Water, water, everywhere

Posted by Max | Posted on 1/18/2017 04:59:00 PM


Seriously, doods. This is the view I have today:

It doesn't show the wind, which is 4 kinds of loud and is making everyone unhappy. But it got the Woman to turn the fireplace on in case we lose power, so we have heat, and I'm just going to curl up in front of it and enjoy it.

Hopefully we keep power AND the fireplace on...and that the trees outside don't uproot and squish the house. They'd be more likely to squish a car, but I don't care about that. The cars aren't mine; the house is.

I keep forgetting...

Posted by Max | Posted on 1/16/2017 03:37:00 PM


We got a box of hardback copies of Ozoo -- 20 in total -- so I can pawtograph them for people who are collecting my spiffy signature. We'd hoped to have them in time for Christmas but that didn't pan out, and then when we did get them things were hectic around here...but, I got 'em ready for anyone who wants one.

Paper or Hard back
The paperback will be available soon...I probably said that before but now I totally mean it! Just waiting on some tweaks that need to be done to the metadata before it can go into distribution.

Work on the 3rd book is going well...and the 4th, too, but that's not going to be a Wick Chronicles book. It's going to be the first Wick After Dark, because it's not holding back in the bouncy things department. Well, it's not going to be porn, but it's not gonna be for kids, either.

How I'm spending my days...

Posted by Max | Posted on 1/11/2017 06:11:00 PM


It's been really rainy here, and rain means cold even if it's not really cold, so I've managed to talk the Woman into turning the fireplace on in the evening. After I have dinner, I bake in front of the fire for a while, then climb into my cubby to nap. Even tonight, when the Woman said it wasn't cold enough for a fire, I asked nicely and she finally said okay. She was warm enough but decided she could take her pants off and let me have the warms.

When I'm not baking, we've been kinda working. We're juggling two books, and to make it easier to get the details right, we stopped about halfway into one of them and started taking notes for the other. And dang...we've got 83 pages of notes on that one. I think the Woman will have more fun with that than I will, because it's more adult than the others.

Oh, and she has a giant bottle of Stupid Drink called Fireball, and she's talking about drinking like 3 or 4 shots of it and then sitting down to write. This could be awesome, or just awesomely awful, but I'm kinda looking forward to it. If she gets stupid enough, I might even be able to talk her into a new character, a horse-sized cat named Fluffy.

Doods, can you imagine? I'm talking like a Clydesdale size of horse. BUT A CAT!

As long as I don't have to share a litter box with him...that would be AWESOME.


Posted by Max | Posted on 1/05/2017 09:38:00 PM


The Man ripped the Whovimas tree limb from limb yesterday and shoved its corpse into a box and then took it out into the room where the rumbly bikes live, as if I didn't still want it. He waited until the Woman was taking a nap, so I know she was not in favor of taking it down. It was a sneaky thing to do, but she didn't yell at him or anything. Probably because she has a cold and she sounds like a frog and can't yell at anyone.

Naps have been happening like twice a day for her, for 2 hours at a time, and she still goes to bed at regular time. That's how we know she's really sick and not just feeling icky. When she feels icky, she sits in the living room and whines about it. When she's sick, she sleeps a lot.

We prefer it when she's sick.

Also, she keeps turning the fireplace on, so even though the tree is gone the living room is a happy place to be...well, right up until the moment she decides her eyelids have gained 40 pounds and she can't hold them open anymore. The she turns it off and wanders to the back of the house.

Lady, I got news for you. It's not your eyelid weight showing up on the scale.

Oh, and there's been bacon lately. I'm not sure how this ties into her not feeling well but I'm not questioning it. She made bacon twice, so the treats have been extra special.

See, another reason we prefer it when she's sick.

Man, if she stays sick, I might get bacon a third time.


Posted by Max | Posted on 12/31/2016 08:30:00 PM


Doods...Happy New Year. 2017 is going to be awesome, I can feel it. There will be real live fresh dead things to nom upon, lots of premium Nip, and the new season of Doctor Who.

Lots of things to look forward to.

The last week I've been enjoying the fireplace a lot--the Woman groaned when she saw the gas bill but she still turned it on for me--and there have been treats. Like, squirty cheese.

The Woman had some, and we watched her closely while she ate, to make sure the can didn't explode all over her. As a reward, she shared some when she was done.

Of course, it was pointed out to me on Facebook that had the can exploded, we would have gotten a lot more than we did. Lesson learned.

The Younger Human and his Much Better Half came over the day after Christmas, and then they all went out to have dinner, which apparently mean lots of Stupid Red Drinks, because the Woman was totally stupid when she got home and she stayed that way the rest of the night. I think it was by sheer luck alone she didn't cut her fingers off when she cut up her leftover steak into Max sized bites.

The Woman said we're not staying up until midnight to see the new year come in. She wants to lay down and read for a while and then will probably go to sleep around 10:30, but I think she's forgetting that we have neighbors that like to shoot off fireworks, so she's gonna be awake at midnight anyway. Maybe she'll get up then and get me a snack. If she's going to be up, she might as well be useful.

Anyway...I had a good 2016, even if it wasn't so hot for a lot of other people. And I think 2017 will be spiffy. So, have an awesome Happy New Years, doods, and be sure to wake your people up bright and early in the morning to wish them one, too. Like, loudly. They'll love that.


Posted by Max | Posted on 12/25/2016 12:00:00 AM


Toy haul #1

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/07/2016 04:46:00 PM


This is what you did, people. Every book of mine you bought went to this.

The toys extend all the way to the front seats...I was kind of disappointed that they didn't go all the way to the ceiling but the Woman wanted to be able to see out the rear view mirror.


She also said we aren't done. There's enough book money left for at least one more load, but the debate is now whether to do a third, or pick another charity.We have a couple of things in mind, like Coats for Kids and the food bank, so we'll see how it is after they do the next toy run.

This is my favorite thing every year...I get to make sticky people happy, but I don't have to have them in my house.

And in just 18 days...DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!

It's beginning to look a lot like

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/03/2016 05:33:00 PM



But, I don't know how Mr. Spock got stuck there between the Weeping Angle and the Dalek, but he's been warned to not blink.

Only 22 more days until the Doctor Who Christmas special!

Waiting For Fire

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/27/2016 09:59:00 PM


I spent most of the afternoon trying to convince the Woman I was freezing and the fireplace needed to be turned on. So then I decided to stare at it, so that she would take the hint.

She kept telling me no, because it was not cold in the house. She SAID it was 76 degrees and that was good enough, but doods I can read the thermometer thingy and it says 58, and that means Cold Enough.

Eventually I wore her down, because I'm clever that way.

It took like 5 hours, but she caved, and I plopped down on my bed to enjoy it.
For five whole minutes.

Then I required a cooling nap.

For some reason, she's not happy with this.
I'm perfectly content.
Also, napping until midnight. Just because I can.

Because of an Oops...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/25/2016 02:49:00 PM


...the second book in the Wick Chronicles is available for purchase. The Woman was supposed to click on "I approve the e-proof but don't want this released until I get the hard copy" but instead she clicked "Yay! It's pretty! Sell it!" so the distributor sent it out into the world. She's not worried about it because this one went through formatting and the printer without any hiccups, but she's also not ordering any copies for pawtographing until she gets a copy in hand.

But...you can get a hardback or a Kindle copy now. Paperback will be another week or so.

We really weren't expecting this to be out until around the 15th of December, so we're pretty happy that the editor was able to get her stuff done and the formatting went through faster than we thought it would. Having it out now gives a buffer for people who wanted it for Christmas (a couple people asked me about getting both books as a set for Christmas...we can do that, I think, but you need to let me know ASAP so both books can be set aside for you.)

We're working on the 3rd -- and potentially 4th -- books now. I say that because we may have to split the story, because one part of it might be a little too adult for the Wick series. Not, like, Fifty Shades kind of adult, but more adult than Emperor and Ozoo. Ha. Fifty Shades of Wick.

Too bad he's neutered.

In any case, the third won't be out as quickly as the second. The holidays are going to mean fewer days of writing, and the People are celebrating their 35th anniversary next month, so that gets in the way, and then there's the Doctor Who Christmas Special which I will have to watch 23 times.

Oh! I wonder when the People will put up my Whovimas tree. Once I have that, and a fire in the fireplace, life is gonna be goooood.

Oh!! December also means they're gonna go toy shopping! I hope we fill the back of the CX-5. It's not Christmas if we don't fill the car.

Oh!!! I dunno...it just felt like there should be an Oh with 3 exclamation points.

Bits and Pieces

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/23/2016 08:43:00 PM


And it's not even like Odds and Ends!

Since the Woman racked up enough words to win NaNoWriMo (which I still think is kinda cheating since her normal workload is at least 3 times that every month and she only did it for bragging rights) and the second Wick book has been put to bed (like, it'll hit the distribution channel soon because someone who is not me clicked the wrong button when approving the e-proof so it'll be released before we even see the hard copy proof, but that's all right) I had the chance to just sit back with a Kindle, and read for fun.

I picked up Bits and Pieces a few weeks back intending to read it in between slices of work, but stuff happened (Grandma is still getting better!) and I had to set it aside, but I started it last night and finished it, like, ten minutes ago and had to tell y'all about it.

Why did I wanna rush? Aside from really liking it, the hero is Jericho, a giant of a black kitty with super cool blue eyes and pointy fangs, and he's wicked smart. There's trouble brewing in this little town called Urchin Cove, and they gotta find out whodunit. I don't want to give anything away, but let's just say that there are bits and pieces that should have been one whole person. And yeah, who the heck would do that?

And doods...when you get to the end and find out more about Jericho? THERE BETTER BE ANOTHER BOOK WITH HIM.

Once I got started, I really didn't want to put it down. It's not a long book--definitely novella length--which makes it easy to devour in a lazy afternoon. So maybe start it when you have a couple hours so that you don't have to argue with a person about putting your Kindle away when she wants to go to bed but you still wanna read.

There are some problems with the editing; lots of typos and punctuation issues, but seriously doods, you can gloss right over those and I probably only noticed them because it's kinda what the Woman does all day, looking for stuff like that (and I point that out knowing full well that every freaking book I've ever written makes it to print with some mistakes that no one caught. It happens.) The story is fast and fun, and I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it enough that if Amazon didn't auto-reject all my reviews,* I'd review it there.

It's only $2.99 to buy it for the Kindle or Kindle apps, totally worth it (and hellz yeah I paid for a copy, this is not a review-for-a-freebie...just in case you wondered. I just liked it and wanted to share...there aren't enough books where the cat is the hero.)

*Thing to know: Amazon, if they can connect authors in any way, delete their reviews, because they don't want sock puppet or quid pro quo reviewing. Which bites. But I understand it.

Todays Odds and Ends

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/21/2016 01:12:00 PM


Random stuffs...

The Grandma is getting better and better every day. The Man is staying with her for a few days, and then his sister will because he has to go back to work to pay for my stinky goodness and treats, and maybe also the mortgage, but pretty soon she should be okay without having someone there all the time.

The Grandma is a lesson in what to do right. She stays busy and stays in shape, so that she can get through stuff like this. If she had been a blob that never moves, it would have been way, way worse. Like, super worse. But she does all the right things, which gave her a huge leg up.

Be like the Grandma.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

It's fireplace weather. I waited a freaking long time for this. I like living here, but winter is not long enough. I only get to use it like 2-3 months a year, and I would be happier if it was more like 6 months. Or longer.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

This morning the Woman was greeted by the pile o'poop someone left in the hallway, and when she was cleaning that up, she stepped in a puddle of pee. One of us tried hard to make it to the box in time, but we're not telling her who. And we won't tell her if it happened because the other kitty was already in the box, or if one of us woke up and was like OH HOLY HELL I GOTTA GO, or what. Figuring this carp up is her job, not mine.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Ozoo, Wick book two
The Woman did NaNoWriMo this year, and she's already past the 50,000 word point, which means she won the spiffy PDF certificate. Now that she's got that out of the way and we're deep into the third Wick book, she's been able to get the last of the final touches done on the second book. In fact, while she was polishing, the cover was created, and the interior is now being formatted. It should be out early December. That's the perks of small and indie publishers...things get done fast.

This book was fun to write...the next one is fun, too, but it's gonna take longer because we'll have to take holiday breaks, and the People are celebrating their 35th anniversary next month, and for some reason the Woman wants to go back to the gym. Also...what we're working on might wind up being so long that it needs to be split into two books.

Now, I'm not opposed to a long book, but as we're going along the Woman realized that some of what's making it into the story is not young adult, but adult, and is the foundation for an unWick Wick book, something that Wick will still narrate but won't be part of the Wick Chronicles because of the content. Don't worry, it's not porn, it's just more grown up.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦


That means that pretty soon the People are going to count up all the monies you guys have spent on my books, and they're going to take it and try to fill the back of the Woman's new car, which is bigger than the HHR the Man drives and we've filled the last couple of years. I'm 99.9% sure we can do it. And there will still be some monies left over for the shelter kitties and puppies.

That's where your book purchases go, doods. The Man keeps a roof over out heads and noms on the table, so my money goes to toys for kids, stuff for the shelters, and boobies.

I will always donate to the boobies, just so I can say boobies.


Good news!

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/14/2016 04:26:00 PM


The Grandma is not only out of ICU, she got to go home today. She's still pretty tired so she needs to rest, but at least she gets to rest in her own house and sleep in her own bed. The Man and his sister are with her so she's not alone, which leaves me here to keep an eye on the Woman and make sure she doesn't throw any wild parties or have too much fun.

She's all sneezy and headachy so I don't think I'll have to snoopervise too hard. But we're happy now, because the Grandma went through a lot in the last 2 weeks, but she's gonna be okay.

We're gonna just work tonight...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/08/2016 05:34:00 PM


I got the Woman up at 5:30 this morning so that she would have enough time to really wake up before going out to vote. She grumbled about it, and said that she had all freaking day to do it, but I know she wanted to be sure to get it done. And she was out the door and home by 7:40, so I hope she appreciates my efforts on her behalf.

But...we don't really want to sit here glued to the results. Whether we're watching or not, the winner will be who the winner will be. And watching the talking heads spout back and forth about early polls and who's winning what can just be frustrating. So we're gonna turn the TV off and work.

The Grandma is still in the hospital, so ongoing mojo is greatly appreciated. It's been a week now and she's still in ICU--she was out and in a regular bed for one night but then had to go back--and we just want for her to get better really fast. You guys know how much I love the Grandma, she's pretty free with the treats and tells me I'm handsome, and is just a super special person. So I want her to be better.

So...back to work. We've done a bunch of editing today, implementing some little things the editor suggested (apparently I use the word "really" a lot) and once we get that done the Woman wants "one more pass." Tomorrow she promised to work on the 3rd book with me, which basically means she takes my notes to Starbucks and drinks tea.

But yeah...Mojo for the Grandma, and don't sweat the vote. It is what it is.

I'm being extra good right now...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/05/2016 12:38:00 PM


The Woman just said that this has been a really craptastic week and she would like a do-over. I concur. It has not been a happy week, and is making me think 2016 needs to end already so that 2017 can start and maybe reboot everything.

The Grandma's appendix attacked her and went -splooge- and got a spendy ride to the stabby place; the stabby guy yanked it out of her, but she hasn't felt well at all since so she's still there, and has been since Tuesday. Her heart got all fluttery and they took care of that, but she also feels like she wants to hurl. So they gotta fix that, too.

Buddah's helping by just doing this. Good for him.
The Woman has having "issues" of a human female nature that I don't understand but it's making her cranky because she says that chit stopped 2 years ago and never shoulda come back, and she made the mistake of looking at Google before the Man could call her stabby person (who said to quit freaking out because it happens sometimes and is rarely all the awful things Google told her it could be...but he's seeing her Monday to appease her.) She's super tired and queasy, though, probably because she looked at Google first.

Then Jeter went to the Bridge, and we've all been super sad because he was Teh Man. The only thing making me feel any better about that is thinking he's with Rocky and Mao and Whitey and Skeezix probably picked him up right at the entry in his spiffy yellow bus and I bet he even let Jeter drive it.

Everyone here is tired and pulled thin...but everyone will be okay soon, they just gotta get through it. But Buddah and I have been very good and not singing during the night. I even cuddled with the Woman this morning, and when she gets back later I'll cuddle with her some more.

My heart is broken

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/04/2016 09:46:00 AM


and I am leaking.

The Grate Jeter Harris has gone to the Bridge.

I can't make myself type anything else. But I am leaking and now so very sad.

Weight A Minute...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/02/2016 02:52:00 PM


The Woman keeps her Dammit Monitor right by the bathroom door. The footprint of the bathroom is such that if I'm in there with her, and I want to get out easily, I have to sit on it while she opens the door. If I don't, I wind up behind her, waiting, and we can't have that.

As a rule, I go in with her at least once a day. It's a great time to get head skritches and tummy rubs, because she's basically captive, and since she's not going anywhere for a few seconds, she figures there's no reason not to cater to my whims. I have her pretty well trained to bend over to pet me, and she doesn't mind, so it's sort of a win-wine.

But that Dammit Monitor.

It occurred to me this morning, that she's actually waiting to open the door until I get on the dammit monitor. At first I thought she was just slow, but she actually said, "Come on, let's see the number before I open the door," and I realized that she's been doing this as a way to weigh me without making a big deal about it.

She freaking trained me to do something.

I would be really mad about that, but I'm holding steady at 16.5 pounds now, and because I'm neither gaining nor losing, she's freer with the snacks.

She had taquitos for lunch, but she wouldn't share them, which sucked because they smelled really good. But after she was done she opened a can and gave us each a spoonful, so I got that going for me.

But damn...she figured out a way to get me to do what she wanted, and I fell for it.

See this bed?

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/29/2016 07:54:00 PM


The Woman bought it for me because it's meant for old bones, and she thought I would like something really spiffy to lounge upon in front of the fireplace this year. It was not cheap, which of course means that I sat on it once (as you can see) and then refused to go near it again.

I like my other fireplace bed, and wanted it back. So she finally caved in, and put my preferred napping surface back in place, and the Man took this one and set it on the coffee table in the front room. He never intended to leave it there; it was just until they figured out where it would live permanently.

Then this happened. Several times.

I didn't like the bed, but someone else did. And he really likes it on top of the coffee table.

The People don't drink coffee, so they decided it could live there for now, until Buddah gets tired of it, then they'll move it someplace else.

See, everybody wins.

Happy Blogoversary to me!!!

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/26/2016 09:17:00 AM



We started this blog 13 years ago, when the Man and the Woman and I were living in Evil, Ohio, where there were tons of sticky people outside my window and lots of red stupid drinks being consumed.

In that time we engaged in the M-Word way too many times, Buddah came to live with me, a bunch of you helped write 2 cat blogger books (we totally need to do that again!), I bought a house (don't let the people fool you, I know I paid for it), and I've met so many super cool doods. A lot of the cats who started blogging along with me have gone onto the Bridge--and I miss them like crazy--but we'll see 'em again on the flipside. So many new kitties have taken up blogging that there's no way to keep up with them all.

And to think...when I started, I couldn't find any others. Now look at you all.

Thirteen years, doods.

Thanks for making it awesome and fun.

Finally...the hots might be over

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/24/2016 07:03:00 PM


The last few days the People have been able to open doors and windows to let the fresh air in, which is nice because I was getting pretty tired of the hots.

I'm ready for cool days, and even more ready for the fireplace, which has only been turned on twice lately, and then just for a little bit to burn the smell off.

Apparently, the fire gets all stinky over summer. Who knew?

Even better...there are only 2 months until Christmas. Which means it's even less time until the People set up my Doctor Who tree, so that I can celebrate Whovimas, too.

Like every other year, I'm asking Santa to not bring me anything but to take extra stuff to the shelters for the kitties and woofies who don't have a forever home, I don't play with toys anymore, anyway, except for the occasional romp with a good nip banana (and I have a supply of them), and I have all the beds and stuff a guy could ever want, so it would be a wasted effort on his part.

And we have a new goal this holiday season...you know how we try to fill the back of the HHR with toys for Toys for Tots? Well, this year we have the CX5 and the back is way bigger, so we're hoping to fill that. That's where the money goes when you buy my books: toys, stuff for shelter pets, and various charities.

Gotta admit, I'm excited to see if we can fill the CX5 this year.