It's been a month...

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/24/2017 11:59:00 AM

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Well, not a whole month, clearly, but isn't that what people say when they've had, like, 3 weeks crammed with things? "It's been a month..." Yeah, like that.

First, the cold air blowing thingy died. First it wailed, then it screeched, and then it just stopped. The people called someone to look at it, and he was all Star Trek Bones and said, "It's dead, Jim," which was confusing because there's no one here named Jim, and I totally just made that up.

Buddah hogged the cold air...
But it was dead, and the people had to get a whole new one, which took TWO FREAKING WEEKS so we had the hots around here for a bit. There was a tiny cold air blowing thingy in the living room, which made thing bearable, but the rest of the house sucked big fat hairy donkey balls.

We survived. And a few days ago a couple of people showed up to replace the cold air blowing thingy AND the hot air blowing thingy, which meant Buddah and I had to spend an entire day in a bedroom together, which made me 67 kinds of unhappy. It didn't even help when the Woman decided to be nice and sit in the bedroom with us. She watched TV until something happened and it stopped working, and then she read a book, but that still didn't make me happy about being there.

Let me out.
We have cold air now, that's the main thing.

The other thing that we've been doing...for a while now Amazon has not been carrying the print versions of a lot of my books. We still don't know why. We think there's a beef between them and the distributor, but since we could never get a clear answer, the Woman set about getting, at the very least, the paperback editions of The Wick Chronicles back up with a new distributor.

So, they're back. If you wanted a paperback of any of them, just click on the book cover images in the sidebar.

If you wanted a hardback, it looks like you'll either have to go to another online bookstore (like Barnes & Noble) or get them from the Woman. She still has a few copies.

The other other thing we've been doing is working on the first Wick After Dark book. The editor has it right now, but there are some things the Woman isn't quite satisfied with so she's talking about some rewrites. Our original goal was to have it out near the one year anniversary of The Emperor of San Francisco, but I don't think we're going to meet that, especially since it's in about 3 weeks and there's no cover art or editor's notes.

We want to get this right...so we're going to sit down and comb through the part that isn't sitting quite right with the Woman, and then retool it. *I* think it's fine, but she's all, no, this is funny stuff but it doesn't push the story forward. I want to keep the funny stuff, so there may have been a little growling going on here last night.

Just a little bit. And some hissing.

Just a little.

The New Treat Machine

Posted by Max | Posted on 7/06/2017 05:35:00 PM

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Holy nommables, doods. A while back, Kimo & Sabi's person recommended this thing to the Woman, because the Woman was whining about the effort it takes to chop real live fresh dead things into Max-sized bites, so she bought one.

You need this.

This may be the best thing she's ever bought. It made chopping up dead delicious things so easy that I get steak almost every day now, and today she used it on SHRIMP.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00HL3TBDQ
And it's perfect. It shreds everything, so she never worries about me choking an a not-well-chewed bite.

Did I mention that I get treats from it like EVERY DAY? Doods, I'm not not even getting paid or anything to tell you about this. It's just awesome and I think every kitty needs one.

I'm pretty sure people can shred things for themselves in it, too.

If you can't get your people to get one (and they're not even spendy) maybe remember it near Christmas and ask Santa for one.

Now excuse me, I have shrimp to devour.

Doods, doods, doods...!

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/30/2017 06:42:00 PM

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Ok, after crushing my hopes and dreams on my birthday, the Woman said that she had another reason for not letting me get my driver's license on my birthday. Apparently, not everyone passes the test, and she thought that if something went wrong, it would ruin turning 16 for me.

Hell, she went to take hers on her 16th birthday and the testing guy was really mean and yelled a lot, and in the end wouldn't even let her take the test because she didn't know where the high beam indicator light was. A couple days later, he wouldn't let her take it because the tail light on the car was cracked. So she knows about ruined birthdays from driver's exams.

But then...then... she got up super early today, and totally made this happen.


I AM LEGAL, DOODS!!!

Now, I have some money saved up so I have to count it all and then set aside this year's Toys for Tots funds, but I think for once I'm going to spend some on myself and get a new car. I'm pretty sure Amazon sells some spiffy ones, so I know what I'll be doing tonight.

I think I want a convertible, but I'm not set on exactly which one.

And today got even better! She bought real live fresh dead steak for me, and tonight the man grilled it, and then she shredded it so I have steak treats for about a week.

16

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/21/2017 08:19:00 PM

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So. Yesterday was my sweet 16th. I have lived longer than any other cat that the Woman has lived with. She's kinda surprised, given my weight, but she's not going to examine it too much, because...well, why rock the boat?

I was all excited when I got up, because THIS WAS THE DAY! I was going to go to the DMV and get my license. But then the Woman was all, "Sorry, dood, I have to go get my boobies squished," which was fine, because BOOBIES, but when she came back she dosed me with some hard reality.

She sat in her chair and said, "This is where the driver sits. And this--" she pointed at her foot "--is where the accelerator is. Can you sit here and get your foot down that far? Because you have to in order to make the car go."

Well. Damn.

It wasn't even noon and my dreams were shattered.

Still, there was STEAK, which made up for it, and PRESENTS, which were sent by awesome people. Auntie Michelle sent me some crunchy treats, which I didn't get a picture of because I made the Woman open them as soon as I saw them, and they are really good.

But the Woman took pictures when I opened the other present. This one from the Food Lady, my spiffy editor at Mousebreath.


HOOLIGAN IN A CAN!!!


Smells good.


Open it for me. I don't have thumbs.


Holy crap, doods! LOOK AT ALL OF THIS STUFF!!! There's nip and super nip and nip toys and tiny treats to make my breath fresh and a feathery thing that Buddah reallllly wants to get his paws on.


I decided to guard the feathery thing for a while. And get my spit on it. Just to ruin his fun.

Even if I did wind up sharing with Buddah...
 Tonight, there was bacon, so it was like my birthday kept right on going. And there's still more steak! The only disappointment was not getting my driver's license, but I suppose that's all right since I really hate going outside.




Hahaha He had cereal...

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/09/2017 03:42:00 PM

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The Man passes gas at night, so when he gets home in the morning he's the one who opens a can for us. This morning, he not only opened a can, but he grilled fresh steaks for me.

He had cereal.

Srsly, doods, this is like the best birthday month ever. I'm getting steak treats EVERY DAY, and the people are eating hamburger helper and hot dogs and cereal.

I think they're having pork chops for dinner, but that's fine because I'll probably get a bite of that, too.

So far, so good

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/06/2017 07:01:00 PM

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Six days into my birthday month and things are awesome. The other night the Man grilled 3 little steaks for the Woman to cut up into treats for me...and then he made Hamburger Helper for them to eat.

Seriously, doods. I got steak, and they got Hamburger Helper.

In other news...in the right sidebar, under my picture, there's a poll and I would very much appreciate it if you guys would answer the question. It's simple: for the Wick After Dark series, would you like to wait for 1 long book, or would you like to get it as 3 novellas (shorter, about 50,000 words each.) The way we're doing it, the final book would essentially have 3 stories with their own ending that merge into each other, so we can do it either way.

So, whatcha like? One long read or three shorter ones?

Please and thank you!

IT'S JUNE!!!

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/01/2017 03:19:00 PM

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You know what that means, right?


IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!

No one really knows exactly what date I was born on, but they guessed it was somewhere between June 10-June 25, so the people picked the 20th to be my birthday. But this is a milestone birthday, so I'm gonna celebrate all month long.

This year I turn sixteen, SIXTEEN. And you know what happens when your turn sixteen?

YOU GET YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE!

 As soon as I'm done here I'm going to the DMV website to download the manual so I can start studying, and then on my birthday I'm going to suck it up and let the Woman take me outside so I can go there and take the test. And maybe after that we'll go to lunch and then car shopping, because at this stage of my life I totally deserve a convertible.

A red one, I think. Or maybe blue, if I can find one in TARDIS blue.

And now, Shaggy...

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/26/2017 09:17:00 AM

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Doods. Shaggy. I am leaking.


Shaggy decided to head for the Bridge last night while he was sleeping--which is, honestly, how I would like to go when it's time. But man...he was also one of the really early cat bloggers; he and his bro Scooby started Little Cat Feet in 2005, when the cat blogosphere was just a tiny drop of water in a really big pond (their little brother, Scout, joined them in 2006) and having them around was like gaining a couple of furry bros.

No doubt about it, the party that started for Chey ramped up, and now they're celebrating Shaggy's arrival, and I bet Scooby is like 97 kinds of happy to see him. But here, we're hurting. I know his mom is hurting. We're leaking.

He was a most awesome dood, and he will be missed.

How I'm Working Lately

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/25/2017 12:19:00 PM

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Like this:


I'm not old enough for some of the things going into the next book. In fact, there are parts the Woman has to write for me, because I have never participated in activities of the bouncy kind, which means I may have to give her a byline. ON THE COVER. But maybe in tiny print, because the rest of it will totally be mine.

And the hardback version of Forked is available now, and I have 10 on hand for those who want pawtographed copies. Just look in the sidebar, just under the picture of the cover. If more than 10 sell, I can get more. I have a few paperback copies, too.

And the biggest thing...

Chey.

I am heartbroken.

Chey was one of The Originals, the long time cat bloggers, of which few are left. I honestly thought I would go to the Bridge before she did, and when the Woman told me that Chey just hadn't bounced back from how awful she's been feeling lately, my heart just cracked.

Chey was going to change the world. Y'all remember when she and Derby ran for President and VP back in 2008? They totally would have won, if not for speciism. They would have made this world a far, far better place. And now it's a little bit dimmer for not having them here.

I now that sooner rather than later I'll see her and all our other friends that have gone on before us, but for now, I'm going to let myself feel sad. Just for a bit. And then I'll have a snack, something fishy because she loved her fishy flakes, and I'll take a nap.

I'll miss you, Chey. But party on. I know there's a massive to-do going on at the Bridge to welcome you there. I can hear it from here, echoing in the space where the sliver of my heart was, the one shaped like you.

The chair is still there...

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/07/2017 10:31:00 PM

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This was taken in the middle of the night. The lights in the living room were off so the Woman used the flash on her phone, which normally ticks me off but didn't bother me too much this time. She says it makes the picture look like an old Polaroid. I think it just looks like I'm sleepy and want her to go away.
* * * * *
Oh, and I looked at Forked on Amazon, and it looks like they linked the less expensive version to the Kindle version, so it's good to go. We'll work on getting paperback editions of the first two books to show up as being sold by Amazon instead of from 3rd party sellers only this week. BUT YOU'VE READ THEM ALREADY, RIGHT??? Of course you have.

The cheapness is coming...

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/04/2017 06:29:00 PM

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Ok, maybe not cheapness, but cheaper. Amazon is finally carrying the print version of "Forked" but hold off on getting it, because a less expensive edition is coming. We're in the middle of changing the printer and distributor, and the new one lets us bring the price down from $19.95 to $16.95.  'Course, the digital version is only $4.99 (you need a Kindle app to read it....but if you have an e-reader that uses epub documents, I can be persuaded to convert it.)

Over the next month or so, the rest of my books will probably be moved to the new distributor, too. I'm really hoping that they'll then be cheaper, especially my poetry book "There Once Was A Cat From Nantucket," because for as short as it is, it's way too spendy in print (because of the color images...) If it is, the Woman is going to push to have it redesigned, too, so that it's prettier to look at. I deserve pretty, dammit.

Until then...


Buddah's gonna watch TV from the back of the chair that hasn't been moved and won't until we get bored with it, and I'm gonna sit on the other side of the room and mock him for his taste in TV. Although right now he's watching the news, and that's hard to mock. Other than he's far more interested in the commercials. THAT I can mock...

Yes, those are Christmas ornaments

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/03/2017 06:18:00 PM

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"Dood," the message in my FB PMs read, "are those CHRISTMAS things still by your fireplace? And a T-rex with a TARDIS in its mouth? Dood, the holidays were over 4 moths ago."


Yes, dood, those are ornaments. They were made by Kimo & Sabi's sticky person, Kiera, and I don't want to take them down because they're awesome and they make me happy. I mean LOOK. She made a red one, which is my favorite color, and a cat face, and cats are awesome, and she made me a tiny TARDIS! So yeah, they're gonna hang there until next Christmas, most likely.

The T-Rex is the Woman's. She thinks it's funny, because in the first episode of Doctor Who with Peter Capaldi as the Doctor, a T-Rex spit the TARDIS out. It's stupid and it makes her happy, so why not? Heck, the little keychains? Those are Doctor Who keychains, too.

Oh and in the big picture (post below this one) you see the chair behind the Younger Human? That normally isn't there, it's usually in the library. The Man put it there so there would be enough sitting places, and since I liked it there, it's staying for a few more days. Because it makes me happy.

Doods, things that don't make you happy aren't worth keeping where you see them every single day. This stuff makes us happy, so it stays.

I'm not too sure about that frog, though.

I think he's been smoking something...

Look who came to see me yesterday!

Posted by Max | Posted on 5/02/2017 04:55:00 PM

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The Grandma, the Younger Human, and his Significantly Significant Other Half. I wasn't especially sociable because no one was offering me anything to eat which upset me, but I was still happy to see them. They all went out to eat and when they came back the Woman smelled like Red Stupid Drinks and she brought back steak for me, so it was a really great night for me. It was a good night for the Woman, too, because she had dinner with her favorite people...and had lots to drink.

Does this photo make my butt look big?

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/30/2017 08:03:00 PM

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The Woman keeps playing with the camera on her new phone and it's usually pointed at me. This illustrates what I think of it.

The Man had this week off from passing gas and I assumed that meant there would be lots of attention for me, and laps to sit on, but no. They went off and did things that benefited me in no way and often made them late for snack and for dinner time.

I contemplated pooping on a pillow to show them my displeasure, but the Woman put fresh sheets on the bed and they're the super soft bamboo kind, and doods...omcod they're amazing to nap on, so I don't think I'll be defiling those any time soon.

If you don't have these, you really need to get them. They make all other sheets feel like sandpaper.

We're doing it backward this time

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/26/2017 06:43:00 PM

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https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0727QRHLQ
Click to go to Amazon
Usually, a book comes out in hardback first, then paperback, and the ebook comes either with the paperback or right after. But this time we're reversing the order, because there doesn't see to be a logical reason to hold the digital book back when it's ready to go. Not just because the print version is still in layout.

The paperback will come next, and after that the hardback. There won't be a lot of time between them, maybe a week or two. Now that we've got it done and uploaded and it's out of our hands, the Woman kinda wants to take a week or two off so she can go back to the gym and get in the swing of booby walk training.

So if you have a Kindle, or a device with a Kindle app, you can now get yourself the latest book in the Wick Chronicles series. We really had fun with this one and played with time travel more than we have in the other books.

Doods...there are wizards and elves, and a giant cat named Fluffy and a baby dragon named Jeff.

A DRAGON NAMED JEFF, GUYS!!!

From the back of the book:

Drew knows there are two rules to using the time portals. One, be precise in thought. Two, never visit the future.

On his second practice run, a stray thought of wanting to see life 1000 years in the future lands him, along with Oz, the Emperor, Aisha, and Wick in 3416. San Francisco is in ruins. The Embarcadero is gone, the Bay Bridge is a broken skeleton, and the city has been overtaken by a dark wizard named Tobias. The only one who can destroy his power and his hold over the elfin citizens of Saint Francis is a clumsy, sword-wielding fifteen-year-old boy, the wizard Hagar and his fading magic, and the Trident—warriors of time long past who will stand beside the Lord of Prophecy.

Hagar knows their names and declares them as the Trident, prompting Will to agree to indulge Oz and Drew’s curiosity and stay long enough to understand the truth of how Hagar knows who they are. He could not foresee the horse-sized cat named Fluffy, the infant dragon named Jeff, or the truth about Tobias.

As he puts the pieces of the puzzle together, Will realizes the fight isn’t just to free the elves; it’s a battle Oz needs to see to the bitter end, and he’ll risk them all to get her there.

A DRAGON NAMED JEFF!!!

If you haven't read any of the Wick Chronicles, sit tight. In a few weeks the first book, The Emperor of San Francisco, is gonna go on major sale.

And just because, a picture of me:


THE EASTER BUNNY CAME

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/20/2017 02:27:00 PM

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Ok, she came on Sunday (yes, she. The Easter Bunny is a girl. How did you not know that?) and we took a picture but we've been working (read: playing online a lot) and instead of posting I ate a lot of the treats.

Shuddup. That sentence got away from me.


I'm being nice and sharing with Buddah. I mean, I'd like to hog them all, but I'm pretty sure Santa would find out about that.

But yeah, work. Wick 3 is basically done and headed for formatting and cover creation. We're hoping everything will be in the can by the end of this weekend. Well, the Woman does, because next weekend the Man is off work and it's his birthday and stuff, so she kinda wants to not have work looming over her.

Oh hey, I just looked at his birthday is one week from today.

I should get him something.

'Scuse me while I head for Amazon. Surely I can find something there, and charge it to his credit card.

The sticky notes...and reviews

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/09/2017 12:06:00 PM

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The notes on the monitor in the previous post...those are coding reminders for the Woman. She can never remember how to make InDesign auto-flow text from the first page to the last, and she sometimes forgets how to make it show page numbers. So she keeps sticky notes on the monitor where she can see them, and then every time she needs to know that information...well, she forgets those notes are there and starts saying things from the bad word list, and she digs through books to find out what to do, and then starts to make new notes. When she sees she already had notes? Yeah, more bad words.

Other thing we're contemplating today...book reviews. I used to get a lot of reviews on my books, but lately...none. There's only one review on Amazon for Ozoo. I know people are reading it, because they email me about it. But no one is leaving good reviews.

This isn't just about me or the Woman. Indie writers especially live and die by the reviews they get, and we know a lot of indie writers (you might be one of them.) The fewer reviews, the worse the sales become. It doesn't take long to write a review, but the impact it has is pretty big. So if you buy a book and like it--anyone's--please take 2 minutes to review it on Amazon, especially if it's by an indie writer.

Why Amazon? Because it's where most book sales occur, especially digital books.

In other news today, I have successfully opened 27 more links on Reddit by rubbing my face on the computer, and I have a special knack of finding the X-rated things. The Woman is so proud. And newly educated. But she keeps asking me why the hell I can't just open cat pictures...it's not my fault the things she looks at have links to nekkid people. I'm just really good at finding them.

Huh

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/06/2017 03:56:00 PM

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I don't know why the Woman took a picture of the computer monitor while we worked. She just did. What I want to know is why she needs to have a box that says PENCIL. Like, does she keep it in there so that when she needs one, she knows what it is? Can't she leave the pencil in the desk, and just GRASP that's what it is? And more importantly, since the pencil is ON THE DESK, when she goes to open the box, won't she be confused??? I mean, more than normal?

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/01/2017 12:18:00 PM

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Buddah and I had a heart to heart talk last night. He sat in his box, clutching his favorite nip banana, and I was on the floor, licking up the nip that spilled out of the hole on my banana. And we realized something during this talk...we're not really brothers. The people may have adopted us both, but there's no paper trail or anything.

Since we are not truly related, this opens up a whole new vista in our relationship. I mean, I still don't like him, but he is a fixture in my life and he's not going away. So we figured we might as well make the most of it.

We like you guys an awful lot, so we wanted you to be the first to know. Buddah and I are getting married. I mean, I know a lot of married couples don't like each other and they make it work, so I think we'll be just fine.

It will take some time to get all the details worked out, so we decided to have a year-long engagement, and we'll make it official one year from today.

Everyone is invited!

Yes, he really did get that box for his birthday...

Posted by Max | Posted on 3/30/2017 11:39:00 AM

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Buddah loves boxes. I mean, I like boxes, but he LOVES boxes. For several years, before the people had the kitchen remodeled, he had a special shoe box on the counter. It was set there for "a few minutes" which turned into a few years, because he claimed it 6.27 seconds after it was set down, and the people didn't have the heart to take it away from him. It became his safe place, the box to which he ran when he was upset or nervous.

His counter box was bigger than this...
When it fell apart, the Man ordered a new pair of the same shoes to make sure that the box would be the same, and it went right onto the same spot. If Buddah noticed the swap, he didn't care; he had his box in his safe place.

When the kitchen as re-done though, the box was put away. They wanted to see if he would be okay without it; if he'd been upset, they would have put it back, but with everything being so new and needing exploring, he didn't seem to care.

Still...every now and then they bring a bog box home, and toss it onto the floor for him. He gets to keep it for 3-4 weeks, or until I pee in it, whichever comes first. When it occurred to them that it had been a long time since he'd had a new one, they went to Costco, because Costco has the best boxes. And that was his birthday present...there's really nothing better they could have given him.

He spends a good part of the day in it, either sleeping or playing with my nip taco, and I have not yet peed in it (I peed in the Man's closet, though. And on some towels on the bathroom floor.)

((No, there's nothing wrong with me. This is not new behavior. The Woman knows better than to leave a towel on the floor, because I WILL pee on it. Just because. Now the Man knows, too; leave a towel on the closet floor, and I will pee on it. And get pee all over the carpeted floor while I'm at it.))

In other news...the third book in The Wick Chronicles is with the editor now. She's going to read it over the weekend and then send notes; hopefully she won't have too many things to say, so that we can get to the next part. There's already some concept artwork for the cover (and if you read my Ask Max Monday column at Mousebreath, you've seen it) and the trim size will be the same as the other two books. We has an excited, because this one is a fun romp.

And if you haven't read the first book yet, stay tuned...the Kindle version will probably go on sale when this one hits Amazon.

And maybe somewhere along the way we can figure out why Amazon stopped carrying the print versions of some of my books....