The Big One-Three

Posted by Max | Posted on 3/15/2018 09:40:00 AM


Today he is 13.

That's a hell of a lot of years I've had to put up with him.

He's still a PITA, but over the last few months he's been a little less so, probably because the People put Feliway diffusers all over the place. I don't think he's matured, but I'll take what I can get.

It's still early in the day so I haven't given him his present yet (don't tell him, but I got him a new nip banana!) but after dinner he'll get a special meaty treat and then I'll give it to him. He loves nip bananas almost as much as I do, so he'll be set for the rest of the evening.

I might even let him have the bed in front of the fireplace tonight. It all depends on whether the people turn it on or not.

But still. Thirteen.

Happy Birthday, Buddah Pest.


Posted by Max | Posted on 3/06/2018 08:55:00 PM




(ok, we were messing up the bed because the Woman wanted to change the sheets and we were all "nuh-uh" but still. He stopped way too close to me.) 

But, yeah. Why the heck is she still calling me "Puppy?"

Still waiting on the pills...

Posted by Max | Posted on 3/04/2018 01:47:00 PM


Yeah, I dunno. There was all that "Ooh we have to give Max pills now and he's going to hate it and his life will be miserable," and I was bracing myself for it, but so far, no pills.

There's been bites of cheese, like tiny bites that just make me want more, but no pills.

Maybe they changed their minds? Go figure.

I'm going to stare until you get me more cheese...

The Incredible Shrinking Me

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/27/2018 03:06:00 PM


A couple of years ago, I sat on the scale in the bathroom while the Woman was brushing her teeth. Big mistake. She looked down and saw how much I weighed, turned her buzzing toothbrush off, and said that 18.5 pounds was too much.

Now, she didn't throw the "D" word at me, but said that "we" needed to change how I ate. And you know what? There was no "we" in it at all. SHE changed the way I ate. There were far fewer crunchy treats, though I got dead delicious things more often. She still put dry food out for between-meal nibbling, but it was a low glycemic food, which I only sort-of liked, so of course I didn't eat much of it.

The goal, she said, was for me to lose weight slowly. And about 5-6 months later, when I got weighed at the stabby place during my checkup, I was just under 18 pounds. That seemed to make her very happy, and the stabby guy wasn't unhappy, so she decided to just keep doing hat she was doing.

Now, I have to admit, I never felt really hungry. She changed the brand of food I got most of the time but didn't totally stop with the one I did, because that would be mean and I was doing really well on it. My weight slowly started coming off, and last June I was at 16.5 pounds. Still overweight, but she thought that for a big boy, it was decent, and said we'd try to hold me at that weight.

I started asking for more food; I wasn't eating the dry food at all, and I dipped a little under 16.5, so she started giving me a tablespoon more here and there, and my weight loss was still slow so she thought that maybe I was just reaching an optimum and it would stop with an extra meal or two.

It kinda became an obsession. And I'm loathe to admit it, but now I'm trained to sit on the scale nicely 3-4 times a week. If I don't, she won't open the bathroom door.

Then just before the 3 Day Boobie Walk, she realized I was eating 5 full meals a day, sometimes 6, and my weight dropped a little more.

She kept watching. I wasn't drinking more than usual, I wasn't peeing more than usual, and my litter box didn't smell sweet. In January when they went to Disneyland, I was 14.5 pounds. They were gone for 2 days, and I was under 14 when they got home.  The question then was, did he not eat much because of the stress of us being gone (the answer was yes) or is more going on (the answer is yes.)

She got my weight back up to 14.5 without much effort. Still, she wanted to know what was going on, so she had the Man make my annual appointment a few months early...and we all know what happened there.

I stabbed her right in the neck.

There was a lot of talking at the appointment: he's always hungry, doesn't seem thirstier than usual, the litter box isn't soaked and doesn't smell funny, he's reasonably active for an almost 17 year old cat, he likes attention a lot, hates Buddah, and Buddah seems to be picking on him more... it went on for a while, and I was stuck there just wanting to go home. The Woman's fear was that I was either diabetic or borderline, and knowing how easily I stress out, that could become a Very Bad Thing indeed.

The stabby guy (who is actually a very nice lady) stole a bunch of my blood and other bodily fluids we won't discuss, and had a tech call this weekend to tell the People that I am not diabetic, but I am hyperthyroid. She didn't want them worrying all weekend, just wanted to let them know, and said the vet would call this week with all the details.

In the grand scheme of things, this is good news. I'm pretty old, and this is common in older cats. It hasn't seemed to have totally affected my kidneys--that's in the high range of normal but still normal--and she's pretty sure we can get it under control with medication.

Now, anyone who's been hanging around the blog from the early days might remember when we got Buddah and I got super sick, and the had pancreatitis. That required being in antibiotics for 10 days, then 14 days off, then on for 10...and it went on for for like a year and a half. I hated it, fought the pills like crazy, and spent a lot of my time absolutely terrified of my people. It was so bad for me that as soon as I had good bloodwork, they told the vet that we were done. No more pills. It had changed my personality and I was scared all the time, and we'd hit the line that crossed quality of life and quantity of life.

That whole thing caused some pretty deep discussions about what to do if I ever got super sick again. Like, cancer or something. And the consensus was that they were going to do what they could to keep me comfortable and happy, but they weren't forcing any treatments on me.

What they wanted for me was quality of life.

And now this.

And now that whole let's-not-upset-Max thing is flying out the window, because the first treatment the vet wants to try is pills, and they're gonna do it because the pills are tiny and I might be okay with it. If I'm not, there's a version that can be rubbed on my ear.

And yes, the ultimate treatment is to radiate me, but that requires leaving me at a strange place, isolated, for 5 days. And even the stabby lady agrees, at my age and temperament, it would probably kill me.

Worth noting: this stabby place has been super respectful of how stressed I get when I have to go there. They're taking that into account with everything they're doing.

So. That's where I'm at. The pills should come in tomorrow, which means I'll start taking them then. It's a small dose at first, once a day, and will gradually ramp up to see how I tolerate it. I probably won't have to go to the vet myself for a while; once I've been on what they all think is a good dose for 4 weeks, I have to go back for bloodwork, but they'll make sure I'm pretty freaking high and they use Versed, which means I might not even remember it after.

On my 16th birthday last June, the Woman was pretty sure I wouldn't see 17. Now she's thinking I have a much better shot at it. And ya know what? So do I.

We have a mockup!

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/24/2018 01:52:00 PM


Doods. We're in the final stretch with the new book and we got a cover mockup and I so so totally digging it.

This isn't, like, the final final cover. Things will get tweaked around a bit and if we can get a blurb from someone, that'll be on it. Fonts might change. But everything is in the editor's and beta readers' hands, and once they're done it won't take long before it goes to print. Things are pretty well set up to have it hit the printer a week after the edits are done.

Would have been done already but we sent the editor the next book, too, and she got distracted by it.

Couple people asked me, too, if there were going to be more After Dark books after this one or only Chronicle books...straight up answer, I don't know. We went with After Dark because 1) we got asked a lot about doing a more adult Emperor story and 2) these were stories best told with a more adult theme. But the things we have planned after this don't necessarily need that.

And to be honest, except for some of the language, The Blessings of Saint Wick could have easily been a Chronicles book. To remain true to a couple characters, it went into After Dark, but as stories evolve, so do characters, and the few f-bombs that might occur after this can be covered with Wick subbing "freaking" or even allowing a few to slip in.

Someone else asked what happens to the whole thing a ways down the road, given that I'm almost 17 now. There are literally hundreds and hundreds of pages of notes and the Woman knows where I want this to go. It will all depend on how clearly she can hear my voice...'cause y'all know I'll be complaining right in her ear all the way from the Bridge.

I have no plans to go there any time soon, but just so you know. We've worked it out.

Oh, and I did this to her while we were at the stabby place on Thursday.

I was trying to jump onto her shoulder, because Wick rides on shoulders and why can't I? But apparently a 14 pound cat climbing a person is different than a 6 pound cat, and gravity does things, and the nit thing you know your back claw gets caught in a neck, and everyone is unhappy.

She didn't get mad or anything. Didn't even flinch. So she gets points for that.

Also, now I know I can stab her without repercussions.


Posted by Max | Posted on 2/22/2018 02:24:00 PM


Annual checkup, that's all



But, when the people picked me up a couple hours later I was high as a kite, so I got that going for me.

Let's talk about Buddah....

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/12/2018 04:51:00 PM


Not, like, behind his back or anything. But he doesn't blog anymore and his Facebook page gathers dust, but I know people out there like him. And then I got to thinking, why the hell not write about him? Not even a blog post; he's weird enough there's surely enough material to write a book about him.

So...what do you want to know about Buddah Pest? If you could ask him anything, what would you ask? And keep in mind, your question might make it into a book, and this book might be read by kids, so use some judgment, ok.

Even I have to admit he's a handsome boy
 He's a freak, but he could be a star.

Just leave any questions or things you like to know about Buddah or hear about Buddah in the comments.

This is something we'll probably start working on in 2-3 weeks, and it might take a while. We have 2 books coming soon, the next Wick After Dark Book, titled The Blessings of Saint Wick, and then a novella in The Wick Chronicles Series, tentatively titled The When of Wick.

Here's the good news about people waiting for the next Chronicles book: it *should* be out less than 3 weeks after The Blessings of Saint Wick. They've both been written, and are in the production phases, but because of spoilers, The When of Wick has to come out after. And don't worry if you skipped the After Dark books--you should be able to hop right back in.

But for now...let's write a book about Buddah! It'll be fun!

Hello there...

Posted by Max | Posted on 2/07/2018 06:09:00 PM


...Why yes, I am hogging all these toys.

Why do you ask?

No, I can't...

Posted by Max | Posted on 1/30/2018 05:01:00 PM


"Max, dood, why don't you just release the Wick novella before the next Wick After Dark book?"

I get that not everyone wants to read the more adult stories of the Wick After Dark series, but I can't release the novella until after the upcoming WAD book simply because of spoilers. Also, it's not finished, whereas the next WAD book basically is. It goes to the editor this week, then one more pass and it goes to proofing.

It won't be much longer before The When of Wick (working title) is released. And if we tighten up some of the loose ends, you should be able to jump into that and not be too lost. You'll have missed a great love story and getting to know Jay, who used to be Jimmy, and you'll miss out on Will dealing with his childhood bully, but those aren't going to be critical things to reading The When of Wick.

I still recommend reading The Space Between Whens and whatever the heck this next book is titled, because they're fundamental to the characters and were a heck of a lot of fun to write...and it's not like they're porn. There's a bit of sex (and less in the upcoming book) and some language, but really, nothing you don't get in most mainstream fiction.

And yeah, there's nothing graphic in the next one. It's kind of a quiet story, it's made us laugh out loud a lot, and doods...there's a wedding.

You don't want to miss that.

Step Up!

Posted by Max | Posted on 1/28/2018 02:50:00 PM


The Woman bought me these steps to make it easier to get onto the sofa. Now, I don't NEED steps, but she bought them anyway because I MIGHT need them someday.

Well, ok. Nothing like jumping the gun there, eh?

The Man tried enticing me to use them by putting treats on each step, and this is as far as I got before going back to the floor and then jumping onto the sofa to get the treat on the stop step.

I suppose it'll be good for stretching, if they keep putting treats on it.


The People were gone for a couple of days, and once they got home the Woman and I got back to work. We're *almost* ready to send the next book to the editor. It doesn't have a title yet, but Wick, You Little $hit is a possibility. (Ok, not, not's a Wick After Dark book but I think that's pushing it.) I laughed *a lot* while working on this one.

While the editor has this book, we'll work on finishing the short story we were working on. The short that turned into a novella. I'm super excited about that one. The When of Wick. This one won't be a WAD book, but goes into the Wick Chronicles series. So if you didn't want to read the more adult natured WAD (though they're not GRAPHIC, it's the f-bombs that tip the scale, and even should read them, you really should. Unless you're, like, 10 [looking at you, Tad]), you can jump into this one and I don't think you'll get lost. We'll kinda cover the bases.


The Wick Chronicle has been taken out of the Young Adult genre, at least the BISAC codes have been changed. But they're still ok for kids.


Something else we've been playing with: t-shirts.  She wanted a t-shirt with the cover to Forked on it, and long story short, we have a storefront at Rage On.

Right now there are only 4 shirts, each a book cover, but we'll slowly expand it. There might even be one or two with yours truly.

It's more than shirts, too. Like, sweatshirts or pillows or shower curtains...

The ultra premium print all over are the best value, the Woman thinks, because they're nice and soft and last freaking forever. She's got, like, 40-50 shirts from Rage On and none of them have faded. Like, at all.

She's not sure how the Ozoo shirt will look. It's different on the front and back, but she ordered one for herself to check it out. If it sucks, she'll redo it. But she got the Jeff and Fluffy shirt and doods, it came out amazing.


What? Like you really thought I'd use it?

It's my vacation, too!

Posted by Max | Posted on 1/15/2018 06:32:00 PM


The Woman and I have been working a lot lately, long days with lots of hours spent typing and consulting and pouring over notes. We got the first draft of the next Wick After Dark book done and set it aside to let it simmer, because it's super long and we know we need to trim it down a bit, but it's hard to cut fun stuff that quickly.

Then we started a Wick short story, which wound up more like a novella, and we finished it just in time for the People to take a quick trip to Disneyland. While they play, the Younger Human is taking care of Buddah and me, and since we've done a lot of writing lately, I get to take a break, too.

So them leaving is my vacation, too. I'm going to spend it napping a lot. And when my naps are over, I'm going to stretch, turn around, and go to sleep.

They're only gonna be gone a couple days, so I can only get a few extra sleeps in, but hey, that's still a vacation.


Posted by Max | Posted on 1/04/2018 09:06:00 PM


The Woman turned the fireplace on at 7:30.

I'm not moving until it's snack o'clock.

And yes, the Christmas stuff is still up. Well, the inside stuff. The outside decorations came down a few days ago.

No hurry. The tree makes for a nice cover for my mancat cave thingy, so I'd like to keep it up for a while longer. Like, until 2019.

Ooh. Snack o'clock. Yay.


Posted by Max | Posted on 1/01/2018 12:00:00 AM


There were toys...

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/20/2017 09:35:00 AM


...but no picture of a stuffed car.

Sorry for the disappointment, I know a few people who enjoy seeing the back of the Woman's car stuffed with toys every year, but we did things differently this year. There were just as many toys--you kinda have to take my word for it, but no worries if you don't--but the people never set their hands on them, much less had them in the back of the car.

This year we opted to pick things off the wish list for a local Foster Kids program. It meant the people weren't picking random toys that might not be what a kid wanted, but they were buying things kids had specifically asked for. We shopped the list on Amazon, and the toys were sent directly to the program's office.

This was the first time the Woman even knew about it. There was a poster at Starbucks and it had the wishlist URL on it, and it seemed like a pretty good idea. The people had already been talking about the whole quantity versus quality thing--what's the point of filling the car if the toys aren't, like, really great toys--and this thing popped up.

But the toys did get bought this year.

Along with that, this year when y'all bought my books, you donated to breast cancer research (but not the Woman'a walk...there was a thing that raised money for the Mayo Clinic's research through the Donna Foundation, and a couple others), you donated for Multiple Sclerosis research, kids' cancer research, Leukemia and Lymphoma research, and you may or may not have purchased 9 mini-bottles of Fireball.

We're not really clear on whose funds went for that. But the Woman swears it was medicinal, it got her through the boobie walk.

Yeah. Right.

Sammy Needs Our Help

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/09/2017 06:50:00 PM


Doods, you all know Sammy, he's been my blogging bud for forever, like almost as long as I can remember. He needs surgery to remove a cancerous tumor on his tummy, and all I want for Christmas is for him to get it so that he lives a long time.

There's a GoFundMe page where you can donate a few bucks, and anything helps. Seriously...this year don't send me anything (cause some of you do and I like that BUT...I need this more) and do this instead. And not just for Sammy--think of his brother Miles. What would the world be without Sammy and Miles together???

The goal on the GFM page is $1000 but you doods know that medical stuff always winds up costing more. The closer to $2000, the better.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/01/2017 06:14:00 PM


...but not Whovimas, not yet. The People have been putting up outside decorations and the Woman decorated the front room, but my Who tree and TARDIS lights has not been put up yet. I've been promised that will happen on Monday most likely, but dang. I usually get it before everything else.

No one expects those decorations to go unmolested. They're more like, how soon with the little black furball send them flying? I'm thinking by tomorrow night.

This dood isn't exactly what I had in mind for Jeff, but hey, it's Christmas and he'd probably want to wear Christmas clothes. Or maybe I'll write another book with Jeff in it and introduce Kringle, his festive little brother.

Kringle gets lit every night.

Fits right in with the Woman.

Oh, come on, you saw those pictures from the boobie walk...

The People Have Returned

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/23/2017 11:39:00 AM


Okay, they actually came home a few days ago, but they've been simmering in Ouch Stew and that hasn't exactly been conducive to me getting to use the computer. They were gone for 5 days, which in cat time is like 3 years, so I had to ignore them for a while because they expected me to miss them and I had to let them know that no, I did not. The substitute human made sure we got fed enough had water, and she scooped the litter box, which filled most of my basic needs.

Granted, I did not let her get too close to me, but Buddah is a whore and he allowed himself to be petted. This is super funny because the Woman is mostly afraid to touch him because he enjoys biting her. But shove a total stranger at him, and sure, pet me, pet me good (she was not a total stranger to the Woman. Hell, I met her first. The substitute human was DKM's niece, not the Grandma, but we get the Grandma in January.)

The People seem pretty happy with how the boobie walk went. The Woman did not get sick this time, which was what she most hoped for since she has a bad track record with getting sick on event. They skipped a couple miles each day--hills that they knew better than to try, even though the Woman really wanted to try the first big hill but once she got a good look at it she knew if she wanted to be able to walk on days 2 and 3 she probably shouldn't--but racked up 54 of the 60.

And I've seen pictures...they had way too much fun doing something that was supposed to be hard.

Apparently, the people of San Diego like to keep boobie walkers as pain free as possible, so they stand on the side of the road and hand out a lot of red stupid drinks. As well as red stupid treats. This picture? As I understand it, the Woman is sucking down a Jello shot. And she sucked down 3-4 of those every day, and that was just the start of the imbibing.

There was a lot of Fireball along the way--her favorite stupid drink--and I heard the Man tell her she probably had 12 or more shots along the way.

I mean, look at this. They drank shots of Fireball off a ski! And that was just the first day! Now, she's telling me all the drinking was medicinal, and she partook because she was in pain and it helped her finish every day, but I know a steaming pile of poop when I see it. But, hey, whatever makes her feel better about it.

It got them both to this:

Which led to them getting to this:

That's their team, the Pink Slips. They raised over $20,000 for the fight against breast cancer, and then got out there and walked their asterisks off.

Since today is Thanksgiving, I suppose I can admit, I am thankful they do stuff like this even if it means I get substitute humans. I'm thankful they can do stuff like this. I have taught them well over the years.

Happy Thanksgiving, doods.

They had lots of nice views on the walk. I suppose I should also be thankful they came home and didn't stay because it was so nice there.


Posted by Max | Posted on 11/14/2017 03:46:00 PM


It's that time of year. The time I am abandoned while the Woman goes somewhere and walks for boobies. This year she's taking the Man along with her, and forcing him to walk alongside her. I mean, he LIKE boobies--who doesn't--but it seems a little mean to me. He could be staying home and catering to my every whim, but noooo.

It really sucks because we've been writing and I've coughed up a good story and I want to work on it, but she's taking the typing fingers with her.

Just because these pictures make me LOL

Blog Blast for Peace!!!

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/04/2017 12:00:00 AM


Not On Fire Now...

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/28/2017 03:00:00 PM


As of this morning, the biggest fire that was burning not too far from us was declared contained. That was a long time and a lot of land burned up. A lot of homes and businesses lost. Animals and people, too. It's still dry as fark out here, and hotter than normal, so paws crossed it doesn't happen again.


Ok, it took me a while, mostly because I've been feeling lazy, but there's a link in the sidebar now for getting pawtographed copies of The Space Between Whens. If you don't count the shipping costs, it's a little cheaper getting it from me. If you do count them, eh, the pawtograph makes it worth it, right? RIGHT?


The people are gearing up for this year's Boobie Walk. For realz, they're both doing it this year. THE MAN IS GOING TO WALK! They've been riding their bikes for training a lot, the Woman says it's good cardio, but she knows her feet aren't ready for the actual walking part. She's not worried about it because she knows what to expect and says as long as she manages her electrolytes well, she'll be fine.

She doesn't want to get sick again. It's happened on a couple of walks, but she's pretty sure she knows what the real issue was, and just has to accept that on Day 2 she's going to feel like crap, and has to push through it until she feels better. This seems to involve copious amounts of Starbuck's tea, so there better be a lot of those along the way.

I really should have bought stock in Starbucks years ago. I'd be a thousandair by now.


Don't worry about us while they're gone. Y'all know Diva Kitty's mom, right? Her niece is going to watch us and feed us. I might hide under the bed for a couple of days but I'll sneak out to eat food when she's not looking, and then when she least expects it, =BOOM= Psychokitty in her face!

Eh, I don't think I'll really hide. I'm kinda curious about new people. But I do sleep a lot now, so she might not see much of me simply because I have naps to take.



Pet me. Right between my ears. That's a good person...