June 30, 2007

Wow...I don't think I've ever gone so long without a blog post. It's not that I've been especially busy or even that the Woman has been hogging the computer. It's just...I dunno. I haven't been to read any blogs the last couple of days, either. I think it's all the goodbyes we've had to say to so many of our kitty friends lately. The other day I started to get on and then I remembered it was the day Buzz was going to the bridge, and I just couldn't write anything.

So I took a few deep breaths, and here I am again.

Oh, and Buddah's a butthead. I just had to throw that out there, 'cause, you know, he just is...

June 24, 2007


Online Dating

A few more choice words, and it coulda been an "R."

I must not be trying hard enough...

June 23, 2007

I Got Mail!

Oh Hai

The Woman went to the place where my mailbox is and when she came home she had a package for me from Diva Kitty! And look what was in it! A pretty blue blanket that had KITTY CRACK in it! Very very very tasty kitty crack! And there was squigglies!

I let Buddah help me open it and he got to have some of the Nip and I said it was ok for him to play with the Squigglies. Right now he's stretched out on the blanket and says it feels so nice and he thinks he can smell Diva Kitty on it! In a few minutes he has to get up and let me take a nap on it. Whether he wants to or not.

Thank you, Diva Kitty! It's VERY pretty and we're gonna have 21 kinds of fun with the squigglies!

June 21, 2007

No one really felt like doing anything for my birthday yesterday, not even me. I kind of forgot about it until the People came home from riding their rumbly bikes today and they had shrimp for me! Buddah let me have his, so I got 4 whole live fresh dead shrimps! And there's more in the freezer!

The People are seriously bummed about the M-word. When we moved in here the Property Manager Guy told the I Own The House Guy that we'd had a house sold out from under us, and didn't want to make us sign the You Will Pay paper if he was gonna sell it in a year. He said he wasn't. So the People signed.

Then about 6 weeks ago the Woman saw the I Own The House Guy outside taking pictures. The only thing she could think of was him taking them for the I'll Sell Your House Person to show online. So the Man called the Property Manager Guy, who called the I Own The House Guy, and he said "No, I'm not thinking about selling. They can stay."

And then he calls and says Get Out, I Want To Sell. The Property Manager Guy says the I Own The House Guy just plain lied when he asked a few weeks ago. So now we have to implement the M-word.

Cross your paws, though, because we might be able to just m-word right next door. A different I'll Sell Your House Lady is living there for just a few weeks and then it'll be for rent, and we'd all rather m-word there than move far away. Plus, it has a pool, and the Woman wants the pool.

I just want to live somewhere for a while. I am six years old and have lived through the M-word 5 times, not including leaving my first home for my forever home. This will make it 6 times. Only one time was the People's actual fault, so I can't even really be mad at them.

June 19, 2007

There are some words
Even a kitty should not say
Like Nooter or
Stinky Goodness is all gone
And there are some words
That a kitty should not hear
Like the M-word
Followed by the F-bomb
But mostly the M-word
Tomorrow I turn six
But I am not happy
Oh no
Because I heard the M-word
And this is after
The People were told there
Would be no M-word
And now there is
And everyone is just
Really really mad
I'm not telling Buddah yet
He doesn't handle the M-word well

June 18, 2007

You are working on your stuff for the next book, right? Cuz we're writing another book!

The Woman finally got the page up...working title is We Are Still The Kitties And We Own You. That'll probably change.

Little details:

  • Deadline is October 1, 2007
  • Signed publishing agreement needs to be in by November 5, 2007
  • Word limit is 7,000
  • You don't have to have a cat blog; those who frequent cat blogs are welcome, too.
  • No pornography
  • You can write a short story, an essay, or poems.
  • You can submit more than one thing, but if there are a bazillion submissions, some might not be included.
  • If you make me laugh so hard my Stinky Goodness squirts right out my nose, you'll be the lead story.

Most of all, have fun. If it's not fun then it just bites...right?

June 16, 2007

The People had chicken for dinner tonight. And not just any kind of chicken, they had the kind that cooks all day long and makes the house smell like OH.MY.GOD! and gets me to drooling at random points.

This is chicken that I will be very good for while the People eat, because I want a taste that bad. So after the Woman gave Buddah and me our dinner, I knew it was just a matter of an hour or so before they weould be eating that wonderful, wonderful chicken.

I curled up on top of the climbing tower to wait, breathing in the intoxicating aroma of chicken cooking in that soupy stuff.

And I fell asleep!


By the time I woke up it was all gone. All of it. The Woman had put the dishes in the dishwasher and there was nothing there for Max.

I am heartbroken. I don't know if I should be mad and go treat something of hers to a toothy death, or if I should just sit in the middle of the floor and howl. They know I love that chicken, why didn't someone wake me up???

June 13, 2007

Okay, I was not being weird, no matter what the Woman thinks. It's just that the eye thingy she wears when she sleeps now is all slippery and feels nice under my paw pads, so yeah, I stroked it a little bit this morning while she was still asleep. I didn't mean for her to wake up, I just wanted to touch it. That's normal, dangit!

June 12, 2007

I have not abandoned my blog... the Woman simply hasn't been cooperative in turning the computer on for me. Not only did she not let me on, but while she was cleaning the litterboxes tonight she had the nerve to complain about how much we've pooped today. As if we would just hold it for a more convenient time. What's more convenient than making sure we're pretty much done for the day just before she scoops??? We're considerate is what we are! Buddah and both could have saved it up for 30 seconds after she finished. And I just might do that tomorrow.

June 07, 2007

Please just let me sleep...!

Leave Me Alone

I've gotta find a way to flash that thingy in YOUR eyes when YOU'RE trying to sleep...

June 06, 2007

Dona Nobis Pacem

June 05, 2007

Sweeeeet...it looks like there are plenty of kitties & people who want to write for another book. The Woman will put up an "official" page about it in the next couple of days, but go ahead and start thinking about what you're gonna write! Fiction, essays, poetry... The tentative deadline will be October 1st, hopefully that's enough time to write and edit and rewrite and polish and then for the publisher to lay it all out and make it pretty.

Someone answered the poll and said I suck. I DO NOT! I bite and I yak and I poop mightily, and sometimes I lick, but I do not suck. So there. ;)

June 04, 2007

So...do we want to write another book? Do you want to contribute?
Yes! I would buy it.
Yes! I would write for it.
No. You suck.
What's a book...?
pollcode.com free polls

June 03, 2007

You know, the Woman is always calling Buddah "sweetcheeks" so why was she surprised when I was licking his face? I wanted to see for myself.

And equally, why was she surprised when I then whacked him over the head with my paw? He didn't taste sweet. He tasted like Buddah-spit. That annoyed me, so I hit him. He seemed to understand...

June 01, 2007

Last night after everyone had gone to bed I sat on the table and looked out the backdoor, and it was really bright out there, even though it was after midnight. And when it's nice and bright out there and I can see the stars or even the people next door walking around nekkid in their house, it just makes me want to sing.

But the Woman is not appreciative of my talents, and kept getting up to see if something was wrong. She crept down the hall and peeked into the back yard to see if someone was back there making me upset, then skritched the top of my head and said there was nothing out there when I already knew that.

So she went back to bed, and I waited 30 minutes--I counted, 1,2,3,4,5,22,27,30--and started to sing again. So she got back up and said "there's still nothing out there, Max," and I sighed really hard because she just didn't get it, and jumped down to the floor while she went back to bed.

The next time I started singing I heard her mutter "Will you shut up already?" but she didn't get up, so I got to finish my song in peace. And it was one of my finer performances, with howling and yowling.

If she would just appreciate my talent and record me singing, I bet we could turn it into a CD and make a buttload of money.