July 27, 2013

She's not the brightest bulb in the pack

I know the Woman's morning routine, in what order she should do things, and I make sure she gets them done. When she finally gets her asterisk out of bed I lead her to the giant litterbox room, march her to her special litterbox, then while she does her business I jump up next to the sink and stare at the box on the wall where she stores her drugs.

After she dopes up, I get down and lead her into the kitchen so that she remembers to get a drink, because she has issues with drink things, and she needs to have something first thing. After that, my job is done; I munch a little dry food, and then go take a nap.

Now, half the week, things are turned a little upside down because the Man stays out all night passing gas, and when he comes home he feeds us. When he stays home at night, it's a crap shoot about who will get up and open cans. Buddah has gotten really good at getting the Man up at Open A Can time, but sometimes we get the Woman up. She stumbles out, opens a can, and stumbles back to bed. I know that when that happens, I don't need to lead her to her drugs, because it's not time for them.

But this morning it was like it just occurred to her how much I really do. She figured out a long time ago that I make sure she gets things done in the right order, but it just now occurred to her that my job begins before she's even awake. This morning was one of the mornings the Man feeds us; after he did that and fed himself he went to bed, and then I waited the right amount of time before pushing the bedroom door open before jumping up on the bed to wake her up.

When I meowed she rolled over, sighed, and guessed the time. Like I was supposed to be impressed that she knew that without looking at the clock. But then she looked at me and said, "You're pretty good at coming in here within the same ten minute time frame every morning, Big Guy."

Looking down at her lazy asterisk...
As she sat up she added, "Hell, even if I get up to feed you, you still come back at the right time to get me up."

Duh.

While I waited on the counter near her drugs, she kept yammering on. "Okay, so how do you know when to not wake me up? Because you do that, if I'm sick you let me sleep. How do you know?"

You stink when you're sick, that's how.

"And how did you figure out that when I do get up to feed you that I'm going right back to bed and not taking my meds, hmm?"

Because you're lazy and predictable, that's how.

"I'm not sure what I would do without you, furball."

Probably forget to pee.

You'd think that with all the work I do to make sure she does what she's supposed to when she's supposed to, I'd get a pay raise or at least get to spend my own money, but no. All I get is a skrtich on the top of my head.

But she noticed, so I guess that's something.

16 comments:

Katnip Lounge said...

Forget to pee?

THAT'S the takeaway?

Max, you are a saint.

Sparkle said...

Max, you work really hard! I let my human fend for herself in the morning. For example, this morning, she set the alarm for nine, but she turned it off and went back to sleep - and slept in until 10:30! And NONE of us did a thing about it. We just slept in late too.

The Island Cats said...

Sheesh, Max...you sure do deserve a raise. Or at least some live dead shrimps or dead cow.

Gemini and Ichiro said...

My human never listens to me. Heck, I could tell her to pee and she'd forget before she got there...

Sweet Purrfections said...

You deserve extra treats for all you do.

Angel Prancer Pie said...

What would really be great is if you got the Man up to feed you, then got The Woman up later to feed you. Double Score!

Angel, Kirby and Max said...

You are really good to her. Back when Mom was working and Wizard was here, he would tell Mom to go to bed at 10 pm! He even learned how to step on buttons on the laptop to make it go to sleep!

The Swiss Cats said...

Nursing is a hard work ; you deserve lot of extra-treats for all the good job you do every day.

Mark's Mews (Ayla, Marley, and Laz) said...

Max, have you considered selling her drugs for treats? Are they worth annything?

Kimo and Sabi said...

Heck, if we didn't wake up da mommakitty M-F, she would not git da little gurl bean up in time fer school!

Sasha + Saku said...

You is one helpful kitty, Max! We agree you deserve treats for all you do, MOL

Sasha, Sami, & Saku

KitKat said...

Dood you are a freaking saint worthy of anything and everything. Maybe you should just get the Woman a bedpan filled with clumpable litter. That's one less thing you have to contend with. The Man can have extra box scooping and cleaning. You're da best Max.

Quill and Greyson said...

It's like she hardly knows you Max...

Just Ducky said...

Not sure our humans can get along without us Max. Some of them need more help than others.

Ivan and Izzy from WMD said...

She a human, Max, you know that.

Shaggy and Scout said...

How exasperating!
It only gets worse with age too.