Confuzzlement

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/17/2019 11:16:00 AM

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My brain is broken trying to figure this out, and the Woman isn't faring any better. Since I post to Facebook almost every day, a bazillion years ago the Woman linked my page to my Twitter account, so that those posts would push to Twitter. And she set up Twitter so that my posts would push to the blog (over there in the sidebar.) But we noticed this morning that nothing has pushed to Twitter in a couple of week, and we can't figure it out.

The page shows as still linked on Facebook, and if I post directly to Twitter it does push to the blog. But I'd really rather just post once to FB and let things propagate because I'm lazy that way.

If you never noticed the Twitter posts...yep, right there in the sidebar. If they're truncated, you can click through and see them on FB (no FB account needed)...or at the bottom of the widget there's a "See on Twitter" link, it'll take you to my Twitter profile, which has all my tweets.

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This really sucks.


Grumpy was only seven years old. I remember when she first popped up on Reddit, posted by her owner's brother. I seriously dug her then, and when the memes and stuff started rolling out, I was super stoked by it all. 

I can't believe she's gone. Seven is just too young.

I am pretty sure about one thing: she got to the Bridge, saw how wonderful it is and all the cats waiting for her, sat down, and grunted I hate it.

Heh

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/02/2019 10:59:00 AM

7


I have a tendency to push food off my plate when I'm eating, so the people started putting it in a little bowl.

I did not like that.

So they went out and bought ten pasta bowls, thinking that it was close enough to a plate, but a lot bigger than my little plate, so my food would not go all over the place.

I did not like that.

So now we're back to my little plates, which I like, and they get to stand there while I eat so someone can push food away from the edge and into a neat little, easy to grab with my mouth pile, 4-5 times until I'm done eating.

I eat 5-6 times a day now.

They are not happy.

I like that.

I suck at this blogging thing now...

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/30/2019 08:58:00 PM

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For realz, I never used to go this long between posts, but the older I get the longer it seems I go. It's not intentional...I think it's mostly that I spend most of my time sleeping and the rest of it either working or pestering the Woman to find something worthwhile for me to watch on TV.

The other night I sat on her lap while the Man watched Game of Thrones. I think it's the first time I've ever seen that. And let me tell you, that was disturbing. He really liked it, but I was kind of blown away by how dark and violent it was. But there was a dragon, and I dig dragons, so I had that going for me.

We did get this done, and it's now available for the Kindle. The print edition went into distribution but it hasn't popped up yet, but should within a week. I really dig this book, because we get to meet Rhys a bit more, and we get to learn more about Jax and his parents, and figure out why the heck he wants to literally hunt a man...and neither the Emperor nor the Queen are gonna stop him.

And now that it's done, we'll concentrate on finishing the book Buddah and I are doing together, as well as getting the website for The Wick Chronicles going. Right now it's just a placeholder thing, but we want to offer short stories and the occasional free digital book there.
The biggest thing today, though... Daisy the Curly Cat has gone to the Bridge, and it makes me all kinds of leaky. She was iconic and a model of the highest caliber.

She was only 15. It seems like she should have gotten a few more years, and the only thing that makes it a tiny bit better is that now she's running around the Bridge with her beloved Skeezix and his bud Jeter and all the other friends who have already gone on.

I hope her brother Harley is okay.

Doods, be well, okay? I'm tired of saying goodbye.

Happy Birthday, Younger Human!

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/02/2019 04:25:00 PM

6

Today he is 36.


This is him with his Much Better Half...you get this instead of a picture of just him because 1) they're like ONE entity now and 2) she's pretty and I like seeing pictures of her.

I hope he's having a most awesome day. I know he got a bunch of cupcakes, so that's a good start.

Happy Birthday, Younger Human.
Yer getting old.
Hahahahahahaha

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Cover mockup
The last couple weeks have been pretty busy. We got the finishing touches done on the 9th Wick book, The King of Saint Francis, and set up a new site for The Wick Chronicles. There's no real content yet, but now that we're done with this book and are waiting for the proof to be sent, we'll work even more on it.

You're gonna get chances to get digital versions of my books for free, you never know when. And we're jumping into some short fiction that you'll be able to read or download for free, before those stories go to print.

Right now, it's pretty obvious that the Woman and I are working on the site, but unless it just looks stupid, at some point Wick himself will be the host. Maybe. We're really unsure about that, but it seems kind of funny.

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Something else in the works, something that's getting close to being done (like, before the editor sees it, and she'll have Things to Say because OF COURSE SHE DOES)--my interview with Buddah. It turned into a conversation that kind of goes all over the place, buy you can't be too surprised about that if you know Buddah. Frankly, I'm surprised he took breaths so that I could get a word in.

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 This afternoon, though, we're taking off. The People have some stuff to do that involves moving the wardrobes out of the spare room since I can't get on top anymore, and turning it into Thumper's Room of Pain. Yeah, she thinks she's funny. They're just setting all the dammit machines in there, and then maybe hanging a TV on the wall so she can watch stuff while she rides her bike to nowhere. I can't mock her too much, because she's actually using that stuff. I just wish it were quieter.

It's me! Buddah!

Posted by Buddah | Posted on 3/15/2019 09:27:00 AM

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TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! Max said I could take over his blog today on account of this is my 14th birthday and he wanted me to knock myself out, but I don't think he meant it like I should run head first into a wall or anything, just, like, use the blog and have some fun and let me take my nap in peace, so that's what I'm doing.

The Mom says that today I get to have extra crunchy treats and my favorite flavors of stinky goodness even though I like all the flavors and I'm not picky like Max is, but I bet I get some beef Fancy Feast because that's the best Fancy Feast, or maybe I'll get some of the new Prime Plus stuff because that's always good, too, or even something with a lot of gravy on it, but not people food because I don't usually like people food, except steak when it's fresh off the grill, but there won't be a fresh steak today because that's Max's favorite food and today is my day.

When I was little I got really big presents on my birthday, like one year I got a screen door for the front door because I like sitting by the open door and getting fresh air, and another year I got a brand new cat tree, but I didn't want big things this year because I have all the big things a kitty could want, but Max said I'm getting something I really like and won't be disappointed about, and I thought that was the beef Fancy Feast but he said, no, it's a real present, just not big, it's fun and I'll be happy, but we don't get presents until after dinner so I have to wait ALL DAY to see what it is and that seems a little mean but he said it's just the way things are and birthday are about hope and by not getting my present until after dinner I have something to look forward to all day, and it'll be worth it.

So for the rest of the day I'm going to take 8 naps, eat lunch and snack, and Max and I are going to spend a little time working on a book that we're writing together even though it seems like I should get a day off for my birthday, but it doesn't feel like work so I suppose that's okay, and then he's going to work on his own book with the Mom while I take another nap, and then the Dad will be awake and it'll be time for dinner, and THEN I get my present and I can't wait!

Max says he didn't think he would be around for my 14th birthday or that I would even make it to 14 because someone was bound to strangle me but he's glad he's here and the day isn't over with yet, so if I bite someone who knows what will happen, but I don't bite as much as I used to even though I still chase him around the house and make him think I'll bite, but I did bite his neck a few days ago so maybe this isn't a good thing to talk about because it makes me look bad and no one should look bad on their birthday.

Happy birthday to me!!!

It's mine. All mine.

Posted by Max | Posted on 3/10/2019 08:36:00 PM

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The people got new furniture. Just a loveseat, which is kind of like a sofa that got washed on hot when it should have been washed on cold. I don't know why they thought we needed one, since there's a sofa and another loveseat in the other room that no one ever uses, but here it is, and I have claimed it.


It's basically Max-sized, and it's in the perfect location to lounge and stare at the Woman while she sits in her recliner and pretends to work. She can feel me watching her, and after half an hour or so usually grumbles "WHAT? What do you want?" and then I get food, which is what I wanted.


There's something up high, though, and I'm not sure what, and have no way to get up there to check it out. I think there's a bird outside on the roof, right where I can hear it, but it might be a roof rat, too, which will thrill the people if it really is.

Seriously, we had them when we moved in, and let me tell you, the people got, like, 53 kinds of excited about it. They even let a total stranger go into the attic just so they could be all BEHOLD OUR HALLOWED ROOF RATS but I think the attention got to the little buggers and they left...but it's been 10 years so maybe they came back.

Oh yeah...10 years in this house. Remember how many times I was forced through the M-word before? Staying put has been nice.

Oh, and this week, Buddah turns 14. FOURTEEN. It feels like he should still be spasto-kitty, but he's an old man, too. I hope he gets what he wants for his birthday, because--like the Woman says a lot--old men should get what they want when they want it.

And don't tell him, but I got him his favorite brand of nip banana. Three of them, even. I hope he'll share one, but if not...it's his present, he can do what he wants. But I bet he will, because even he can't play with three of them at a time.

Oh, Bast, It's Back

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/22/2019 10:13:00 PM

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The pretend bike ride dammit machine. The Woman rolled it into the house tonight because next weeks it's supposed to rain and she's tired of missing rides because she's too delicate to go outside and get wet.

How delicate is she? See that white box with the hose that goes out the window, behind the running dammit machine?

It's a cold air blowing thingy. AND THE HOUSE HAS ONE BUILT IN. But she's a weenie and needs more cold air--and you can't even see the fan in the doorway, just in front of the pretend boat you can't see.

This is all very good for her, but those things are noisy and I'm pretty sure that the bike will eat a kitty if he's not careful walking around it.

There's a purpose to her sudden desire to actually use these things. She has this illusion of getting fast enough to walk/jog this race in San Francisco next year...she's motivated by the hot chocolate they give out at the finish line. Like, woman, you can make that chit here. Or ride your bike the .63 miles to Dutch Bros and get a cup there. You don't need to make a lot of noise here, where I live, just to get something for free there.

She's also decided to do the boobie walk again. Yeah, I know, she was done, it hurts, she's not sure it's a good idea, barfus ad infinitum.

IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA, KAREN. YOU NEED TO STAY HOME SO I HAVE USE OF YOUR THUMBS.

Why can't she just raise the money and stay home?

Oh yeah. Free t-shirt at the end. IT'S NOT REALLY FREE, lady. Cripes, offer someone a big donation to their walk IF they send you their t-shirt at the end. I bet someone would.

Whatever. I have time until that inconveniences me.

The dammit machine? That's a problem NOW.

Maybe it I pee on the chain, she won't be able to use it to make so much noise.

I wonder if I can aim that high.

Welp, there's only one way to find out...

I'm leaking....

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/20/2019 11:57:00 AM

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Doods...today is a day of a whole lot of words off the Bad Word List. And I'm leaking. because Sammy Meezer took off for the Bridge.


Sammy and his brother Miles were old, old friends, and the idea that they're both now gone is just...wrong.They were always fun and funny, and I miss them a lot already.

Today...hurts.

It's February 14!

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/14/2019 10:29:00 AM

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It's his turn in the spotlight

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/10/2019 01:59:00 PM

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Or it will be if I can pull him away from the TV.

Remember a long time ago I mentioned writing a book in which I interview Buddah? Well, it's happening. The next Wick book is with the primary beta reader so I want to switch gears while that one filters its way through the production line, and resume work on a book about the little freak.

I still have the questions people asked before, but am opening this up to more. What do you want to know about Buddah? What's the question you want him to answer the most? Leave your questions in the comments here and I'll make note of them (well, I'll copy and paste into a Word file because I'm lazy like that) and there's a good chance I'll ask him, either directly or as part of a conversation.

We got started a while ago and have had a lot of good conversations; some of it is stuff y'all know already, but in Buddah's words and his view on things.

Legal chit: Submitting a question here gives me permission to use the question, in whole or in part, without attribution (because I suck at that, and also, because I want the conversation to flow), as part of any edition of this book. That means print in paperback, hardback, digital, or any future means on publication. There's no guarantee that every question submitted will be used, though I may use it later in a blog post or future works.

It's about time y'all got to know him a little better, especially since he doesn't blog anymore.

So...whatcha wanna know?

If You Comment And It Vanishes...

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/08/2019 08:44:00 AM

5

Ugh. Technology.
After trying to figure out why one particular person could not seem to comment on my blog or the Woman's blog, we went digging this morning. We dug before, but never found anything odd, but this morning?

Yeah, it seems like a lot of y'all have been caught up in moderation and spam filters. Your comments have been hiding between the 3,087,298 offers of Viagra, Cialis, drugs to make my winky bigger and longer and apparently worthy of making women quiver, and one odd offer to make my clearly luxurious locks smooth and silky and strong enough for someone to grab and hold onto for the ride.

Y'all...I get A LOT of spam and Blogger has been catching 99.9% of it. I did not realize how much. I mean, it's a freakish amount. But it's also--and I cannot figure out why--catching a few of you in its snares and it thinks you're spamming me.

So. We spent a couple hours going through the last 2 years and approved real comments that were snared in moderation, and then changed the moderation time from 5 days to 20. Then we combed through all the spam, found as many legit comments as we could and marked them as Not Spam, so they should be in the comments section now.

If they were older than 2-3 years...yeah, they're probably gone. And I'm sorry. But both filters have been unclogged, and I will make an effort to check them a few times a week to be sure your wonderful thinks aren't caught in an unintended net.

I'm not sure whether to be irritated that so many legit comments were flagged, or impressed by the sheer volume of true spam Blogger catches. But mostly, it's on me for not even thinking to check it more often. If I made a habit of it, the comments would have been found within a day of posting, and I would have had a much easier time finding stuff that was in the middle of the waves of sale pitches aimed right at my tiny, empty junk.

Dang...

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/03/2019 11:25:00 AM

7

Wow, I haven't blogged all year. I missed an entire month there, and then some. I'd blame it on old age and getting forgetful, but it would be mean to tell everyone that's what the Woman's issue is when it comes to helping me type.

This is me, trying to get her to focus. I have to sit on the desk and tap her shoulder every now and then, otherwise she gets lost down the Reddit hole and eventually she starts drooling, her eyes glaze over, and she shows me really stupid things that involve dogs howling or jokes about all the Karens that annoy baristas at Starbucks.

But, lack of blogging aside, we have been working. We're eyeballs deep into The King of Saint Francis (title subject to change) and have started notes for what might wind up being a short story or novella.

'Course, I've said that about stuff before and what started as a novella exploded and turned into a novel.

I'm kinda verbose, it you haven't noticed.

Also, when we're not working, I'm doing a lot of this.

Snoozing on the bed that's under the desk. It's been there for a couple of years but I only recently started napping there. And now I wish I'd given it a good try long ago, because it's quiet there and it's dark, and Buddah leaves me alone.

Yeah, it's kinda dirty because no one thinks to look there and I've gotten a lot of hair on it in the last couple of weeks, but I don't mind. It's all MY fur and not HIS fur, so it's cool.

I do feel kinda bad for Buddah, though.

Y'all know how he likes high places and jumping to get there, right? Well, I'm noticing that more and more he's reluctant to make long leaps like he used to. He's looking for shortcuts to get up high more than he used to. Most of the time when he tries to jump he makes it, but a few times he's fallen short and is 7 kinds of embarrassed about it, and I totally get that so I won't make fun of him for it.

It's tough when you realize you're getting old. And he is, he's 13, almost 14.

So the People are paying attention, so they can figure out how to add shortcuts to his favorite places that don't already have them. Most of them do, and they don't want to discourage him when he feels like jumping because it's probably better for him to stretch his abilities, but they're watching.

He's also bee snoopervising while we work. Normally that would annoy me, but he sits behind the monitor and blocks the Woman's view of the TV, and that's just freaking funny.
 

HoHoHo Doods!

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/25/2018 12:00:00 AM

2


THERE WERE PEOPLE HERE!

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/10/2018 07:48:00 PM

10

Okay, so it was the Grandma, the Younger Human, and his Much Better Half...but still, people. AND THEY TOUCHED ME.

I mean, look at this. We were, like, NOSE TO NOSE for a minute there.

Dood, she's gonna try to kiss me, isn't she? I can feel it coming.

Well, if she's gonna kiss me, we might wanna try it as the French do, eh?

(Yeah, I dunno, I guess she didn't want to. Go figure.)

And Buddah's all, Dood, I dunno what your problem is. This is awesome. 

Oh, he was a total suck up tonight, being all nice and not bitey, making himself seem like a perfectly normal and almost affectionate kitty.

I wasn't totally anti-social. I did come out to see if there was food and if it was something I wanted. And I did allow my personal space to be invaded, because I like the Grandma and the Younger Human and his Much Better Half. And I didn't try to hit her face the way I did the younger Human's that one time...

They need to come back more often. I like it when Buddah's nice, and there was pizza. If there was pizza once, there will surely be pizza again.

Maybe next time I'll get that kiss.

Updated Update Redux

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/29/2018 08:57:00 PM

6

I was doing this at 5:30 this morning: sitting on the arm of the Woman's chair, staring at her.

This is a perfectly normal thing for me to do; I spend a lot of time trying to make her put the computer down so I can sit in her lap. This last week I haven't had to stare--she felt bad for me so I got a lap anytime I wanted and she got no work done.

But this morning she looked at me and said, "Clearly, you feel all right, cat. Here I thought you were going to die, but apparently you just caught a bug."

I refuted that; I do not eat bugs.

But then she said the horrible, awful, no good thing: "You owe me $500 in vet bills, you little shit."

Well now. *I* did not ask her to take me to the stabby guy. *I* did not consent to the theft of my blood, and I certainly did not tell her that since they were already taking my blood, they might as well do the super-expensive send-to-an-outside-lab tests. No, that was all on her.

She can bill me if she wants, but I'm totally not paying.

And I'm still gonna make her get up in the middle of the night to feed me. That kinda power is GLORIOUS.

Updated Update

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/27/2018 09:29:00 PM

6

Okay. I'm still here.

I'm eating, and I'm up to roughly 2/3 of what I ate before on a good day. Better: I'm enthusiastic about it and I'm asking for food every 3 hours or so.

The Woman wasn't too happy to be woken up at 5:15 this morning, but she got up and opened a can for me anyway. And she has to give me props, because yesterday I woke her at 3 in the morning. It was almost like letting her sleep in today.

Just in case, the stabby guy gave the people some of the meds that will make me want to eat, so if I stop eating again, they can shove one down my throat, tell me how sorry they are and what a good boy I am, and by the next day I should want food again.

The Woman says she's not quite as worried about me dying suddenly, or finding me curled up on the bed not as asleep as I look, but she's also not declaring me perfectly fine. But for now, I'm at least okay. Eating and drinking, begging for her lap when she's in the middle of something because that's just funny when I know she's trying to be super nice to me.

And last night I decided her head was going to share the pillow with me, and I turned it and her face into a nice, comfy bed. And she let me.

Doods...you can get away with SO much when the people think you're super sick.

I don't recommend testing it because it ends up in a visit to the stabby place where you actually get stabbed, but if you have to feel like crap, it's a benefit.

An Update on Me

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/25/2018 11:11:00 AM

12

I'm not ashamed...I totally cuddled
Doods, if you follow along on FB or read the Woman's blog, you know I haven't felt well for a good part of this week. I haven't been eating and felt rotten enough that I didn't sleep a whole lot from Wednesday-Friday.

The Woman's blogs posts are here, here, and here.

Long story short: I've been to the stabby guy twice, had blood stolen, been stabbed a couple times, had water shoved into my skin, and a pill jammed down my throat. I finally got some sleep Friday night, several hours spent stretched out on top of the Woman while she tried to sleep, but wanting food is still eluding me.

I ate a little bit at 3:15 this morning, and a little bit more at 7:30. I don't think the people will be happy unless I eat a couple more ounces today, and keep eating after that. The appetite stimulant the stabby guy gave me is supposed to last a couple of days, so there's hope that I'll want food again today and tomorrow, and then we have to see what I do.

All my blood work showed things are pretty normal for a guy with thyroid and kidney issues, so if I don't start rebounding, they might look at my heart and intestines. This is kind of a warning; the people promised me a long time ago that they wouldn't put me through a lot of stress when I hit this age, because going to the vet and having things manhandled (even at home) freaks me out.

Still...cross your fingers that this is just One Of Those Things, and that the appetite stimulant was just what I needed to start eating again...stabby dood did say if it worked they could give the people more to give me at home if needed.

On the upside to all this: I get a lap anytime I ask, and the Woman is staying home and not going to Starbucks to work. The only place she's gone is the store, and that's mostly been to get things she think will tempt me to eat. I think after my nap today, I'll plop down on her and ask her to put some Doctor Who on the TV and we can watch that together.

But that's where I am: I don't feel well and no one is really sure why, but they're on top of it and will cater to any whim they think I have.

Light's On!

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/13/2018 07:15:00 PM

7

Ok, the Man installed the LED light in the hallway, and it works pretty well. I can see if Buddah's down there at night. It doesn't keep him from stalking me, but at least I know where he is most of the time.

I don't think the Woman likes it, though, because if she gets up in the middle of the night to pee, it's RIGHT THERE in her eyes, but she's going to put up with it because I'm totally worth it.

He's a jerk

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/12/2018 09:01:00 AM

9

No, he really is.

This morning he pooped in front of the litter box. It's not that the box was too gross to use; he did it because he could, because he thinks there's some kind of power play going on and I won't step over it to get into the box.

I totally would have, if the Woman hadn't noticed like 30 seconds later. She cleaned it up, rendering his alpha posturing useless.

He's also been stalking me. He's way too obvious about it, so he winds up getting yelled at and a pointy finger jabbed in his direction. You want to piss Buddah off? Jab a finger at him. You don't even have to get close, he just has to see it. He knows what it means. Sometimes it even makes him cry.

But the worst part about the stalking is that my eyesight is going. He's a black kitty and if he's in the hallway when the lights are off, I can't see him. If I can't judge the threat level, I just won't go down the hall, because I can't trust him to not jump on me and start biting. The other morning, before the Woman got up, I wound up taking my nap in the living room because I knew he was back there somewhere, and I couldn't take a chance.

The Woman noticed. So during the day she's keeping the hall lights on, and at night there's a night light now. It's not quite bright enough, so this week the Man is stalling a floor-level LED strip. That should give me enough to at least figure out where Buddah is, but not so bright that it bothers the people while they sleep.

Kitchen lights are on at night. The front porch light is on and it's bright enough to make the living room visible.

None of this would be needed if Buddah wasn't such a furry little asterisk.

I know y'all think he's cute. You can be cute and a jerkwad at the same time, though. I miss the days when I was bigger than he was and could pin him to the floor with a warning growl.

Getting old sucks.

Dona Nobis Pacem

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/04/2018 12:00:00 AM

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