OK, this is really not what it looks like.


Today is the Man's birthday.
His FIFTIETH birthday.
So today I gave him the ultimate gift.
Me.

Really, what more could he want?

Ok, this is NOT what it looks like.


I just wanted that space to curl up and nap on, and the Woman just HAPPENED to be there and I wanted to use the folded up sweatshirt she uses as support because he shoulder hurts if she doesn't and she's way too lazy to just get up and go get a small pillow to put my head on and her arm just HAPPENED to be on it.

I was not trying to cuddle up to her.

Nope.

Doods! Look! Skeezix's Food Lady is launching something REALLY COOL!




It's mousebreath! and dooods, it's a magazine for US!

Go peek!

Know why I looked so forlorned in that picture?

Because I am not getting the attention I deserve, and the woman has been so busy "working" that she hasn't been willing to let me near the computer.

Oh, and let me tell you, the last few days no one wanted to get anywhere near her while she was hogging the computer. Her book was done, all edited and proofed and reproofed and rewrites and all that chit was done, so it was time to turn it into a book.

The problem was, her software was not playing nice. And the more it refused to play with her the more ticked off she got and guys? I was really starting to think she was going to either start chucking things around the house, or she was just going to EXPLODE.

Really.

As in, one giant humanoid =BOOM= that would have left brains and guts and blood all over the place. And I'm pretty sure that most of it would have spattered on the computer, which would have made using it later really gross.

Then after she got it figured out and got the thingy she needed to give to the people who will turn her crap into a book, she tried to turn it all into an e-book, and again her stuff wouldn't play nice. But she didn't even try to mess with it too much, she asked for help from someone with brains, and he fixed it for her.

But man...that was a terrifying couple of days.

I thought that since she's done with the book that I'd get some attention, but then I heard her say tonight she's going to start something new. That means like another YEAR of inadequate Max time.

I am so annoyed.

sigh...

This is so unfair. Look at this.


The Woman sat down with this and you know what she said to me? She said "This is not for kitty."

It's a hot dog! It's a TURKEY hot dog! Oh hell YES it's for kitty!

Now look. She had a lot of food there. Why couldn't I have the hot dog and she could eat those stick thingies? I'd have happily let her have the stick thingies.

She sat there and ate the whole thing in front of me, and then didn't even get up to get MY dinner for like 20 minutes!

I am so abused.

See how annoyed I look?


Oh yeah, I am annoyed. I am annoyed because the other day the people came home and were all "Oh look we brought you guys a present!"

It was grass.

Big whoppee chit.

I don't like grass.

Buddah, on the other paw...


It's been a cacophony of nom nom nom slurp nom nom nom ever since.

They better bring ME a present soon...

I had an epiphany of sorts this morning; I was trying to decide what I wanted to do: take nap #3, look out the window, lick myself, or dig a toy out of the toy basket and play with it.

Well, I had just woken up from nap #2, there's nothing worth looking at out our pathetic windows, I took an bath between naps 1 and 2, so that left getting a toy out. The problem was, what to play with?

Nip banana?
Feather toy?
Buddah's track ball thingy?
Squiggly thingy?

I had way too many choices. I mean, I had an embarrassment of choices.

Dooods.

I own way too much stuff.

And that got me to thinking. I have all this stuff, and it's really good stuff, and I've played with all of it, but I don't need it all. Mostly I like my nip banana, so I'd like to keep that, but the rest of it?

I think I want to give it away.

Now, I figure my toys are worth something, because they're coated in my very own spit and fur, so my friends just might like to have something. So, I made a list of everything I have, and I want to give it away.

You want one of my toys?

CLICK HERE FOR THE LIST AND TO MAKE YOUR SELECTION

'Cuz, you know, I'm all generous and chit...

Okay, doods, do me a favor and go watch this video 'cause the more who watch it the more visitors it shows, and it's for Skeezix's Food Lady, who NEEDS to be the Purina Cat Chow Correspondent. Well, we need her to be, on account of how cool that would be and if she gets it that would totally give us all street cred.



You will laugh, you will cry, you will ask yourself, "Doood? Is she eating Skeezix's food?"

Really.

You will.

Yesterday, the People went to San Francisco to meet up with Sandy & Tom, some friends that they've had for like 90 years or something like that. Or maybe just 20, I dunno, the Woman says the Boy was like 8 years old when she and Sandy "met" online, and he has a birthday coming up and he's gonna be 28, so you do the math.

Now, I don't begrudge them taking a day to go hang out with friends. I really don't. they haven't seen each other since right after they People gave me my forever home. Or maybe right before. It's hard to keep track. But. BUT. Proper etiquette suggests that if the kitty doesn't get to see the friends, then you bring the kitty back a present or two.

What did I get?

Well, I didn't get this giant frog!


Seriously...can you imagine how good that would have been?

I could have eaten on that thing for DAYS.

But no. Instead of bringing me home the giant frog all I got was to see a picture of it. And they didn't bring me anything else, either! I mean, isn't that where you get some really really really fresh fish? Fisherman's Wharf, where they were hanging out!

I really want that frog.

I'll settle for some fish.

I've had to step up my duties as office manager.


As you can see by looking at the picture on the computer, I had to start out by plopping down in front of the keyboard, because up to that point instead of actually working, the Woman was playing on Facebook and FARK. The only saving grace in this is that there are no games on this computer to further distract her.

Oh, and I'm kind of on top of the iPad so that she can't try to win more Solitaire or Shanghai. I'm kind of blocking the speaker so she can't really hear her music either, but she has bad taste in music anyway.

Someone has to crack the whip on her...she's almost done with her book and she needs to stay the frak off Facebook and the like until she's got her allotted words written for the day.

Yeah...I'm not holding my breath, either. She was shooting for 2500 today and I think she's written 25.

My work is never done.

Being the office manager is hard work...


...but I think I have a handle on it.

Yep, it's his birthday.




He's all excited because he thinks he's getting something special later, but I really doubt it. The people forgot his birthday last year and I haven't heard the mention it so far this year, so I expect he'll get a big fat nothing.

I was very nice to him this morning, though. When we went into the kitchen for breakfast I said, "Welcome to middle age!" (Oh, and I might have followed that with "Loser" but I don't think heard that part...) Later on I might pester the Woman for extra crunchy treats, but only because it's his birthday and I'm that nice.

But man, he's six years old now. That means I'm gonna turn 10 this year.

Crap.

Aw man, Dood.
You will be missed.

Oh man, oh man, oh man....dooods, cross your paws for all our friends in Japan. I hope you're all safe out there. I really, really hope you're all ok...

OK...I know I haven't been around, but that's because the Woman is in, like, crunch time for the book she's been working on. She's always at the computer, "working" on this book (with a really stupid name. "The Flipside of Here." What does that even mean???)

But doods? I'm actually getting a little desperate for some attention. I'm actually kind of embarrassed about this.



But, ya know, a guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do...

Hey, Lady... if you want to save the cookies for yourself for later, don't leave them out on the counter cooling. 'Cause if it's on the counter cooling, it's mine, and I get to lick them to my little heart's content...

OK, so I'm not a Buddah fan, we all know that. But he totally gets props for getting the Woman out of bed this morning.

I mean, she deserved to be gotten up early. She got up like 90 minutes before breakfast time and went into the giant litter box room, which just got us both all "Hey! We get to eat early!" but then she went back to bed, which was just a total food tease and not very nice.

So he waited until she was back in bed and comfy, and then he went into the giant litter box room and started banging the cabinet doors. And that's really loud, all BANG BANG BANG and impossible for a people to ignore.

She she got up and chased him out and closed the door, and then tried to go back to bed, but he jumped up on the table by the bed and started talking to her. Over and over, "Get up get up get up..." until she finally said some things on the bad word list and got up.

I have to admit, I was skeptical because sometimes when she gets up early she sits down and reads email and Facebook and stuff and we still have to wait to eat, but just to shut him up she went ahead and opened cans!

He thinks he'll try it again tomorrow, but I bet she closes the bathroom door tonight, just in case...

I would be remiss if I didn't mention this again, seeing as how there's only like one more week until the Younger Human has a drawing for this music thingy.

You know, he's jumping into really cold water and risking all his fun bits in order to raise money for the Special Olympics. He's doing the fundraising thing, and he has a prize that he's drawing for on February 21st.



It's an iPod Nano, 16BG, which holds, like, ALOT of music.

Interested?

$5 gets you a shot at it. The more you donate, the more shots you got. You can look at his blog about it, or just go straight to his freeze-the-nads-off-fundraising page.