Lately, the Woman has been getting up in the morning; she then says a few not-so-nice words, gets dressed (in shorts...this is both amazing and disturbing. She hates her legs and says they're fat, but come on, Woman, so is the rest of you...), and after she feeds us she goes out to practice walking.
She's almost forty-freaking-nine years old and she needs to practice walking. Like, what happens if she doesn't? Is she going to fall flat on her asterisk during the Boobie Walk? I'm pretty sure that if you give me a date 3 months in the future and tell me I'll be walking on that date, I'll still remember how to walk no matter how often I do or don't engage in that particular activity in the meantime.
Seriously, doods, she practices.
(She also sweats profusely while she practices her walking. This is why I licked her armpit. It was wonderfully salty. I would have licked elsewhere, but she slathers herself in a lot of sunscreen, which doesn't taste so good. Her pit, while unpleasant in odor, tasted just fine.)
This morning, though, she got up, put clothes on that aren't shorts, fed us, but didn't go anywhere. She needed to "rest."
Well, hells bells. What does she thinks she's doing when she comes home from all that practicing? She drops onto the little sofa and rests her freaking face off! She does more resting than walking, I can assure you.
So when she was just sitting here doing nothing, I walked up (see, I don't need to practice) and told her to get up and get outside, but she never moved. She mumbled something about "looking at FARK" and "You ate already."
Well now. She's just lazy. So I jumped up on the back of the little sofa, got close to her head, and meowed as loud as I could into her ear GO SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!
But did she get up?
I dunno what it is with people. Either she needs to practice walking or she doesn't, but all I know is that she better keep at it, because there are BOOBIES out there relying on her and all the other boobie walkers to save them. Because, doods, boobies make awesome pillows.
I'm going to let her be a slug today, but tomorrow...she is so getting her asterisk out there and practicing her walking.
There are boobies at stake, dooods, boobies!