Toy haul #1

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/07/2016 04:46:00 PM


This is what you did, people. Every book of mine you bought went to this.

The toys extend all the way to the front seats...I was kind of disappointed that they didn't go all the way to the ceiling but the Woman wanted to be able to see out the rear view mirror.


She also said we aren't done. There's enough book money left for at least one more load, but the debate is now whether to do a third, or pick another charity.We have a couple of things in mind, like Coats for Kids and the food bank, so we'll see how it is after they do the next toy run.

This is my favorite thing every year...I get to make sticky people happy, but I don't have to have them in my house.

And in just 18 days...DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!

It's beginning to look a lot like

Posted by Max | Posted on 12/03/2016 05:33:00 PM



But, I don't know how Mr. Spock got stuck there between the Weeping Angle and the Dalek, but he's been warned to not blink.

Only 22 more days until the Doctor Who Christmas special!

Waiting For Fire

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/27/2016 09:59:00 PM


I spent most of the afternoon trying to convince the Woman I was freezing and the fireplace needed to be turned on. So then I decided to stare at it, so that she would take the hint.

She kept telling me no, because it was not cold in the house. She SAID it was 76 degrees and that was good enough, but doods I can read the thermometer thingy and it says 58, and that means Cold Enough.

Eventually I wore her down, because I'm clever that way.

It took like 5 hours, but she caved, and I plopped down on my bed to enjoy it.
For five whole minutes.

Then I required a cooling nap.

For some reason, she's not happy with this.
I'm perfectly content.
Also, napping until midnight. Just because I can.

Because of an Oops...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/25/2016 02:49:00 PM


...the second book in the Wick Chronicles is available for purchase. The Woman was supposed to click on "I approve the e-proof but don't want this released until I get the hard copy" but instead she clicked "Yay! It's pretty! Sell it!" so the distributor sent it out into the world. She's not worried about it because this one went through formatting and the printer without any hiccups, but she's also not ordering any copies for pawtographing until she gets a copy in hand. can get a hardback or a Kindle copy now. Paperback will be another week or so.

We really weren't expecting this to be out until around the 15th of December, so we're pretty happy that the editor was able to get her stuff done and the formatting went through faster than we thought it would. Having it out now gives a buffer for people who wanted it for Christmas (a couple people asked me about getting both books as a set for Christmas...we can do that, I think, but you need to let me know ASAP so both books can be set aside for you.)

We're working on the 3rd -- and potentially 4th -- books now. I say that because we may have to split the story, because one part of it might be a little too adult for the Wick series. Not, like, Fifty Shades kind of adult, but more adult than Emperor and Ozoo. Ha. Fifty Shades of Wick.

Too bad he's neutered.

In any case, the third won't be out as quickly as the second. The holidays are going to mean fewer days of writing, and the People are celebrating their 35th anniversary next month, so that gets in the way, and then there's the Doctor Who Christmas Special which I will have to watch 23 times.

Oh! I wonder when the People will put up my Whovimas tree. Once I have that, and a fire in the fireplace, life is gonna be goooood.

Oh!! December also means they're gonna go toy shopping! I hope we fill the back of the CX-5. It's not Christmas if we don't fill the car.

Oh!!! I just felt like there should be an Oh with 3 exclamation points.

Bits and Pieces

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/23/2016 08:43:00 PM


And it's not even like Odds and Ends!

Since the Woman racked up enough words to win NaNoWriMo (which I still think is kinda cheating since her normal workload is at least 3 times that every month and she only did it for bragging rights) and the second Wick book has been put to bed (like, it'll hit the distribution channel soon because someone who is not me clicked the wrong button when approving the e-proof so it'll be released before we even see the hard copy proof, but that's all right) I had the chance to just sit back with a Kindle, and read for fun.

I picked up Bits and Pieces a few weeks back intending to read it in between slices of work, but stuff happened (Grandma is still getting better!) and I had to set it aside, but I started it last night and finished it, like, ten minutes ago and had to tell y'all about it.

Why did I wanna rush? Aside from really liking it, the hero is Jericho, a giant of a black kitty with super cool blue eyes and pointy fangs, and he's wicked smart. There's trouble brewing in this little town called Urchin Cove, and they gotta find out whodunit. I don't want to give anything away, but let's just say that there are bits and pieces that should have been one whole person. And yeah, who the heck would do that?

And doods...when you get to the end and find out more about Jericho? THERE BETTER BE ANOTHER BOOK WITH HIM.

Once I got started, I really didn't want to put it down. It's not a long book--definitely novella length--which makes it easy to devour in a lazy afternoon. So maybe start it when you have a couple hours so that you don't have to argue with a person about putting your Kindle away when she wants to go to bed but you still wanna read.

There are some problems with the editing; lots of typos and punctuation issues, but seriously doods, you can gloss right over those and I probably only noticed them because it's kinda what the Woman does all day, looking for stuff like that (and I point that out knowing full well that every freaking book I've ever written makes it to print with some mistakes that no one caught. It happens.) The story is fast and fun, and I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it enough that if Amazon didn't auto-reject all my reviews,* I'd review it there.

It's only $2.99 to buy it for the Kindle or Kindle apps, totally worth it (and hellz yeah I paid for a copy, this is not a review-for-a-freebie...just in case you wondered. I just liked it and wanted to share...there aren't enough books where the cat is the hero.)

*Thing to know: Amazon, if they can connect authors in any way, delete their reviews, because they don't want sock puppet or quid pro quo reviewing. Which bites. But I understand it.

Todays Odds and Ends

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/21/2016 01:12:00 PM


Random stuffs...

The Grandma is getting better and better every day. The Man is staying with her for a few days, and then his sister will because he has to go back to work to pay for my stinky goodness and treats, and maybe also the mortgage, but pretty soon she should be okay without having someone there all the time.

The Grandma is a lesson in what to do right. She stays busy and stays in shape, so that she can get through stuff like this. If she had been a blob that never moves, it would have been way, way worse. Like, super worse. But she does all the right things, which gave her a huge leg up.

Be like the Grandma.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

It's fireplace weather. I waited a freaking long time for this. I like living here, but winter is not long enough. I only get to use it like 2-3 months a year, and I would be happier if it was more like 6 months. Or longer.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

This morning the Woman was greeted by the pile o'poop someone left in the hallway, and when she was cleaning that up, she stepped in a puddle of pee. One of us tried hard to make it to the box in time, but we're not telling her who. And we won't tell her if it happened because the other kitty was already in the box, or if one of us woke up and was like OH HOLY HELL I GOTTA GO, or what. Figuring this carp up is her job, not mine.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Ozoo, Wick book two
The Woman did NaNoWriMo this year, and she's already past the 50,000 word point, which means she won the spiffy PDF certificate. Now that she's got that out of the way and we're deep into the third Wick book, she's been able to get the last of the final touches done on the second book. In fact, while she was polishing, the cover was created, and the interior is now being formatted. It should be out early December. That's the perks of small and indie publishers...things get done fast.

This book was fun to write...the next one is fun, too, but it's gonna take longer because we'll have to take holiday breaks, and the People are celebrating their 35th anniversary next month, and for some reason the Woman wants to go back to the gym. Also...what we're working on might wind up being so long that it needs to be split into two books.

Now, I'm not opposed to a long book, but as we're going along the Woman realized that some of what's making it into the story is not young adult, but adult, and is the foundation for an unWick Wick book, something that Wick will still narrate but won't be part of the Wick Chronicles because of the content. Don't worry, it's not porn, it's just more grown up.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦


That means that pretty soon the People are going to count up all the monies you guys have spent on my books, and they're going to take it and try to fill the back of the Woman's new car, which is bigger than the HHR the Man drives and we've filled the last couple of years. I'm 99.9% sure we can do it. And there will still be some monies left over for the shelter kitties and puppies.

That's where your book purchases go, doods. The Man keeps a roof over out heads and noms on the table, so my money goes to toys for kids, stuff for the shelters, and boobies.

I will always donate to the boobies, just so I can say boobies.


Good news!

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/14/2016 04:26:00 PM


The Grandma is not only out of ICU, she got to go home today. She's still pretty tired so she needs to rest, but at least she gets to rest in her own house and sleep in her own bed. The Man and his sister are with her so she's not alone, which leaves me here to keep an eye on the Woman and make sure she doesn't throw any wild parties or have too much fun.

She's all sneezy and headachy so I don't think I'll have to snoopervise too hard. But we're happy now, because the Grandma went through a lot in the last 2 weeks, but she's gonna be okay.

We're gonna just work tonight...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/08/2016 05:34:00 PM


I got the Woman up at 5:30 this morning so that she would have enough time to really wake up before going out to vote. She grumbled about it, and said that she had all freaking day to do it, but I know she wanted to be sure to get it done. And she was out the door and home by 7:40, so I hope she appreciates my efforts on her behalf.

But...we don't really want to sit here glued to the results. Whether we're watching or not, the winner will be who the winner will be. And watching the talking heads spout back and forth about early polls and who's winning what can just be frustrating. So we're gonna turn the TV off and work.

The Grandma is still in the hospital, so ongoing mojo is greatly appreciated. It's been a week now and she's still in ICU--she was out and in a regular bed for one night but then had to go back--and we just want for her to get better really fast. You guys know how much I love the Grandma, she's pretty free with the treats and tells me I'm handsome, and is just a super special person. So I want her to be better.

So...back to work. We've done a bunch of editing today, implementing some little things the editor suggested (apparently I use the word "really" a lot) and once we get that done the Woman wants "one more pass." Tomorrow she promised to work on the 3rd book with me, which basically means she takes my notes to Starbucks and drinks tea.

But yeah...Mojo for the Grandma, and don't sweat the vote. It is what it is.

I'm being extra good right now...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/05/2016 12:38:00 PM


The Woman just said that this has been a really craptastic week and she would like a do-over. I concur. It has not been a happy week, and is making me think 2016 needs to end already so that 2017 can start and maybe reboot everything.

The Grandma's appendix attacked her and went -splooge- and got a spendy ride to the stabby place; the stabby guy yanked it out of her, but she hasn't felt well at all since so she's still there, and has been since Tuesday. Her heart got all fluttery and they took care of that, but she also feels like she wants to hurl. So they gotta fix that, too.

Buddah's helping by just doing this. Good for him.
The Woman has having "issues" of a human female nature that I don't understand but it's making her cranky because she says that chit stopped 2 years ago and never shoulda come back, and she made the mistake of looking at Google before the Man could call her stabby person (who said to quit freaking out because it happens sometimes and is rarely all the awful things Google told her it could be...but he's seeing her Monday to appease her.) She's super tired and queasy, though, probably because she looked at Google first.

Then Jeter went to the Bridge, and we've all been super sad because he was Teh Man. The only thing making me feel any better about that is thinking he's with Rocky and Mao and Whitey and Skeezix probably picked him up right at the entry in his spiffy yellow bus and I bet he even let Jeter drive it.

Everyone here is tired and pulled thin...but everyone will be okay soon, they just gotta get through it. But Buddah and I have been very good and not singing during the night. I even cuddled with the Woman this morning, and when she gets back later I'll cuddle with her some more.

My heart is broken

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/04/2016 09:46:00 AM


and I am leaking.

The Grate Jeter Harris has gone to the Bridge.

I can't make myself type anything else. But I am leaking and now so very sad.

Weight A Minute...

Posted by Max | Posted on 11/02/2016 02:52:00 PM


The Woman keeps her Dammit Monitor right by the bathroom door. The footprint of the bathroom is such that if I'm in there with her, and I want to get out easily, I have to sit on it while she opens the door. If I don't, I wind up behind her, waiting, and we can't have that.

As a rule, I go in with her at least once a day. It's a great time to get head skritches and tummy rubs, because she's basically captive, and since she's not going anywhere for a few seconds, she figures there's no reason not to cater to my whims. I have her pretty well trained to bend over to pet me, and she doesn't mind, so it's sort of a win-wine.

But that Dammit Monitor.

It occurred to me this morning, that she's actually waiting to open the door until I get on the dammit monitor. At first I thought she was just slow, but she actually said, "Come on, let's see the number before I open the door," and I realized that she's been doing this as a way to weigh me without making a big deal about it.

She freaking trained me to do something.

I would be really mad about that, but I'm holding steady at 16.5 pounds now, and because I'm neither gaining nor losing, she's freer with the snacks.

She had taquitos for lunch, but she wouldn't share them, which sucked because they smelled really good. But after she was done she opened a can and gave us each a spoonful, so I got that going for me.

But damn...she figured out a way to get me to do what she wanted, and I fell for it.

See this bed?

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/29/2016 07:54:00 PM


The Woman bought it for me because it's meant for old bones, and she thought I would like something really spiffy to lounge upon in front of the fireplace this year. It was not cheap, which of course means that I sat on it once (as you can see) and then refused to go near it again.

I like my other fireplace bed, and wanted it back. So she finally caved in, and put my preferred napping surface back in place, and the Man took this one and set it on the coffee table in the front room. He never intended to leave it there; it was just until they figured out where it would live permanently.

Then this happened. Several times.

I didn't like the bed, but someone else did. And he really likes it on top of the coffee table.

The People don't drink coffee, so they decided it could live there for now, until Buddah gets tired of it, then they'll move it someplace else.

See, everybody wins.

Happy Blogoversary to me!!!

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/26/2016 09:17:00 AM



We started this blog 13 years ago, when the Man and the Woman and I were living in Evil, Ohio, where there were tons of sticky people outside my window and lots of red stupid drinks being consumed.

In that time we engaged in the M-Word way too many times, Buddah came to live with me, a bunch of you helped write 2 cat blogger books (we totally need to do that again!), I bought a house (don't let the people fool you, I know I paid for it), and I've met so many super cool doods. A lot of the cats who started blogging along with me have gone onto the Bridge--and I miss them like crazy--but we'll see 'em again on the flipside. So many new kitties have taken up blogging that there's no way to keep up with them all.

And to think...when I started, I couldn't find any others. Now look at you all.

Thirteen years, doods.

Thanks for making it awesome and fun.

Finally...the hots might be over

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/24/2016 07:03:00 PM


The last few days the People have been able to open doors and windows to let the fresh air in, which is nice because I was getting pretty tired of the hots.

I'm ready for cool days, and even more ready for the fireplace, which has only been turned on twice lately, and then just for a little bit to burn the smell off.

Apparently, the fire gets all stinky over summer. Who knew?

Even better...there are only 2 months until Christmas. Which means it's even less time until the People set up my Doctor Who tree, so that I can celebrate Whovimas, too.

Like every other year, I'm asking Santa to not bring me anything but to take extra stuff to the shelters for the kitties and woofies who don't have a forever home, I don't play with toys anymore, anyway, except for the occasional romp with a good nip banana (and I have a supply of them), and I have all the beds and stuff a guy could ever want, so it would be a wasted effort on his part.

And we have a new goal this holiday know how we try to fill the back of the HHR with toys for Toys for Tots? Well, this year we have the CX5 and the back is way bigger, so we're hoping to fill that. That's where the money goes when you buy my books: toys, stuff for shelter pets, and various charities.

Gotta admit, I'm excited to see if we can fill the CX5 this year.

Maybe, Possibly, In the Can

Posted by Max | Posted on 10/17/2016 05:18:00 PM


Stylish picture, just because
I don't know what that means but I heard the Woman say it last night. She said it as she hit SEND on an email sending the next book to the editor. That doesn't mean it's 100% done, but it's done enough to show it to the person who will say how awful it is. It's also done enough to start the graphics train moving, finding cover art and picking a spiffy font, and done enough to try to figure out what the blurb will be.

I leave that part to the Woman, and she hates it. She says if she could condense something to a paragraph, she wouldn't be writing book-length things.

While we're waiting on the editor, we're plowing ahead into book three. We have the story, some notes (which will be expanded) and know what's going to happen. It's just the process of getting it written. Sure, no biggie, right?

I think the rest of this month will be notes and stuff, and the actual writing will start in November. The Woman is thinking about doing NaNoWriMo with it this year, even though she loses a week to the 3 Day Boobie Walk. We can write enough words in a day to cover that, I think. It works out to around 2700 a day for three weeks, and it's not unusual for us to get 5,000+.

Now, when she works alone, the Woman is lucky to hit 1000. She needs me. But I bet you anything, at the end of November when we're way over 50,000 words, she keeps the winner's certificate.


Posted by Max | Posted on 10/07/2016 09:44:00 AM


Okay, so the Woman got up at a normal people hour and fed us at 7:20 this morning. Now, normally after I eat in the morning I go take a nice 4 hour nap in order to prepare myself for the nice 3 hour nap I enjoy most afternoons. But this morning I decided to stay up, and I sat on the end table near the Woman's comfy chair and stared at her.

That's it. I sat there and stared.

I was still for a good half hour, until she was finally unnerved enough to tell me to go find something better to do. And that seemed perfectly reasonable, so I jumped to the chair's headrest and started meowing in her ear every 6.35 seconds. Right about the point I knew she was getting irritated, I jumped down, sat in front of the treat machine, and politely requested that she remove a few for me.

Sure, I can get stuff out of it myself, but why? I already know that if I ask nicely, she'll do it for me. And she did, she got up and put down a handful of the dry Fancy Feast food that serves as filler in the treat machine. And since she was up, she decided to get her own breakfast.

Well...I was not going to eat dry krap if there was a chance at something better. So I followed her, and reminded her I was there, and I would like to know what she was planning on having, just in case it was something I would like a taste of. That's all I expect, a tiny taste. And I was filled with disappointment when it looked as if she was going to have the same oatmeal bar she usually does, but she looked down and said, "You're still hungry, aren't you?"

Now that you mention it...

So before she had her own breakfast, she opened another can and gave me a spoonful from it, and gave Buddah a spoonful, and it was the kind with gravy and chunks of meaty wonder. It was awesome.

And now I can go take my nap, which is over an hour late, but totally worth it. While I sleep, she gets to go through my newest manuscript to look for typos and chit.

It's a hard life.

Oh, and I have more hardbacks of The Emperor, if you want a pawtographed copy. I have paperbacks, too.

Link to purchase is in the sidebar.

If you don't want the pawtograph, Amazon is the next best place to get it.

Royalties from this book (from release date to around December 1st...I won't actually get paid by then but I'll know the amount and can borrow from the Woman) will go toward buying Christmas toys for Toys For Tots...and we have a new car to load, and the load space is way bigger than the HHR!

My brain is melting...

Posted by Max | Posted on 9/26/2016 05:53:00 PM


I can't think of any other reason for forgetting to do my Ask Max Monday column last week. We've been working a lot, some days spending 12+ hours writing, but I didn't think it was making me forget what day or even what week it is, though. Seriously, if you had asked me a couple of days ago where the column was, I'd have sworn I uploaded it.

This week's is there, though.

Last night we finished working a little early so the Woman decided to go to bed at a normal-people hour. She was almost asleep, but a noise outside startled her, so she was wide awake. And it happened again... =this= close to being asleep, and then =bam= a noise outside. So she gave up, got out of bed for a few minutes, and waited until she was good and sleepy to go back to bed.

Lookit that face. Who can be made at that?
Now, I have a habit of talking to her at intervals during the night, so she closed the door, hoping for some peace and quiet. This was about 2:30, and by 3:30 she was finally asleep.

Good for her, right?

Well, I thought so, too, and at 4:40 I crept out from where I'd been hiding under the bed and was going to congratulate her on a solid hour of sleep, but when I jumped onto the bed near her head, she kinda lost her chit and had a little bit of a pretend heart attack.'s not my fault she didn't check under the bed before she closed the door.

And it's not my fault she's so delicate that she has sleeping issues.

I was gonna be NICE, dammit, and all it got me was kicked out of the bedroom.

Well, rush it is, then...

Posted by Max | Posted on 9/22/2016 03:46:00 PM


We kinda sorta sold out of the hardback books yesterday, but the Woman saw it coming and placed an order for more the night before. We were worried because it took freaking forever to get the hardbacks in in the first place, but she paid an extra $13 for rush service, and doods...rush service must work, because the books are shipping today. Which means we'll have them probably by Monday, because they were sent from Las Vegas and that usually doesn't take too long.

We've also been working really two has elevated itself from Vomit Draft to First Draft status, and it's gotten to the point where we're letting a beta reader have a crack at it, because we need fresh eyes looking for mistakes and seeing if there's something missing. The Woman worries that there is, because this thing went from notes to Vomit to First Draft in about six weeks, and that's pretty fast for us.

Thing thing is, we started this one with some pretty comprehensive notes and knew exactly what the story was and where it was going. The whole concept has been simmering in the backs of out brains for a couple of years, so it's not like we pulled the story out of our asterisks. We even have notes for the next one, and ideas for any that might follow. So she's probably worried for nothing. Sometimes a book damn near writes itself.

Actually, that's probably because it's my book. Her books tend to take a lot of time because she's limited by that puny human brain.

The thing that has surprised both of us with book one?


I mean, seriously. More than one of you has asked about a more adult theme for future books with the Emperor...and that kind of took us by surprise. This was always intended to be a teen/young adult thing, but that doesn't mean that there can't be a grown up story to spring from it. If we do that, it probably won't be considered part of The Wick Chronicles, but a stand alone kind of thing. We're not discounting it.

That said, we're pushing right up against the edge of the YA genre this time, I think. Nothing graphic, but there are more mature elements to the next story, because face it: there are teenagers in Wick's world, and two of them are planning a future, so...there has to be some realism. Not to mention the King and Queen. They might be old married grunts but they still like each other.

And we still don't have a title. That might wind up being the hardest part of all.

My new Facebook cover image. I kinda like it.

I got some books

Posted by Max | Posted on 9/20/2016 05:38:00 PM


All righty, it took freaking forever, but I finally have a shipment of both paperback and hardback copies of THE EMPEROR OF SAN FRANCISCO.

If you would like a pawtographed copy, this is how you get it.

Paper or Hard back
It's probably cheaper for you to get it on Amazon, especially if you're not in the U.S., but if you want my sterling signature and paw print, this is the only way.

If you were one of the people who asked the Woman to hold a copy or two and arranged to pay via check*...don't use this link. You're already covered.

And y'all know how we were talking about the vomit draft? Or maybe the Woman did that on her blog, I dunno. But by working 14-16 hour days a whole lot of the last couple of months, we've gotten past the vomit draft and the first draft of Book 2 of The Wick Chronicles is actually written and will be going to beta readers soon. We know it need some work--we're at that Well I like it but I know something is missing stage--but dang, doods, there's a chance it could be out by Christmas.

The problem is we have no title. We always have at least a working title. But not this time.

*She's only doing this for people she has a personal relationship with, because she knows where they love and can go break some of their toys if they don't pay.

Okay, not really, but you can see what I mean, right?

A request...

Posted by Max | Posted on 9/16/2016 11:33:00 AM


The Woman has been away watching that Damned Dogs Butters and his sister Lady, so I haven't been able to get online much, because the Man just doesn't turn the laptop on for me that often. But, today we're making do, because it's important.

Y'all remember Ginger the Cat, right? I still miss her. She was awesome. And so are her mom and dad, Rita and Fred.

Bluntly... Fred has cancer. It's aggressive. And because it's draining him, he can't drive to appointments and the like, and it's costing an arm and a leg to get him there. Right now he's in the hospital trying to get stabilized so he can go home, but holy hell, this is going to be a hard, hard fight, and the last thing they need to worry about is the costs of just getting him where he needs to be.

Insurance isn't going to pay for it. And it can cost over $600 just to get him to a single appointment.

So. Jasper McKittencat's people started a Go Fund Me page so that we can all pitch in. Any little bit will help.

These are truly amazing people, and if I could, I would actually go outside in order to help them, but this is the best I can do.

Click here to donate.

And doods...thank you.