April 28, 2006

It's The PsyhcoKitty Caption Game!

Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.
If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!

April 27, 2006

Ha. The People were off doing Who Knows What today and when dinner time came around they were not home, so the Younger Human fed us. Usually I get half a can and Buddah gets a whole can, but the Yunger Human actually CARES about me, so he gave me a whole can!

Now, I don't begrudge Buddah his whole can for dinner every night, but I would like to have just as much, but nooooo they think I don't need it. It's nice to know someone here cares about my growling tummy. This is the first night in a a long time that I haven't wanted to chew off my own back claws by 8 o'clock because I was so hungry.

I'm really hoping the People go somewhere else, so that the Younger Human is in charge of snack tonight...

April 25, 2006

The Woman is done learning how to ride a donorcycle, so I get the computer back. Sort of. She's still reading and reading and reading and reading, trying to learn more about them and how to be safe on one, and she's doing a lot of it online, so she's kind of hogging it. I don't understand the appeal; it seems like a lot of time wasted when she could be inside taking care of the kitties, but I don't get a vote.

The Younger Human says she's having a middle aged crisis. That's what happens to people when they get old and are becoming useless. They have to find exciting things to do because otherwise they're just boring lumps of useless flesh. Moreso than usual, I guess.

So. We tried something different today to sucker treats out of her. There was an empty treat bag behind the trash can, so I grabbed it with my teeth and carried it over to her and set it at her feet, Buddah came along and we sat there and tried to look like perfect angels, and meowed nicely. "Can we please have a treat?" we asked. And crap, we were sweet about it! But she took the bag and said it was cute and impressive, but it was too close to dinner.



We're not freaking sticky little people. We can have a treat and still have an appetite for the Stinky Goodness. But noooooo....

Then to add insult to injury, they had steak for dinner and we didn't get any! Evidently I asked the Younger Human--nicely, I might add--to drop a piece for me one time too many. He refused, and the Woman said we couldn't have any.

Oh she says it's because I had just had my dinner and didn't need anything else, but I know the truth. I didn't roll over and act like a disinterested Stepford Kitty, so she wasn't willing to share.

You know, if she ever actually buys a donorcycle, I am going to sneak out into the garage and pee on it.

Timmy tagged me a while back for the Made Up Words You Really Like but because the Woman wouldn't let me have the computer, I couldn't do it. But now I can...

Squillions--I first saw Willam say it. I think a lot of us got it from him!
Can Opener--I think this is what Musette calls one of her People. And it's perfect.
'Beans--I got it from Larry & Jinky & Timmy. I don't use it but it cracks me up.
After Dinner Mint--Timmy's perfect pose that grosses people out.
Woofy--Buddah started calling dogs this when he heard one bark. Don't tell him, but I think it's funny.

April 22, 2006

Wow, I actually got use of the computer this morning.

No worries on the Woman, she's not actually trying to kill herself. She's learning to ride a motorcycle, which for all intents and purposes could be the same thing. Why do people strap a rocket between their legs and think it's a good idea? If she wants to feel the wind, she has a car that has a top that goes down. Why is that not good enough?

You know, the day I understand people is the day my little head just explodes all over the almost-white carpet...

April 21, 2006

The Woman is still hogging the computer, and has said there will not be any real blogging this weekend since she's going to go learn new and excting ways to kill herself.

She can't die.
She has the opposable thumbs.

So Buddah and I will be quiet this weekend, but it's not because we're ignoring the world, it's because we have rude people who won't leave the computer on.

Oh, and she tried to take me outside on a leash. I was not having any of it. If Buddah wants to, fine, but I am not a dog and I do not do the leash thing. Plus, there are bees out there.

April 18, 2006

I think they re-set the stats at Kitten War 'cause suddenly we're not losing anything and we have lots of draws. I wonder why... I mean, I didn't mind losing cause there are some really cute kitties there and surely I lost to the absolute cutest. Heck, I want my losses! 'Cause someone had those wins and I'm sure they want 'em back!

The Woman has either been hogging the computer the last few days, or she goes off and has the top closed so I can't use it. She's been "studying" all these things, as if that will do her any good. I'm pretty sure she knows everything she's ever going to know, but I suppose I should amuse her and not complain. If she thinks she's learning something, that might make her happy, and if she's happy, we might get treats.

:::looks at the thingy she's been reading so much:::

Motorcycle Handbook.

Eh, she'll never remember all that.

In other news, we have nice weather finally, and the People are seriously talking about building us a thingy to be in outside so we can enjoy it. Buddah likes his harness,but they think I might want to go out and be safe too. And I might!

It'll probably take them all summer to get to it, tho. So I'm not holding my breath.

April 15, 2006

Ha! I am now at Kitten War! I totally hope I get stacked against Buddah on a regular basis!

April 13, 2006

See? He really is nuts. He enjoyed this!

April 11, 2006

Further proof that Buddah is insane. The Woman took him outside, in the rain, and he liked it. I've explained about dogs, I've explained about the rude kitties, but he still wants to go back out there. Worse, the People are making plans to do just that. When the weather is better, they're getting him a harness and leash and taking him in the back yard. Why? What good could possibly come of this? Well, other than a giant hawk swooping down and whisking him away...

April 08, 2006

Buddah is competing at KittenWar.com...

...and he's losing! Last time the Woman looked he's lost 56% of his battles, and only won 2. Oh man, you know I'm ragging him big time... But really, he was not the most attractive kitten. He's ok now, but he didn't look quite...normal...for a while.

He doesn't care. He thinks he's going to be famous now.

April 06, 2006

It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game...

Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.
If the first kitty playing assigns names to the kitties in the picture, then that's the names everyone has to use!

April 05, 2006

I was all curled up in the bed that Buddah never uses, all relaxed and about to fall asleep, when the Woman said, "Max, if I lie down would you curl up on my back and purr really hard?"

I glared at her and grunted, "No."

"My back hurts," she whined.

So? I thought, but did not say anything.

"You have a nice purr machine. It would make my back feel tons better."

"And what's in it for me?" I asked.

"I'm starting to feel all rubbery and achy. But the pool water was nice and warm."

"What's in it for me?" I repeated.

"This what I get for not working out for so long."

"Yeah, you're lazy. We all get that. If I purr for you, what do I get?"

"Getting old bites."

"Yeah, and you're fat, too. Give me treats and I might purr your back all better."

She sighed and said, "Well, maybe later."

Yeah, right. There better be a big pile of crunchy treats or I won't even think about it. I mean come on, that's what you get for playing in water. No good can come of it. I could have told you it was a bad idea if you'd asked me before you did it, so why should I fix it for you after the fact?

April 04, 2006

It needs to stop raining. Seriously. I think we've had 30 days of rain out of the last 35 and it's really getting depressing. Buddah and I need sunspots, and we need for the People to be able to open the windows and let fresh air in.

I even feel bad for the rude outside kitties. I've only seen one of them lately...where do they go when it's all icky out like this? Is someone keeping them dry? How can they hunt when it's rain rain rain all the time?

Ohhhh and the Woman went out somewhere today, and when she got back I was right there by the door and she thought I was going to try to get out. I might have stepped onto the porch, but I'm not insane. It's wet and there are sticky people out there! Maybe when the sun comes back...

April 03, 2006

The Woman Interrupts Max's Blog For The Following:

Max has an admirer. A very persistent admirer who is =this= close to being a stalker. She/he/it (not really sure at this point) has been fishing for Max's home address...and I know I don't have to ask this but for sanity's sake I am anyway: If you're one of the few who actually has a physical street address for Max and Buddah please don't share it. Max's admirer probably means no harm, but it's not a chance I'd like to take...

Thanks :)

End Of Interruption...

Max here...I bet it's a girl kitty. A very pretty girl kitty, and the Woman just doesn't want me to meet anyone nice. She says we have a P.O. Box for snail mail, but really, I don't want any snails. Come to think of it, I don't really want a girl kitty, either, because I would just wind up disappointing her.

Man, my life sucks.

But I did get some mail from The Grandma today! She sent me and Buddah some treats, and LOTS of them. So SHE must not think I'm fat!

April 02, 2006

Paraphrasing Several Emails:

Hey Max, I can't find anyplace on your blog to sign up to be able to read your blog! Where is it? can I do $5 every month or can I sign up for a whole year?

I am not laughing at anyone.
Really, I'm not.
But heck, I just might put a SEND ME MONEY icon up.
Because you all are so cute.

Most of you got it...if you really think I'm going to charge to read my blog, please check your calendar and think about what yesterday was.

You make me laugh.
I like you all fo that!

And in other news:

Happy Birthday To The Younger Human!

He's 23 and not as wrinkly as the other People.
Or as grumpy.
And his hair doesn't have those funky white strands in it.

And I'm still not fat...

April 01, 2006

Starting tomorrow, everyone will have to pay $5 a month to view my blog. I need money for kitty crack and since the Woman won't give me my book money, you all will have to finance my habit. So yeah, if you don't pay me $5 a month, you can't read my wonderful words of wisdom anymore.

Really. I mean it.


:::checks calendar:::

This, apparently, is why the Woman thinks I need to lose weight.

Phffft. I was kind of squished up against myself because buddah was right on my butt, so it makes me look way bigger than I really am.

And I'm a bug guy to begin with. I'm on the tall side for a kitty, and I'm pretty solid. So I'm not as fat as she makes me out to be.

I'm 15.5 pounds. Um, yeah, that is up a little from a couple years ago, but still. She thinks I should weigh aroun 12-13. Buddah weighs almost 12 pounds and he's super skinny...but she seems pretty sure that when he finally stops growing he'll be even taller than I am, and maybe heavier without being over weight.

Well lah-dee-dah for him. It's really not fair; he gets twice as much Stinky Goodness as I do. And I'm pretty sure the People sneak extra treats to him when I'm not looking.

But in spire of photographic evidence, I am not fat! I'm just a solid mass of beautiful black and white kitty!