My Wildest Dream Come True...?



I was playing online and went to Fark and clicked on a link that had another link it it, and I clicked on that and found I Can Has Cheezburger? and you have to go there, but be careful or you might laugh stuff right out your nose, and that can hurt.

Okay, not only did the People let a strange man into the house today (they said he was inspecting stuff; they weren't thrilled but I guess the man who owns the house said they had to let the guy inspect... and now the owner is gonna be mad cause the inspector guy says he has to pay to fix the fence. Heh) but the Man tested all the fire alarms. One right after the other. It was beep-beep-beep for like FIVE minutes.

I went into the Younger Human's room and hid under his bed while the beeping was going on, but when the inspector guy was here I just curled up on his bed and snoozed.

Tonight, when I'm trying to sleep, I think I'm gonna hear beep beep beep in my head all night long...

You know, it's really kind of mean for a person to bring home a bag with about 50 cans of Stinky Goodness in it, and then stack the cans in the cupboard with the kitty watching, and then not open one for the kitty. Just sayin'...

You know, I am nothing if not considerate. Truly. Take this morning; after breakfast my tummy didn't feel very well, and while I was on top of one of the climbing towers I realized I needed to hurl. Now, I could have done it right there in the Woman's office, spewed forth all over the tower and the carpet, but no. In the midst of my agony I jumped down and went to the wood floor to barf, where it is much, much easier to clean.

For her part, the Woman expressed appreciation and said I was a good boy for making it to the wood floor. But did she reward my efforts? No! I should have gotten a few crunchy treats, for the effort and to refill my now empty tummy. All I got was pet on the head.

A pet on the head is all well and good, but it did nothing for my hunger, and she didn't give me anything to eat until dinner time!

Just for that, I might not sleep in the same room with her tonight. Let's see how she enjoys a Maxless night.

Ok...I decided to stop ignoring the Woman and start sitting on her every chance I get. Sometimes she likes it, but a lot of the time it just annoys her, especially if she's trying to concentrate on something. But I'm not trying to punish her exactly, 'cause after listening to her and the Man talk, I suppose they had a good reason for being gone. Plus, the Younger Human was here to take care of us, and he fed us pretty well.

Some of you know because you read the Woman's blog...but her Mom's (that would be the Grandma we haven't met) heart attacked her and they had to get inside a giant lipstick tube that hurtled through the air to go see for themselves that the Grandma's heart did not explode or anything. I guess they were very very worried for a while that other thingies inside the Grandma's body were going to make her heart want to go to sleep or something, but the guys in the white coats with pokey-stabby things did some kind of Mojo inducing medical magic, and she started looking better and feeling better. But she doesn't really want to eat, and the People want her to eat. I tried to tell them to send her the extra special Fancy Feast Stinky Goodness because EVERYONE who tries it loves it, but I don't think they heard me.

Yesterday I heard the Woman on the phone thingy talking to one of her 163 sisters and she said the Grandma is in rehab, smoking her crack pipe, and they're going to torture her! I know stabby places can be scary, but that sounds like the scariest.

Oh, wait...she only has three sisters, and the rehab is something called physical therapy, and the crack pipe is some kind of breathing treatment so her lungs feel better.

It's a good thing the Younger Human did such a good job of opening cans for me and Buddah, cause the People are going to ride another lipstick tube in a couple of months to go back. They make it sound like they want to see all those people again, but after really listening, I think they're going in order to swipe #2 sister's Way Cool TV set. She better hide it.

Holy cripes...not only were the Woman and the Man gone for a week, but they came back and they smell like DOG!!!

I am summarily ignoring them both, even though I am staying in the same room with the Woman. I have to make sure she's not cavorting with the woofies on any kind of regular basis.

And you know what? They didn't even bring us any presents.

Of all the rude...

The Woman just informed me that she and the Man are going somewhere and Buddah and I won't be able to get online the whole time they're gone! No, I don't want to go with them, but she could at least leave the computer on for me! I might miss something!!! They're going to be gone for a whole week!

We won't be in any danger of someone forgetting to feed us like what happened to Fat Eric, because the Younger Human is going to be here, but I don't think he'll have time to turn the computer on for me. He actually has a life.

Eh, maybe he'll let us have a Kitty Crack party...

Try not to miss us too much, and as soon as the Woman gets back she'll let me blog, or I'll poop on her pillow...

Ok. I'm being nice here for a minute, but only because I know who has the thumbs that open my Stinky Goodness most of the time. The Woman has a new blog venture and she wants to share it with the world, which might be a good thing since she's not actually writing the entries. It's called Dear So And So... and it's a place for people to send the letters they would like to write but can't really send to the people they mean them for (yeah, that's people logic for you.) She doesn't know how to promote very well, so basically I'm doing it. Go peek. We might learn thing sabout the humans in our lives. Oh, and if you let your people go there, tell them to scroll down to Dear Sean, it's the letter that really started it all, but they might need Kleenex while they read it.

I was going to write a letter for it but she said it's a serious blog, and obviously I'm not serious enough for her. When she said that I seriously leaned back, hiked a serious leg up, and seriously had myself a nice after dinner mint.

Seriously.

It is not a good thing when a person looks over the side of the bed at exactly the same moment that the kitty is jumping onto the bed.

The only good thing is knowing that because she has the bigger head, she probably has the bigger headache...

All righty...

The Woman actually did give Buddah and I some Stinky Goodness the other night (morning) when she was disrupting our night by being up and in the living room at 3:30 in the freaking morning. Just before she went back to bed she opened a can and while we were eating she said she hoped it would hold us over past our usual breakfast time.

We let her sleep until 10. That was generous of us, don't you think?

I just hope she doesn't make a habit of that. I don't like it when People are wandering around the house when they're supposed to be asleep. I think if the Younger Human doesn't celebrate his birthday more frequently, everything should be back to normal.

Whatever normal is...

It is not nice for people who usually sleep all night long to go to bed then get up and turn lights on and make a lot of noise when they were only in bed for an hour. It keeps me awake, and now I'm hungry, but you can bet no one is going to take pity on me and give me some Stinky Goodness. No, the Woman is just going to sit there and watch TV and ignore me. She's not even making a lap for me! If you're going to be up at 3:30 in the freaking morning and not feeding the kitty, the least you can do is let him curl up in your lap!

In my effort to be a better cat, I have decided to do the following:

• Let Buddah have part of my breakfast, because he is a hungry little kitty.
  
• Stop punching the Woman in the eye to wake her up.
  
• Cease head-butting Buddah down the stairs.
  
• Resist the temptation to growl just because I'm ticked off.
  
• Wait until the Woman says it's time to eat, instead of bugging her for 2 hours ahead of time.
  

Sheesh.

First it's contaminated wheat gluten. Then it's rat poison. Now it's fertilizer used on the wheat gluten, something that's also used to make certain types of plastic. Now it might be in a prescription dry cat food.

Cripes, people, all we want to know is what's killing our friends? And what's safe for us to eat? Please stop second guessing each other and make sure the problem is fixed.

Someone needs to give me some crunchy treats, because I'm all stressed out right now. Um, yeah. Really. So give me treats. Or Stinky Goodness. I'll be happy with either...

All right. This is what I think.

I think that if one kitty is running down the hall, screaming, and the other kitty is running behind him with his mouth attached to the first kitty's butt, the biting kitty should suffer some kind of time-out, or maybe even get their furry little hide duct taped to the nearest solid object.

That's what I think.

Heh. Buddah got yelled at tonight. We ran up the bookcases and got onto the wall cutout place, and he tried to wrestle with me up there--he even tried to bite! The Woman heard and came stomping out of her office and shook her finger at him and said "You do not do that up there!"

I thought the little squirt was going to cry. He jumped down and then ran up the stairs and did a lot of sucking up to her, being all cute and getting her to pick him up and hug him, but it was really sweet for that minute or two when he was the one in trouble instead of me.

The Woman wants to know if I intentionally shoved my butt into her face while stomping around on her lap this evening.

Really, I think if that had been an intentional act, it would have been accompanied by a really good toot or two...at the very least.

Come to think of it, how do I know it wasn't her whacking her face at my butt instead? Hmmm...

Holy crap.

The Woman has the news on while she pretends to work, and they're saying the problem with the recalled pet food is rat poison.

A rodenticide.

How freaking painful is it to die like that? On behalf of my fellow felines, I'm kinda pissed right now. No, I'm seriously pissed off. When they thought it was contaminated wheat gluten I was thinking that's sad, but it's a kind of thing that might not always be caught in quality control.

But poison doesn't just fall into a vat of cooking food. It just doesn't. And if it's placed anywhere near food preparation, that's just wrong.

I won't even get into the fact that the rodenticide in question is banned in the U.S.

I'm going to go do something destrctive now, because I am really, really upset.

To answer a comment in my last post... Ohio itself isn't Evil, we just lived in Evil Ohio. If ya wanna read about it, you have to buy We Are The Kitties ;)

Heh.

And the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower...the People got it at a pet store here when I was just a kitten. It was my first climbing thingy, and it's always been put in fun places where I can stalk the People. The problem is, the Woman doesn't remember what the company that makes it calls it. They didn't have the foresight to understand its true power, and proper place in the lineage of all things feline.

Now, if I could only keep Buddah off of it.

LOOK!!!


The Supreme Commander kitty Tower! That's what the man was working on in the back yard, making all that noise! And the Woman was right, we missed it but we forgot we were missing it until it was back in the house! The Man replaced a shelf thingy that was fun to sit on in the top cubby place, so it's comfy again. The shelf that used to be there got lost when we moved from Evil Ohio. He took some wood and made a piece of it fit.



Buddah can fit in the cubby; I'm not so sure I can, at least not comfortably. I'm just glad to have my tower back! The best part aside from being tall on it is that we can jump from it onto the table...that will come in handy when the People are having a really good dinner.

The Man was doing something in the back yard today; it was very noisy so I didn't sit by the window to watch, but the Woman says that it's for me and Buddah, and we'll be very happy when he's done.

I want to know what it is! And no one will tell me!

The only hint she'll give is that it's something we already own but haven't had since we moved, and we miss it and don't even realize we miss it.

=sigh=

I'm ready for my snack now. If she won't tell me what it is then I want snack early tonight. Tonight is a flavor we haven't had in YEARS. Or since we started getting the other food. It's got cod and sole and shrimp! Earlier we had tender roast beef. I wonder if the Stinky Goodness people thought they were being cute when they named that. It's roast beed made into a mushy mess. Of course it's tender. But it's tasty, so I suppose they can call it anything they want.