January 30, 2004

The sky has been falling all over the place, in huge white chunks that have pretty much covered everything outside. I’ve given up trying to warn the People, because they just don’t seem to care about it.

Today, though, the Man went outside and scooped up a handful of the stuff, and brought it inside to show to me. Like I wasn’t already a little freaked out about the whole thing! But he held it out to me, and I sniffed for a few seconds, pretending I didn’t give a damn, but you know what?

The sky is freaking cold!

Kind of makes you wonder why the birds bother flying through it.

January 29, 2004

The Woman has been drinking this stuff she calls “hot chocolate.” It smells pretty good, but she won’t let me get so much as a taste of it. There’s all these excuses: “you’ll burn your tongue. It’s not cat food. Kitties can’t have anything chocolate.”

Just be honest with me, will you? You won’t let me taste it because you just don’t want to share. Don’t pretend it has anything to do with trying to do what’s right for me; you have something good, and you want it all for yourself.

I’m not stupid. Hey, I might not even like it, but I should at least get the chance to find out.

I’d let you have a taste of my food, it you asked.
Really I would.
In fact, if you go in the kitchen, you can lick my plate right now.

January 27, 2004

TK's Person seems to think that Me in a BAG is funny.
How undignified.
Like I would ever play in a bag.
Shut up.
The ground outside is white, and the People don’t seem to like it any more than I do. The Man was complaining about it getting all over his truck, and the Woman says it’s just cold, nasty stuff that she won’t drive on. Granted, I’m not terribly sure what that means, other than they agree with me. The white stuff has to go.

I thought it was, a little while ago. Most of it had disappeared overnight, but then the sky began to fall and there it was again. The Woman says it’s “pretty” even though she wishes it would stop, but I think the whole thing is just nasty. And I’m pretty sure that white stuff is why it’s so damned cold.

Sure, I have my warm places to lay, especially the warm spot where my bed is now, but the windows are too cold to sit next to, and I usually like sitting on my window perches, looking outside. Why bother when it makes all my useless nipples pucker? And I can feel that, you know, as they crinkle and try to invert. It’s not terribly pleasant.

I’m going back to bed. Wake me when its over.

January 24, 2004

There are more places in the house where warm air comes out of the wall right by the floor. There's also one in the room where the Younger Humans stayed, and one in the room where the People sleep--and today the Woman took my basket with the comfy pillow from its cold spot downstairs, and brought it upstairs to put it right in front of the rushing warm air for me. Now not only do I have my perpetual spot of sunshine, but I have it plus a cushy, comfy bed in which to enjoy it.

Oh yea, I be stylin'...

January 21, 2004

My People are obsessed with my teeth. Perhaps because the lovely PK lost a few of hers, or perhaps because they merely like to torture me, but in the end, it’s an obsession, and it involves my mouth.

Look, I don’t care for having things shoved in my mouth. Not even the good things, like shrimp or sharp cheddar cheese. If it’s something I want, I’m perfectly capable of getting it from wherever it is into my own mouth, thank you very much. So I don’t understand why they feel compelled to hold me down and force that stick on me just about every night now.

I get the grasp of it, finally. It’s the “brushing of the teeth.” Supposedly, it’s to keep them healthy and useful until the day I drop dead from the plaque clogging my arteries—plaque that will be there, we can be sure, from the miscellaneous treats they give me, especially the meaty ones I manage to guilt them into every once in a while.

So yeah, when I keel over at age 15 from massive heart disease, my teeth will be blindingly white, and I’ll still be really pissed off that every freaking night they do that to me.

January 20, 2004

Ohhhhh. I’ve discovered something nice. Very nice.

In the room with the Peoples’ oddly shaped litterbox, there’s this thing coming out of the wall near the floor. It’s not very attractive, but it blows warm air. And not just a little here and there, but most of the time! I can lay there and it’s like laying in a perfectly formed, never moving spot of sunshine.

Once in a while the air stops, but the spot stays warm, and if I wait a few minutes, it blows again.

It crossed my mind that maybe they put it there just for me, but then I realized that no, they wouldn’t do that. They put it there for them, to keep themselves warm while sitting on that weird litterbox thingy. I’ve decided that’s fine, as long as it’s there, and as long as they don’t mind me hogging it when no one else is in there.

You know, the Woman is always cold. I wonder why she doesn’t curl up in front of it?

January 18, 2004

Not to get all Chicken Little on your collective asses, but the freaking sky really was falling today! I shit you not! I was sitting on my window perch, and it started to fall down, these huge, white, fluffy pieces that came down almost slowly. At first I thought it was some strange mass of bugs, but no…I looked up and it was the sky.

And my people? Hells Bells, they were sitting there at the table playing some stupid game and I tried to warn them about it, but did they care? The Woman looked up and laughed at me, saying that there was nothing she could do about it.

Well, Lady, I tell you what. Next time it happens close the freaking window! Give us at least a little protection!


January 17, 2004

January 16, 2004

They did it again!

I was comfy and cozy on the Woman's lap, and he walked up to me with that evil stick-like thing, shoved it in my mouth, and rubbed it all over my teeth again.

That the hell did I ever do to them?

On the plus side, I've discovered a new and valuable use for the otherwise useless humans. In a spasm of itchies, the Woman demonstrated a wonderful talent of using her pitiful people-type claws to reach the major itch-fit working its way down my back. My spine was on fire, and she quite effectively put an end to it. She was very patient, too--I think she spent a good 15 minutes scratching my back and under my collar.

Something else good about them, aside from their opposable thumbs.

January 15, 2004

You will not believe what they did to me today.
She held me down, and he stuck this thing in my mouth, and rubbed it all over my teeth!
And he did it for a long time!

January 11, 2004

They’re gone.

The Younger Human and his Much Better Smelling Friend are gone. I noticed a conspicuous absence yesterday—it was very quiet—so today I explored the house, in particular the room they were in, and all their stuff is gone.

He left me again.

I tried to tell the Man this morning, and then the Woman later, but they either don’t believe me, or they don’t care. Or maybe it’s their fault that they left. That must be it. They just drove the Younger Ones away.

January 09, 2004

Disturbing my routine is not acceptable.

We should all have it memorized by now: get your ass out of bed no later than 8:30 a.m., feed me, make the bed so that I have the fuzzy blanket upon which to nap, leave me alone, make a lap for me at noon, don’t move while I nap, take 2 minutes to use the restroom while I munch on some dry food at 3 p.m., make another lap for me and don’t move while I nap, get up off your ass at 5 p.m. to feed me again, fix your own dinner at 6 p.m. and make sure it’s something I will also enjoy, get on your computer after dinner but make sure you leave me lap space so that I can nap, then go to bed at 11 p.m. and leave me the hell alone. I will serenade you at 3 a.m.

Got that?

Staying up all night long is simply unacceptable. It throws me off balance, keeps me awake, disturbs my sense of the time, and I totally forget to sing at 3 a.m. And the noise! Holy crap, when you people stay up all night, you’re obnoxiously loud. Go to bed, dammit! And especially don’t stay up all night long and then leave without feeding me!


January 08, 2004

I've been pondering this for a few days:

I did something wrong, evidently, but I don't know what it is. It must have been huge, because they took my tree away. Worse, I sat there and watched the Woman remove all the shiny, dangly things, and then the Man literally ripped the tree apart, limb by limb. It was horrific, and I'm sure I'll have nightmares about it for the rest of my life.

No one else seemed concerned. The younger humans didn't seem bothered by the destruction of my tree, not at all. I'm the only one who seems to care, so whatever wrath they were visiting on the house must have been aimed directly at me.

The people are confusing anyway. There was the shrimp: first I didn't get any, then I did. Then they left a little in the sink and when I jumped up there to get it, they shoo'd me away. Then later when they had more, I got some, but just a little. They had all these boxes on the floor for me to play in, and then they took those away, too.

It would help if I knew what the heck I've been doing wrong...