This was a horrible, horrible weekend. First, the Woman got up really really early, like Oh Holy Hell early (cause that's what she looked like) and she left the house! Without feeding us! I mean, we were really good and waited patiently while she took her drugs and got dressed, and when she was leaning over the bathtub to wash her hairs, I sat on her back and helped. I was nice.
But then she grabbed a bunch of stuff, like a box she put food FOR HERSELF in, and a jacket, and the giant hard hat she wears when she's on her rumbly bike, and she left. Just like that. I sat by the door and looked out the window there and kept saying "Come back! Come back! You forgot something!" but she didn't come back. HOURS later, or maybe about five minutes, the Man came back from passing gas but did he feed us? Not for like TWENTY minutes! And then he had the nerve to point out we were getting to eat early because he had to go to bed.
That was another horror of the weekend...the Woman was gone all day and the Man was sleeping all day and there was no one to give me head and chin skritches. I even got COLD but there was no one there to turn the fire box thingy one.
And yesterday, it happened all over again. She went off really early and he came home and didn't feed us for HOURS, or at least thirty minutes while he took a bath, and then we were alone all day long. Right about the time the Man got his lazy ass out of bed-when the talking head on TV came on to tell us what stupid crap happened during the day--the Woman came home and said she passed her skills test.
So I listened. You know what she was doing all weekend while I was without head skritches and warm? Do you?
She was taking a class on how to ride a rumbly bike!
Dooods...she's been riding rumbly bikes for almost FOUR freaking years! AND she took the class four years ago! I got ignored for two whole freaking days so she could so something she already did before!
Oh, she says it was a lot of fun and the other ladies taking the class were lots of fun, too, and the rider coach was all kinds of awesome, but that doesn't change the fact that my life was INCONVENIENCED so she could learn to do something she already knows how to do!
THIS IS PROOF!
So you know what I did?
This morning, really, really early, while she was asleep and the Man was still out passing gas, I horked up a nice wet hairball.
On the brand new rug.
That'll teach them to ruin my weekend.