September 22, 2015

I was cheated on.


The Woman was gone for-freaking-ever, and when she came home, she smelled like that Damned Dog Butters and his sister, Lady. I was inconvenienced all the way around. The Man shuffled food times around and no one was here to open the 10 o'clock can, which means I had to wait until 7:30 every morning for gooshy foods. There was no one here to sing to at 4 am. And when the Man was home during the day, he was asleep.

My needs were not being tended to.

She didn't even leave me the laptop, so my Mousebreath column was late. All so she could go off and play with those dogs.

She even gave them toys! *I* didn't get any new toys.

She came home yesterday afternoon and expected me to be all oooh I missed you and I knew she expected that, so when she sat down, I jumped onto her lap.

And then I bit her.

You heard me. I bit her. Right on the chin. Oh, I didn't draw blood or anything and I didn't even bite hard, but I let her know what I thought about the whole thing.

I mean, really. What's more important? Me or those DOGS?

But then.

Yeah, there's always a But Then.

But then I found out why she went to stay with Butters and Lady. And I think if she had told be ahead of time I would have not been upset by the betrayal and the stink of dog upon her. In fact, I probably would have sent toys for them myself. But she didn't tell me, and she took the laptop with her to keep me from accidentally saying something online, and that would have ruined everything.


So you know I have a Younger Human. He doesn't live here, he lives with those damned dogs. Recently, he moved into a new place, so that he could also live with -- get this -- a girl.

For reals, doods! A GIRL.

Now, I have not met met this girl, but I have been assured by the People that she is lovely and they really, really like her, and since the Younger Human has (aside from those dogs) pretty freaking good taste, and they say she makes him ridiculously happy, I like her without having to meet her.

Well, apparently he likes her more than anyone. So many, many months ago, he started planning. It was a big plan, and it required the Woman to go stay with the dogs so that he could take this girl to the House of Mouse.

That must be a fun place, because they go a lot, and my people go a lot. But, I digress.

The Younger Human had been planning and he needed to have her at Disneyland. It was Dapper Day, which evidently means "dress super nice to ride all the rides" and they were both all shiny and spiffy. He wanted to take her on this ride called Storybook Canal at night time and was super surprised to find out it stopped running at not-quite-night time, but he got a friend to tell Mickey Mouse that it was important, and they do what the Mouse tell them to down there and he said to turn the ride back on at night, so they fired the ride up just for them.

And then the Younger Human and his girl and some friends got on the ride, and halfway through he asked the boat driver dood to stop.

AND HE DID. He stopped the boat right then and there.

And doods.


My Younger Human got as far down on one knee as he could ('cause...tiny boat) and he asked her to marry him.




She totally has good taste, too.

So. Ok. I can be fine with the Woman going to stay with the dogs, because they can't exactly feed themselves and someone has to let them out into the yard a few times a day. I wasn't happy all weekend because I didn't know, but I understand why now. I don't think anything could have kept the Woman from going to puppy sit.

I mean, I hate that she smelled so much like dog, but hey, I did get to bite her, and the Younger Human is wicked happy, and I think his Seriously Awesome Wife2Be is, too.

Hm. I may have to work on that one.

But she is awesome, I can tell from the pictures. She makes my Younger Human happy, that's how I know.

I'm also glad the Woman is home now.


TatersMom said...

I love a happy ending!
The young humans are happy, the woman is happy because she finally got that kid married off, the man is happy for the same reason, and you & Buddah got gooshy food.

The Meezers or Billy said...

freaking PAWSOME!!!!

sandy l said...

Wow, congratulations to the younger human and his wife 2be!! What a romantic way to propose (I got all teary) and how fortunate he was to have the big Mouse turns the storybook ride back on. I'm glad you agree it was okay that your human wasn't home to open cans for you for a few days Max.

Meowers from Missouri said...

But does the bride2be like *YOU*? THAT is the question. If you haven't met her, how do you know? That'd be a deal breaker, in our book, if she didn't have the supremely good taste to worship and adore you. Of course, she had the good taste to love the Younger Human, so maybe there's a chance. ...

Summer said...

Well, yeah, that was a pretty awesome reason to dog-sit! Concatulations to the younger human and his fiancee!

The Island Cats said...

That was a pretty good reason to be cheated on, Max. Congrats to the happy couple!

Just Ducky said...

ConCATs to the happy couple. Do you get to be Best Cat at the wedding?

Lone Star Cats said...

Congrats to da younger human!

MargB said...

Our mom got teary too...she's such a sucker for REAL happy endings! Congrats to the younger human - of course he has good taste - he picked YOU and it's great to see his good taste has remained.

Oh...we like to give mom a gentle bitey too when she messes with our schedule. She got one last night on the head because she didn't come home until after freaking midnight just for a hockey game! Her excuse was not nearly so acceptable as the Woman's!

Dip & Dot

The Whiskeratti said...

Concatulations to the Younger Hoomins! But totally, you were in the right to bite! Standards must be maintained.

Random Felines said...

ok....we think that is a totally legit reason to let her off the hook (though the bitey was also very appropriate)

Quill and Greyson said...

At least she had a good reason for her betrayal! Concats (or Condawgs) on the engagement!

Memories of Eric and Flynn said...

Concats to the younger human and his wife 2 be!
Concats to you also for getting that bite in.

Ivan and Izzy from WMD said...

I totally second Flynn!

Connie - Tails from the Foster Kittens said...

IDK, how can she possibly become part of the family if you haven't had a chance to step on her yet? She must come and give treats to you and ask for permission, doesn't she?

Mark's Mews (Ayla, Marley, and Laz) said...

OH MY COD! Did they mate right there on the spot, or did they howl a bit an do it later properly in the bushes?

Millie said...

Oh MAX how cool! My Mr Karate did almost the same thing with Rubylocks a couple of years ago. He moved all the way out to Catifornia to live with her and her two woofies. He popped the question at Yos-eh-meh-tee, and then they got married a year later. I love her. Really and truly. Make sure you go to the wedding.

Concats to the Younger Human and Wife2Be.

your friend,

Jans Funny Farm said...

What a happy story. Except for you being inconvenienced, of course. But it was for a good cause. Congratulations to the happy couple.