...and we're working, we're working...

I had to turn into a slave driver. The Woman kept finding all these things to distract herself with, and my book was not getting written. So for the last few weeks, I've forced her to take copious notes and to listen to all the words I wanted her to type, and then I had to make sure she was going to get them in the right order, and I sent her to Starbucks most days, where she could drink a lot of tea and organize all my thinks into a book.

Wow...that was like I took a page from the Buddah Pest School of Writing's textbook.

Anyhow, we finished the first draft last night. It was all very exciting, and the Woman celebrated by taking her lactose-intolerant self out to get a large chocolate shake, and I got to celebrate with real live fresh dead steak bites and with some crunchy treats the Easter Bunny sent me through Amazon (the Easter Bunny is a GIRL! Did you know that? I did not know that. And I'm kinda glad, because in my head it makes more sense to have a girl Easter bunny.)

(Oh. wait. That was sexist of me. The Easter Bunny is a WOMAN. A lady. A very classy lady, I might add.)

As first drafts go, it's...okay. The bones of the story are strong, but once we got rolling it was like we were barfing up the words onto the page, just to get them out. And even though it's fiction and we got to totally make up a bunch of stuff, we have to go back and smooth out the details, like what happened when, and knowing that is important when you're telling a story that has a little bit of time travel in it.

And doods, you are totally going to like the main character in this book. His name is Wick, and he's a cat, and he tells the story...which means FINALLY a book will get things right.

Starting this weekend (because we're going to take a couple of days off to rest our brains so the thinks we spit out are better) the Woman is getting out her red pen and marking the krap out of the manuscript, and we'll make more notes, and then get down to the super-deep writing.

But man, looking at the notes we already have...there's enough stuff here for 3-4 books. At the rate we write, I have to live to, like, 21 to finish it all. I'm cool with that. If I make it to 21, I get to have beer.

I mean, that must be worth hanging around for, because the Man is always saying Mmmm, beer when he pops a bottle open.

I think I'll try the root kind first.

Happy Birthday Buddah Pest

Today, he's onety-one. Here he is crying, because he hasn't gotten any presents yet.

(Ok no, this is an old picture and he has allergies...)

I did get him 3 toys, but we haven't given him his gifts yet, because he would rather nap than play right now. He'll be more awake this afternoon, and we'll given them to him then. Plus, I think the People are picking up their present to him after lunch (don't tell him,but he's getting a new climbing tower, since he's scratched the bejeezuz out of the other 3 we have...and then he chews on the strings, and they're worried he'll choke of plug his intestines...so he gets a new one.)

This was last year on his birthday. He killed that toy in nothing flat.

And here's his better side.

Happy Birthday, Buddah. Onety-one is a great age. It's the age when you learn to leave the other kitty alone and never again bite or scratch him. For realz.

I did it!

I WON THE BATTLE OF THE CLEAN SHEETS!!! VICTORY IS MINE!!

Bonus: the sheets are white, so while I killed them, I got my furs all over them.Sweeeet. 

Baby, it's cold outside

It's raining pretty hard tonight. I mean, it's been raining off and on all day, but tonight it's coming down hard and it's super windy. The talking heads on TV say that a bunch of tree are down and things got smashed, but so far nothing like that has happened here.

 

I generally like the rain because I have the fireplace and can steal its warms, but I'm not liking all the wind and how it makes the window thingies outside bang against the house. Even the Woman is moaning about how hard it will be to sleep with that noise going on. It's just bang-bang-bang-bang and she can't even go outside and make it stop. For one thing, she'd probably melt (you saw Wizard of Oz, right? You saw what happened to the Wicked Witch of the West.) For another, she can't see in the dark and it's night time. So we get to listen to the noise all night.

 

This is the guy who used to wait on our porch

But worse than that...she looked outside and thought she saw one of the neighborhood introoder cats run by, which means it's stuck outside in pounding rain and heavy wind, and there are no fireplaces out there where it can steal some warms. It's not like I want her to go outside and try to catch it (face it, she's too slow anyway) and bring it inside, because that would result in many toothy deaths and probably a lot of bloodshed, but that doesn't mean I like the idea if it being outside when the weather is like this.

Maybe it'll find our porch. There used to be an introoder kitty who napped there when it was rainy. He hasn't been here in a few years, but the porch has a cover so he could mostly stay dry. He even felt safe enough to take naps...the Woman never bothered him and she would even stop doing noisy things inside so that he would feel ok about being there.

I don't know where he finally went, but I think maybe his people scopped him up and moved. He looked well fed and his furs were nice, and the Woman thought he might be an escape artist that used to live two houses down.

Anyway. It's super rainy, and while I like the rain I hate the noise, and outside there's a kitty that we're going to worry about tonight.

Damn Dogs...

She did it again. The Woman up and disappeared before dinner time and the next thing I know she's posting THIS on Facebook:

Yes, that's who you think it is. That Damned Dog Butters, and his sister, Lady. When I saw that, I knew I was in for a lonely, hungry night.

And I know she enjoyed being there, because she obviously played with them.

But. The joke was on her, because Butters was obviously hoping his people would come home and rescue him from her boringness.

She came home yesterday and immediately put her clothes in the washer, but it didn't help. She still smelled like dog. A shower last night did not help.

The steak I got later, though...that helped.

And she was only gone one night, and the Man opened cans for me, so...I'm not mad. I kinda feel bad for Butters, though, because look at him. He obviously wanted HIS woman and not mine.

Can't say as how I blame him...

It smells like sadness...

Y'all know Diva Kitty. She's been my friend for forever, since about a year after I started blogging. We "met" outside of blogging in 2006, when we got together at the Jelly Belly Factory so that she and out blogging bug Mattingly could hand off the torch to me for the Catlympics.

I think those are DK's ears on the right...Mattingly was in the middle. But we had a fun day, even though our photographer sucked.

A few years later--I don't know why it took so freaking long--the Woman met Diva Kitty's mom in person, and they started doing things together, which meant that every now and then the Woman would come home smelling like DK, or sometimes her mom came over and smelled like her, too.

How often do blogging kitties get that close to really meeting? And how often do they get to smell each other, to where it smells like happiness?

That's what Diva Kitty smelled like. She smelled like happiness. Even though she was pretty freaking grumpy (another reason I loved her so) she was so well cared for and so deeply loved that she couldn't help that the happiness rode on her furs and then traveled around with the people.

Yesterday, Diva Kitty--whose real name was Sophia--made her journey to the Bridge. She was 18 years old, but that doesn't seem like enough time for someone so wonderful.

I hate that her mom is so heartbroken, because I know the DK-sized hole in her heart isn't going away any time soon. And I hate that I will never again smell her on the Woman's hands.

Knowing that? It smells like sadness right now, and I am still leaking because it's kind of hard to believe.

Sophia...you are going to be truly and deeply missed. Find Skeezix and all our other buds up there, and have a wicked good time...and save a sun puddle for me. I don't know when I'll get there, but I know you're one of the first I want to see.

Not saying goodbye. Just...see you on the flipside.

When All Else Fails...

...knock it off its pedestal.

The treats just fall out this way!

(No toys were harmed in the making of this blog post. The treat machine lives on to provide the people with endless amusement as we labor for our crunchy noms.)

I have to WORK for my treats now

A while back, I got an email from a really nice lady at Petco, and she wanted to know if I would like to try out a couple of their products. I didn't even know what, but I was all SURE! I LIKE FREE STUFF! but then I also made sure she understood I never promise a good review when I get stuff. I tell what I think, and she was totally cool with that.

I got a big box that had 2 big boxes inside it. One of the things was this catch scratcher:

The way it goes together, you can turn the little levels of scratchy material so that it looks different. But the downside...it's really small. I mean, too small for a grownup kitty.

I'm not even sitting upright...when I do I'm taller than it. So is Buddah, and he's the one with claws. He tried to use it a couple of times, and to get any use of it at all he had to get all the way down on his belly. He *wants* to use it...which makes me think that for a kitten, it would be a really good toy. And pieces of it can be replaced pretty easy if they get messed up.

Now, the other thing they sent was a Catit Senses Food Tree. It's this thing the People put crunchy treats into, and then sit back and expect us to work for them.

You want me to what?

Now, I was annoyed at first, because treats should just be given. But then we started checking it out...

...and we both figured out that it's like a prize machine. Stick your paw in just right, and treats fall through it and out the bottom.

After I realized it wasn't hard at all (and you can shake it hard and make treats fall out, too) I started to get into it...and doods, I really like it. It makes me use my brain, and it's like a puzzle to figure out. I've been having fun with it every day, and Buddah has even more fun (I don't think he understands the people put the treats in...I'm pretty sure he thinks it's all some kind of manna-from-heaven thing.)

After playing with it for a few days, I can honestly say it gets two paws up from me--so much so that if they hadn't given it to me, I'd buy one. It's that good.

The scratching thingy...eh, it's great for a kitten, not great for a grown cat.

If you want a treat thingy, you can get one right here from Petco. Only $20!

Doods!

ONLY 11 MORE MONTHS TIL CHRISTMAS!!!

It's all turned upside down

I’ve been trying to figure out why I haven’t been able to blog with the regularity I used to. I mean, I have plenty to talk about, because I live with people and they are ripe with disappointed blog fodder. I also live with Buddah, who is moving past his “Pest” name and heading right back to the original “Butt” designation. So what’s the deal? Why am I not blogging as much as I’m on Facebook?

It finally hit me this morning: it’s the Woman’s fault. She’s turned her sleep schedule around, supposedly to accommodate my need to be fed at 7am and my unwillingness to wait for the Man to get home, which means she’s going to bed a heck of a lot earlier than she used to. It’s thrown everything out of whack. I was used to the timing of things they way they’ve been for 14 years, not the way they are now.

The way they are now? She’s awake when I’m napping, and since she’s in bed at normal-people hours at night now, she’s not there to turn the computer on for me. I still get the hit-and-miss moments where I can check on FB, but not much time to sit and pour out my thinks. I’m surprised we’ve gotten my Mousebreath column done the last few weeks. Like, last night…she KNOWS Monday is coming and we used to sit down on Sunday nights to finish it and upload it, but last night she went to bed and didn’t help me until 7:15 this morning.

KITTIES WERE WAITING FOR THAT, WOMAN! I mean, sheesh, there are certain things expected of me, and one of them is that come midnight Pacific time, Ask Max Monday is there for everyone to read. I don’t even want to think of the crushing disappointment that my European and east coast readers felt this morning when it wasn’t there when they woke up.

Doods, I’m really sorry. She should know better.

On the upside, she IS helping me with my first piece of fiction, so I’m finding it hard to complain. Well, complain much. She doesn’t type as fast as I think, and it’s causing some issues.

Plus…well, she’s been grilling real live fresh dead steak for me every week, so that I can have it as bite-sized treats, and if I tick her off, the meaty goodness might stop.

You know what happens when you get real live fresh dead meat as a daily treat? You stop wanting dry treats and dry food, and you lose a little weight. Seriously, doods, this time last year I was over 18 pounds, now I’m bouncing between 16.8 and 17. Without even trying or suffering for it!

Hm. Maybe the Woman needs to eat what I eat. She’s always whining about losing weight.

Happy New Year, Doods. So far, it’s been spectacular. Well, other than my wrecked schedule, but what’s a guy gonna do?

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Last night I was curled up in front of the fire, waiting for those people in New York to drop their ball again--clearly they are not ready for the big league because they never have been able to hold onto it, for like 108 years--and I was thinking about everything coming in the next year. I thought about a question I was asked, what would be some good new years' resolutions, because that's what one does for a new year, right?

And I was all set...eat more real live fresh dead things. Take an extra nap every day. Sit on the Woman's lap more.

Those all seemed really good things to resolve. But then I thought about it and realized that I don't need to have resolutions. I mean, I'll probably do those things anyway. And a resolution is supposed to be about making yourself better. Those things are what I want, not necessarily what I should be.

So I closed my eyes and decided to take a thinking-nap, and let my brain simmer while I dreamed, because making brain soup while you sleep can be a decent enough thing. And I thought up two things, maybe the only things that really matter.

That's it, doods.

Don't resolve to lose weight, stop with the 'nip, or to quit scratching the sofa. Tell yourself the truth: the extra weight is there because I eat more than I need to and move less than I should; nipping out has become a habit; something deep down is making me angry and I'm taking it out on something I can without worry it will hurt me back.

And being kind? That's always a good thing. There will always be someone who annoys you or is mean to you, but that doesn't mean you have to react the way they do. If you can be kind to others, eventually you become kind.

You don't need resolutions to fix yourself; you're already pretty terrific. If you have to do anything, just make those two promises to yourself...because if you're honest with yourself and kind to others, everything else will follow, sooner or later.

Now...that doesn't also mean don't make wishes. I made wishes. I wish for more real live fresh dead things to eat, because that's what I enjoy. I wish for prime napping spots without any Buddah interference, because napping is awesome. I wish for more lap time because it's good for the Woman. But I think in order for 2016 to be spectacular, I really only have to remember those 2 things.

HO HO HO

I hope all you doods have the most awesome of days!

It's toy day!

Doods! Today was the day that the people took my book money and went shopping for toys to donate to Toys for Tots! They were gone most of the afternoon, and they stopped at the fire station on their way home to drop off the toys in the donation box there.

The box wasn't big enough so they made a pile next to it...it looks like they had a pretty decent haul!

This is what you do when you buy my books, doods. I don't have any bills to pay and the people keep me pretty well stocked in stinky goodness and nip things, so I don't have anything I need my money for, so I really like being able to do this (well, this and saving the boobies.)

I wouldn't be able to do any of it without you.

So from the bottom of my furry heart, thank you. This is my favorite thing about the holidays, when I get to see how many toys get shoved into the back of the HHR.

Ok so this is what happened

Oh oh oh I bet you forgot that Max said I could post things on his blog and sometimes I think he wants me to forget about it too, but then the Grandma came last week and stayed with us for a few days while the Mom and the Dad went somewhere to have fun without us, and there's this kitty that comes to visit me a lot by running up to the door and then the window and we play Chase for a little while and one day I was on the bookcase in the library and the kitty came (I think it's a girl?) and we chased a little bit and then she left but she came back a few minutes later and she had a bird!

Guys she didn't even eat the bird, she just put it down on the mat that's under the window because the Mom and the Dad got a better one for the front door or they were cleaning it or something, I forgot what, but now it's under the window I look out when I'm on the medium sized bookcase, and she left it there! She gave me a present!  I can't go outside to get it but I think it was very nice of her to bring me a bird without taking even a single bite but Mx says she wasn't being nice, she was feeling sorry for me because I clearly don't look like I can hunt very well and she wanted to be sure I didn't starve, but you know what?

It's still nice because even if she thinks I can't hunt she doesn't want me to die because of not eating, so I think she kinda likes me so that means I have a girlfriend, right?

It's almost toy time!

Ouch

Oh yay! The Woman was sitting here at the desk (she’s normally in her chair but she broke her laptop thingy, which is fine with me because when she’s at her desk I can stretch out on top of it and dictate) counting county things, and said that one day next week is GO BUY THE TOYS day! I asked her how many toys we were getting this year and she said she doesn’t know the exact number, but y’all bought enough books to fill the back of the HHR at least once.

DOODS!!! You did that! Between January and late October you bought enough copies of my books to AT LEAST fill the back of the car! She thinks maybe twice…but if she and the Man can get a lot of good quality toys and there’s still money left, it will go to the shelter where they got Buddah.

She said she will take a picture of the toys in the back of the car so you guys can see how many kids you’re going to make smile this year.

I think this is her favorite time of year because she likes to go shopping for presents for people and kitties and dogs.

I'm not sure what this is but it has something to do with hooking...

Right now the Man is out in the garage making things to sell in his Etsy shop and in the Art Gallery. Y’all bought some of his stuff this year, too, and a lot of it went to boobie charities, and I do like to save the boobies. (And :::coughcoughcough::: he has some stuff right no that would be spiffy holiday gifts…)

Oh! And the order of books came in and a few have gone out…if you want to get a signed copy in time for Christmas, there’s a link in the sidebar.  It’s under BOOKS I WROTE and just beneath the cover image (if you’re outside the U.S. I can’t promise it will get there in time for Christmas, though.)

OH OH OH! (Channeling my inner Buddah here) last week the People went off somewhere, and the Grandma stayed with Buddah and me…you guys know how much I love having the Grandma, right? Well I got a huge surprise Monday night when she came back AND the Younger Human showed up with his SuperCool Other Half (SHE LIKES CATS!!!) They all went out to dinner and when they got home? THE YOUNGER HUMAN GAVE ME STEAK!!!

I mean, I’ve had the best couple of weeks. Lots of Grandma time (and she gives lots of treats), the People put up my Whovimas tree, and I got the Younger Human AND got to meet THE GIRL! Doods, you would so totally like her. I wasn’t even afraid of her, it was like I knew right off she was pretty cool. And then to top it off, the Man wondered if I was getting cold at night (because I’ve been waking them up at 4:15 and not shutting up) so even though the Woman sweats a lot, they turned the heat up at night! SEVENTY-SIX DEGREES, YO!

I’ve been so happy with that, I let her sleep until 5:20.

Tomorrow…I might even let her sleep until 5:45. I’m nice like that.

Gobble Gobble snarf Gobble

Post-turkey coma

Doods...this time of year is amazing. First there was Thanksgiving and the turkey that goes with it, but it hasn't ended! Every day since there has been something real live fresh dead: more turkey, some ham, and STEAK. The Woman had a steak for dinner just before Thanksgiving and didn't finish it (I know!) so she cut it up into little bites, and stuck it in the freezer.

Well, yesterday she went to give us treats and we were tired of the turkey so she pulled the steak out of the freezer and said we could have some later. And we did.

But then. THEN!

Today she was mucking about in the kitchen and then she went outside to turn on the thing that burps smoke in the back yard. So I watched, because sometimes when that thing is done burping it horks up meaty things. She fed it some really thin things that looked like flat hockey pucks, and it did the whole smoke burp thing, and five minutes later?

SHE WAS CUTTING UP FRESH STEAK!

Seriously, she made three little steaks, and none of it was for her. It was all to make treats with.

And then. THEN.

It got BETTER.

She pulled a bag of real live fresh dead shrimp out of the fridge and started cutting THAT into little bites, too. When she was done there was a lot of treat bites, so I tapped her on the leg and offered to test-taste them for quality control.

Well. I know she doesn't like shrimp, so it was the polite thing to do. And I got both shrimp and steak, and doods...it was wonderful. Hot, fresh steak that isn't even someone's leftovers, and cool, crisp shrimps.

Today was a good day.

My FB presence, plus book stuff...

Ok, so... I have again been taken to task for playing on Facebook but not posting here as often. And I am truly sorry if it's a problem, but the truth is most of my thinks are too short for an entire blog post and are better suited to FB. Plus...there are more readers on FB. It's just the way it is. Blogs in general have far fewer readers than they did even a couple of years ago, and that kinda sucks. I miss the heyday (hayday?) when I could spend a couple hours hopping from one blog to the next and reading real content instead of blogs that are really just sales pitches. When the few major bloggers started making real money at it, it seemed like so many more tried to jump on the professional-blogger-bandwagon, and what was left were blogs that had fewer personal posts and were littered with ads in the sidebars and in the post bodies, and not a whole lot about the people and kitties. And so many of the blogs I loved are gone now :(

So yes, I post a lot on Facebook. A while back I set it up that my FB posts would propagate to Twitter, and then to here, and it just took a click-through to read those updates, even without an FB account (for reals...just click on the little link at the bottom of them and it takes you to a sign-in page for FB, but the post is right there and no signing in is required.) So you really can still follow me here, but it takes an extra click some days.

And in a streak of irony...the new book.

It's now available in online bookstore in print (like Amazon!) and is available as a Kindle book. If you have a reader which does not support Kindle and want a PDF, that can be arranged, but probably not until around December 10th.

I also ordered 34 print copies to pawtograph, but the kicker is that they are scheduled to be delivered on December 1st...and the people are heading out of town on November 30th and they won't be back until December 5th.

Because of the length of this one--it's SUPER short--I seriously recommend getting in on the Kindle or waiting for the Woman to set up for offering a PDF.

We are not happy with the cost of the print book (because of the length) but this was our first effort at color pictures inside a book, and that raised the cost. BUT... and we hope this takes the sting out of it ... all profits from this book will be set aside and saved, and will be donated to 3 or 4 different charities (to be determined, but not to the Woman's walk thingies, as she can deal with that separately.) For the print books that'll be a couple of bucks per book, for the Kindle books it will be a buck or so, and for the PDFs...100%.

So...if you REALLY want a pawtographed copy, the first 34 (if shipped to U.S. addresses) should get there in time for Christmas. The Woman will spend the weekend after she gets home packaging the books that have been ordered and will take them to the post office that Monday.

If we get close to selling all 34 before she leaves, I'll let you know, so that you're not buying it and thinking you were in the first group. (look at the sidebar...the Paypal link is there.) (Need to pay with a check? Email me at psychokitty@gmail.com [please, not to the askmaxmonday email, that one is strictly for Mousebreth questions] and include your mailing address and how many copies you want, and I'll get back to you with the address where you can send the check.)

I wish I could come up with a better way, but so far this is it.

Now. Still with me? If you have Amazon and a tablet that has a Kindle app and you have Kindle Unlimited, you can read it for free. For reals! That's what I would do. 'Cause like I said, this is super short, and I still get paid a little bit from that.

What am I working on now? FICTION, DOODS!

Ok, so I think that's it. I'm on FB, you can read it from here, and book stuff. 

Pssst....

If you have a Kindle, or device with a Kindle app...

You might wanna

Click here.

53, 54 poems (I lost track...) Color pictures. Me.

Hopefully it formatted correctly. The copy we have looks like it is. But...I'm still holding my breath on this one.

And still no word on the print version. I don't think the proof has even been mailed to me yet.

It's coming, doods...

I've been working on a few things the last year, and whie most of them are still in the early stages--it takes a long time to get my point across to the Woman and compile notes for what we hope will be a 3 books series--but in between bouts of dictation and brain-storming, I've been writing poetry.

Damn right. I have a poet's soul. So I sit down once in a while and think out loud and put it as poetry, and some of it is horrible and some of it is not so bad and some of it...shareable.

The print book gets sent to the printer and the distributor tonight, which means I'll have a proof copy in about a week or so. If it looks good and the Woman tells them it's ok, I can then order some copies to pawtograph and it will pop up on Amazon...just in time for the holidays!


This is a first for me, too, aside from it being poetic musings--there will be color photos inside. For reals! I'm kind of nervous about how that will turn out, but it only eats into the royalties a little bit so it was worth trying.

The e-book version will follow soon; it'll be only on Amazon, at least for a while, but if you have a reader that can handle ePub or PDF files the Woman might be willing to create those.

I'm kinda nervous about this one...but excited, too. And once it's been put to bed we can get started on the fiction I've been itching to write.

You guys are full of win!

Thank you, doods...the money was raised in time and crisis averted.

And now ...drumroll... I just drew the winning number at random.org...

Yes, I had to take a picture...

Donor #4!

Brenda Mendes, you just won a t-shirt of ME!!! I'll email you in a few minutes to get your mailing address.

Again, doods... THANK YOU!!!