January 25, 2016



January 04, 2016

It's all turned upside down

I’ve been trying to figure out why I haven’t been able to blog with the regularity I used to. I mean, I have plenty to talk about, because I live with people and they are ripe with disappointed blog fodder. I also live with Buddah, who is moving past his “Pest” name and heading right back to the original “Butt” designation. So what’s the deal? Why am I not blogging as much as I’m on Facebook?

It finally hit me this morning: it’s the Woman’s fault. She’s turned her sleep schedule around, supposedly to accommodate my need to be fed at 7am and my unwillingness to wait for the Man to get home, which means she’s going to bed a heck of a lot earlier than she used to. It’s thrown everything out of whack. I was used to the timing of things they way they’ve been for 14 years, not the way they are now.

The way they are now? She’s awake when I’m napping, and since she’s in bed at normal-people hours at night now, she’s not there to turn the computer on for me. I still get the hit-and-miss moments where I can check on FB, but not much time to sit and pour out my thinks. I’m surprised we’ve gotten my Mousebreath column done the last few weeks. Like, last night…she KNOWS Monday is coming and we used to sit down on Sunday nights to finish it and upload it, but last night she went to bed and didn’t help me until 7:15 this morning.

KITTIES WERE WAITING FOR THAT, WOMAN! I mean, sheesh, there are certain things expected of me, and one of them is that come midnight Pacific time, Ask Max Monday is there for everyone to read. I don’t even want to think of the crushing disappointment that my European and east coast readers felt this morning when it wasn’t there when they woke up.

Doods, I’m really sorry. She should know better.

On the upside, she IS helping me with my first piece of fiction, so I’m finding it hard to complain. Well, complain much. She doesn’t type as fast as I think, and it’s causing some issues.

Plus…well, she’s been grilling real live fresh dead steak for me every week, so that I can have it as bite-sized treats, and if I tick her off, the meaty goodness might stop.

You know what happens when you get real live fresh dead meat as a daily treat? You stop wanting dry treats and dry food, and you lose a little weight. Seriously, doods, this time last year I was over 18 pounds, now I’m bouncing between 16.8 and 17. Without even trying or suffering for it!

Hm. Maybe the Woman needs to eat what I eat. She’s always whining about losing weight.

Happy New Year, Doods. So far, it’s been spectacular. Well, other than my wrecked schedule, but what’s a guy gonna do?

January 01, 2016


Last night I was curled up in front of the fire, waiting for those people in New York to drop their ball again--clearly they are not ready for the big league because they never have been able to hold onto it, for like 108 years--and I was thinking about everything coming in the next year. I thought about a question I was asked, what would be some good new years' resolutions, because that's what one does for a new year, right?

And I was all set...eat more real live fresh dead things. Take an extra nap every day. Sit on the Woman's lap more.

Those all seemed really good things to resolve. But then I thought about it and realized that I don't need to have resolutions. I mean, I'll probably do those things anyway. And a resolution is supposed to be about making yourself better. Those things are what I want, not necessarily what I should be.

So I closed my eyes and decided to take a thinking-nap, and let my brain simmer while I dreamed, because making brain soup while you sleep can be a decent enough thing. And I thought up two things, maybe the only things that really matter.

That's it, doods.

Don't resolve to lose weight, stop with the 'nip, or to quit scratching the sofa. Tell yourself the truth: the extra weight is there because I eat more than I need to and move less than I should; nipping out has become a habit; something deep down is making me angry and I'm taking it out on something I can without worry it will hurt me back.

And being kind? That's always a good thing. There will always be someone who annoys you or is mean to you, but that doesn't mean you have to react the way they do. If you can be kind to others, eventually you become kind.

You don't need resolutions to fix yourself; you're already pretty terrific. If you have to do anything, just make those two promises to yourself...because if you're honest with yourself and kind to others, everything else will follow, sooner or later.

Now...that doesn't also mean don't make wishes. I made wishes. I wish for more real live fresh dead things to eat, because that's what I enjoy. I wish for prime napping spots without any Buddah interference, because napping is awesome. I wish for more lap time because it's good for the Woman. But I think in order for 2016 to be spectacular, I really only have to remember those 2 things.