We are out of crunchy treats.
OUT!!!

Now, the Man left a reminder on the Woman's desk this morning, and she went to the store but when she came back she realized she FORGOT to buy crunchy treats!

How could she??!?!?!?!

Tonight when they have their dinner and it's nothing I can have and she has no crunchy treats to give me instead, I am going to SHUN her.

That's right.

I am going to turn my back on her and not look at her AT ALL. That will teach her. People hate being shunned.

Plus, I am going to starve to death tonight.

I need my crunchies.

Don't let time run out on you! Last chance to donate to save the boobies and get a chance to win an Acer Aspire One netbook!

BoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobies

To donate, see the link in the sidebar to the right, ROCK THE PINK!
You might even win a netbook!

The People have decided to "eat better." I think I need to buy them a dictionary because their idea of better is food that the kitties can't share. Oh it's probably FINE for us to eat, but there's so little of it they're just not willing. It's pure selfishness, and I'm actually hungrier than usual because I count on those tiny bites to get me through the night.

Well, finally tonight we got some! There was salmon--which I normally don't care for--but the Woman didn't like hers so she had the Man cut it up into kitty sized pieces for us. I don't know how it was prepared, but it was actually good! It was FISHY GOODNESS!

I suppose tomorrow night they're going to have something else that's not kitty friendly, but tonight...tonight was good. I'm almost happy!

You guys know I like to entertain my people at 3 a.m. with these amazing vocal concertos, right? If I stand in just the right spot in the hallway the entire house fills with the Wonder of Max Music, and it is truly a beautiful thing.

Well, last night I started singing and I realized these people just don't deserve my full potential. They're always whining about it, so instead of giving it my best I just sang for myself. You know--instead of making the air swell with an awesome classical piece, I mostly hummed a personal version of Ozzy Osbourne. Or maybe Michael Buble.

The Woman woke up and actually got out of bed to stumble out into the hall, and told me I should just come crawl in bed with her! Like SHE FINALLY GETS MY INCREDIBLENESS! SO I did, I jumped up onto the bed and curled up on top of her. Well, kind of on top. She was on her side and she has this long body pillow she uses, so I stretched out on her and on it, like a hammock, and grabbed a bit if side boob to use as a pillow.

I thought she might want some up close and personal serenading, but I was so comfy I fell asleep. But I think she'll survive the disappointment. If not, I get the entire bed to myself!

---

Don't forget about trying to snag yourself a netbook for just a $5 donated to help save the boobies! See the post below for details.

All right. Book or not, let's Rock The Pink anyway!

Y'all know that Jeter's mom is gonna walk like 13 million miles in October to raise money to save the boobies, right? Boobies are expensive things when it comes to protecting them and saving them from the nasties. Even men have boonies! Imagine that!

She has a blog about it right here and you can go see the blister on her foot she got from training. I kinda wanna pop it.

But

The whole point to her walking until her feet fall off is to raise money for breast cancer research (eh..it's funnier to say SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!) And it would be nice if she walked knowing she had a bajillion dollars donated. So let's raise a little money to help that endeavor.

Because truly...without a couple of nice, squishy boobs, what would I set my head on while I'm napping on top of the Woman?

So...I'm taking little donations. $5. For every $5 you donate through my Save The Boobies link (see sidebar to the right of your screen) you get a chance at winning this:




It's an Acer Aspire One 8.9" netbook, very gently used (like just long enough to load a few things onto it) that comes preloaded with Microsoft Office 2007 (fully functional...the Woman chewed off one of her licenses to put it on there) and it's already protected by Zone Alarm. It's lighter than most cats so it's easy to carry around, and it has a spiffy Decal Girl skin on it. It's got Windows XP, and Intel Atom 1.6GHz processor, a gig of RAM and 130gig HD.

You want this, you really do.

For every $5, you get a shot at it. $25 = 5 chances.

Come on, rock the pink...let's raise some money to save a boob or two.

Donations will be accepted through August 1st at 11:59pm, and the winner be selected on August 2nd. So you got two whole weeks! Just 5 bucks!

And spread the word...
ROCK THE PINK!!!

First the good news:

Hendrix has a new blurpy! Go say hi!

And the not so good news...The book we were writing is dead in the water. The Woman is going to sit on the submissions she got, but there weren't enough of them to make up even a short book. This is disappointing, but we know it takes a lot of time to write and people and kitties just don't always have that kind of time.

She debated extending the deadline but she's facing one of her own and the timing is now off and everything...but we can try again another time.

We still want to raise money to protect the boobies, and the Woman is working on that. So stayed tuned, especially if you've had an itch lately to own a netbook...

Sometimes, waking the Woman up in the morning is an exercise in amusement for me. I've stuck my nose up her nostrils, put my face in her mouth; I have bounced off her tummy, her butt, and her boobs. I have even put my mouth so very close to her ear, and then meowed as loudly as possible.

Invariably, I get the desired result: she's up, awake and wondering What the &$## just happened??!?

But this morning. Oh man, this morning. I crawled on top of her and was going to curl up and wait nicely, but her head was positioned just so and her ear was right there in front of my face. It was begging me to do something.

Seriously, I heard it.

So I stuck my tongue in her ear.

Oh Holy Cat, you would not believe the ICK that lives in that Woman's ear! It was tons of this goopy, gross, disgusting JUNK and IT STUCK TO MY TONGUE!

I had to flick my tongue in and out of my mouth fifty two hundred times just to get half of it off and I was so bothered by it that I was practically dancing on the bed and she opened an eye and then said, "Gotta pee, Mister Max?"

And then she laughed at me! As if it was FUNNY!

Well.

There is nothing funny about her apparent lack of hygiene. Seriously. Don't people clean those things out? I mean, they need them to HEAR with, you'd think they'd keep them unobstructed from sound waves.

It does explain a lot, though. At least now I know why it always seems like my entirely polite requests fr crunchy treats seem to fall on deaf ears.

They're plugged up.

Sheesh.

It's hard to annoy the boogers out of a person when they refuse to stay home. Really now. Stop going out for rumbly bike rides and stay home so I can be a pain in your backside!

You guys are right; if I keep peeing inappropriately, the People will get all "Oh noes!" on me and drag me off to the stabby place. So I decided this weekend to just use the litter box like I'm supposed to. Instead of worrying them with my bladder, I decided to hide under the bed, which freaked the Woman out even more.

I could hear her walking up and down the hall calling out to me, but I was comfortable, dammit, and when a guy is comfortable he just doesn't jump up when some bimbo otherwise well intentioned female calls out to him. I heard her looking everywhere. She opened closet doors, she looked in the bathtub, and I even heard her open the door that leads into the room where the rumbly bikes sleep. She didn't quite panic because on some level I think she knew there was no way I could have--or would have--gotten out, but it was certainly starting to annoy her.

When you hear a People mutter "Where are you, you little $hit?" that's a sure sign of annoyance, and it's great fun to drive them to that point.

Eventually it occurred to her that she hadn't looked under the bed, but I think that was only because it was the only place she hadn't looked. She asked me if I was feeling all right, and to that I could only respond by turning around and showing her the glory of my former nads.

I think I need something new to pester her with this week. It doesn't have to be overtly creative, because obviously, she's easy to get to.

What to do, what to do...?

A couple of days ago, the Man cut a hole in the door that leads into the laundry room, where our litter box is. He stuck this thing in the hole to make it look nice, but face it, a hole it still a hole. Apparently, we are wxpected to use this hole to get to the litter box.

Well. I wasn't having any of that. So I peed on the bathroom floor.

Victory was mine and they opened the door. But why should I make it easy for them? There's no good reason for them to have it easy!

So this morning I peed in the empty laundry basket in the bathroom.

Now, the downside is that the Woman didn't get mad; she just cleaned it up and sprayed this enzyme stuff (that frankly doesn't work) and asked me if I was feeling all right. And then she went on about how I don't act sick or anything and the box was reasonably clean, so why am I peeing in her bathroom?

Duh.

Because I can.

Well...yeah...