She opens a can of chicken and asks, "Do you want some?"
Who asks stuff like that?
Really.
I hope she heard the loud "Duh" I was thinking at her.

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Holy crap. I made my other post before I went blog hopping. I am so, so sad right now, and most of you already know why. I just didn't get a chance to get online before.

But if you haven't already, please go over to Bonnie & Victor's and say goodbye to Bonnie. She was so beautiful, and it hurts to think she's not there anymore.

Victor, doood, I am so, so sorry. I know you're going to miss her. We all will, but it's not the same. And give your Mom a head rub from me.

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The People were outside this evening; the Man was taking another bath outside and the Woman was vacuuming it again, but this time she stood outside. I heard a lot of whining about how much stuff the wind blew into the giant tub last night and how it's going to take more than one cleaning to get it all. They really could avoid all that if they would just take their baths inside like normal people. But the thing that made me really question their intelligence was hearing the Woman ponder why frogs keep jumping into the pool.

Well duh. Frogs like water.

The frogs need to find a better water source, though, because they can jump in but they can't get out, and evidently they can't swim for days on end. The Man has pulled 3 dead frogs out, but tonight he rescued one, and that made them happy.

And last night...major wind storm. The whole house was shaking and Buddah went nuts he was so scared. He even woke the Woman up with his royal freak out, and ran crying to her like a little girl. I would have made fun of him, but she took him back to bed with her, and by morning it didn't seem worth the effort.

But yeah, big brave I-Wanna-Be-The-Big-Kitty just about peed himself over the wind. I'll remind him the next time he decides to take me on.

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A while back, the stabby lady at the stabby place told the people that I'm fat. Oh, she tempered it with the news that I didn't have to keep swallowing those horrible chunks all the time, but she said it all the same, and told the People that both Buddah and I should eat this other dry food instead of the Light Tasty Crunchy Food we were enjoying (though we still haven't forgiven them for taking away the Stinky Goodness...)

I didn't mind it too much at first, because the Woman mixed the new diet food with the Light food, but I realized last week that it was starting to taste like all diet food, and it was actually a little disgusting.

So I decided I only wanted the Light food, and I picked through the dish, piece by piece, looking for anything edible. And let me tell you, that's work. You don't really get enough to eat that way. And eventually the People notice, mostly because they're tired of all the food that gets left on the floor.

But yesterday...heh...the Woman decided I just wasn't getting enough to eat. And the she filled the dish with all Light food.

I ate. A lot.

I don't know if she's going to keep mixing the food but with more Light crunchy food, or go back to just Light food, but either way...

I win.

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Whoa.

It really happened.

An entire article about ME in The Reporter! And it's an awesome article; you know something is awesome when the fact that I can poop at will is mentioned. And the lady that interviewed me us says I'm "sardonic." I'm pretty sure that means "amazing."

But most important: it's official. I am Blogging's Bad Boy. Phear me.

I hope people who read the article come to visit my blog. Then they can learn not just all about the Glory of Max, but the entire cat blogosphere. That's one thing the Woman didn't stress enough, about all the other blogging kitties and how much they try to help each other. Or how hysterically funny some of you are.

Now surely the Woman will open a fresh bag of crunchy treats and give me at least half of them. I deserve that much, right?

If she won't, that's all right. I know where she keeps them and I can pry open that drawer with my mighty paw. I think that bag might have to meet a toothy death...

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Is it just my People? Does anyone else have people that apparently whip up a batch of Stupid and feast on it for lunch? Because I'm pretty sure that's what mine did today.

For whatever reason, there's a giant bathtub in the back yard. It was here when we moved in, so I didn't immediately make the connection to it being there to the intelligence of the Man and the Woman. Whoa, thinking about it, there's two outside bathtubs. One is freaking huge and the other is smaller but it bubbles. So that's twice the weirdness out there, but that still doesn't explain my people.

Today they both went outside and took baths in the giant tub. With most of their clothes on. Odder yet, I think as the Woman was taking her bath she vacuumed the inside of the giant tub. I chit you not! I watched her from the window--she hooked that sucker up and walked back and forth, looking down as she worked. And even more baffling...when she was done bathing and vacuuming they covered the bath tub with a blanket. It's over a hundred freaking degrees out there! It's not like it's going to get cold or anything!

When she came into the house I was by the door and she said, "You're not going out there. It's not for kitties."

No! Really???

Seriously...it had to be something they ate, because I can't think of another explanation.

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Buddah and I were minding our own business, being good and ignoring each other, when we both heard the top pop on a can of Stinky Goodness. STINKY GOODNESS! That which has been withheld from us for FOREVER. We looked at each other, jumped up, and ran into the kitchen, where the Woman was standing there with the can in her hand.

And then you know what happened? Do you? I can hardly believe it happened. SHE ATE IT. The Woman had a can of wonderful Stinky Goodness, she opened it up, and she spread it on bread and SHE ATE IT.

Look, people, Stinky Goodness is CAT FOOD and not people food. It is really not fair to open a can when you've refused it to your kitties for months and months, and it's doubly not fair for you to waste it by spreading it on bread and then telling the kitties, "It's just chicken spread."

We're not blind. We know what Stinky Goodness looks like. We have a keen sense of smell and know what it smells like. And Woman, today you ate a can of Stinky Goodness and you only gave us each a tiny lick of it.

That was mean, and that was rude, and tonight while you sleep something of yours will meet a toothy death.

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All right, for Mother's Day--even though the Woman is technically NOT my mother--I let her sleep in. Let me tell you, that was difficult for me to do, because she has this nice (ok, as nice as you can get on the cheap from BigBoxStoreOnline) new headboard that looks like of like a bookcase and it's like it was made for me to sit on top of...and, well, while I sit there I can reach down and poke her face with my paw. But I didn't, not this morning. I wanted to, at the very least I wanted to get p there and pull the curtain open because that just annoys the bejeebers out of her, but I didn't. I let her sleep in.

That's how wonderful I am. I think I deserve crunchy treats for my thoughtfulness.

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edit: I made an LOLcat picture.



I think you can actually rate it here but I'm not sure...

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