I have to WORK for my treats now

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/11/2016 08:53:00 PM


A while back, I got an email from a really nice lady at Petco, and she wanted to know if I would like to try out a couple of their products. I didn't even know what, but I was all SURE! I LIKE FREE STUFF! but then I also made sure she understood I never promise a good review when I get stuff. I tell what I think, and she was totally cool with that.

I got a big box that had 2 big boxes inside it. One of the things was this catch scratcher:

The way it goes together, you can turn the little levels of scratchy material so that it looks different. But the downside...it's really small. I mean, too small for a grownup kitty.

I'm not even sitting upright...when I do I'm taller than it. So is Buddah, and he's the one with claws. He tried to use it a couple of times, and to get any use of it at all he had to get all the way down on his belly. He *wants* to use it...which makes me think that for a kitten, it would be a really good toy. And pieces of it can be replaced pretty easy if they get messed up.

Now, the other thing they sent was a Catit Senses Food Tree. It's this thing the People put crunchy treats into, and then sit back and expect us to work for them.

You want me to what?
Now, I was annoyed at first, because treats should just be given. But then we started checking it out...

...and we both figured out that it's like a prize machine. Stick your paw in just right, and treats fall through it and out the bottom.

After I realized it wasn't hard at all (and you can shake it hard and make treats fall out, too) I started to get into it...and doods, I really like it. It makes me use my brain, and it's like a puzzle to figure out. I've been having fun with it every day, and Buddah has even more fun (I don't think he understands the people put the treats in...I'm pretty sure he thinks it's all some kind of manna-from-heaven thing.)

After playing with it for a few days, I can honestly say it gets two paws up from me--so much so that if they hadn't given it to me, I'd buy one. It's that good.

The scratching thingy...eh, it's great for a kitten, not great for a grown cat.

If you want a treat thingy, you can get one right here from Petco. Only $20!


Posted by Max | Posted on 1/25/2016 07:30:00 PM



It's all turned upside down

Posted by Max | Posted on 1/04/2016 01:00:00 PM


I’ve been trying to figure out why I haven’t been able to blog with the regularity I used to. I mean, I have plenty to talk about, because I live with people and they are ripe with disappointed blog fodder. I also live with Buddah, who is moving past his “Pest” name and heading right back to the original “Butt” designation. So what’s the deal? Why am I not blogging as much as I’m on Facebook?

It finally hit me this morning: it’s the Woman’s fault. She’s turned her sleep schedule around, supposedly to accommodate my need to be fed at 7am and my unwillingness to wait for the Man to get home, which means she’s going to bed a heck of a lot earlier than she used to. It’s thrown everything out of whack. I was used to the timing of things they way they’ve been for 14 years, not the way they are now.

The way they are now? She’s awake when I’m napping, and since she’s in bed at normal-people hours at night now, she’s not there to turn the computer on for me. I still get the hit-and-miss moments where I can check on FB, but not much time to sit and pour out my thinks. I’m surprised we’ve gotten my Mousebreath column done the last few weeks. Like, last night…she KNOWS Monday is coming and we used to sit down on Sunday nights to finish it and upload it, but last night she went to bed and didn’t help me until 7:15 this morning.

KITTIES WERE WAITING FOR THAT, WOMAN! I mean, sheesh, there are certain things expected of me, and one of them is that come midnight Pacific time, Ask Max Monday is there for everyone to read. I don’t even want to think of the crushing disappointment that my European and east coast readers felt this morning when it wasn’t there when they woke up.

Doods, I’m really sorry. She should know better.

On the upside, she IS helping me with my first piece of fiction, so I’m finding it hard to complain. Well, complain much. She doesn’t type as fast as I think, and it’s causing some issues.

Plus…well, she’s been grilling real live fresh dead steak for me every week, so that I can have it as bite-sized treats, and if I tick her off, the meaty goodness might stop.

You know what happens when you get real live fresh dead meat as a daily treat? You stop wanting dry treats and dry food, and you lose a little weight. Seriously, doods, this time last year I was over 18 pounds, now I’m bouncing between 16.8 and 17. Without even trying or suffering for it!

Hm. Maybe the Woman needs to eat what I eat. She’s always whining about losing weight.

Happy New Year, Doods. So far, it’s been spectacular. Well, other than my wrecked schedule, but what’s a guy gonna do?


Posted by Max | Posted on 1/01/2016 11:21:00 AM


Last night I was curled up in front of the fire, waiting for those people in New York to drop their ball again--clearly they are not ready for the big league because they never have been able to hold onto it, for like 108 years--and I was thinking about everything coming in the next year. I thought about a question I was asked, what would be some good new years' resolutions, because that's what one does for a new year, right?

And I was all set...eat more real live fresh dead things. Take an extra nap every day. Sit on the Woman's lap more.

Those all seemed really good things to resolve. But then I thought about it and realized that I don't need to have resolutions. I mean, I'll probably do those things anyway. And a resolution is supposed to be about making yourself better. Those things are what I want, not necessarily what I should be.

So I closed my eyes and decided to take a thinking-nap, and let my brain simmer while I dreamed, because making brain soup while you sleep can be a decent enough thing. And I thought up two things, maybe the only things that really matter.

That's it, doods.

Don't resolve to lose weight, stop with the 'nip, or to quit scratching the sofa. Tell yourself the truth: the extra weight is there because I eat more than I need to and move less than I should; nipping out has become a habit; something deep down is making me angry and I'm taking it out on something I can without worry it will hurt me back.

And being kind? That's always a good thing. There will always be someone who annoys you or is mean to you, but that doesn't mean you have to react the way they do. If you can be kind to others, eventually you become kind.

You don't need resolutions to fix yourself; you're already pretty terrific. If you have to do anything, just make those two promises to yourself...because if you're honest with yourself and kind to others, everything else will follow, sooner or later.

Now...that doesn't also mean don't make wishes. I made wishes. I wish for more real live fresh dead things to eat, because that's what I enjoy. I wish for prime napping spots without any Buddah interference, because napping is awesome. I wish for more lap time because it's good for the Woman. But I think in order for 2016 to be spectacular, I really only have to remember those 2 things.


Posted by Max | Posted on 12/25/2015 12:00:00 AM


I hope all you doods have the most awesome of days!

It's toy day!

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/14/2015 05:55:00 PM


Doods! Today was the day that the people took my book money and went shopping for toys to donate to Toys for Tots! They were gone most of the afternoon, and they stopped at the fire station on their way home to drop off the toys in the donation box there.

The box wasn't big enough so they made a pile next to it...it looks like they had a pretty decent haul!

This is what you do when you buy my books, doods. I don't have any bills to pay and the people keep me pretty well stocked in stinky goodness and nip things, so I don't have anything I need my money for, so I really like being able to do this (well, this and saving the boobies.)

I wouldn't be able to do any of it without you.

So from the bottom of my furry heart, thank you. This is my favorite thing about the holidays, when I get to see how many toys get shoved into the back of the HHR.

Ok so this is what happened

Posted by Buddah | Posted on 12/11/2015 06:50:00 PM


Oh oh oh I bet you forgot that Max said I could post things on his blog and sometimes I think he wants me to forget about it too, but then the Grandma came last week and stayed with us for a few days while the Mom and the Dad went somewhere to have fun without us, and there's this kitty that comes to visit me a lot by running up to the door and then the window and we play Chase for a little while and one day I was on the bookcase in the library and the kitty came (I think it's a girl?) and we chased a little bit and then she left but she came back a few minutes later and she had a bird!

Guys she didn't even eat the bird, she just put it down on the mat that's under the window because the Mom and the Dad got a better one for the front door or they were cleaning it or something, I forgot what, but now it's under the window I look out when I'm on the medium sized bookcase, and she left it there! She gave me a present!  I can't go outside to get it but I think it was very nice of her to bring me a bird without taking even a single bite but Mx says she wasn't being nice, she was feeling sorry for me because I clearly don't look like I can hunt very well and she wanted to be sure I didn't starve, but you know what?

It's still nice because even if she thinks I can't hunt she doesn't want me to die because of not eating, so I think she kinda likes me so that means I have a girlfriend, right?

It's almost toy time!

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/09/2015 05:29:00 PM


Oh yay! The Woman was sitting here at the desk (she’s normally in her chair but she broke her laptop thingy, which is fine with me because when she’s at her desk I can stretch out on top of it and dictate) counting county things, and said that one day next week is GO BUY THE TOYS day! I asked her how many toys we were getting this year and she said she doesn’t know the exact number, but y’all bought enough books to fill the back of the HHR at least once.

DOODS!!! You did that! Between January and late October you bought enough copies of my books to AT LEAST fill the back of the car! She thinks maybe twice…but if she and the Man can get a lot of good quality toys and there’s still money left, it will go to the shelter where they got Buddah.

She said she will take a picture of the toys in the back of the car so you guys can see how many kids you’re going to make smile this year.

I think this is her favorite time of year because she likes to go shopping for presents for people and kitties and dogs.

I'm not sure what this is but it has something to do with hooking...
Right now the Man is out in the garage making things to sell in his Etsy shop and in the Art Gallery. Y’all bought some of his stuff this year, too, and a lot of it went to boobie charities, and I do like to save the boobies. (And :::coughcoughcough::: he has some stuff right no that would be spiffy holiday gifts…)

Oh! And the order of books came in and a few have gone out…if you want to get a signed copy in time for Christmas, there’s a link in the sidebar.  It’s under BOOKS I WROTE and just beneath the cover image (if you’re outside the U.S. I can’t promise it will get there in time for Christmas, though.)

OH OH OH! (Channeling my inner Buddah here) last week the People went off somewhere, and the Grandma stayed with Buddah and me…you guys know how much I love having the Grandma, right? Well I got a huge surprise Monday night when she came back AND the Younger Human showed up with his SuperCool Other Half (SHE LIKES CATS!!!) They all went out to dinner and when they got home? THE YOUNGER HUMAN GAVE ME STEAK!!!

I mean, I’ve had the best couple of weeks. Lots of Grandma time (and she gives lots of treats), the People put up my Whovimas tree, and I got the Younger Human AND got to meet THE GIRL! Doods, you would so totally like her. I wasn’t even afraid of her, it was like I knew right off she was pretty cool. And then to top it off, the Man wondered if I was getting cold at night (because I’ve been waking them up at 4:15 and not shutting up) so even though the Woman sweats a lot, they turned the heat up at night! SEVENTY-SIX DEGREES, YO!

I’ve been so happy with that, I let her sleep until 5:20.

Tomorrow…I might even let her sleep until 5:45. I’m nice like that.

Gobble Gobble snarf Gobble

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/29/2015 08:14:00 PM


Post-turkey coma
Doods...this time of year is amazing. First there was Thanksgiving and the turkey that goes with it, but it hasn't ended! Every day since there has been something real live fresh dead: more turkey, some ham, and STEAK. The Woman had a steak for dinner just before Thanksgiving and didn't finish it (I know!) so she cut it up into little bites, and stuck it in the freezer.

Well, yesterday she went to give us treats and we were tired of the turkey so she pulled the steak out of the freezer and said we could have some later. And we did.

But then. THEN!

Today she was mucking about in the kitchen and then she went outside to turn on the thing that burps smoke in the back yard. So I watched, because sometimes when that thing is done burping it horks up meaty things. She fed it some really thin things that looked like flat hockey pucks, and it did the whole smoke burp thing, and five minutes later?


Seriously, she made three little steaks, and none of it was for her. It was all to make treats with.

And then. THEN.

It got BETTER.

She pulled a bag of real live fresh dead shrimp out of the fridge and started cutting THAT into little bites, too. When she was done there was a lot of treat bites, so I tapped her on the leg and offered to test-taste them for quality control.

Well. I know she doesn't like shrimp, so it was the polite thing to do. And I got both shrimp and steak, and doods...it was wonderful. Hot, fresh steak that isn't even someone's leftovers, and cool, crisp shrimps.

Today was a good day.

My FB presence, plus book stuff...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/25/2015 12:45:00 PM


Ok, so... I have again been taken to task for playing on Facebook but not posting here as often. And I am truly sorry if it's a problem, but the truth is most of my thinks are too short for an entire blog post and are better suited to FB. Plus...there are more readers on FB. It's just the way it is. Blogs in general have far fewer readers than they did even a couple of years ago, and that kinda sucks. I miss the heyday (hayday?) when I could spend a couple hours hopping from one blog to the next and reading real content instead of blogs that are really just sales pitches. When the few major bloggers started making real money at it, it seemed like so many more tried to jump on the professional-blogger-bandwagon, and what was left were blogs that had fewer personal posts and were littered with ads in the sidebars and in the post bodies, and not a whole lot about the people and kitties. And so many of the blogs I loved are gone now :(

So yes, I post a lot on Facebook. A while back I set it up that my FB posts would propagate to Twitter, and then to here, and it just took a click-through to read those updates, even without an FB account (for reals...just click on the little link at the bottom of them and it takes you to a sign-in page for FB, but the post is right there and no signing in is required.) So you really can still follow me here, but it takes an extra click some days.

And in a streak of irony...the new book.

It's now available in online bookstore in print (like Amazon!) and is available as a Kindle book. If you have a reader which does not support Kindle and want a PDF, that can be arranged, but probably not until around December 10th.

I also ordered 34 print copies to pawtograph, but the kicker is that they are scheduled to be delivered on December 1st...and the people are heading out of town on November 30th and they won't be back until December 5th.

Because of the length of this one--it's SUPER short--I seriously recommend getting in on the Kindle or waiting for the Woman to set up for offering a PDF.

We are not happy with the cost of the print book (because of the length) but this was our first effort at color pictures inside a book, and that raised the cost. BUT... and we hope this takes the sting out of it ... all profits from this book will be set aside and saved, and will be donated to 3 or 4 different charities (to be determined, but not to the Woman's walk thingies, as she can deal with that separately.) For the print books that'll be a couple of bucks per book, for the Kindle books it will be a buck or so, and for the PDFs...100%.

So...if you REALLY want a pawtographed copy, the first 34 (if shipped to U.S. addresses) should get there in time for Christmas. The Woman will spend the weekend after she gets home packaging the books that have been ordered and will take them to the post office that Monday.

If we get close to selling all 34 before she leaves, I'll let you know, so that you're not buying it and thinking you were in the first group. (look at the sidebar...the Paypal link is there.) (Need to pay with a check? Email me at psychokitty@gmail.com [please, not to the askmaxmonday email, that one is strictly for Mousebreth questions] and include your mailing address and how many copies you want, and I'll get back to you with the address where you can send the check.)

I wish I could come up with a better way, but so far this is it.

Now. Still with me? If you have Amazon and a tablet that has a Kindle app and you have Kindle Unlimited, you can read it for free. For reals! That's what I would do. 'Cause like I said, this is super short, and I still get paid a little bit from that.

What am I working on now? FICTION, DOODS!

Ok, so I think that's it. I'm on FB, you can read it from here, and book stuff. 


Posted by Max | Posted on 11/09/2015 09:16:00 PM


If you have a Kindle, or device with a Kindle app...

You might wanna

Click here.

53, 54 poems (I lost track...) Color pictures. Me.

Hopefully it formatted correctly. The copy we have looks like it is. But...I'm still holding my breath on this one.

And still no word on the print version. I don't think the proof has even been mailed to me yet.

It's coming, doods...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/05/2015 06:08:00 PM


I've been working on a few things the last year, and whie most of them are still in the early stages--it takes a long time to get my point across to the Woman and compile notes for what we hope will be a 3 books series--but in between bouts of dictation and brain-storming, I've been writing poetry.

Damn right. I have a poet's soul. So I sit down once in a while and think out loud and put it as poetry, and some of it is horrible and some of it is not so bad and some of it...shareable.

The print book gets sent to the printer and the distributor tonight, which means I'll have a proof copy in about a week or so. If it looks good and the Woman tells them it's ok, I can then order some copies to pawtograph and it will pop up on Amazon...just in time for the holidays!

This is a first for me, too, aside from it being poetic musings--there will be color photos inside. For reals! I'm kind of nervous about how that will turn out, but it only eats into the royalties a little bit so it was worth trying.

The e-book version will follow soon; it'll be only on Amazon, at least for a while, but if you have a reader that can handle ePub or PDF files the Woman might be willing to create those.

I'm kinda nervous about this one...but excited, too. And once it's been put to bed we can get started on the fiction I've been itching to write.

You guys are full of win!

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/04/2015 02:02:00 PM


Thank you, doods...the money was raised in time and crisis averted.

And now ...drumroll... I just drew the winning number at random.org...

Yes, I had to take a picture...
Donor #4!

Brenda Mendes, you just won a t-shirt of ME!!! I'll email you in a few minutes to get your mailing address.

Again, doods... THANK YOU!!!

A request...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/03/2015 06:53:00 PM


All right, doods, I'm sorry I have blogged much lately, and I really didn't think I would pop back on here to ask you for something, but here I am...

You know the Woman gets really involved in the boobie walks, right? She didn't get to this year because of reasons, but her team walked in Philadelphia last month, and one of her team mates found out a donation she counted on fell through. If she doesn't get enough donations to cover it by tomorrow, she has to cough it up. And doods...the last 2 weeks have been so freaking hard for her and her family (deaths in the family, please also offer up Mojo for them) so some love from my friends would go a long way in helping.

Right now she's shy a little under $150.

Her fundraising page is here, just click.

Here's some incentive: I have ONE custom me-t-shirt in a size XL. For every $10 donated from now until, say, noon Pacific Time, it's an entry to win the shirt.

Never been worn, doods!
After you donate, email me at psychokitty@gmail.com with the subject title "I donated" and in the body of the email tell me how many entries you got...be sure to leave a name in the recognition field on the donation form so I can go admire it...and tell me the name you used.

Mucho thanks, doods. This is wicked important to the Woman.

The Woman found a couple of old pictures

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/17/2015 02:58:00 PM


It had to be done...

Every day..

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/09/2015 09:57:00 AM


I'm not asking much.
I just want her to put the TV on, and make sure Doctor Who is playing.
I know she can make it happen; she made it happen 3-4 times a week this summer.

But now?
"It's not on right now, Max."
"It's on tomorrow night, Max."


I was cheated on.

Posted by Max | Posted on 9/22/2015 04:12:00 PM



The Woman was gone for-freaking-ever, and when she came home, she smelled like that Damned Dog Butters and his sister, Lady. I was inconvenienced all the way around. The Man shuffled food times around and no one was here to open the 10 o'clock can, which means I had to wait until 7:30 every morning for gooshy foods. There was no one here to sing to at 4 am. And when the Man was home during the day, he was asleep.

My needs were not being tended to.

She didn't even leave me the laptop, so my Mousebreath column was late. All so she could go off and play with those dogs.

She even gave them toys! *I* didn't get any new toys.

She came home yesterday afternoon and expected me to be all oooh I missed you and I knew she expected that, so when she sat down, I jumped onto her lap.

And then I bit her.

You heard me. I bit her. Right on the chin. Oh, I didn't draw blood or anything and I didn't even bite hard, but I let her know what I thought about the whole thing.

I mean, really. What's more important? Me or those DOGS?

But then.

Yeah, there's always a But Then.

But then I found out why she went to stay with Butters and Lady. And I think if she had told be ahead of time I would have not been upset by the betrayal and the stink of dog upon her. In fact, I probably would have sent toys for them myself. But she didn't tell me, and she took the laptop with her to keep me from accidentally saying something online, and that would have ruined everything.


So you know I have a Younger Human. He doesn't live here, he lives with those damned dogs. Recently, he moved into a new place, so that he could also live with -- get this -- a girl.

For reals, doods! A GIRL.

Now, I have not met met this girl, but I have been assured by the People that she is lovely and they really, really like her, and since the Younger Human has (aside from those dogs) pretty freaking good taste, and they say she makes him ridiculously happy, I like her without having to meet her.

Well, apparently he likes her more than anyone. So many, many months ago, he started planning. It was a big plan, and it required the Woman to go stay with the dogs so that he could take this girl to the House of Mouse.

That must be a fun place, because they go a lot, and my people go a lot. But, I digress.

The Younger Human had been planning and he needed to have her at Disneyland. It was Dapper Day, which evidently means "dress super nice to ride all the rides" and they were both all shiny and spiffy. He wanted to take her on this ride called Storybook Canal at night time and was super surprised to find out it stopped running at not-quite-night time, but he got a friend to tell Mickey Mouse that it was important, and they do what the Mouse tell them to down there and he said to turn the ride back on at night, so they fired the ride up just for them.

And then the Younger Human and his girl and some friends got on the ride, and halfway through he asked the boat driver dood to stop.

AND HE DID. He stopped the boat right then and there.

And doods.


My Younger Human got as far down on one knee as he could ('cause...tiny boat) and he asked her to marry him.




She totally has good taste, too.

So. Ok. I can be fine with the Woman going to stay with the dogs, because they can't exactly feed themselves and someone has to let them out into the yard a few times a day. I wasn't happy all weekend because I didn't know, but I understand why now. I don't think anything could have kept the Woman from going to puppy sit.

I mean, I hate that she smelled so much like dog, but hey, I did get to bite her, and the Younger Human is wicked happy, and I think his Seriously Awesome Wife2Be is, too.

Hm. I may have to work on that one.

But she is awesome, I can tell from the pictures. She makes my Younger Human happy, that's how I know.

I'm also glad the Woman is home now.

Doods. Billy SweetFeets needs our help.

Posted by Max | Posted on 8/17/2015 11:59:00 AM


Guys, we all love Billy...he's sweet and he's funny, and now he needs our help. He had a really rough weekend--his mom thought they might lose him--because of his breathing issues, and his eye is being a little bitch and might have to be removed.

Making him better takes money, and he needs our help. If you can, even a few bucks, please help. He is a really awesome kitty, and his mom has done so much for him--a lot of other people would have sent him to the Bridge right from the start, but she made a home for him and has given him a wonderful, happy life. He's not done with that life yet. I would really, really like for him to stick around.

He has a GoFundMe page...Just click and you'll be there.

I know money is tight; if you can't donate please share. The more people and kitties who see this, the better chance Billy has of getting the stabby care he needs.

Still doing a lot of this:

Posted by Max | Posted on 8/16/2015 11:34:00 AM


The Woman and I are working our way through all of Doctor Who (well, New Who) a couple of episodes a day, 3-4 days a week. That's pretty much it.

I can tell I'm getting to be an old guy. I sleep more now than I did just a year ago, and I really won't put up with any of Buddah's nonsense. I'm still very eager to eat, though, and once in a while I play with something or run back and forth like my asterisk is on fire, but still...I'm probably sleeping more than anything.

When a guy just sleeps and watches Doctor Who, there's not a lot to blog about. I still post to Facebook a few times a week and I'm still telling the Woman what to write for the next book, but I really feel like this is the quite time of my life.

No, don't worry, I'm not sick, there's nothing unusual going on. I'm just getting older and doing what senior kitties do. Life is good, there's steak cut into tiny bites in the fridge and in a minute I am going to go ask for some, and then I am going back to bed and sleep until I hear the Woman make her lunch.

Maybe she'll put the Doctor on while she eats.

Buddah is feeling his age a little, too. He used to be able to eat and eat and eat and he was svelte; now he's getting kinda fat. The people weighed him the other day and he's almost 17 pounds. I'm 17 pounds. Yeah, he's fat.

He doesn't run around as much as he used to, either, but he still jumps to the high places and has made the top of the TARDIS his favorite napping spot. You'd think I would have claimed it, but I prefer napping in the tower in the bedroom or the one in the office. He can have the top of it as long as he doesn't claim the whole thing as his.

He's up there...you have to look close.

But, yeah...that's why the blog posts have been few and far between, I think. Not much for an old, sleepy dood to write about.


Posted by Max | Posted on 8/05/2015 09:11:00 PM


For reals.

The Woman was gone for like, forever, or maybe for like 3 nights, and I thought she was out doing walking things , but no. You know what she was doing?

She was spending time with That Damned Dog Butters and his new sister, Lady. And not just "time." She was there all day and all night THREE TIMES IN A ROW. All her clothes were covered with dog hair when she got back. I could smell where they licked her. The worst part?


And then things got all worse when the Man left the house Monday and was gone for a few hours and came back smelling like them. Because of THIS:

I am so unhappy right now.

I may have to ignore them both.

For, like, WEEKS.

Except around breakfast, lunch, and dinner time, because I am practical, even when I'm annoyed.