I am not on your lap to show how much I love you.
I am not nuzzling your face out of affection.
I am not wiggling on my back to be cute.
I am on your lap because it’s there.
I am nuzzling your face because that gets hair up your nose.
I am wiggling on my back because you are wearing brand new black jeans, and the wiggling transfers a ton of fur onto them in just seconds.
All of this annoys you, and that amuses me.