June 25, 2011
There was lots of real live fresh dead shrimp for my birthday. In fact, there's still some real live fresh dead shrimp in the refrigerator, and I wanted some a little while ago but the Woman was all, "Oh I think that might have gone bad by now. You probably shouldn't eat it," but I was all like, "Well let me sniff it and I'll decide," but then she was all, "No, we need to toss it."
So she closed the refrigerator door, and it's all still in there.
Yeah, people logic.
Now, the other day she and the Man went for a long walk at this place that has six flags over it, and apparently it has giant fish, and they took a picture of one.
But did they bring one home for me?
No.
I mean, that looks like a HUGE fish and I would really like to sample one, but they didn't even think about me while they were there.
On the plus side, there was real live fresh dead cow tonight, so that kind of makes up for not getting the giant fish or even the real live fresh dead shrimp.
I have high hopes for tomorrow. Maybe there will be chicken...
So she closed the refrigerator door, and it's all still in there.
Yeah, people logic.
Now, the other day she and the Man went for a long walk at this place that has six flags over it, and apparently it has giant fish, and they took a picture of one.But did they bring one home for me?
No.
I mean, that looks like a HUGE fish and I would really like to sample one, but they didn't even think about me while they were there.
On the plus side, there was real live fresh dead cow tonight, so that kind of makes up for not getting the giant fish or even the real live fresh dead shrimp.
I have high hopes for tomorrow. Maybe there will be chicken...
June 17, 2011
Oh man, I just remembered, my birthday is in 3 days! I'm gonna be ten years old. TEN! That's like...old. But it's a good old...no one expects much of a ten year old cat, but at ten you're still not almost dead.
I think ten shall be a very good year for me.
But there better be real live fresh dead shrimp on Monday.
I don't want presents, I just want shrimp.
I think ten shall be a very good year for me.
But there better be real live fresh dead shrimp on Monday.
I don't want presents, I just want shrimp.
June 12, 2011
Keep scrolling until you find something that interests you. I got a few things today...
You guys know the Woman and Jeter's Mom are walking for boobies again this year, right? And Diva Kitty's mom is crewing in THREE walks. The Woman is walking twice, one in San Francisco and one in Atlanta, and is still raising bucks for boobs...she's like $500 away from goal on the first walk and hasn't started doing anything for the second because she just made up her mind about it today.
She's got some awesome prizes this year. Lookit:
An iPod Nano and a Kindle 3 w/3G and WiFi, AND a 64 GB iPAD w/3G and WiFi.
To donate to help save the boobies AND to have a chance at winning some awesomeness, go to Rock-the-Pink.com.
And... don't forget about ASK MAX MONDAY at mousebreath! Every Monday I answer your burning questions... Got a question? Just leave it in the comments on my mousebreath! column, or use the link at the top of this page (Ask Ma Anything) and that will send it to my formspring page (though longer questions are best suited for the comments at mousebreath! because Formspring has a limit...)
Oh, and I think the Woman has some really good connections somewhere. This morning, when I was trying to wake her up because I was hungry and she was drooling on her pillow and not getting up to open a can for me, she opened an eye and said, "Do you want to meet Jesus today?"
Well, I said OF COURSE, so when she went outside later I thought she was going to get him, but she came home a few hours later alone. So either he doesn't like her, or she realized the house is too big a mess for company.
But yeah, anytime she wants to invite him over, I totally want to meet him.
You guys know the Woman and Jeter's Mom are walking for boobies again this year, right? And Diva Kitty's mom is crewing in THREE walks. The Woman is walking twice, one in San Francisco and one in Atlanta, and is still raising bucks for boobs...she's like $500 away from goal on the first walk and hasn't started doing anything for the second because she just made up her mind about it today.
She's got some awesome prizes this year. Lookit:
An iPod Nano and a Kindle 3 w/3G and WiFi, AND a 64 GB iPAD w/3G and WiFi.
To donate to help save the boobies AND to have a chance at winning some awesomeness, go to Rock-the-Pink.com.
And... don't forget about ASK MAX MONDAY at mousebreath! Every Monday I answer your burning questions... Got a question? Just leave it in the comments on my mousebreath! column, or use the link at the top of this page (Ask Ma Anything) and that will send it to my formspring page (though longer questions are best suited for the comments at mousebreath! because Formspring has a limit...)
Oh, and I think the Woman has some really good connections somewhere. This morning, when I was trying to wake her up because I was hungry and she was drooling on her pillow and not getting up to open a can for me, she opened an eye and said, "Do you want to meet Jesus today?"
Well, I said OF COURSE, so when she went outside later I thought she was going to get him, but she came home a few hours later alone. So either he doesn't like her, or she realized the house is too big a mess for company.
But yeah, anytime she wants to invite him over, I totally want to meet him.
June 05, 2011
Oh man. Doods, you will not believe this. Today, while the Woman was out walking the streets, she saw this:
A cat on a bike.
In a basket on the bike.
And she says the cat liked it!
Now, I have to take her word for it because she didn't get a picture, but based on her description, I think I did a fairly accurate drawing.
She thought it was so cool, a cat riding on a bicycle.
Well, I am stating publicly that she better not be getting any ideas, because if she thinks I am going to happily take a ride on ANY kind of bike and buys a basket for her bike and tries to stick me in it, I will eat her face off.
Srsly.
She needs to find better places to walk. She gets too many weird notions walking around here.
A cat on a bike.In a basket on the bike.
And she says the cat liked it!
Now, I have to take her word for it because she didn't get a picture, but based on her description, I think I did a fairly accurate drawing.
She thought it was so cool, a cat riding on a bicycle.
Well, I am stating publicly that she better not be getting any ideas, because if she thinks I am going to happily take a ride on ANY kind of bike and buys a basket for her bike and tries to stick me in it, I will eat her face off.
Srsly.
She needs to find better places to walk. She gets too many weird notions walking around here.
June 02, 2011
A little while ago the Woman was in the kitchen, where Buddah was begging for crunchy food, and she looked at the container in which the crunchy food is kept and said, "Oh no, I forgot to go buy you guys the good food."
This caused much excitement, because the good food? It tastes like krap.
"I'll just give you some of the other dry food tonight."
The other food? It tastes like awesome.
Tonight, we are happy kitties. Hopefully she'll forget again tomorrow. That's possible, given her puny people brain and all.
This caused much excitement, because the good food? It tastes like krap.
"I'll just give you some of the other dry food tonight."
The other food? It tastes like awesome.
Tonight, we are happy kitties. Hopefully she'll forget again tomorrow. That's possible, given her puny people brain and all.
May 26, 2011
I like my routine. I know it well, and I like it when things go the way they're supposed to go.
Like every morning, I know the order of things.
It's an 8 step process. It's simple. She should have it memorized by now. But no...once in a while she screws up the order of things, and I have to stop to think what should come next.
Like, this morning? I made sure she woke up, but instead of going into the bathroom she went ahead and out her clothes on. Well, after clothes comes herding her into the kitchen, so I started down the hall but then she went into the bathroom. So I went in and headed for the giant litter box but no, so took her drugs. So I jumped up on the counter thinking she would stand on the Dammit Box, but then she went to the giant litter box.
What the frak?
Man, I didn't know what to expect after that, so when she opened the bathroom door I didn't trust where she would wind up she I just kind of stood there in the hallway and waited.
Luckily she remembered she was supposed to open a can for me, otherwise I might still be standing there trying to figure out where I was supposed to make her go next.
Sheesh.
Like every morning, I know the order of things.
- Curl up on top of the Woman and make sure she wakes up
- Herd her into the bathroom
- Plop down on her feet while she uses the giant litter box
- Jump up on the counter and watch while she stands on the Dammit Box
- Headbutt the box on the wall where she keeps her rugs so she remembers to take them
- Jump down and wait for the door to open
- Herd her into the bedroom so she can change clothes
- Herd her into the kitchen so she can open a can of Stinky Goodness
It's an 8 step process. It's simple. She should have it memorized by now. But no...once in a while she screws up the order of things, and I have to stop to think what should come next.
Like, this morning? I made sure she woke up, but instead of going into the bathroom she went ahead and out her clothes on. Well, after clothes comes herding her into the kitchen, so I started down the hall but then she went into the bathroom. So I went in and headed for the giant litter box but no, so took her drugs. So I jumped up on the counter thinking she would stand on the Dammit Box, but then she went to the giant litter box.
What the frak?
Man, I didn't know what to expect after that, so when she opened the bathroom door I didn't trust where she would wind up she I just kind of stood there in the hallway and waited.
Luckily she remembered she was supposed to open a can for me, otherwise I might still be standing there trying to figure out where I was supposed to make her go next.
Sheesh.
May 18, 2011
I'm annoyed.
The people had the last week "off" which makes a kitty think that there will be plenty of blogging being done because HEY the people are OFF and that means HOME, with a computer turned on.
But no.
Apparently "off" means out riding rumbly bikes. And "off" means that when at home, watching 16 zillion episodes of Doctor Who.
(BTW I want a TARDIS for Christmas. Not that I was watching, too...)
It was so bad, my lack of computer time, that when I went to read my friends' blogs, there were over 400 posts stacked up in Google Reader. FOUR HUNDRED!
Clearly, I am neglected.
Clearly.
The people had the last week "off" which makes a kitty think that there will be plenty of blogging being done because HEY the people are OFF and that means HOME, with a computer turned on.
But no.
Apparently "off" means out riding rumbly bikes. And "off" means that when at home, watching 16 zillion episodes of Doctor Who.
(BTW I want a TARDIS for Christmas. Not that I was watching, too...)
It was so bad, my lack of computer time, that when I went to read my friends' blogs, there were over 400 posts stacked up in Google Reader. FOUR HUNDRED!
Clearly, I am neglected.
Clearly.
May 08, 2011
Doods...heads up. Ask Max Anything is not a dead entity. You can still submit questions to it, but from now on I'll be answering them over at mousebreath! in my new Ask Max Monday column.
Alternately, you can just leave a question in the comments of Ask Max Monday. Whatever works for you!
Alternately, you can just leave a question in the comments of Ask Max Monday. Whatever works for you!
May 06, 2011
Bah.
There I was, minding my own business, napping quietly in the office chair--which is surprisingly comfortable given how squished it gets by the Woman's giant asterisk on a regular basis--and was deep asleep, dreaming about giant cans of tuna that--dooods!--open on request. No thumbs needed!
I mean, this was an awesome dream and just as I was about to dive face first into some premium albacore stored in water, the Women PUNCHED ME IN THE CHEST!
Oh, she says she barely touched me, but I'm no fool. I know what a good shock feels like. I think I jumped like 5 feet.
I swear, it was like she KNEW what I was dreaming about and did it just to keep me from enjoying it.
I went back to sleep, but dang, doods, the giant tuna can was gone.
There I was, minding my own business, napping quietly in the office chair--which is surprisingly comfortable given how squished it gets by the Woman's giant asterisk on a regular basis--and was deep asleep, dreaming about giant cans of tuna that--dooods!--open on request. No thumbs needed!
I mean, this was an awesome dream and just as I was about to dive face first into some premium albacore stored in water, the Women PUNCHED ME IN THE CHEST!
Oh, she says she barely touched me, but I'm no fool. I know what a good shock feels like. I think I jumped like 5 feet.
I swear, it was like she KNEW what I was dreaming about and did it just to keep me from enjoying it.
I went back to sleep, but dang, doods, the giant tuna can was gone.
May 02, 2011
Doooods!
It's Ask Max Monday over at mousebreath! Today's question comes from Tripper, who has a bit of a Klingon issue.
And while you're there, poke around and take in all of the awesomeness!
It's Ask Max Monday over at mousebreath! Today's question comes from Tripper, who has a bit of a Klingon issue.
And while you're there, poke around and take in all of the awesomeness!
May 01, 2011
April 27, 2011
April 25, 2011
Ok, this is NOT what it looks like.
I just wanted that space to curl up and nap on, and the Woman just HAPPENED to be there and I wanted to use the folded up sweatshirt she uses as support because he shoulder hurts if she doesn't and she's way too lazy to just get up and go get a small pillow to put my head on and her arm just HAPPENED to be on it.
I was not trying to cuddle up to her.
Nope.
I just wanted that space to curl up and nap on, and the Woman just HAPPENED to be there and I wanted to use the folded up sweatshirt she uses as support because he shoulder hurts if she doesn't and she's way too lazy to just get up and go get a small pillow to put my head on and her arm just HAPPENED to be on it.
I was not trying to cuddle up to her.
Nope.
April 23, 2011
Doods! Look! Skeezix's Food Lady is launching something REALLY COOL!
It's mousebreath! and dooods, it's a magazine for US!
Go peek!
It's mousebreath! and dooods, it's a magazine for US!
Go peek!
April 22, 2011
Know why I looked so forlorned in that picture?
Because I am not getting the attention I deserve, and the woman has been so busy "working" that she hasn't been willing to let me near the computer.
Oh, and let me tell you, the last few days no one wanted to get anywhere near her while she was hogging the computer. Her book was done, all edited and proofed and reproofed and rewrites and all that chit was done, so it was time to turn it into a book.
The problem was, her software was not playing nice. And the more it refused to play with her the more ticked off she got and guys? I was really starting to think she was going to either start chucking things around the house, or she was just going to EXPLODE.
Really.
As in, one giant humanoid =BOOM= that would have left brains and guts and blood all over the place. And I'm pretty sure that most of it would have spattered on the computer, which would have made using it later really gross.
Then after she got it figured out and got the thingy she needed to give to the people who will turn her crap into a book, she tried to turn it all into an e-book, and again her stuff wouldn't play nice. But she didn't even try to mess with it too much, she asked for help from someone with brains, and he fixed it for her.
But man...that was a terrifying couple of days.
I thought that since she's done with the book that I'd get some attention, but then I heard her say tonight she's going to start something new. That means like another YEAR of inadequate Max time.
I am so annoyed.
Because I am not getting the attention I deserve, and the woman has been so busy "working" that she hasn't been willing to let me near the computer.
Oh, and let me tell you, the last few days no one wanted to get anywhere near her while she was hogging the computer. Her book was done, all edited and proofed and reproofed and rewrites and all that chit was done, so it was time to turn it into a book.
The problem was, her software was not playing nice. And the more it refused to play with her the more ticked off she got and guys? I was really starting to think she was going to either start chucking things around the house, or she was just going to EXPLODE.
Really.
As in, one giant humanoid =BOOM= that would have left brains and guts and blood all over the place. And I'm pretty sure that most of it would have spattered on the computer, which would have made using it later really gross.
Then after she got it figured out and got the thingy she needed to give to the people who will turn her crap into a book, she tried to turn it all into an e-book, and again her stuff wouldn't play nice. But she didn't even try to mess with it too much, she asked for help from someone with brains, and he fixed it for her.
But man...that was a terrifying couple of days.
I thought that since she's done with the book that I'd get some attention, but then I heard her say tonight she's going to start something new. That means like another YEAR of inadequate Max time.
I am so annoyed.
April 14, 2011
This is so unfair. Look at this.
The Woman sat down with this and you know what she said to me? She said "This is not for kitty."
It's a hot dog! It's a TURKEY hot dog! Oh hell YES it's for kitty!
Now look. She had a lot of food there. Why couldn't I have the hot dog and she could eat those stick thingies? I'd have happily let her have the stick thingies.
She sat there and ate the whole thing in front of me, and then didn't even get up to get MY dinner for like 20 minutes!
I am so abused.
The Woman sat down with this and you know what she said to me? She said "This is not for kitty."
It's a hot dog! It's a TURKEY hot dog! Oh hell YES it's for kitty!
Now look. She had a lot of food there. Why couldn't I have the hot dog and she could eat those stick thingies? I'd have happily let her have the stick thingies.
She sat there and ate the whole thing in front of me, and then didn't even get up to get MY dinner for like 20 minutes!
I am so abused.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)