March 10, 2013

Stuffs, and...stuff

Doods...did you know that if you have Amazon Prime and a Kindle, you can borrow my new book FOR FREE? That's, like, ZERO dollars and cents. And you can also borrow some of the Woman's books, too. FOR FREE. In fact, I think there's only one of hers that isn't free to borrow, and that's because it's to raise money for boobies.

My other books...nope, not free to borrow. Yet. We're thinking about that. They're pretty cheap to begin with, less than two bucks each. We might be re-formatting them soon, because they don't look right on some of the non-Kindle devices, so once we do that...perhaps.

Those who ordered a pawtographed print copy; UPS says the books will get to me on Tuesday. I'll sign them and address them and hopefully the Woman will get them to the post office no later than Thursday. I think there will be 5 leftover copies, have time to buy one.


I was thinking about doing a bunch of essays, you know, my opinions of things, but I need topics. Things cats would think about and worry about and muse over. And things I haven't written about a lot before, like why the hell I don't get food when I want it and as much as I want. Or the stabby guy. I don't wanna beat a dead horse while I write, because that's just mean. Plus, it attracts flies.

The Man feeds us in the morning when he comes home from passing gas, but I still wake the Woman up at an appropriate time because, hey, she needs to get up and be productive. This morning I went in to wake her and she was all "Oh come on, Max, it's too early, leave me alone, it's not even 8 o'clock yet."

She needs this runs around the room
Well. No. For one, it's not my fault she stayed up until 3 in the morning reading and watching that TV show on MSNBC about men in prison. For another, it was a lot later than 8. My internal clock said it was 9, but the clock by the bed said it was 10, so I got really close to hear head and kept meowing in her ear.

When she finally looked at the clock she muttered, "Holy hell," but did she apologize for grumping at me? Did she thank me for not letting her sleep so late that she would have had a really hard time sleeping tonight? NO. She did NOT. Some day she's going to appreciate all I do for her, and it will give me a heart attack.

I'll give her a few points...last night she made real life fresh dead cow for dinner; it was a huge chunk of roast beast and she made it in the What A Crock Pot, and doods, it was delicious. I had to smell it cooking all day, so I knew I had to be extra good while the ate to make sure I would get a bite. Even Buddah scarfed it down.

Tonight is real live fresh dead chicken. I have to smell it cooking all day, too.

If only she would cook like this every day. She'd be thinner, and I'd be happier. Because, doods...Crocked real live fresh dead anything pretty much makes up for the lack of appreciations we suffer every day.


Gemini and Ichiro said...

You know you could call "Eat Purr Love" or better still, Eat Purr Sleep" about the importance of eating and sleeping, which humans don't really appreciate. I mean they eat junk and they don't rest. And maybe an essay on sitting in front of the fire and how that's the best thing ever.

Karen Jo said...

I get my Mom up sometimes, too, but not always. She's pretty good about getting up to feed us. I'm glad you like people food. None of us do, though Rocio thinks he does sometimes and bugs Mom for a bite, then won't take it.

The Island Cats said...

We gotta get the mom to order our copy of your book. Max, before you come out with your next book. :)

Mark's Mews (Ayla, Marley, and Laz) said...

1. What IS that huge thing what lives in our house?
2. Cloth Mousies: Real or Not?
3. Are dry crunchies symbolic of mousie skulls, or are they legitimate pleasures on their own?
4. Eating Mousies; Leave the feet or not (A question of essential nutrients)
5. Calculating birdie flying habits from 4 feet below.
6. Window-killed birds; Is that prey or scavenge (subtitle: Does it matter if it is still warm?
7. Favorite litterbox: Is that Obssessive?
8. Wand or Free-Mouse toy? A Question of exercise versus reality
9. Should treats be the regular food flavor or and "antipasto"? One cat's opinion
10. Are evil skwerls catchable? Two views.

Oh wait, mebbe WE should write that one...

Mighty Kitty said...

Mighty kitty here.Well we sometimes thinks about how to get our furs to relax when we gets hurricanes with big winds and rains. It wasn't as bad here as on the coast but it was still very scary. We also thinks a lot about why the people at the stabby place don't change to the thermometer that they have for babies that reads a fever from the ears! Sure would be more comfortable and less humiliating for us! Do you know the reason why people stay up so late? Want to read your essays Mr. Max. Thank you for asking what we likes to hear.

KitKat said...

Oh Max I am reading Bite Me on my new kindle. I love it. I cried so much when Hank went to the bridge. I'm just getting to know Buddah.
Crock pots are cool.
Angel Normie, Mika, Sasha & Grady Lewis

Unknown said...

Wowzers Max,
Marks Mews has the bestest questions, and what's with the spam? How does they escape the filters! Me gots spammed on Facebook! Can yous believes that?
No, its me Nellie and me is not spam.

Just Ducky said...

Mum is slipping, she hasn't downloaded your book yet. Mum cooks but not in a big pot all day long.