August 31, 2007

Well now. Evidently, if you turn your nose up at the offered Stinky Goodness several days in a row, and the only way the People can get you to eat it is if they sprinkle crunchy food on top of it, and then you don't finish it, one morning you wake up all hungry and ready to devour a whole can of Stinky Beefy Goodness or Stinky Fishy Goodness, and the only thing the Woman will do is point to the crunchy food dish and say "That's it. If you're hungry, eat that."

Don't they know we were only trying to be difficult because you're supposed to be difficult during the M-word implementation? Don't they care that Buddah cried when there was no Stinky Goodness this morning?

I think they're serious about it. I heard the Woman tell the Man that they were almost out of Stinky Goodness anyway, so if we weren't going to eat it she was just going to let us have the crunchy food we seemed to want.

But...but...doesn't she understand that just because we don't eat it that does mean we don't WANT it??? WE WANT OUR STINKY GOODNESS. We just want it with crunchy food on top. And we only ate half so we could save it for later but nooooo, SOMEONE threw it out before we could go back.

They hate me , I know they do.

August 30, 2007

Apparently, I'm the only one who thinks it's funny to sit at the top of the stairs and not let Buddah get past so he can go downstairs. I was just amusing myself, but the Woman heard me growl at him so she came to see what was going on, and told me I wasn't being nice and I HAD to let him go downstairs.

Well, no I did not HAVE to let him go downstairs, so when he tried again I growled again. So then she picked him up and put him on the stairs past me.

And then, apparently I'm the only one who thinks it's funny to put my ears back and hiss and slap at the Woman's arms with my paw. She shook that finger in my face and told me to stop it, so I hit her again, and I really did think it was funny, but she stood up and walked away from me.

Sheesh, it's not like I bit her.

I'm not sure about the new house yet. The first couple of days it was so hot in here I thought someone was cooking kitties for dinner, and I heard the Man say it was 98 degrees INSIDE. I was uncomfortable and I didnt want to be ncomfortable, so I followed the Woman around whenever she was around and said "I'm hot. Fix it." And it only took saying it about 2 million times before the cold air blowing thingy started blowing cold air.

And there's no place to stretch out on he floor yet. Honestly, this place looks like it ate all our stuff too fast, and then threw up. I'll be glad when the People have everything out away.

Oh, and Buddah was not a sissy boy when the People brought us back to the new house. They had a bunch of stuff in here, and he was so busy exploring all the stuff that he forgot to be scared. He's upset because there's no way to get to the really high place on the wall like he could in the other house, but the Man said the lady who owns the house said it was ok to put something on the wall that would make it easy for both of us to get up there if we want.

The People look very tired, but I think they're done moving stuff so they should be all perky tomorrow. They better be. I'm tired of punky looking people.

August 25, 2007

The Woman is taking a break from hauling things, which means "sit down and pull out the laptop" and since today was an OHMYGOD day, I get to blog.

It started out ok. They took Buddah and me to the house and let us explore a little, which for Buddah meant find a closet to hide in. Then they put us in a room with a climbing tree and food and water and a litter box and my plastic tomb (this is very important in the OHMYGOD scheme) and closed the door so they could begin moving stuff. They left the door to the room with the rumbly bike open on both sides, and went about their business.

Well, they did not make sure the door to the room we were in was latched. And after a few minutes I checked, and sure enough, I could open it. So being the curious kitty that I am, I went to explore some more. I found this closet under the stairs and it was was cool. While I was in it I heard the People and meowed "Hey, look at this!" to them and the Woman laughed saying she could hear me through the vent.

So I did what any good kitty would do, I left the closet to say "Hey, guess what?" and thusly did the freaking out begin. They went tearing through the house looking for Buddah, and when they couldn't find him--like how many places can a kitty hide in a completely empty house?--they went up and down the street calling and looking. I could hear them from inside the empty house, so I sat halfway up the stairs and every time someone came in to look again, just to be sure, I meowed at them.

But they don't speak kitty.

Now, normally I would enjoy the freaking out of People. But the Woman was crying, and I mean the kind of crying where snot runs down a people's face, so I felt bad. They looked and looked and looked and could not find Buddah anywhere, and they kept coming back inside to be doubly sure, but he was gone.

After a while they took me out of the new house and put me in a room in the old house where they knew I'd be safe. The Woman made flyers for the neighborhood and put them up, and they didn't know what else to do. They offered money to anyone who would bring him home, and then they had to start moving things again, because they didn't know what else to do or where to look.

The Woman moved things and kept crying. The man and the Younger Human moved things, and I could watch them all out the window, and I kept meowing at them, but they were too sad to listen to me.

For three hours they moved and would look for him while they were outside, and eventualy the Woman sat down in the front grass and just watched, I think hoping she would see him if she was still. The Man took more things to the new house, and after those three hours went by I heard him shout I FOUND HIM!!!!

I was watching from the window, and I tell you what, I have never seen a fat woman move so fast. Pretty soon they came back to the house with Buddah (who got all pissy because his bookcases were missing) and then gave us treats. They closed the doors so no one could escape, and sat down to get their crap together. The Woman stopped crying but the Man said he kinda wanted to just throw up now.

Now, they got all bent, but if they would have listened to me none of this would have happened, because I sat on those damned stairs, and then I hollered from the room I was locked in he's being a sissy and he's hiding under the plastic tomb!

So for right now we're staying in the old house. They're being careful by just taking things they want to move and setting them in the living room, and when they're ready to haul we get locked in the downstairs bedroom, but not for too long. I don't know when we're going back over there, but you can be sure that one of us (not me) is going to be a giant baby about it again.

August 24, 2007

It looks like implementation of the M-word begins tomorrow, so I probably won't get use of a computer until next week.

I think the People are taking some stuff for a bedroom over first, then Buddah and me. We get to explore the new place for a little bit, without there being anything for Buddah to hide in and get stuck in, and then they'll lock us up in the bedroom with stuff we know, so we won't feel too displaced.

I hope we get extra Stinky Goodness for this. I deserve extra Stinky Goodness.

You know, lady, when the kitties are enjoying their long-awaited-for night time Stinky Goodness, and you say "Since you two are being so good right now, I think I'll go take a shower," and we both look up at the same time to meow, we're not saying "OK, and the Stinky Goodness is so wonderful, thank you for giving it to us."

We're saying "Oh, thank God, because we're were THIS close to choking on your noxious fumes."

August 21, 2007

Buddah, exercising that little blob of gray matter wedged between his ears, has reasoned that all the boxes littering the house have been put there for our amusement. He jumps from one to the other, climbing over them and jumping off them; there's a open box with sheets of paper in it that the Woman was wrapping her Things We Hate To Dust, and he attacks that like it's a live mouse. He's having the time of his short little life.

But I know better. I have to admit, I'm not as bothered by it all as the People were afraid I'd be, but I've been through it five freaking times already, not to mention all those odd rooms we stayed in when we went to live in Evil, Ohio and when we came back. When we get over to the new place, I'll explore, and Buddah will try to find a place to hide, because deep down he's a little sissy boy. But that's ok, when he's done it 5 times he won't be bothered by it so much.

It's going to happen soon. The Man was all excited because the people who are living there right now started moving their stuff out tonight, and the man who lives there says he's renting a big truck tomorrow so they can get the rest of their stuff out, which they didn't have to do, but they did it because they're nice people and didn't want my people inconvenienced. I got to meet the Lady, and yes she is very nice. She was in the house and I allowed her to pet me, and she didn't get all grabby, she just said I was pretty, which means she has good taste.

But man...Buddah is for such a letdown. Not only will he be freaked out, but he won't have the bookcases lined up by the stairs anymore, which means getting down from the high place will be a problem.

August 19, 2007


The house is a mess, littered with box after box, our toys aren't where they're supposed to be, stuff just seems to be vanishing... I hate this, I really do.

On the plus side, tonight I meowed at the Woman and she actually understood what I said. I was sitting by the back window and when I started talking to her she said, "Yep, we're having something kitty friendly for dinner, and you can have a bite."

Not only did she make something kitty friendly, it was roast beef, and I got more than a little bite. I got a huge bite, and now I'm kinda stuffed.

I think with the implementation of the M-word, we should get lots of kitty friendly people dinners for at least a month. We deserve it for all the chaos we're going to have to put up with.

August 17, 2007

Is this fair? I don't think this is fair.

This is the second night in a row the People have had non-kitty friendly food for dinner. Two nights in a row I've had to hear "No, you can't have any, it would make flames shoot out your ass."

People are supposed to eat kitty friendly food so that the Kitty Has Been Good Rules apply! I was very patient while they ate, I didn't jump on the table, I didn't do anything more than touch the Woman to let her know I was sitting there, but I did not get anything! When I'm good, they're supposed to share.

If they don't have kitty friendly food tomorrow, something is going to meet a toothy death. Perhaps a tooth brush. That would be, what, kismet? Whatever, it would be justice, for sure.

August 14, 2007

Here's the thing...Buddah and I have been keeping ourselves occupied at night while the People sleep. We do that because we're good and kind and CONSIDERATE kitties. Buddah runs around as fast as he can, up and down the stairs, around and around, and he occasionally plays in the closet. I sit in the living room and sing. I sing to the moon out the window, I sing to the shadows on the wall, and I mostly
sing to myself, because where else will I hear such awesomeness?

Now, we're doing this because the People don't want to be bothered. Yet the Woman complains that we're keeping her awake, that she hasn't slept much in the last couple of nights.

You know what she did? She decided to punish us!

Yes, she did! She decided to stay out today and was TWO HOURS late with our Stinky Goodness. She SAYS they were at a movie but I know better. She's trying to get even with us for our attempts at being good by withholding food.

She's done this before, you know.

This is decidedly unfair.

Tonight, we're going to stay in the room with her, and I will sit next to her head on the bed where I will sing as loud as I can, andBuddah is going to play Thundering Herd of Elephants all around the bed.

Take THAT, killjoy...

August 09, 2007

Oh, Buddah is going to be upset. The Woman says the new house ha the same wall cutout thingies, but the stairs are different so the bookcases won't be there, so it might be hard for us to get up there. I don't mind so much, but Buddah loves it up there.

The People better figure it out, because if he doesn't have those really high places to climb to, he's just going to have that much more time to annoy me, and if he annoys me more, I am going to treat many of their favorite things to a massivelt toothy death.

August 07, 2007

Just to freak the Woman out, I ran up the bookcases and jumped onto the wall thingy again (only this time I didn't fly into it.) She was hoping I would be afraid to go up there now, but heck, since I know I can fly, what's there to be afraid of???

August 05, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen, I can fly.

I did it yesterday, to the amazement of my People.

I Laser You With My Eyes!See that tallest bookcase?

I jumped from the end of it closest to where I'm sitting in this picture.

Max Goes Up HighAnd I flew right into this wall thingy I'm sitting on in this picture.

Chest first, even.

I then did a 360 degree flip in the air, and landed on my feet with a wonderous TaDa!

My People were impressed. The Woman shouted with glee (ok, she shouted OHYMGOD! or HOLYS**T!, I don't remember which, but the Man was on the phone with The Grandma, so she probably overheard and could tell you what the Woman said...) The Man scrambled down the stairs, and they picked me up and gave me skritches all over my body for my amazing feat (ok, they were checking for broken bones. Let's not quibble over semantics.)

Truly, I am amazing.

August 01, 2007

It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game! ... Now With BEAU!

Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.

If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!

Bonus: caption it like a LOLcat.