December 31, 2008

December 29, 2008

Dooods! We had a awesome surprise today! When the People came home from doing M-word related things, they had a box! And they said they got it from the post office! And it was for BUDDAH AND ME!

It was from our Secret Paw!

A Box!

Of course, we had to investigate!

Look who it's from!

There was a card!
Our Secret Paw is Billy Sweet Feets!
We both got VERY excited when we read the card!

Um...I wanna see first

Buddah practically dove into the box head first.
He HAD to see what was in it.

Holy Canoli!

OhMyGosh look at everything! Billy was super generous!
He gave us Temptations! and NIP TOYS! and squiggly toys!
And mousies that look real! AND SHRIMP CRUnCHIES!!!

But you see that orange toy? There is also a pink one just like it.
Buddah grabbed it right off and ran to play with it.
"It's MINE!" he said, and I said ok, you love it so much, I won't take it.
I mean, really, how can you take a toy when someone else just about wets himself when he first sees it?
I'm mean, but not like that.


Really, his love for it is kind of unnatural, but hey, whatever makes him happy.
I think he was embracing his inner Skeezix
And trying to Rock the Pink.
It made the People laugh, which is good.

Hmmmm...lemme see now

After Buddah took off with the pink thingy, I decided I needed a closer look at everything
And the Man gave me some of the shrimp crunchies.

You would not believe how awesome they are.
I am going to dream about them, I just know it.

Thank you Billy, thank you very much. You are an awesome and special kitty, and a very thoughtful Secret Paw. And you know what? The People set half of everything aside so that when we do the whole M-word thing, we'll have special toys when we get to the new house. They'll smell like here, and they'll smell like you, and that will help us feel not so bad about having to move.

You rock, little dooood!
File This Under TMI =or= Not For The Easily Offended, 'Cause I'm Talking About My Goodies. Yeah, THOSE Goodies...

Ok. So last night I was in the big comfy chair taking a bath, and the Woman came in to watch some TV; since I got to the big comfy chair first she did all the usual grumbling about how that was HER chair and I was sitting in HER place, but she parked her considerably sized 'ttocks into the recliner and turned the TV on, and I resumed my bath.

Now, as I am wont to do in the interest of complete hygiene, I leaned back and hiked my leg up to wash the parts of me that should have been my fun bits, but thanks to the intervention of the People and the stabby guy, they're not so much fun as lacking function. But they do need a good cleaning every now and then, so I was about to start when I had this sudden realization and it kind of made me stop in mid lick and look useless, empty boybits are, well, uneven. I don't know why I never noticed this before, but I noticed it last night and sort of froze in position and stared at them.

Eventually the Woman noticed and asked, "Something interesting there, Big Guy?"

I was too engrossed in thought to reply, but I wanted to tell her, "Look, they're not right. One half is black and the other half is white, and against the white of my tummy, it's just, well...wrong."

But I didn't say anything, I just stared at myself, trying to figure out how I had never noticed that before. I pushed my paw into my belly a little more to get a better look, and sure enough. One black, one white, all the way around.

"Max," the Woman said, "you're kind of creeping me out."

Yeah? Well think how'd you'd feel if, after seven years of careful grooming, you JUST noticed that your formerly fun parts are wrong. I'm thinking you'd stare a little while, too.

Really, how could I not take a good long look?

Now, after much contemplation (and being called a little perv, because apparently it bothers People to see a kitty looking at himself for any length of time) I realized it's not so much wrongness as it is uniqueness, so I continued on with my bath, but it still bugs me that I went so long without noticing THAT about myself.

You'd stare, too, if it was you.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.


December 28, 2008

'Cause Angus asked...

If you look down the right side of the screen, there's a too-small image that says "RSS I think." That's to subscribe to my blog in a feeder. It defaults to Atom (even though it says RSS...couldn't change the image) and to get it to work in RSS you add "?alt=rss" but without the quotation marks.

If ya don't wanna click, it's in Atom and (or maybe for RSS.

And I'm sure that's clear as mud 'cause I don't exactly understand it either...Just that that's what you need to subscribe with a reader.

December 27, 2008

Whoa...Max (another Max!) wanted to know about the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower.

It is a spiffy tower, isn't it?

The company that made it apparently had no imagination because they just called it "Kitty Kat Tower." And sadly, I don't think they make it anymore. Once in a while you can find a website that has a Kitty Kat Junior Tower, but it's not nearly as spiffy.

It really bites that you can't get it anymore, because it is totally awesome.

And lots of you know already, but if you don't, Icon went to the Bridge yesterday. He was such a nice guy and he's gonna be missed. If you haven't yet, please drop by and leave a good thought or two for his people.

December 26, 2008

Apparently "Boxing Day" does not mean waking a person up by punching them in the face. Who knew?

We had a really good Christmas, but there's no photographic evidence. Sorry 'bout that. Someone =ahem= got into the "stockings" before the Woman could get the camera out and the neato things we got were sufficiently sampled, tested, and made dead without permission to proceed in the Christmas festivities.

Now, if our stuff had been in PROPER stockings, we would have known the rules. But because of the impending M-word, the People did not put our stockings our for Santa to fill, so Santa had to use plastic Walmart bags, and they were on the floor, and well... Curiosity killed the cat, and all.

Santa was really nice! There was NIP! And Toys! NIP TOYS! And DA BIRD! And Buddah got some grass to grow.

We also got to see the Younger Human, but he didn't bring the Frootbat Woofy. I'm not sure why, but Santa left the woofy some stuff here, too. I dunno, maybe he knew the Younger Human was going to be over here...? Anyway, the woofy got a bed and a bunch of squeaky toys. That bed looked pretty spiffy and I got to sniff it but Santa set it down in a way I couldn't get on it. I guess that's all right, I mean I know if it had been for me I'd have been upset of a dog got to it first.

Now that Christmas is over, the People are getting all AAAAAHHHHHH! over the m-word. Boxes are getting packed and there are lots of phone calls about something closing (? don't ask me, it's People talking. I don't think it's supposed to make sense) and buying paint for the new house and WILL THERE BE HEAT?

I certainly hope there will be heat.

Buddah's bummed because it sounds like they're getting rid of the rats for sure before we live there, and that's if there are even any still there. The house has been empty for a year and a half and they might have moved on since there's no more food in the house.

I might be a little bummed, too, because I was kind of looking forward to him giving half of his catch to the Woman at 3 a.m.

December 24, 2008

December 23, 2008

This is Butters from South Park.

The woofy that the Younger Human adopted was named after him. The Woman thinks it's an apt name; South Park Butters is a nice kid and Butters the Dog is (she says) very sweet. His (the woofy) original name was Radar, but he didn't answer to it. When the Younger Human called him Butters, he turned around and looked.

I think Hendrix might be onto something...sooner or later the Younger Human might discover his alter ego is Professor Chaos. -->

He already got into some fudge today. Good thing there wasn't really much in the way of chocolate in it. Just lots and lots and lots and LOTS of sugar...

I thought about horking up my toenails onto the Woman's pillow because I'm still upset that this house smells like Woofy, but then I realized that Santa comes tomorrow night so it might not be the best impulse I've ever had.

I'll wait.

Maybe that'll make it even sweeter. Stealth Barf. She'll never expect it a week from now!

December 22, 2008

O M G ! ! !

There I was, taking a nap in the chair, on top of a very spiffy quilt that the Woman's Bestest Friend made for her (and about which I get told every time, that's not yours!, but TOUGH!) when I heard an odd noise. So I opened my eyes and looked. (oh, and forgive the mess...the People are already packing...)


Doooods...this was truly a WTF moment. I could not believe my eyes! And not in a happy, oh you got me a new toy way. Because what I saw was THIS:


Apparently, his name is Butters and he's a 10-11 month old chihuahua/bulldog mix that the Younger Human has adopted. But honestly, I did not stick around to find much else out about him. When I knew he was otherwise occupied, I got the frak up and ran upstairs to the safety of under the Woman's bed.

But gets worse.

While I was keeping myself safe, SOMEONE was aiding and abetting the enemy!

He liked me!

That's the Woman he's curled up with. SHE LIKES HIM! Well, let me tell you, once he left I was so upset that I barfed all over the kitchen floor.

And for good measure, later on I might barf on the Woman's pillow.

The traitor.

December 21, 2008

Oh Doooods...I think I've figured out what a part of the Rainbow Bridge is gonna be like. There's this really cold spot for kitties to play in if they want to see what being cold is like, and when they're done, there's a room they get to go into. There's a big comfy chair, and someone with a nice lap is sitting there. I'm pretty sure it'll be the lap of whomever you want it to be, even if they haven't gone to the Bridge yet. They have a nice heated blanket on their lap, and you get to jump up there, curl up, get head skritches and told how pretty you are, and take as long a nap as you want while getting all toasty.

And you know what? At the Bridge, the person whose lap you're in won't EVER have to get up to pee. Unlike the People here. And really, mine seem to have to pee A LOT. Cripes, what does that Woman DRINK? There we were, all warm and snuggly and sleepy, and she has to get up. THREE TIMES.

Her lap is all squishy and comfortable, though, so I suppose I can't complain too much.

Just a little.

I hope she makes a lap for me again tonight. I like the heated blanket thingy. And the squishy.

I like saying Squishy.


December 19, 2008

Oh wow oh wow oh wow!

DON'T TELL BUDDAH! but I found his heart mousies and got him 3 of them for Christmas!!! And they're a MANLY blue color! He needs all the help he can get manning up, because he just doesn't rock the pink the way Skeezix does. Well, truly, no one does, but Buddah really needs help and something blue can only help. But it's ok that he loves little heart shaped mousies, because there's nothing wrong with having a big heart, even if you want to sink your teeth into one once in a while.

In other news, it was SO COLD in this house last night because the people turned the warm air blowing thingy waaaaay down that we had to curl up on top of the Woman. AT THE SAME TIME! Normally I don't like sharing her when she's in bed, but this was a special circumstance and required a little tolerance on both our parts. I made him curl up on her butt, though. I got the top half.

When she woke up she wasn't even mad that we were squishing her. She felt bad that we were so cold and promised that tonight she would crank the warm air blowing thingy up a couple of degrees.

Oh and I heard the people declare that they are DONE Christmas shopping, so that means somewhere in the house there's a toy for me! I hope it's got Nip in it. Nothing says Merry Christmas like getting hopped up on the kitty crack. Buddah was a bit concerned that we didn't get anything for the People, but I assured him they wouldn't mind because they probably really did use all my money on the new house. I hope I'm not wrong. Well, I mean I hope I'm not wrong that they didn't really want something from us, not that they spent all my money. I would like to have a little money left over. Just in case, I am fully prepared to suck it up and do the cute thing on Christmas, and lick them full on the lips. What better gift can one receive than a little Max tongue?

None, I tell you. None!

December 16, 2008

I watched the Woman wrap Christmas presents tonight, and ya know, I didn't see a single thing that looked like it was meant for a kitty. I hope Santa comes through, 'cause I'm not sure my People will.

I've been good this year. Right?

I mean, it's not like anyone DIED on account of something I did.

I don't think, anyway...

December 15, 2008

In spite of what the Woman said to me earlier tonight, I am not obnoxious.

I am persistent.

I was hungry, and I made sure she knew about it. Over and Over and Over.

And I did say please, but I don't think she was paying attention at that point.

Now I need to nap, because being that persistent is hard work.

December 12, 2008

"Woman," I said while she was swallowing a handful of drugs medications this morning, "I got my Secret Paws address so I need you to go shopping. Today. None of this 'later, Max.' I need you to go TODAY."

She put the pill bottles back in the medicine cabinet and said, "Cripes, Max, go fart somewhere else."

Well, truly I did cut a really good one, and she was locked in the giant litterbox room with me, but still. She did not acknowledge my demand request.

"GO SHOPPING!" I said.

"I can't open the door with your head on the doorknob," was her nonsensical reply. She can be kind of dense that way; sometimes I think she has these private conversations going on inside her head and she doesn't pay much attention to the things actually being said to her.

"SECRET PAWS!" I reminded her.

"Max!" she said, a little too loud. "If you don't move, I can't feed you!"

Well now. I must admit the prospect of a can of Stinky Goodness did distract me for a little bit. We went downstairs and she opened two cans, and it was like WOWSA! because it was two different flavors and we each had half of each can. That was a nifty taste treat.

When I was done eating, I walked over to where she was sitting in the living room and said, "about the Secret Paws thing...?"

She looked over the edge of the comics and said "You're welcome."

WTF? Doods, really! This is what I have to live with! I ask for shopping and she responds with 'you're welcome'?

I sat there and stared at her while she read the comics (because honestly, I don't think she realizes there's real NEWS in that paper...just Zits and Pearls Before Swine and Get Fuzzy and =sigh= Garfield) and kept thinking at her head Go shopping...go shopping...go shopping.

But then she got up to go check her email.

Holy carp.

So I gave up. I jumped up in the comfy chair and curled up for my morning nap, and was almost asleep when all the sudden there was this HAND tickling my tummy. I hate that, she knows I hate that. But then she said, "I'm going out for a little while Big Guy. Any ideas what you want to get as your Secret Paws present?"

Well now. Maybe she doesn't listen but sometimes she hears.

So I told her what I wanted her to buy, and she said, "Ok, I got it. I'll be back in a little bit."

And when came home--she'd gotten what I said to! I think it was a fluke, to be honest, but my Christmas shopping is half done and I didn't even have to leave the house!

December 10, 2008

Skeeter went to the Bridge at 3:45 today.
He got to live a long time, which is good.
But he leaves a giant Skeeter sized hole in the cat blogosphere.
I'm really gonna miss him.

December 09, 2008

Doooods...Skeeter needs our purrs right now. So does his Big Thing. Skeeter's a cool old dood and he's probably going to scootch off to the Bridge soon, and it's gonna be really hard for his Big Thing and for LC and Ayla, so please go leave your good wishes and purrs for them all.
Okidokee...I just got the ship notice on the next order of books, and they'll get to my house on the 15th. There are 20 still available from this shipment, and I can get orders shipped out on the 16th (because I will threaten the Woman with poop in places she doesn't want it if she doesn't go to the post office...) so if you want it as a Christmas gift for someone, you'll get it in time (we ship mail would take it, like, 20 years to get there...)

These will be the last ones we'll get before Christmas, and probably the last ones we'll get before the M-word happens. After these are gone, Amazon is the best bet until February, when (if anyone wants my pawtograph on it) I can get more.

Today the people are signing 3,000,121 pieces of paper about the house they're buying, and supposedly they close (the doors? the windows? I dunno, I think it'd be closed already) on the 30th. They're already putting stuff in boxes, and I keep hearing lots of "Buddah, stop chewing on that. Buddah, No! Buddah WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"

Buddah is a very good snoopervisor, I must admit. I am helping by sitting near the Woman as she packs stuff up, and when she says stuff like "Should I keep this or toss it out?" I lean back and lick myself. She seems to appreciate that.

December 08, 2008

I think if a person gets out of bed and comes downstairs at 3:40 in the morning, then that person should give the kitties crunchy treats. That's what I think.

December 05, 2008

No Numbers Just Bullets

  • Today the Man and the Woman took all the books that were ordered before yesterday at 11:30 a.m. to the post office today and mailed them.
  • You should have yours in less than 5 days, unless you're an out-of-the-U.S.-kitty, in which case it'll take a little longer.
  • The post office lady did not reach over the counter and punch the Man in the face when she saw how many things they were mailing.
  • There are no donuts in the house. I looked everywhere.
  • This upsets me mightily.
  • I hope there are donuts in the new house.
  • There are rats in the new house. I hope the people don't get rid of them before we get there.
  • Buddah would like to have a real live rat to play with.
  • Me, not so much.
  • I would like to hear the Woman scream if one ran across the kitchen floor, though.
  • I hope Santa brings me a paw-friendly video camera so I can get proof if that happens.
  • Heh.

December 04, 2008

Dooods! The first shipment of the books is sold out; I ordered more, and they'll probably be here in 10-12 days, but I can't guarantee any sales from this point out will reach you in time for the holidays. If you have not ordered and need it as a gift, your best bet will be getting it from Amazon, even though I =sob= don't get as much from that. I'd rather you got it in time than make an extra buck.

Books already ordered (even if you did it today) will ship tomorrow and Saturday.

You guys rock!

December 02, 2008

Bullet Point Tuesday

  1. Just so's you don't forget, I WROTE ANOTHER BOOK!
  2. I would like to lick another donut, but the Woman says we don't have anymore.
  3. She is apparently unwilling to go get me some more.
  4. It is not fair for the People to go off somewhere and not turn the warm air blowing thingy up for us. I have sensitive nipples, you know.
  5. Buddah has been napping on the Woman's lap a lot lately.
  6. Apparently, he forgets that is MY lap, and if I catch him at it, I am going to demonstrate my mighty whapping skills on his head.
  7. Book.
  8. The Woman might have jury duty on Friday.
  9. She wants to serve but says it is a very inconvenient time and wishes she had postponed until Spring.
  10. The Man thinks it is inconvenient, as it means he has to get up early and drive her there and then pick her up later.
  11. All because she can't drive in the dark.
  12. I would be very good on a jury. And I would be happy to meet out punishment.
  13. I can poop at will, and can fill a shoe...that's a good punishment.
  14. book

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! It's up at Amazon now!