It's Derby's birthday, and in honor of it everyone is celebrating 'Tocktober!

This is as close to our 'tocks as the Woman could get...



Happy Birthday, Derby!

The Woman thinks that when she took this picture I was looking off to the kitchen in hopes of food.

But really? I heard the Man say something about calling the dood who cleans the fire box thingy so that we can turn it on and have fires.

Dooods! That means fire box thingy weather is coming!

I have missed lying in front of it and getting my furs all toasty and warm. Summer is nice with the cold air blowing thingy and all, but nothing beats a good fire roasting your chestnuts.

Well...except maybe some primo nip. And crunchy treats And Stinky Goodness. But it's definitely in the top ten.

Doods, Look!

THIS KITTY GOT HIMSELF A VISHUS DEER!
AND LOOK WHERE HE STUCK IT!




Yeah, I think if I had caught one and jammed it into the wall, I'd be riding it, too...

Hey doods, today is Commander Spitfire's birthday. His blog is new, and it would be really cool if a bunch of us went over there and said hi and happy birthday. He's a year old! We all remember how exciting that was, right?

KILL THE SHEETZ!



Really...she can't change them without my help...

Doods, a fellow kitty needs your brains. Or actually his person needs your brains. Kind of like all people need help with brains, but this is specific brain-trust need.

OK. Wendell's person is looking at an apartment that's on the 10th floor, and it has ancient windows that open to the outside--no screens. It's not especially cat-safe and needs to be...if no good ideas can be coughed up, she's going to pass on the apartment, and other than the window issue it sounds like a good one.

So...ideas, please. What can be done to make these windows Wendell-safe, so that he doesn't accidentally plummet 10 stories down?

Baby gates are a no-go, the ASPCA says no.

Mucho thanks in advance.

DOOODS!



I don't know what he just ate, but I think we need some Vishus Deer Repellent, just in case...

Okay, so the Man finally went and got the Woman from her boobie walk; she's so slow that it took her longer than I thought it would. Three freaking days! I thought it was going to be one. I mean, she was so slow that she had to stop and sleep outside a couple of nights, and one night she was really, really cold but then Diva Kitty's mom told her how to be less cold (I think it was, DUH, yer kinda stoopid, you should probably learn how zippers work before going out in public) so when she had to sleep outside a second night, she wasn't miserable.

And in spite of all that practice, she still doesn't have it down pat. Monday she was walking like someone had shoved a broomstick up her asterisk, and it wasn't much better yesterday. And she says she can't feel her toes. Well, duh, lady, your fat asterisk + boobie walking = squishing nerves. But she's whining about it, and that annoys me.

Ya know, I get that walking for boobies is hard work but come on. Shut up and feed me already.

She and the Man took a lot of pictures and there were some, um, interesting people walking for boobies and helping the walkers walk for boobies. If you want to see them, CLICK HERE.

Lots of other things went on while she and DKM and Jeter's Mom and Skeezix's Food Lady and DKM's cousin were boob walking. I heard her tell the Man than Jeter's Mom wanted her to sing but she didn't know the words, and then later it was just funnier to not sing, but really? I know the truth. She was afraid that if she started singing their heads would explode and she'd be responsible for them not being able to finish walking.

Oh and dooods! People cheered and clapped for them while they walked! It's like total strangers knew that they'd been practicing and were happy that they were doing it and not falling over! People were so happy for them that they gave the boobie walkers candy (kinda like giving me crunchy treats, I think) all day long and there was one guy--he must have smelled them coming--gave them moist wipes to clean up with.

And look what they found!


Heh.

The Woman keeps talking and talking and talking about it...I mean, I like hearing about my friends' people and it just affirms for me that my friends are cool and have raised their people right, but come on. SHUT UP AND FEED ME!

But you know what the most important thing is?

THE COLD AIR BLOWING THING IS FIXED!

Doods! THE COLD AIR BLOWING THING IS BROKEN!!

BROKEN!!!

And the Man didn't go back and get the Woman, so it's safe to say he just left her there.

Chances are, she did something to deserve it.

Ok, the Man came home without the Woman. It's fricking hot in this house and I was kinda-sorta glad to see his opposable thumbs, because that meant he could turn the cold air blowing thingy on, but he left the Woman!

So either all that walking practice was for nothing and she's so bad at it that it's taking her for-freaking-ever to walk, or he got fed up and just left her there. Or maybe he just forgot her!

Meh. As long as he's willing to use his thumbs to open cans for me, whaddo I care?

Ok, so the Woman is getting really excited about this walk she's going on, but dang, doods, I didn't know she was going to drag a bunch of crap along with her. Seriously, she got this giant bag on wheels and is taking it with her! I hate to tell her, but that's some serious baggage to be dragging along for 60 miles, and I don't think any of her friends that are walking are going to want to help her with that.

And she's obsessing over the stupidest things. Like an extreme addiction to diet soft drinks. I'm pretty sure that she'll pass a convenience store or two while she walks. I mean, she does when she's practice walking. And I looked online, San Francisco has a lot of stores. One of them is gonna have a diet soda.

She's worried about her meds wearing off and having to pee a lot. Well, duh, stop and pee. I looked up places for that, and San Francisco has like a giant litter box, so I'm pretty sure she can use that.

Oh yeah, dooods, she pees a lot. Like, so much you wouldn't wanna share a litter box with her because in one afternoon it would be too unpleasant to step in.

She hasn't asked me what she can do about it, though. Maybe she knows she won't like my answer.

Like, what does a person do when they pee their fricking brains out every day?

Depends.

Ahhhahahahahahahahaa yeah, I slay me.

Ok, Dooods, the calendar is winding down on the walk some of our people are doing in order to support one of my favorite things.

BOOBIES!!!


They're all organized into a team and chit, and are going to camp near the water in SF, which I find kinda bizarre, but whatever floats their bloats. I'd go find someplace warm to sleep and poop, but that's just me. The important thing is

BOOBIES!!!


If you haven't had a chance to, and you wanna help their effort, they're all still fund raising, so take a peek at their team page, go "eenie meenie mighty Max" and pick one to whom you wanna toss a buck or two. I'll make it easy. Click on their team logo, that'll take you to their team page.



Oh! And if you want a shot at some cool prizes, Skeezix's Food Lady is doing a Prize Thingy! Seriously, she's got some really cool chit, so at least go look at her blog.

And guys...you doods really rock. There's been some serious coinage raised so far...all to

SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!

Whoa. I am remiss in my relaying of important news. My apologies.

THE FOUNTAIN GOT FIXED!!!

The Woman didn't have a clue about it, but the Man did surgery on it (I think he learned how while he passes gas) and after he stabbed the heart of it with a knife, it started working again. So the crisis passed, and I am now able to drink when I want to.

I think the Woman is relived, because she really didn't want to go buy a new one. And you know she would have.

:::crack o'da whip:::

Arr, mateys... T' worst thin' that can happen t' a guy on Talk Like A Pirate Day...his water fountain breaks. And without a water fountain he can't drink. And what decent pirate doesn't tip back a pint o'whatever??

It's broked, broked, broked....It sits thar and nothin' be comin' out! How can I get anythin' t' drink?

Really, someone has t' pay for this. It should prob'ly be Buddah. Just because. Anyone got a plank I can make him walk?

Yo ho ho and a bottle o'rum, and all that... dammit.

Every freaking night, the Woman opens a can for us and then putters around the kitchen while we eat; when we're done she asks, "Was it good?"

Seriously?

Woman, did you not hear the sounds we were making while we ate? Did you not threaten to hold onto the counter lest you get sucked into the vortex? Do you not know what "Mmmm snarf snarf snarf" means?

Really, it sucked.

=sigh= People...

Hahahaha I was just at Jasper's blog and he talks about a spelling bee with words that sound dirty, and this was my captcha:



=snort=

It made me laugh.

My lap time has been woefully lacking lately; the Woman usually has her computer on her lap and doesn't leave any Max room (and yeah, once in a while I try to get on it anyway, but it's just not comfy) so while she was asleep last night I body slammed her a few times, stepped on her nipples, and did other things to make her wake up and give ne head skritches. And doods, it totally worked! She woke up and paid attention to me! Well, yeah, some of that attention was wrapped in words that are on lotsa kitty's bad words list and she rolled over and went back to sleep, but when she was in that in-between place of being asleep and pissed off, she totally petted me and rubbed my chin and head.

Yo! By declaration from The Most Awesome Derby, who wisely understood that some dork's "No Cats day" was stupidity personified, today is MO' CATS DAY!



I like this image best, though. Heh.

Labor day?

Labor?

I've been watching the Woman off and on all morning, and she's barely moved from where she's sitting.

There's no labor going on here.

I thought there would be labor. Like cleaning and the cooking of real live fresh dead things.

I feel cheated.

After YEARS of trying my best to get some,

Dooods...



...I GOT PIZZA!!!
It was AWESOME!