Damn, I'm nice.

Posted by Max | Posted on 8/19/2014 06:47:00 PM


Ok, so the Woman has a birthday next week. Like, one week from today. She turns about 143 years old, I think, but she can still get around mostly all right.

So the other night I was sitting on her lap, sharing the massive amount of available space with her computer, and she was surfing around, looking at things, and I had the thought that I really should get her something for her birthday. Because, you know, that's what you do for the person who opens the cans of food.

Now, you have to remember, the Woman is basically a dood with boobs, so shiny things like jewelry just don't cut it. I could get her a pair of sneakers and she would like that more than a necklace or bracelet. I don't know her exact shoe size, though, and a cursory glance on Amazon doesn't list "boat-sized" as an option, but I did note she kept looking at the same thing in different colors.

So I said, "Hey, go buy yourself something pretty. You can take the money out of my royalties."

She was so busy looking at the toy she coveted that I don't think she heard me.

"That," I sad, poking my paw at the monitor. "I have enough monies for that, right? Go get it for yourself."

So today she did.

I'm pretty sure that took all the money I had left for the year so I need to get my asterisk in gear and finish my current book so that I have monies for Toys for Tots this Christmas, or at least sell a bunch more books, but I'm pretty sure I can do that.

And she's happy. She liked her old rumbly bike but apparently this one has magic brakes or something, which makes it special.

Hell, I'm just glad I don't have to go outside to go shopping.

The struggle is real...

Posted by Max | Posted on 8/11/2014 02:11:00 PM



Posted by Max | Posted on 8/07/2014 03:10:00 PM


Guys. Guys.

I found a new way to mess with a people. And it's something you can easily do, too.

Now, lately I have been napping under the bed. I like to change it up every now and then; for a few weeks I'll sleep in the closet. Then for a few weeks I'll nap in the Man's computer chair. Or on top of a climbing tower. But lately...under the bed.

So last night after snack I wiggled under the bed (because the Woman is old and ouchy, she has it on one of those low profile frames. Did she stop to consider the kitties? NO. She only thought of herself) and stretched out, and then fell into a comfortable, full-tummy slumber.

I sort of noticed when she went to bed; it creaked and moaned with her weight, but then she stopped moving so the bed stopped complaining, and I went back to sleep.

I woke up a few hours later, and unsure of what time it was, I just called out, "Hey, is it time for noms yet?"


When a person hears a cat meow from under the bed, it sounds all ethereal.

The Woman woke up, and blinked a few times, then muttered, "Holy $hit, Max. You sound like the Ghost of Kitties Past."

Or something like that.

I was too busy laughing at her confusion to make note of her exact words.

But do it. Get under the bed and meow at your sleeping people.

You'll totally sound like a Ghost Kitty, and when people are half asleep?

They'll lose their chit.

Report back.

What you're missing on Facebook...

Posted by Max | Posted on 8/05/2014 07:25:00 PM


...if you haven't yet liked my author page:

On Friday, August 1, 2014


On Saturday, August 2, 2014

Man...after the sheer joy of the dinner the people had last night, because BACON, tonight while they were eating the Woman looked down at me--I was sitting on the floor nearby being very good--and said, "Sorry, Big Guy. This has onion and garlic."
WHY? Why do people do that? Just get my hopes all high, thinking that maybe she's learning to cook the right things and she goes and makes DEATH for dinner.

On Sunday, August 3, 2014

All right...I sat there nicely while the Woman ate a ham sandwich for lunch; I followed the rules, I was good, and she offered me a taste. But she fouled it with pickles, so I didn't want to eat it. She didn't make a fuss, she just picked it up, tossed it out, and gave me crunchy treats, and while she was at it she put a few on Buddah Pest's plate on the counter.
Well, the little chit wandered out about 20 minutes later and discovered the treats, and now he thinks there's some kind of crunchy treat magic going on here, and refuses to accept that it was my good behavior that scored him the noms. I think I need to just ignore him the rest of the day...

 See? See? You want to visit me on FB! [ clicky right here! ]

Besides, Buddah STILL has more likes than I do, and that's really starting to chap my asterisk.

Other things you might have missed...well, the Woman was giving me chin and neck skritches about a week and a half ago, and she realized my collar had rubbed some fur off, so she took it off and declared it's time for a new one. She ordered me THREE new collars and they got here already, but she's not putting one on me until my fur grows back. Then I have to decide which one I want, and it's going to be a hard decision because they're all very spiffy. One is even NEON PINK!

Whatever I don't pick, Buddah will get. Not that he needs a new one, but if I get one, he gets one. Something about parity and fairness.


You know it's gonna be a bad day when

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/31/2014 12:10:00 PM


...your food tries to eat you first...

Oh Man...

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/29/2014 08:03:00 PM


She's talking about boobie walking again.

Or maybe more like boobie waddling.

But my life is going to be pink again. And I'll have an excuse to say BOOBIES a lot.


I've been watching this kid for like 5 minutes

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/27/2014 08:14:00 PM


and he just can't get that cookie.

If people weren't so mean, they'd help him.

That's like keeping a crunchy treat behind clear glass and watching a cat try to get to it.

Something New!

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/21/2014 10:50:00 PM


I know it's hard to see, but I'm looking out a screen door. This is the first time we've had one on the back door in this house, and this is a really good night to test it out. There's a really nice breeze and it's cool outside, so the People have this door and the front screen door, and if I sit in the right spot I feel the wind going right over me.

Apparently while I was asleep in the totally wrong spot--the People were supposed to tell me when the noisy people got here so that I could go sleep in the closet, but no, they let me sleep in the other room right through it--the inspector dood and the screen door dood came and finished up the very last kitchen things. So we're done. Really done. The Man is even going to take down that screen door he put up in the hallway even though the Woman thinks it's a handy thing to have.

Yeah. She obviously likes locking us up in the back of the house.

In any case, I am going to enjoy the hell out of having a screen on the back door, especially this fall when it's cooler outside than inside.

But don't tell the People I said that.

They might think they actually got something right.


Posted by Max | Posted on 7/17/2014 09:35:00 PM


When I overheard the People saying there will be MORE people in the house probably Monday.

Something about a screen door and a final inspection, but all I care is that someone else will be stomping through the house, disturbing my ongoing quest to do as much nothing as I can.

On the plus side, we're not eating in the bathroom anymore.

I suppose it was worth it.

The Woman as more pictures on Flickr [clicky here] including some before pictures. If you're her Facebook friend you've probably already seen them, but if not, feel free to peek.

The Man might regret doing this...she's already looking at the rest of the house and thinking about things she can change.

Bast help us all.

I'm so dizzy my head is spinning...

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/15/2014 06:07:00 PM


Almost done...

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/10/2014 10:14:00 PM


That's what the People say. The kitchen is almost done. The noise today was pretty bad--Buddah even hid under the bed--but when it was over we had counters.

Someone on Facebook wanted to see pictures, but the Woman said they weren't posting any until it's done so they can have it all WOW as if people really care, so then I was asked to post a picture.

Well, they won't give me the camera, so I drew one.

Click to biggify
This is pretty much like the one side of it looks right now. The yellow part gets covered up either tomorrow or Saturday, and there's some plumbing stuff and electrical stuff still to be done. But overall, it's pretty spiffy.

We're all tired and ready for it to be done.

Almost there.


Those evil popup ads...

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/09/2014 10:07:00 AM


Thanks to Jennette Fulda, we now know what's been causing those giant popup, takeover ads...it's Sitemeter.

I've used Sitemeter for a bazillion years, but they've apparently gone to the dark side and are sending out these random, full window sized, annoying and unwelcome ads. So I'm going to remove the code for Sitemeter, because no one needs that chit.

This means my visitor counter will no longer be visible, but I'm not sure anyone ever looked at that anyway, so it won't be a huge loss. And I can see via the Blogger dashboard how many kitties are visiting every day.

Those of you who have gotten caught up in the popup ad loop, I'm sorry...but at least we seem to have an answer now.

Unacceptable. Simply unacceptable.

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/05/2014 02:39:00 PM


All right, so a lot of you guys know how Facebook has been deleting profiles that they realize are cats, right? Because apparently Facebook is for people and not pets...but pets can have a non-personal type page where they get "likes" instead of "friends."

Okay, fine, I don't agree with it but whatever. I still have my personal page, but a while back I created an Author page so I would still have a presence on FB, and it seemed like a good idea (since FB has ramped up the deletions) to start using the Author page.

Now, Buddah converted his personal page to a Community page a few months ago, and he posts to that a lot. Which is fine...except he has more Likes on his page than I do. I'm trying to get all the people and kitties who are my friends on my personal page to click Like on my author page, but a lot of them haven't...but still, how the heck does Buddah have more Likes than I do???

If you're on FB, even if you're my friend on my personal page, PLEASE go like my Author page. I'll be using it more than the personal page, and I need the Likes, dangit! I can't let Buddah win!

Please and thank you.

In other news, we didn't have any noisy people here Thursday or yesterday, so other than all the noise from people exploding their hard earned cash outside last night, it's been nicely quiet. I'm enjoying the break from being locked up in the back of the house. It all starts again on Monday, but the People think that it will only be a few more days. There's not much left to do to the kitchen, just some trim work, installing some lights, the counters, and the backsplash tile.

No, don't ask me what any of that means. All I care about is that it means more people in the house, and I am opposed to more people being in my house.

I don't mind all the extra treats we've been getting, but yeah, I'm tired of the noise, the people, and the whole house not being clean enough because of it all.

Really...this place is gross right now. And seeing as how the Woman is a horrible housekeeper, that's saying a lot.

It just keeps getting better...

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/02/2014 07:34:00 PM


The noisy people were done a little early today, so the People left the house about half an hour later, and when they came back...


It was a little more equal that it looks because the Woman shuffled some steak off one plate onto the other, but it was still enough that I couldn't quite finish. I know, imagine that. Buddah's like a vacuum cleaner, so he ate the last little bit.

If I understand right, there won't be any noisy people here again until Monday, so we have 4 days of not being locked up, though I'll probably hang in the closet some anyway, since that's what I like to do. And the Woman says the kitchen is close to being done, so there won't be too many more noisy days even after this weekend.

I'm looking forward to the quiet, though I am going to miss the extra treats. The treats have been really nice. Plus, Buddah has really been clinging to the Woman, like he finally understands she's one of his safe places to go. I think that made them both happy...maybe it means he'll leave me alone more now.


Posted by Max | Posted on 7/01/2014 08:28:00 PM


Oh yeah.

It's that good.

Yesterday while we were locked in the back of the house--and dang, doods, we were locked back there from 8 in the morning to almost 8 at night--the Woman brought this big envelope into the room where the Man hangs out, and holy carp, I could smell all the awesome before she even got it open.

This is some of the most premium nip I've ever had, and it was in a spiffy toy, one just the perfect size to grab with my paws and rub it all over my face. There was a toy for Buddah, too, but I got the best one, I think.

While I was rubbing it all over myself the Woman said she got it from William's mom...she has a store called Feline O'Mine and she sells really great stuff. And I swear, I'm not even being paid to say that! The Woman wanted to get me something for being reasonable during the kitchen makeover, and she knocked it out of the park. I freaking love the toys I got.

Today the noisy people were done in the kitchen pretty early, so the people let us out and they went out to get some food for themselves and when they came back they had a brand new cat tree. It's supposedly fr both of us, but we all know it's for Buddah for being a very good boy so far. He hasn't thrown a chit fit or bit anyone, and they were really afraid he would. They put it by the TV in the living room and took his old one and put it by the bed in the room where the Woman hangs out during all the noise.

She said she hoped I didn't feel slighted since we all know Buddah's going to claim the tree as his, but I think I got the better deal. I have my own tree anyway--hell, 3 of them--and I have my mancat cave to hang out in while all the noise is going on, plus I got the premium nip toy.

I don't think it's going to be too many more days of noise. The kitchen has cabinets and a floor and the guy that was here today colored between the floor tiles to make them prettier, and he did a good job.

Oh, and if you're my friend on Facebook, or follow me, hop on over to my author page and like me there, too, please. I'm posting there a little more in case FB realizes me personal page belongs to a cat. They've been closing cat pages down, but they won't my author page, I don't think. And I need people to click on LIKE because right now Buddah as more likes on his page, and we can't have that. Nope, we cannot have that.

You take an all day nap and see what happens...

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/28/2014 03:10:00 PM


Ok, so the day before yesterday I took a long nap in the closet, because that's one of my favorite places to hang out, especially with the noisy people here, and when I got up they were gone and we had a floor in the kitchen.

I had to inspect it, of course
The Woman says it's not done because it needs grout, but this is still an improvement over the bare cement that was left when they took away the old floor. She also says I'm not allowed to dribble my food on it. Phfft. Though I suppose that's more polite than what one of the noisy guys said...he told her not to let me pee on it.

Dood. I have a litter box. I have no need to pee in the kitchen.

Yesterday I took another nap, then got pulled out of the closet because the Man needed to take a pre-work nap and apparently he can't do that with me in the closet. Don't ask me why, I don't know. It's not like he wanted to sleep in the closet.

So I hung out with the Woman in the other room for a few hours, and when the noisy guy left, we had these:

Cabinets! They're not all done, though. Most of them are up, but there are still a few to go, and the People think that the noisy guy who installed them is going to have to move one because there's not enough room for the stove. And then there might be issues with the fridge. But they're pretty sure it will all be sorted out in the end. At least no one is worried yet.

Buddah and I had to explore a lot, which made the Woman go get a bunch of towels to cover things up because she doesn't want any scratches before the kitchen is even done, and there's a gap between one of them and the wall where Buddah could get caught, so they blocked that off, too.

I don't really like having to stay in the back of the house all day, even if it's what I usually do, but coming out every evening is pretty exciting because things are changing almost every day (not today...noisy guy wanted to come today but the Man said no because he really needs some quiet sleep after passing gas all night. Plus, Buddah and I needed a break from being locked up) and I don't mind change if it happens right here, and I don't have to get put through the M-word.

We don't have to get locked up tomorrow, either, but the day after that we do...I'll just sleep through it and then see what else is new. Maybe the cabinets will all be done and the Woman will get that grout she apparently covets. I hope so, because I kind of want to know what the heck that is.

Ok...I THINK we're fixed

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/26/2014 08:14:00 PM


I'm fairly sure whatever link was causing the popups has been deleted.


I may have unintentionally deleted a couple of blogs that are still perfectly valid. If your blog is not listed, please leave me a comment WITH the URL so I can add it back.

If you weren't in my blog list, please leave your URL so I can add you. Because...FRIENDS. I want to have all my buds listed.

You are my bud, right...?

Are you getting popups here?

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/26/2014 02:55:00 PM


I had a comment a few posts ago from someone who was getting a popup when coming to my blog. I was hoping it was just a one time thing because I have never--and will never--have anything set up for popups other than the comment box...but today I got a popup.

I'm combing through the template looking for code that might allow it, but I can't find anything.

If you're getting a popup ad, please let me know, and tell me what browser you're using and at what point it shows up--when the page is done loading, before it's done loading...?

This has never been a blog where there will be ads, and having one I don't want showing up ticks me off. A lot. So if you're getting it, I apologize, and am looking hard for the cause.

EDIT LATER: I've gone through my blogroll and deleted dead blog links and several blogs that had been taken over by commercial interests and a few suspicious ones. I *think* I found the offending link, but I can't be 100% sure...so if you get a popup now, that means I didn't find it and it's back to square one.

Thanks for the help...it was a little sad to see how many blogs are just gone now, and how many have been taken over by spam.

Well, hell...

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/24/2014 10:21:00 PM


The window was there...

...and then it wasn't.

I liked that window. That window had a ton of sun every day, and there was a thingy to sit on in front of it, right where I could see the window AND the kitchen table where the Peoples' nomming of noms occurred.

I'm pretty sure they're not putting it back.

Today I just hung out in the closet like I usually do, and when the noisy people were gone I got up because that's when the screen door gets opened. But today the screen did not get opened; if fact, the People LEFT US while they went out to get foods for themselves, and we didn't get out until really late. Like 6:30.

Oh, they mumbled something about wet texture on the walls, but so what? It was time to get out! I've been really good about being back there all day because it doesn't really impact me, but since I have been good, I should get released at a reasonable time.

That's only fair.

It's a shame people aren't fair.

Shhh...listen to all that quiet...

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/21/2014 12:53:00 PM


...as I survey the wreckage of my domain.

Yesterday all the noisy people left early--like 11:30 instead of 5 or 6--because the dood from the city who was supposed to show up and inspect all the stuff they've already called and told them he can't come over and admire their efforts until Monday. They can't do anything else until he looks at it and says "Good job!" or "You suck" or something like that. The People seem to think they'll get a big thumbs up, but they really wished he could have come when he was supposed to because it just means tacking a day onto the end of the whole thing.

But for me, it was aces. In the morning after breakfast I went back to the closet for my first nap of my birthday and didn't even hear it when they showed up. I got up once to go see what was what, looked down the hall and saw the screen door was closed, so I figured what the hell, I might as well go take another nap. Next thing I know the Man is standing there and telling me I have the run of the house.

So I went out to see what they'd done--the window Buddah and I both really, really liked because the sun always put some awesome puddles right there, and we could lay on the thingy I'm laying on in the picture to enjoy it was GONE--and there were some new holes in the walls, but it didn't look like much got done. The People are all impressed because electrical thingies were moved and the water thingy for the refrigerator was moved.

But yeah, nice and quiet for most of the day, even if the house is a total wreck. I spent some time remembering friends who have left around this time of year, especially Skeezix and now Hendrix--and I enjoyed some noms, and had a few really awesome naps.

So it was a good birthday, and now I am 13.

No one will tell me when my Bar Miztvah is going to be, though.

I get one, right?