Last night the woman got up in the middle of the night. She was moaning and groaning and holding her tummy. She probably ate to much or something. The Man got up and they left before the sun was even up and when it was time to feed two hungry kitties you know what happened?? Absolutely nothing!!! They never came back!! Just when I was about to pass out from starvation the Man finally came home to feed us.

He got on the phone and called the Grandma. It turns out that he took the woman to the people stabby place and left her there!! He said they ripped her guts out! It turns out that she has something called a "gallbladder" and its broken. Maybe they will give her a new one.

Today, about an hour after the Man woke up, the People decided they didn't want to eat at home so they were going to eat at some guy named Denny's. That works about as well for me as them eating food that Jenny Craig gives them...so I was a little annoyed. I was good all day long, dammit! And last night, when the Woman didn't take her drugs that make her not pee all night long-and she did it on purpose, go figure--I didn't jump up and down on her bladder and I didn't get in her way when she got up every freaking hour. So they were supposed to stay home and make something kitty friendly that I could share.

But no, they decided Denny could do all the work tonight and left me at home, starving to death. So when they came home, I ignored them a little bit, because truly they deserved to be punished.

But later, when the Man was making his lunch to take when he goes to pass gas, the Woman got up and went into the kitchen too and got this little black box out of the fridge, and on it the box said DENNY'S. And she pulled chicken out of it! And she cut it up and gave it to us! AND Buddah didn't want his so I got that, too!

So clearly, Denny is a really stand up guy to end chicken home for the kitties. I would like to meet him and thank him, but we all know the odds of the people bringing him home.

He makes some REALLY good chicken, dooods! Like, wicked awesome!

The Woman knows this other woman, and she's a really amazing artist (not the Woman, the OTHER Woman...the Woman can't draw a straight line and likes these weird ass color combos that would freak out a blind man...) Anyway, check this out:




She's putting her artwork on t-shirts and cards and stuff...the Woman has this picture on a t-shirt and it's pretty cool. She's got lots of other cat things, too.

She has several online stores but the Woman got the shirt at her Zazzle shop.

Here's the hard sell...her husband was laid off almost a year ago and they could use all the sales hits they can get. So now might be the time to do a little early holiday shopping.

At least go take a look. I swear, her stuff is wicked cool.

oh my gawd oh my gawd oh my gawd oh my gawd oh my gawd oh my gawd oh my gawd
LOOK AT THIS!!!



The Younger Human came over AND BROUGHT HIS DOG! And it got IN MY BED! And it slobbered ON MY TOY! AND...AND...AND...The Woman gave it some of MY crunchy treats!!!

I don't think I'll ever recover.

I need to go lie down now.

You know that Jenny Craig woman that's just made my life miserable because she's been feeding my people and giving them such tiny meals that there's not enough to share? She totally broke up with the Woman! She'll feed the Man, but I guess she took one look at the Woman and realized "Hey, this [beep] totally cheated on me with the Pizza Guys!" and she said "NO MORE FOOD FOR YOU!"

So now the Woman has to feed herself, which means REAL FOOD! And I bet she makes enough to share with me, because if she doesn't I will sneak into the bathroom and rub my butt on her toothbrush.

Look! I got a gizzy!




Mmm...I think it tastes a little like Millie...



This is so awesome!!!

Man, I have been trying to get at the computer for=, like DAYS, but the Woman has been "busy." She says she's been formatting all her books for something called "Smashwords" but really, all I see is her sitting here saying A LOT if inventive words...

Supposedly once she does this her books (in eReader form) will be available at Barnes & Noble, kind of like they are at Amazon.

But notice the most important part: she's doing HER books. Not mine. HER BOOKS.

Clearly, she does not have her priorities right. We all know who sells the most books.

It sure as heck ain't her...

Dooods...yesterday was awesome! There were so many kitty pictures and posts and videos online yesterday that WE TOTALLY WON!!! Maybe now they'll learn that without cats, the Internet would COLLAPSE. Totally it would.

Dooods. We must spread the word to stop the insidiousness of hat a bunch of PEOPLE are trying to do---they want A DAY WITHOUT CATS ON THE INTERNET!




We can't let this happen! THERE MUST BE CATS ON THE INTERNET! So tomorrow, help me thwart their evilness by posting a picture of yourself on your blog. Post anything! Just post!

THEY MUST NOT WIN!!!

Ohmygosh. This kitty...this kitty is...something is wrong with this kitty!!! THE HORROR!!! I can't even speak of it, you just have to watch for yourself.




I have to go lie down now.

Ok, I have a massive case of Teh Fail at blogging this week. The Woman has been hogging the computer, but what else is new? And Buddah's all I'm famouser than you! which is really annoying because it's just not true. But, he got his in the end...he must have eaten a thread, because tonight the Woman had to pull it out of his asterisk, and folks, that was just funny.

Oh man. Last night, I was sleeping on the big bed with the fuzzy blanket, and the Woman was sleeping under it (the blanket, not the bed) and the thing that lives in the ceiling said it was time for dinner.

The problem is that it was 4:15 in the morning and no one was cooking. And even the Ceiling Thing didn't seem too impressed, because it yelled kind of pathetically. The Woman was all kinds of pissed off because she'd been sleeping pretty good but only for like an hour and a half.

She got up and went to get a ladder, and dang! She got up there and yanked it out of the ceiling and opened its guts up and ripped stuff out! She's never been that mad at me, but I think I better reconsider my plans to head butt her at 3 in the morning for a while.

She shoved some other stuff in it and jammed it back onto the ceiling, but I think it learned its lesson because it shut up after that.

I think I would have, too.

OMG WE GOT STEAK!!!

The People went out today and when they came back, they had steak! For US! Given the sorry state of special treats around here lately, that was like AWESOME!

And it wasn't just a tiny tiny piece, the Woman gave us each pieces that started out about an inch big that she cut into bite sized for us. It was soooo good.

There was also present-opening, hich leads me to think I was not reminded of someone getting old, but really, I got steak so I don't care.

The Woman has this friend who lives in Wisconsin; they've been friends for longer than I've been alive, which is saying a lot. Like, who knew? The Woman was able to make friends at one point in her life. Yeah, I can't believe it either.

Since the Woman is getting old, her friend sent her presents this week. In the package was this:



Ducks.

You should have seen Buddah. Holy crap, she pulled those rubber duckies out of the package and he went apechit trying to get at them. She teased him by saying they weren't for kitties, but he wasn't giving up. I've never seen a kitty try to get at something the way he was trying to get at those ducks, not unless it was like real live fresh dead shrimp, or an itchy place on his fun parts.

They're Ninja Ducks so I think after the lights get turned out tonight they'll hide and he'll spend the next week looking for them.

That's like a present for me, since it means he'll stay out of my hair fur.

Way cool.

Dusty, The Cat Who Came Before Me



The Woman found this picture while poking through old files. It used to make her sad to see pictures of Dusty because she was not ready for her to go off to the Rainbow Bridge, but this time it made her smile.

You can kinda tell that she didn't feel very well when the picture was taken--it was probably a month or so before she went to the Bridge--but she still posed for the camera.

Dusty was kinda grumpy. I think that's why I like seeing pictures of her. We woulda gotten along just fine...

Gah...tonight the Man and I were actually playing; I was stretched out on the bed with the fuzzy blanket and he was batting at me with his hands and I was batting back with my mighty paws, and after a little bit I jumped into the laundry basket. The Woman dumped a bunch of dirty clothes on top of me, but that didn't stop me. I kept playing with him, biting his hand through wads of her dirty t-shirts. And honestly, I was having fun for once.

And you know what she did? She made him stop! He said he was going to call into work and tell them he couldn't come because he was playing with the cat, and she made him get his stuff and leave! Like passing gas is more important than playing with me!

Last night I stretched out on her pillow and petted her face. I think tonight I'll curl up on her pillow again, but this time I'll let loose with a mighty fart. 'Cause truly, she deserves it.

The Woman is still being selfish and keeping all that Jenny lady's food to herself and not giving me even a tiny bite, so I hocked up a hairball on her bathroom rug. Right where she would step in it if she didn't turn the light on.

And she didn't.

Heh.

Okay so my people decided they were gonna start eating better and they wanted to shed some girth because apparently that gets in the way of things they think are fun but I find just plain disgusting and I don't even wanna go there, really. They decided this before the man had that scare thinking his heart was broken, so they've been eating better for like 5 weeks now.

Kitties...this is not a good thing. The food they eat now? It smells good and all but there's so little of it that they refuse to share! It used to be that if I sat there very politely I would get a tiny taste of whatever they had for dinner unless it was going to make flames shoot out my asterisk, but now? Not a chance. They're =this= close to sticking their faces down and licking their plates clean.

Now every week they go see this person Jenny Craig and she sells them the food they're going to eat all week. Kind of like a crack dealer for fat people. I mean really, they could do crack and get the same results and have a lot more fun, I think, but they seem to like this Jenny person.

But Jenny Craig does not give them enough food to share with the kitties. She gives them these tiny, tiny meals and then makes them eat fruits and vegetables, which I cannot stand. This tells me that Jenny Craig is rude and inconsiderate.

This also tells me something very important: Jenny Craig must be pooped upon.

I just don't know how to get the people to bring her here, where this can be accomplished, instead of going there every week.

But clearly, she must be pooped upon.

This morning, I was really nice to the Woman. I climbed on top of her at 8 o'clock and waited very patiently until it was time for her to wake up. She sleeps later than most people do, because deep down she is lazy, and I can say that because it's not like it's some huge secret. I waited and purred and occasionally petted her face, and when it was time for her to wake up I climbed onto her pillow, put my face right by her ear and said, very gently, WAKE UP I AM HUNGRY!!!

Well, now. You'd think I stabbed her in the eat with a Q-tip or something.

In spite of my niceness she didn't jump up and open my can of Stinky Goodness. No, she feels like she can take the time to visit the giant litter box room, where she takes care of biznezz and drugs up. And just to annoy me now she stands on this thing that says "GET OFF ME YOU'RE FAT."

I think the goal is to stand on it every day until it says, "Well, ok. That's not too bad." But until then she's KILLING it and I don't think it's happy, not at all.

See, she's tormenting EVERYONE in the morning when we'd all be happy if she would just get up and feed me!