Paws

Buddah and I are taking a very short blog break while we do the cute thing and try to make the people feel better.

The reason is here...

I was tagged by Kimo & Sabi to list 5 weird things about myself. However, since there is nothing weird about me, I will list five interesting things about me.

1. I can whisper
   
2. I have an internal clock that is eerily accurate--it always knows when it's time to eat
   
3. I can poop at will
   
4. I punch the Woman in the eye almost everyday
   
5. I have never had a bath by any means other than my own, unless you count getting my butt washed off with a rag.
   

Now the Woman, there are definitely some weird things about her...

1. She can't go anywhere alone for the first time
   
2. She'd rather go to the dentist than make a phone call
   
3. She thinks she had a brain tumor once, but I think someone has to have a brain for that first
   
4. She stabs herself every day
   
5. She's so lazy that she has a little fridge in her office so she doesn't have to go downstairs to get a soda
   

I could go on and on and on about her weirdness....

About moving...what I can gather from listening to the People talk, the guy that owns this house wants to sell it, so we have to move. The Woman thinks she's getting excited about it. See, another weird thing. I think she's insane.

Oh holy...

They said the M word again.
And they mean it.
They are not happy, and I am not going to be happy when it happens, either.
:::growls::

In case you didn't hear, Millie got her forever home AND a blog! Go say hi!

Added later:
New Cat Blog On the Block y'all gotta check out... Kimo & Sabi ... go one. Go see. I know you want to.

Summertime Secret Paws!

Today Buddah and I got our secret paws presents! And our secret paw was AYLA!!!!

She sent us mousies and nip balls, and a really cool kitty crack bag that I snagged all for my own. Buddah is having 32 kinds of fun with the mousies and nip balls...just as long as he stays away from my new crack bag!

The Woman added some pctures of us investigating the presents in her Flickr thingy, in the Summertime Secret paws folder.

THANK YOU AYLA!!!

Ooohyeah.

We're gonna do it. We're gonna write a book.

WEB PAGE WITH INFO IS HERE (clicky, clicky...)

...and there's a link to the right sie of the page, right up top, that will stay there.

Oks. Here's the deal. You don't have to be a "writer." You don't have to think you're super good. You just have to like to write. Poetry, essays, fiction, even black and white line drawings. Ideally we want to wind up with enough stuff to fill 100-200 pages of a 6 x 9 trade paperback book.

Write On!

• Stories should have something to do with kitties, but don't have to.
  
• It would be cool to have a big chunk of this by written "by the kitties," using their kitty names.
  
• There will be a section for Voice From The People, wherein stories, etc will be "by People."
  
• You will retain ALL RIGHTS to your work.
  

Hey Matthew! If you write something, we'll have a special chapter: The Sticky Little Person Speaks Out!

If we have everything submitted by October 15, the book should be ready to order by the first week of November, and in the major online bookstores by December 1st.

If you're artistic and are interested in doing a cover, that would totally be cool, too. A front cover image would need to be 6.5 x 9.5 CYMK at 300 dpi (important stuff should not be in the outer .5 inches...) in .tif or .png format (other formats can be used, but will be converted...)

WE'RE ALL GONNA BE FAMOUS!!!!!

Are you a writing kitty?

Do you have the talent for turning your thoughts into stories? Or essays? Or poetry?

If the answer is yes, then there's one more question:

Are you interested in writing a short story or essay or an adaptation of some of your blog stuff for an anthology of Kitty Fiction? The Woman is thinking of putting together a book of OUR wonderful work to be published in time for the holidays, with all the profits going to a suitable Kitty charity. It would be published by Inkblot Books and would be available in all the major online bookstores as well as through the publisher.

If you're a kitty and you like to write (and we all have blogs, so obviously we do!) and you think you might want to do this, please leave a comment. If there's enough interest, she'll get the ball rolling.

It would make a terrific holiday gift, plus it would buy some needed stuff for kitties in need.

Speak up if you think you might want to be in it!

Last week, the Woman closed all the blinds on the windows because it was hot out. It was hot OUTSIDE, not INSIDE, but she closed the blinds anyway, so Buddah and I couldn't see outside much. She left one window downstairs open and one upstairs, but both of those windows looked out to NOTHING worth seeing.

I got fed up with it. So yesterday I went from window to window, banging at the blinds until she got so fed up that she opened most of them. First she opened one in the living room and said "Are you happy now?" but no, it wasn't enough.

So she opened another and said, "Are you happy?"

I kept banging on blinds until she opened them all, and then when she said "Are you happy?" I looked at her and said "Well, no, but this will do."

If she wanted me happy, she should have given me some crunchy treats. I worked hard to get her to open those blinds. I deserved some crunchy treats!

It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game!



Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.

If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!

Buddah wised up. He decided he really didn't like the hairball goop after all, so he's refusing to lick it up. And since the People are--deep down--pansies, they caved and instead of trying to force it on either of us, they're giving us some crunchy food that has hairball stuff in it.

Now that I like. It means a little less Stinky Goodness, but not so much that I really notice it. Yet. They're skimming an ounce or so off each of our meals so we won't feel hungry. The last couple of nights the Woman has given us the crunchy food right along with our Stinky Goodness snack, and I actually couldn't eat it all.

Who'da thunk that? Me, not finishing food... And I'm not even sick!

I think the People are hiding from someone. Today the Woman closed almost all the blinds in the house, so we can't see out and people can't see in. Oh she says it's because it's so hot and she wants to keep the heat out, but I know better. She's in hiding.

She didn't chase me around with the camera today. She was too busy either sleeping or sitting in front of the TV drooling on herself. And she played with the computer a lot, putting pictures up at Flickr. This is cool; she can share my wonder with the world. And she can annoy people with her bike ride pictures.

If someone knows who the People are hiding from, let me know so I can turn them in for the reward.

They got a new camera today.
I must now go into hiding.
At least until snack time...

I was reading the comments in the last post and Princess Mia said her mom puts the goopy hairball stuff on her fur to make her eat it. The Woman actually told me she could do that. She said if she really wanted me to have it she would smear it on my paws and then I'd lick it off.

Oh really?

Fair warning: if that stuff gets smeared on my paws I am marching upstairs, jumping on the bed, and rubbing myself all over her pillow. And then I will poop on it.

The PsychoKitty Goop N' Poop.

I should trademark that...

Remember when I got so sick and I wasn't eating? The People got this tube of brown goop and they kept trying to jam some of it in my mouth; it was nasty and horrible and I didn't want it, and once I got my strength back I swore I would never let it anywhere near me again. Oh, they said I needed it because it had calories and would keep me from wasting away, but it was gross. Max doesn't do gross.

Yesterday the Woman comes home with a tube. And wouldn't you know it, it's brown goop. Now, I'm not sick, Buddah's not sick, and we're eating just fine, so I said to him "RUN!" as I scampered across the kitchen to hide under the table where she couldn't reach me, but he went over to her!

She squirted some of the goop out onto our plates and he started licking it right up. Evidently, Buddah does do gross.

While he lapped it up she bent over and said to me, "It's for hairballs, Furball. Try it, you'll like it."

No.
Way.
In.
Hades.

Then it occurred to her. "It's not the same stuff, I swear! This tastes like salmon!"

Yeah right. And when I lick my butt it tastes like sunshine and daffodils.

Buddah likes it, though. And she let him have my share. Since he has hairball problems and I don't, it works out. That's one treat he can have all to himself.

I figured it out this morning: how to defeat the squirt bottle.

The Woman keeps it right beside the bed, within easy reach, so she can aim it at me if I try to wake her earlier than she feels is necessary. I've knocked it away before she can get to it a few times, but that just ticks her off.

So this morning I just sat there and meowed a little bit; she reached for the bottle, as expected, but did not squirt me. All I had done was let out a little "hello?" and that just doesn't deserve a good squirting. I let her get hold of the bottle, and waited. I knew she was not exactly awake and would fall asleep with the bottle in hand. And I knew if she fell back asleep the bottle would tip to its side, and just lay there beside her.

When she was asleep and the bottle was safely on its side, I did what every cat should do. I laid down across the bottle.

And then I poked her in the eye.

:::poke:::
"Wake up. I'm hungry."
:::poke:::
"Come on, I know you're in there."
:::poke:::
"This hurts you more than it hurts me. Get up!"

Heh.

Oh, she opened that eye and muttered, "Don't think I won't grab you by the tail and swing you around the room like a little kitty helicopter," but I knew better. She was awake, and once she's awake, I can pretty much count on breakfast within 5 minutes.

But just in case, I took my tail and jumped off the bed, where Buddah was waiting to be sat on.

All in all, a very good morning.

If Buddah and I Were Penguins...



The Woman is upset because Buddah flinches if I approach him from behind when he's eating. Well of course he does! Once in a while, when a People is not paying attention, I bite Buddah on the butt while he's eating. Sometimes he runs away and I get to finish his food, but mostly, I do it because I can.

That's nothing to get upset over.

Really now.

Hey...whomever amongst you is signing me up for crap like Neopets and Bratz and other assorted online garbage...please stop.

She asks, "Is that kitty bothering you?"

We're at the back door, hissing and spitting and pounding on the glass. No, we're just so happy about that rude kitty being there that we could just pee right on the spot.

At least she didn't go outside and pet it this time. It's bad enough that she's leaving water on the back porch for it.

If she starts feeding it, we're going to have to have a long discussion, one that involves teeth and blood.

Eh, you think his new little friend will keep him out of my hair?



I didn't think so...

It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game!



Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.

If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!