16

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/21/2017 08:19:00 PM

18

So. Yesterday was my sweet 16th. I have lived longer than any other cat that the Woman has lived with. She's kinda surprised, given my weight, but she's not going to examine it too much, because...well, why rock the boat?

I was all excited when I got up, because THIS WAS THE DAY! I was going to go to the DMV and get my license. But then the Woman was all, "Sorry, dood, I have to go get my boobies squished," which was fine, because BOOBIES, but when she came back she dosed me with some hard reality.

She sat in her chair and said, "This is where the driver sits. And this--" she pointed at her foot "--is where the accelerator is. Can you sit here and get your foot down that far? Because you have to in order to make the car go."

Well. Damn.

It wasn't even noon and my dreams were shattered.

Still, there was STEAK, which made up for it, and PRESENTS, which were sent by awesome people. Auntie Michelle sent me some crunchy treats, which I didn't get a picture of because I made the Woman open them as soon as I saw them, and they are really good.

But the Woman took pictures when I opened the other present. This one from the Food Lady, my spiffy editor at Mousebreath.


HOOLIGAN IN A CAN!!!


Smells good.


Open it for me. I don't have thumbs.


Holy crap, doods! LOOK AT ALL OF THIS STUFF!!! There's nip and super nip and nip toys and tiny treats to make my breath fresh and a feathery thing that Buddah reallllly wants to get his paws on.


I decided to guard the feathery thing for a while. And get my spit on it. Just to ruin his fun.

Even if I did wind up sharing with Buddah...
 Tonight, there was bacon, so it was like my birthday kept right on going. And there's still more steak! The only disappointment was not getting my driver's license, but I suppose that's all right since I really hate going outside.




Hahaha He had cereal...

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/09/2017 03:42:00 PM

5

The Man passes gas at night, so when he gets home in the morning he's the one who opens a can for us. This morning, he not only opened a can, but he grilled fresh steaks for me.

He had cereal.

Srsly, doods, this is like the best birthday month ever. I'm getting steak treats EVERY DAY, and the people are eating hamburger helper and hot dogs and cereal.

I think they're having pork chops for dinner, but that's fine because I'll probably get a bite of that, too.

So far, so good

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/06/2017 07:01:00 PM

4

Six days into my birthday month and things are awesome. The other night the Man grilled 3 little steaks for the Woman to cut up into treats for me...and then he made Hamburger Helper for them to eat.

Seriously, doods. I got steak, and they got Hamburger Helper.

In other news...in the right sidebar, under my picture, there's a poll and I would very much appreciate it if you guys would answer the question. It's simple: for the Wick After Dark series, would you like to wait for 1 long book, or would you like to get it as 3 novellas (shorter, about 50,000 words each.) The way we're doing it, the final book would essentially have 3 stories with their own ending that merge into each other, so we can do it either way.

So, whatcha like? One long read or three shorter ones?

Please and thank you!

IT'S JUNE!!!

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/01/2017 03:19:00 PM

14

You know what that means, right?


IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!

No one really knows exactly what date I was born on, but they guessed it was somewhere between June 10-June 25, so the people picked the 20th to be my birthday. But this is a milestone birthday, so I'm gonna celebrate all month long.

This year I turn sixteen, SIXTEEN. And you know what happens when your turn sixteen?

YOU GET YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE!

 As soon as I'm done here I'm going to the DMV website to download the manual so I can start studying, and then on my birthday I'm going to suck it up and let the Woman take me outside so I can go there and take the test. And maybe after that we'll go to lunch and then car shopping, because at this stage of my life I totally deserve a convertible.

A red one, I think. Or maybe blue, if I can find one in TARDIS blue.

And now, Shaggy...

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/26/2017 09:17:00 AM

12

Doods. Shaggy. I am leaking.


Shaggy decided to head for the Bridge last night while he was sleeping--which is, honestly, how I would like to go when it's time. But man...he was also one of the really early cat bloggers; he and his bro Scooby started Little Cat Feet in 2005, when the cat blogosphere was just a tiny drop of water in a really big pond (their little brother, Scout, joined them in 2006) and having them around was like gaining a couple of furry bros.

No doubt about it, the party that started for Chey ramped up, and now they're celebrating Shaggy's arrival, and I bet Scooby is like 97 kinds of happy to see him. But here, we're hurting. I know his mom is hurting. We're leaking.

He was a most awesome dood, and he will be missed.

How I'm Working Lately

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/25/2017 12:19:00 PM

12

Like this:


I'm not old enough for some of the things going into the next book. In fact, there are parts the Woman has to write for me, because I have never participated in activities of the bouncy kind, which means I may have to give her a byline. ON THE COVER. But maybe in tiny print, because the rest of it will totally be mine.

And the hardback version of Forked is available now, and I have 10 on hand for those who want pawtographed copies. Just look in the sidebar, just under the picture of the cover. If more than 10 sell, I can get more. I have a few paperback copies, too.

And the biggest thing...

Chey.

I am heartbroken.

Chey was one of The Originals, the long time cat bloggers, of which few are left. I honestly thought I would go to the Bridge before she did, and when the Woman told me that Chey just hadn't bounced back from how awful she's been feeling lately, my heart just cracked.

Chey was going to change the world. Y'all remember when she and Derby ran for President and VP back in 2008? They totally would have won, if not for speciism. They would have made this world a far, far better place. And now it's a little bit dimmer for not having them here.

I now that sooner rather than later I'll see her and all our other friends that have gone on before us, but for now, I'm going to let myself feel sad. Just for a bit. And then I'll have a snack, something fishy because she loved her fishy flakes, and I'll take a nap.

I'll miss you, Chey. But party on. I know there's a massive to-do going on at the Bridge to welcome you there. I can hear it from here, echoing in the space where the sliver of my heart was, the one shaped like you.

The chair is still there...

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/07/2017 10:31:00 PM

4


This was taken in the middle of the night. The lights in the living room were off so the Woman used the flash on her phone, which normally ticks me off but didn't bother me too much this time. She says it makes the picture look like an old Polaroid. I think it just looks like I'm sleepy and want her to go away.
* * * * *
Oh, and I looked at Forked on Amazon, and it looks like they linked the less expensive version to the Kindle version, so it's good to go. We'll work on getting paperback editions of the first two books to show up as being sold by Amazon instead of from 3rd party sellers only this week. BUT YOU'VE READ THEM ALREADY, RIGHT??? Of course you have.

The cheapness is coming...

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/04/2017 06:29:00 PM

2

Ok, maybe not cheapness, but cheaper. Amazon is finally carrying the print version of "Forked" but hold off on getting it, because a less expensive edition is coming. We're in the middle of changing the printer and distributor, and the new one lets us bring the price down from $19.95 to $16.95.  'Course, the digital version is only $4.99 (you need a Kindle app to read it....but if you have an e-reader that uses epub documents, I can be persuaded to convert it.)

Over the next month or so, the rest of my books will probably be moved to the new distributor, too. I'm really hoping that they'll then be cheaper, especially my poetry book "There Once Was A Cat From Nantucket," because for as short as it is, it's way too spendy in print (because of the color images...) If it is, the Woman is going to push to have it redesigned, too, so that it's prettier to look at. I deserve pretty, dammit.

Until then...


Buddah's gonna watch TV from the back of the chair that hasn't been moved and won't until we get bored with it, and I'm gonna sit on the other side of the room and mock him for his taste in TV. Although right now he's watching the news, and that's hard to mock. Other than he's far more interested in the commercials. THAT I can mock...

Yes, those are Christmas ornaments

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/03/2017 06:18:00 PM

3

"Dood," the message in my FB PMs read, "are those CHRISTMAS things still by your fireplace? And a T-rex with a TARDIS in its mouth? Dood, the holidays were over 4 moths ago."


Yes, dood, those are ornaments. They were made by Kimo & Sabi's sticky person, Kiera, and I don't want to take them down because they're awesome and they make me happy. I mean LOOK. She made a red one, which is my favorite color, and a cat face, and cats are awesome, and she made me a tiny TARDIS! So yeah, they're gonna hang there until next Christmas, most likely.

The T-Rex is the Woman's. She thinks it's funny, because in the first episode of Doctor Who with Peter Capaldi as the Doctor, a T-Rex spit the TARDIS out. It's stupid and it makes her happy, so why not? Heck, the little keychains? Those are Doctor Who keychains, too.

Oh and in the big picture (post below this one) you see the chair behind the Younger Human? That normally isn't there, it's usually in the library. The Man put it there so there would be enough sitting places, and since I liked it there, it's staying for a few more days. Because it makes me happy.

Doods, things that don't make you happy aren't worth keeping where you see them every single day. This stuff makes us happy, so it stays.

I'm not too sure about that frog, though.

I think he's been smoking something...

Look who came to see me yesterday!

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/02/2017 04:55:00 PM

4


The Grandma, the Younger Human, and his Significantly Significant Other Half. I wasn't especially sociable because no one was offering me anything to eat which upset me, but I was still happy to see them. They all went out to eat and when they came back the Woman smelled like Red Stupid Drinks and she brought back steak for me, so it was a really great night for me. It was a good night for the Woman, too, because she had dinner with her favorite people...and had lots to drink.

Does this photo make my butt look big?

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/30/2017 08:03:00 PM

6


The Woman keeps playing with the camera on her new phone and it's usually pointed at me. This illustrates what I think of it.

The Man had this week off from passing gas and I assumed that meant there would be lots of attention for me, and laps to sit on, but no. They went off and did things that benefited me in no way and often made them late for snack and for dinner time.

I contemplated pooping on a pillow to show them my displeasure, but the Woman put fresh sheets on the bed and they're the super soft bamboo kind, and doods...omcod they're amazing to nap on, so I don't think I'll be defiling those any time soon.

If you don't have these, you really need to get them. They make all other sheets feel like sandpaper.

We're doing it backward this time

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/26/2017 06:43:00 PM

3

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0727QRHLQ
Click to go to Amazon
Usually, a book comes out in hardback first, then paperback, and the ebook comes either with the paperback or right after. But this time we're reversing the order, because there doesn't see to be a logical reason to hold the digital book back when it's ready to go. Not just because the print version is still in layout.

The paperback will come next, and after that the hardback. There won't be a lot of time between them, maybe a week or two. Now that we've got it done and uploaded and it's out of our hands, the Woman kinda wants to take a week or two off so she can go back to the gym and get in the swing of booby walk training.

So if you have a Kindle, or a device with a Kindle app, you can now get yourself the latest book in the Wick Chronicles series. We really had fun with this one and played with time travel more than we have in the other books.

Doods...there are wizards and elves, and a giant cat named Fluffy and a baby dragon named Jeff.

A DRAGON NAMED JEFF, GUYS!!!

From the back of the book:

Drew knows there are two rules to using the time portals. One, be precise in thought. Two, never visit the future.

On his second practice run, a stray thought of wanting to see life 1000 years in the future lands him, along with Oz, the Emperor, Aisha, and Wick in 3416. San Francisco is in ruins. The Embarcadero is gone, the Bay Bridge is a broken skeleton, and the city has been overtaken by a dark wizard named Tobias. The only one who can destroy his power and his hold over the elfin citizens of Saint Francis is a clumsy, sword-wielding fifteen-year-old boy, the wizard Hagar and his fading magic, and the Trident—warriors of time long past who will stand beside the Lord of Prophecy.

Hagar knows their names and declares them as the Trident, prompting Will to agree to indulge Oz and Drew’s curiosity and stay long enough to understand the truth of how Hagar knows who they are. He could not foresee the horse-sized cat named Fluffy, the infant dragon named Jeff, or the truth about Tobias.

As he puts the pieces of the puzzle together, Will realizes the fight isn’t just to free the elves; it’s a battle Oz needs to see to the bitter end, and he’ll risk them all to get her there.

A DRAGON NAMED JEFF!!!

If you haven't read any of the Wick Chronicles, sit tight. In a few weeks the first book, The Emperor of San Francisco, is gonna go on major sale.

And just because, a picture of me:


THE EASTER BUNNY CAME

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/20/2017 02:27:00 PM

5

Ok, she came on Sunday (yes, she. The Easter Bunny is a girl. How did you not know that?) and we took a picture but we've been working (read: playing online a lot) and instead of posting I ate a lot of the treats.

Shuddup. That sentence got away from me.


I'm being nice and sharing with Buddah. I mean, I'd like to hog them all, but I'm pretty sure Santa would find out about that.

But yeah, work. Wick 3 is basically done and headed for formatting and cover creation. We're hoping everything will be in the can by the end of this weekend. Well, the Woman does, because next weekend the Man is off work and it's his birthday and stuff, so she kinda wants to not have work looming over her.

Oh hey, I just looked at his birthday is one week from today.

I should get him something.

'Scuse me while I head for Amazon. Surely I can find something there, and charge it to his credit card.

The sticky notes...and reviews

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/09/2017 12:06:00 PM

2

The notes on the monitor in the previous post...those are coding reminders for the Woman. She can never remember how to make InDesign auto-flow text from the first page to the last, and she sometimes forgets how to make it show page numbers. So she keeps sticky notes on the monitor where she can see them, and then every time she needs to know that information...well, she forgets those notes are there and starts saying things from the bad word list, and she digs through books to find out what to do, and then starts to make new notes. When she sees she already had notes? Yeah, more bad words.

Other thing we're contemplating today...book reviews. I used to get a lot of reviews on my books, but lately...none. There's only one review on Amazon for Ozoo. I know people are reading it, because they email me about it. But no one is leaving good reviews.

This isn't just about me or the Woman. Indie writers especially live and die by the reviews they get, and we know a lot of indie writers (you might be one of them.) The fewer reviews, the worse the sales become. It doesn't take long to write a review, but the impact it has is pretty big. So if you buy a book and like it--anyone's--please take 2 minutes to review it on Amazon, especially if it's by an indie writer.

Why Amazon? Because it's where most book sales occur, especially digital books.

In other news today, I have successfully opened 27 more links on Reddit by rubbing my face on the computer, and I have a special knack of finding the X-rated things. The Woman is so proud. And newly educated. But she keeps asking me why the hell I can't just open cat pictures...it's not my fault the things she looks at have links to nekkid people. I'm just really good at finding them.

Huh

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/06/2017 03:56:00 PM

8


I don't know why the Woman took a picture of the computer monitor while we worked. She just did. What I want to know is why she needs to have a box that says PENCIL. Like, does she keep it in there so that when she needs one, she knows what it is? Can't she leave the pencil in the desk, and just GRASP that's what it is? And more importantly, since the pencil is ON THE DESK, when she goes to open the box, won't she be confused??? I mean, more than normal?

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/01/2017 12:18:00 PM

11

Buddah and I had a heart to heart talk last night. He sat in his box, clutching his favorite nip banana, and I was on the floor, licking up the nip that spilled out of the hole on my banana. And we realized something during this talk...we're not really brothers. The people may have adopted us both, but there's no paper trail or anything.

Since we are not truly related, this opens up a whole new vista in our relationship. I mean, I still don't like him, but he is a fixture in my life and he's not going away. So we figured we might as well make the most of it.

We like you guys an awful lot, so we wanted you to be the first to know. Buddah and I are getting married. I mean, I know a lot of married couples don't like each other and they make it work, so I think we'll be just fine.

It will take some time to get all the details worked out, so we decided to have a year-long engagement, and we'll make it official one year from today.

Everyone is invited!

Yes, he really did get that box for his birthday...

Posted by Max | Posted on 3/30/2017 11:39:00 AM

5

Buddah loves boxes. I mean, I like boxes, but he LOVES boxes. For several years, before the people had the kitchen remodeled, he had a special shoe box on the counter. It was set there for "a few minutes" which turned into a few years, because he claimed it 6.27 seconds after it was set down, and the people didn't have the heart to take it away from him. It became his safe place, the box to which he ran when he was upset or nervous.

His counter box was bigger than this...
When it fell apart, the Man ordered a new pair of the same shoes to make sure that the box would be the same, and it went right onto the same spot. If Buddah noticed the swap, he didn't care; he had his box in his safe place.

When the kitchen as re-done though, the box was put away. They wanted to see if he would be okay without it; if he'd been upset, they would have put it back, but with everything being so new and needing exploring, he didn't seem to care.

Still...every now and then they bring a bog box home, and toss it onto the floor for him. He gets to keep it for 3-4 weeks, or until I pee in it, whichever comes first. When it occurred to them that it had been a long time since he'd had a new one, they went to Costco, because Costco has the best boxes. And that was his birthday present...there's really nothing better they could have given him.

He spends a good part of the day in it, either sleeping or playing with my nip taco, and I have not yet peed in it (I peed in the Man's closet, though. And on some towels on the bathroom floor.)

((No, there's nothing wrong with me. This is not new behavior. The Woman knows better than to leave a towel on the floor, because I WILL pee on it. Just because. Now the Man knows, too; leave a towel on the closet floor, and I will pee on it. And get pee all over the carpeted floor while I'm at it.))

In other news...the third book in The Wick Chronicles is with the editor now. She's going to read it over the weekend and then send notes; hopefully she won't have too many things to say, so that we can get to the next part. There's already some concept artwork for the cover (and if you read my Ask Max Monday column at Mousebreath, you've seen it) and the trim size will be the same as the other two books. We has an excited, because this one is a fun romp.

And if you haven't read the first book yet, stay tuned...the Kindle version will probably go on sale when this one hits Amazon.

And maybe somewhere along the way we can figure out why Amazon stopped carrying the print versions of some of my books....

The One That's Partly About Buddah

Posted by Max | Posted on 3/24/2017 10:14:00 PM

6

This is what Buddah got for his birthday. A box. And really, it was the perfect present...he plays in it every day and has even taken a few naps in it. It's not too big and it's not too small, and it gives me something to pee on if he gets me mad enough.

Don't look at me like that. If I do it, he totally deserves it.



He's also been trying to help with the new book. Mostly, he just holds papers down, but it's proving to be an important job because the people have had the front and back doors open, and the wind blows them all over the place.

The first draft is done and we're well into the edits and re-writes. I really want to get it mostly done before the middle of April, because Doctor Who starts in April, and once it does I'm going to watch it over and over every week, which might cut into my work time.

Hey. I'm almost 16. I think I should get to take 3 months to power-watch the Doctor if I want. I mean, who knows how many more seasons I'll be around for ? (The Woman say ALL OF THEM because she thinks I'm that stubborn.)

The Woman will be distracted by it, too. She was a little bit sick for a couple weeks and one afternoon when she was curled up in bed and I was takign care of her she said, "I can't croak now, Big Guy. I'll miss Doctor Who!" Then I called her a drama queen and she got all better, but she has a point. We need to be extra careful to be sure we're around for this season since it's the 12th Doctor's last one (Ohhhh...and that really upsets her because she totally wants him to stick around for like 20 more seasons. I swear, she would pay a thousand bucks to sit in a room with 500 other people to listen to him read from the phone book.)

(Ok I'm old. I know what a phone book is.)

(Shuddup. You're old, too.)

In any case, Buddah had a good birthday, he's helping, and we're in the final stretch of Wick #3.

Today, he is 12...

Posted by Max | Posted on 3/15/2017 11:29:00 AM

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Hard to believe it. I've been putting up with him for twelve years. But, the people seem to like him, even though he's a bitey sort of cat, and even though he's taken to yelling at them when they don't bend to his will.

Seriously. He throws temper tantrums.

He hasn't gotten any presents yet, but I'm pretty sure he'll get something tonight, after dinner. I'm 99% sure I saw the Woman hide a new nip banana in a drawer the other day, and birthdays are always a prime day for real live fresh dead things.

Happy birthday Buddah Pest. One more year, and you'll be a man.

Okay. I think we're back...

Posted by Max | Posted on 3/12/2017 02:25:00 PM

5

The Woman picked a bad time to get sick. My goal was to post every day in February, and she had to go an muck that up. But, she feels better now and says she'll make sure I get to blog more often, even if it's not every day.

Yeah, let's not hold out breaths...

But, we are back to work. The first draft on the third Wick book  is done and is being proofed. We know there are some deep rewrites to be made; the story is awesome and fun but the narrative lags in a few places and I want that tightened up (pretty much the same thing happens with every book, so it's not an indication of suckage, just that we write without editing as we go along.) ((This is the royal "we" since we all know I write my books all by myself.)) (((Shuddup.)))

I did learn something valuable while working this week. If you roll onto the keyboard, you can highlight the entire document, and then if your head hits the touch-screen while you're trying to get up, you can delete the whole thing. FOR REALZ.

I almost had a panic attack when the Woman said, "Wonderful, furball, you just erased your entire book." But then she closed it without saving and opened it back up from the file in the cloud, and we only lost like 3 typo corrections.

Really she should know better than to sit here in the comfy chair to work, because I'm always going to sit on the arm of the chair to snoopervise, and experience should tell her that sometimes a kitty accidentally touches the screen. She should be grateful I didn't open another porn link. She still hasn't recovered from the last time.

Well, she says she hasn't. Secretly, I think she enjoyed it.