amused is important.


The house is going to be totally trashed while they do this. We could have a party and they'd never even know it.


This is me, hard at work. Staring. Because it seems like that's what I do while we're writing. Think and stare. Think and stare.

And yeah, there's A LOT of cat hair on that sofa. Like, a ton.

June 20, 2018

I made it


This time last year, the Woman was pretty sure I wouldn't last this long, but here I am, and I feel better this year than last.

I got my presents early this year, mostly because the People aren't sure exactly what day my birthday really is, and they figure my actual birthday was a week or two ago. Today there will be steak, just for me (but I'll share with Buddah because I'm not a monster) and naps on the big bed, and after dinner I'll hop onto the Woman's lap and we'll watch some TV or a movie.

It's not as exciting as getting my driver's license last year, but that's all right.

I made it to seventeen. officially, and honestly...I didn't think I'd get here, either.

June 18, 2018

Yes, she should be nervous...

That was what the Woman asked when she walked into the bedroom and saw this:

Look close...Buddah is there...
And the answer is, of course, yes, she should worry. But really she should only worry a little bit about us being in the same room together, and more about Buddah finding his way up.

The room has been like this for a while now, but he just now had an epiphany about the top of the bookcase, and from there he can launch his massive asterisk right onto the bed. So if she's going to worry about anything, that's probably what she needs to focus on.


The next book in the Return of the Wick Chronicles series is pretty much done. The editor has read it and really likes it, the beta readers have read it and found some really stupid typos, and the consensus is that everyone is gonna love Hyrum. We've seen a mockup of the cover and it's spiffy. We're just kind of in the hurry up and wait part, and with summer there's more waiting than hurrying it seems. But since the last one only came out like 6 weeks ago I shouldn't be all twitchy about it, but I dig this book and want it out NOW.

The first book, The Whens of Wick, is getting good buzz but oddly no Amazon reviews.

Book two is called The Book of Hyrum. You'll never guess who it's about.


The People carted me off to the stabby place this week (as whined about in this week's Ask Max Monday column over at Mousebreath, complete with pictures) to get some followup bloodwork done, and they got the results today. Everything looks good and they have my medication dose nailed down, so I won't have to go back for a few months unless something else pops up. I'm only two days away from 17, so things might pop up, you never know. But for now, all is well.


I yelled LET ME OUT a lot when I was there, but the only one who let me out was really rude and took my blood, so I pooped on him.

June 07, 2018

Yeah, I don't get it, either...

Every time the People buy bananas, Buddah goes bat crap crazy and spends more time than can be possibly healthy licking them. No one knows why. If they open one and offer him a bite, he backs up and looks at them like they farted, but hanging there or resting on the counter, it's LickaPalooza.

I wish I had a picture of the end result of all his licking. It only takes a day or two, and the banana is covered in thing brown streaks from where he's licked, and it's damn near art. Long, sweeping streaks made up of hair-width lines, some running the length of the banana, some swirled like the sky in a Van Gogh painting.

Kinda thinking we should preserve them in acrylic and make some money off him, but the People always eat the damn things before I can figure out how to do that.

But really...what the heck? I'd say you are what you lick, but I've licked some pretty nasty things...

June 04, 2018

I did not intend to take time off from here...

So, right after talking about the people taking time off, I kinda let the blog slide to the side, but it wasn't intentional. I've been spending a lot of my time doing some hard-core napping, plastered on the big bed with the Doctor Who bedspread, barely moving so that the Woman comes in and pokes me to make sure I'm still shuffling along this mortal coil.

Yeah, no, I don't know what that really means, but I read it once and it sounded cool, so...totally stole it.

I also spend a lot of time sitting on the Woman, because otherwise she spends too much time with the computer and that's just not good for a person. We watch quality TV together most of the time when I'm sitting on her. David Bromstead is my new imaginary boyfriend (hey, I'm neutered, it's not like gender matters here) so I watch him show lottery winners homes they can buy and we like to shout at the TV when people shopping for tiny houses get inside and mutter, "Wow, this is small," BECAUSE THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT, KAREN.

Oh, yeah. I yell at KAREN a lot right now, too. Just because its the Woman's name and I think it's kinda funny. I'll get over it soon.

Earlier this week I got to say YOU'RE SLIPPING, KAREN because she finally decided to order 10 hardback copies of The Blessings of Saint Wick but after it was took late to stop the print run she realized she'd ordered 10 more copies of The Space Between Whens so now we have A LOT of copies of TSBW.

I'll get links up for anyone who wants a pawtographed copy soon. For that and The Whens of Wick (which is getting really good buzz, which makes me happy!)

I think we've been dragging our heels on that because we kinda want to find an alternative to Paypal but haven't settled on anything yet. The Woman is, like, 6 kinds of pissed off at them because she keeps trying to delete a bank account from her Paypal and it keeps popping up with I CAN'T DO THAT RIGHT NOW, KAREN. Or something like that. She's pretty close to closing out the whole Paypal account, if she can find something better.

But, yeah. I haven't been doing much other than dictating the next book (The Book of Hyrum, editor is looking at it right now) and napping and watching TV. And for a guy who turns 17 in a couple of weeks and no one expected him to get that old, it's not a bad life!

Seriously, doods. Eleven days until my declared birthday, but realistically I was probably born around June 10, 2001, so I'm almost 17.

Last year, the Woman didn't think I would make it to 17. This year, since I started getting seeds in my snacks, she thinks there's a chance I'll make it to 18. I mean, at this age, who knows, but when I'm awake I'm a pain in the asterisk, so things are looking pretty good!

May 06, 2018

The People Took Time Off...

...though I'm not sure from what. It's not like they work hard or anything.

But, anyway, they took a couple weeks off, and instead of going somewhere like Vegas or Disneyland or France, they mostly stayed home and got stuff done around here.

This was my favorite thing. Not sleeping with Buddah, I'm still annoyed he was there. But the red and black cube thingy. The Man put it together so the Woman would have a place for her 6,398 t-shirts. A couple years ago he put together a bunch of wardrobes for the same purpose, but then they got a treadmill and it's in the way, and she couldn't get to her clothes. So to shut her up about it, he did this. And now the wardrobes will become the Place For Random Krap We Don't Know What To Do With.

They did some fun stuff, too. The Man's birthday was during his time off so they went to a car museum to look at cars they both really, really, really want to own but will never be able to. That kinda seems like torture to me, but whatever.

They also fired up the rumbly bikes. The intent was to get gas running through the lines and to make sure nothing was wrong so that they could sell them, but then they went for a short ride, which turned into, Um, this is still fun, and then a longer ride, and long story short, they didn't sell the bikes.

My favorite part was this.

The Man's birthday dinner.

(That's the annual birthday beer picture. The Woman MAKES him get a beer so she can take a picture. No, I don't know why.)

They didn't take me along, but the Woman brought back half her steak and then cut it up so that I had snacks for days.

There was cake, too, but I didn't get any of that because it was chocolate. And that's fine. I had steak. No cake is better than steak.

Before she took some time off, the Woman and I finished this. It's the Return of the Wick Chronicles -- Wick After Dark is done, no more overly grown up things for a while, if ever.

You *should* be able to jump into this without having read the WAD books, and doods...this is seriously the one I love the most. Everyone who's read it says it's their favorite. It's Wick's journey to find where he came from, how he came to be.

It's the shortest book in the started as a novella but kinda tipped the scales into novel territory. It's also a fast read, and will tug on your heart strings.

It goes to the distributor tomorrow morning. So a week or so from now the print version will be for sale. And the Kindle version will probably hit Amazon before then.

In that vein, a couple people wanted to know when pawtographed copies of The Blessings of Saint Wick would be for sale. And the answer is...I dunno. If you want one--paperback or hardback--let me know and the Woman will order a few. But the last several books people have said they wanted copies, she's ordered a bunch...and we have a bunch sitting here because those people apparently really didn't want them that badly.

Y'all have been buying ebooks a lot. Print, not so much.

Also, if you want an ebook but not for Kindle, let me know that, too. We can create digital copies for other e-readers no problem. You just have to know how to side-load them onto your reader.

And if you haven't read any of the Wick books yet, we're going to be doing an omnibus of the first 3 Chronicle books and one of the WAD books soon. So you'll be able to get all 5 in 2 volumes. Might even save some pennies.

And by the end of summer...Book Two in the Return to Wick Chronicles series, working title The Book of Hyrum. You're gonna dig Hyrum, Aubrey's little brother. Also, one of y'all is a royal guard in it...and kind of annoying to the Emperor.

April 21, 2018

Who are you?

I'm Captain Chu Chu

LOL Buddah is Tiny Cakes

April 05, 2018


Okay. So, I've been getting an appetizer before breakfast and before dinner every night. I get a tiny bite of cheese, which I enjoy, and my cheese has seeds, which I do not. But the seeds taste like cheese, so I swallow them anyway, because I figure it works like birds and fruit seeds: I eat the, I poop them out, and then a cheese tree will grow.

Well. So far, no little cheese tree saplings are growing in my litter box. And once in a while I would like a different appetizer.

So tonight at dinner, when the Woman put my cheese treat down, I sat back, looked at it, looked at her, and asked for something different.

Woman: if you don't eat that, I don't open a can.
Me: Can I have something else, though?
Woman: Nope.
Me: Can I at least have the seedless cheese tonight?
Woman: Nope. If you don't eat that, I'm not opening the can of tuna fancy feast.
Woman: You won't eat the cheese, BooBoo.
Me: He can have mine.

Sheesh. Would it have killed her to provide a different appetizer just once???

And yeah, don't feel bad for Buddah. She tried giving him cheesy appetizers for a while but he just rolled it around on the counter. But he wouldn't roll it far enough to fall to the floor. I would have eaten it, too, if he had.


Check this out, doods.

The Woman turned the newest book cover into a t-shirt, and I think she's more excited about the shirt than the book.

If you want one, you can get it HERE. Totally recommend the Ultra double-sided...the Woman has like 50 shirts from this place and they last freaking forever. Even the first shirts she bought there still look new.

If you want to see our other shirts, you can see them HERE. We'll be adding other shirts soon, maybe even one or two of yours truly.

I kinda wish I could wear a shirt, because I dig this one.

Oh, there are other things, too, like pillows and tank tops and even shower curtains, but the Woman is a total t-shirt whore so that's what she thinks about.


One other thing... looks like the paperback of The Blessings of Saint Wick is available, and all three versions are connected on Amazon. I'll update the sidebar soon, but until then, just click HERE to get it.


Other other thing...the After Dark series was not some people's cuppa tea, but the next book will be the first in the second Chronicles series (did that make sense? I think it makes sense) and you can jump right back into it. And to be honest, guys, I think this next one is the best one. It's shorter, but every beta reader so far has loved it, and every single one of 'em have cried.

It's done, the editor needs one more pass and the main beta readers need one more pass, but it won't be long. The Whens of Wick is coming soon.

March 28, 2018

And it's a bouncing baby book!

All righty. The newest book in the Wick After Dark series, The Blessings of Saint Wick, is now out. The Kindle and hardback versions are up, and the paperback should pop up by the end of the week. Sooner or later both print versions will surface on other online bookseller sites, but I don't know when.

Wick's a little bit mischievous in this one...for a good reason. And you don't want to miss drunk Aubrey. Or what Aisha threatens to tie into knots. And...there was a fly.

We're kinda sighing in relief that this one is done and ready for readers, because the next book...YES THE NEXT BOOK... is like 98% done (already had its first pass with the editor and beta readers) and just needs some polishing. It's the book for the people who weren't comfortable with the After Dark series, and you should be able to jump right into it without having read any After Dark.

It was originally going to be a Wick Chronicles book, but it's shorter and we're bouncing back and forth with the editor about whether it should start its own series of shorter stories.

But the new book, the one you can get your sweaty little paws on, is up, and it's a long one, about as long as The Space Between Whens.

I might be just a bit verbose. And we could have cut some stuff, but when it got right down to it...I didn't wanna.

I'm an old man now. I get to write what I want.

I'll let ya guys know when I have copies to pawtograph. That might be a couple weeks.

March 22, 2018

The New Teenager Got His Checkup

Yep, today was Stabby Place Day for Buddah. It was just a checkup, to get his innards listened to and for the stabby lady to tell him what a beautiful boy and how good he is. Oddly, it's not a lie. The Woman says Buddah is very good at the vet, and he'll even purr for them.

She heard a little bit of bronchitis in his lungs, but he has seasonal allergies and it's that time of year. He's not symptomatic or anything, so there's no point int doing anything about it. Pretty soon, he's gonna start crying (like literal tears) for a week or two, and that'll be it until fall. He also has a little bit of arthritis in his knees and some back end muscle loss, pretty normal for a 13 year old kitty.

He didn't even bit or growl when she took his temp...which tells me he kinda liked it. No judgment there. Whatever floats his boat.

It's kinda hard to see, but Buddah IS in the PTU. While he waited for the stabby lady he got to meet Mr. Boo, the shop cat. I've never met him, but I understand he's super friendly and has kind of a calming effect. Buddah didn't growl or hiss at him, and they sniffed at each other through the screen.

Mr. Boo also greeted the people and made them give him chin and head skritches, and he sat on the Woman's lap a couple of times.

Now, I'm not sure how I'd react--I might have growled at him, because the stabby place is just upsetting and a guy can't always control how he feels--but I like him anyway. He sounds like a super happy guy and he's very friendly, and that makes everyone happy.

Here's the thing...he was supposed to be put down. Someone brought him in six years ago and wanted him euthanized for behavioral issues, but the stabby lady was all nuh-uh, not gonna do that, you just leave him here and GTFO, and she let him stay. And it's like, dood, what the heck did they think was wrong with you, because you're super chill and you love everyone.

I mean, the stabby place isn't gonna let him go anywhere because he's happy where he is, but the Woman is like, if not for MAX, I might want to give that pretty white boy a home (even though for realz she's not open to the idea of more cats now. It's the IDEA. He'd be awesome.)

But WHO DOES THAT? Who puts down a perfectly good cat just because of a few issues? And then WHERE THE FRAK ARE THE ISSUES?

Yeah, this makes me want to yell a lot.

But I'm done.

I don't like going to the vet, but I like this vet, if that makes sense. She thinks we're beautiful, she understands that we're done getting shots, she talks nicely to us, and she won't just toss a cat aside because he's inconvenient.

I get to go see her again in about 3 weeks for a recheck on my thyroid. I'll complain about it because I don't WANT to go, but doods, if I have to, at least I got a good one.

Oh. The main point. Buddah is healthy, and apparently an affection whore.

March 15, 2018

The Big One-Three

Today he is 13.

That's a hell of a lot of years I've had to put up with him.

He's still a PITA, but over the last few months he's been a little less so, probably because the People put Feliway diffusers all over the place. I don't think he's matured, but I'll take what I can get.

It's still early in the day so I haven't given him his present yet (don't tell him, but I got him a new nip banana!) but after dinner he'll get a special meaty treat and then I'll give it to him. He loves nip bananas almost as much as I do, so he'll be set for the rest of the evening.

I might even let him have the bed in front of the fireplace tonight. It all depends on whether the people turn it on or not.

But still. Thirteen.

Happy Birthday, Buddah Pest.

March 06, 2018




(ok, we were messing up the bed because the Woman wanted to change the sheets and we were all "nuh-uh" but still. He stopped way too close to me.) 

But, yeah. Why the heck is she still calling me "Puppy?"

March 04, 2018

Still waiting on the pills...

Yeah, I dunno. There was all that "Ooh we have to give Max pills now and he's going to hate it and his life will be miserable," and I was bracing myself for it, but so far, no pills.

There's been bites of cheese, like tiny bites that just make me want more, but no pills.

Maybe they changed their minds? Go figure.

I'm going to stare until you get me more cheese...

February 27, 2018

The Incredible Shrinking Me

A couple of years ago, I sat on the scale in the bathroom while the Woman was brushing her teeth. Big mistake. She looked down and saw how much I weighed, turned her buzzing toothbrush off, and said that 18.5 pounds was too much.

Now, she didn't throw the "D" word at me, but said that "we" needed to change how I ate. And you know what? There was no "we" in it at all. SHE changed the way I ate. There were far fewer crunchy treats, though I got dead delicious things more often. She still put dry food out for between-meal nibbling, but it was a low glycemic food, which I only sort-of liked, so of course I didn't eat much of it.

The goal, she said, was for me to lose weight slowly. And about 5-6 months later, when I got weighed at the stabby place during my checkup, I was just under 18 pounds. That seemed to make her very happy, and the stabby guy wasn't unhappy, so she decided to just keep doing hat she was doing.

Now, I have to admit, I never felt really hungry. She changed the brand of food I got most of the time but didn't totally stop with the one I did, because that would be mean and I was doing really well on it. My weight slowly started coming off, and last June I was at 16.5 pounds. Still overweight, but she thought that for a big boy, it was decent, and said we'd try to hold me at that weight.

I started asking for more food; I wasn't eating the dry food at all, and I dipped a little under 16.5, so she started giving me a tablespoon more here and there, and my weight loss was still slow so she thought that maybe I was just reaching an optimum and it would stop with an extra meal or two.

It kinda became an obsession. And I'm loathe to admit it, but now I'm trained to sit on the scale nicely 3-4 times a week. If I don't, she won't open the bathroom door.

Then just before the 3 Day Boobie Walk, she realized I was eating 5 full meals a day, sometimes 6, and my weight dropped a little more.

She kept watching. I wasn't drinking more than usual, I wasn't peeing more than usual, and my litter box didn't smell sweet. In January when they went to Disneyland, I was 14.5 pounds. They were gone for 2 days, and I was under 14 when they got home.  The question then was, did he not eat much because of the stress of us being gone (the answer was yes) or is more going on (the answer is yes.)

She got my weight back up to 14.5 without much effort. Still, she wanted to know what was going on, so she had the Man make my annual appointment a few months early...and we all know what happened there.

I stabbed her right in the neck.

There was a lot of talking at the appointment: he's always hungry, doesn't seem thirstier than usual, the litter box isn't soaked and doesn't smell funny, he's reasonably active for an almost 17 year old cat, he likes attention a lot, hates Buddah, and Buddah seems to be picking on him more... it went on for a while, and I was stuck there just wanting to go home. The Woman's fear was that I was either diabetic or borderline, and knowing how easily I stress out, that could become a Very Bad Thing indeed.

The stabby guy (who is actually a very nice lady) stole a bunch of my blood and other bodily fluids we won't discuss, and had a tech call this weekend to tell the People that I am not diabetic, but I am hyperthyroid. She didn't want them worrying all weekend, just wanted to let them know, and said the vet would call this week with all the details.

In the grand scheme of things, this is good news. I'm pretty old, and this is common in older cats. It hasn't seemed to have totally affected my kidneys--that's in the high range of normal but still normal--and she's pretty sure we can get it under control with medication.

Now, anyone who's been hanging around the blog from the early days might remember when we got Buddah and I got super sick, and the had pancreatitis. That required being in antibiotics for 10 days, then 14 days off, then on for 10...and it went on for for like a year and a half. I hated it, fought the pills like crazy, and spent a lot of my time absolutely terrified of my people. It was so bad for me that as soon as I had good bloodwork, they told the vet that we were done. No more pills. It had changed my personality and I was scared all the time, and we'd hit the line that crossed quality of life and quantity of life.

That whole thing caused some pretty deep discussions about what to do if I ever got super sick again. Like, cancer or something. And the consensus was that they were going to do what they could to keep me comfortable and happy, but they weren't forcing any treatments on me.

What they wanted for me was quality of life.

And now this.

And now that whole let's-not-upset-Max thing is flying out the window, because the first treatment the vet wants to try is pills, and they're gonna do it because the pills are tiny and I might be okay with it. If I'm not, there's a version that can be rubbed on my ear.

And yes, the ultimate treatment is to radiate me, but that requires leaving me at a strange place, isolated, for 5 days. And even the stabby lady agrees, at my age and temperament, it would probably kill me.

Worth noting: this stabby place has been super respectful of how stressed I get when I have to go there. They're taking that into account with everything they're doing.

So. That's where I'm at. The pills should come in tomorrow, which means I'll start taking them then. It's a small dose at first, once a day, and will gradually ramp up to see how I tolerate it. I probably won't have to go to the vet myself for a while; once I've been on what they all think is a good dose for 4 weeks, I have to go back for bloodwork, but they'll make sure I'm pretty freaking high and they use Versed, which means I might not even remember it after.

On my 16th birthday last June, the Woman was pretty sure I wouldn't see 17. Now she's thinking I have a much better shot at it. And ya know what? So do I.

February 24, 2018

We have a mockup!

Doods. We're in the final stretch with the new book and we got a cover mockup and I so so totally digging it.

This isn't, like, the final final cover. Things will get tweaked around a bit and if we can get a blurb from someone, that'll be on it. Fonts might change. But everything is in the editor's and beta readers' hands, and once they're done it won't take long before it goes to print. Things are pretty well set up to have it hit the printer a week after the edits are done.

Would have been done already but we sent the editor the next book, too, and she got distracted by it.

Couple people asked me, too, if there were going to be more After Dark books after this one or only Chronicle books...straight up answer, I don't know. We went with After Dark because 1) we got asked a lot about doing a more adult Emperor story and 2) these were stories best told with a more adult theme. But the things we have planned after this don't necessarily need that.

And to be honest, except for some of the language, The Blessings of Saint Wick could have easily been a Chronicles book. To remain true to a couple characters, it went into After Dark, but as stories evolve, so do characters, and the few f-bombs that might occur after this can be covered with Wick subbing "freaking" or even allowing a few to slip in.

Someone else asked what happens to the whole thing a ways down the road, given that I'm almost 17 now. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of pages of notes and the Woman knows where I want this to go. It will all depend on how clearly she can hear my voice...'cause y'all know I'll be complaining right in her ear all the way from the Bridge.

I have no plans to go there any time soon, but just so you know. We've worked it out.

Oh, and I did this to her while we were at the stabby place on Thursday.

I was trying to jump onto her shoulder, because Wick rides on shoulders and why can't I? But apparently a 14 pound cat climbing a person is different than a 6 pound cat, and gravity does things, and the nit thing you know your back claw gets caught in a neck, and everyone is unhappy.

She didn't get mad or anything. Didn't even flinch. So she gets points for that.

Also, now I know I can stab her without repercussions.

February 22, 2018


Annual checkup, that's all



But, when the people picked me up a couple hours later I was high as a kite, so I got that going for me.

February 12, 2018

Let's talk about Buddah....

Not, like, behind his back or anything. But he doesn't blog anymore and his Facebook page gathers dust, but I know people out there like him. And then I got to thinking, why the hell not write about him? Not even a blog post; he's weird enough there's surely enough material to write a book about him.

So...what do you want to know about Buddah Pest? If you could ask him anything, what would you ask? And keep in mind, your question might make it into a book, and this book might be read by kids, so use some judgment, ok.

Even I have to admit he's a handsome boy
 He's a freak, but he could be a star.

Just leave any questions or things you like to know about Buddah or hear about Buddah in the comments.

This is something we'll probably start working on in 2-3 weeks, and it might take a while. We have 2 books coming soon, the next Wick After Dark Book, titled The Blessings of Saint Wick, and then a novella in The Wick Chronicles Series, tentatively titled The When of Wick.

Here's the good news about people waiting for the next Chronicles book: it *should* be out less than 3 weeks after The Blessings of Saint Wick. They've both been written, and are in the production phases, but because of spoilers, The When of Wick has to come out after. And don't worry if you skipped the After Dark books--you should be able to hop right back in.

But for now...let's write a book about Buddah! It'll be fun!

February 07, 2018

Hello there...

...Why yes, I am hogging all these toys.

Why do you ask?

January 30, 2018

No, I can't...

"Max, dood, why don't you just release the Wick novella before the next Wick After Dark book?"

I get that not everyone wants to read the more adult stories of the Wick After Dark series, but I can't release the novella until after the upcoming WAD book simply because of spoilers. Also, it's not finished, whereas the next WAD book basically is. It goes to the editor this week, then one more pass and it goes to proofing.

It won't be much longer before The When of Wick (working title) is released. And if we tighten up some of the loose ends, you should be able to jump into that and not be too lost. You'll have missed a great love story and getting to know Jay, who used to be Jimmy, and you'll miss out on Will dealing with his childhood bully, but those aren't going to be critical things to reading The When of Wick.

I still recommend reading The Space Between Whens and whatever the heck this next book is titled, because they're fundamental to the characters and were a heck of a lot of fun to write...and it's not like they're porn. There's a bit of sex (and less in the upcoming book) and some language, but really, nothing you don't get in most mainstream fiction.

And yeah, there's nothing graphic in the next one. It's kind of a quiet story, it's made us laugh out loud a lot, and doods...there's a wedding.

You don't want to miss that.