So...it's not just me

This is Ataturk, the Cat Who Came Before the Cat Who Came Before Me. She owned the Woman when the Woman was just a sticky person. And look what they did to her!

And that wasn't the worst of it! That poor kitty got dressed up in doll clothes, too! I think she had enough, because it looks like she's yelling at them to TAKE THIS OFF!!!

This is a really old picture, at least 40 years old...but I wish I could have met her, because I get the feeling we would have a lot to talk about.

Topic Blocked

Hm. Yeah. I'm a little blocked lately.

We've been working on my latest book for a year now, and there have been lots of words written and lots of words thrown away, and lots of sitting here going, Hmmm, and then more writing and more tossing.

The words we tossed were pretty freaking sweet, but they were a little repetitive; I either touched on things too similar in my other books or here in the blog and repetitive is no good.

Now, this book is kind of like me just thinking out loud about things.

So you can help.

What topics--for reals--would you like me to write about in the book? I've kind of touched on why people need to let us help them get better, and about clearing out the clutter in your brain to get better thinks. I talked about my wait problem. Boobies. Having to work.

I've got more than half a book here, but it needs more.

What kind of things do you want people to know?

=WHEW=

My feets are still there.


It's the Nip, little dood. I've woken up like that before...

Dogs. Sheesh.

I AM NOT A BUG!

Yet, that's what the Woman called me today. And she said it like it was a good thing! I wandered into her office to see if she had any crunchies on hand and to get a head skritch, and when she saw me she said, "Oh, hey, Bug."

BUG.

First it was "Buddy" and then it was "Bub" and now BUG?

Bug are toys. Bugs are the things from which one rips off the wings and little legs. Bugs are the things outside animals eat for protein. I DON'T EVEN GO OUTSIDE.

I really wish she understood cat, because I've got a new name for her, and it rhymes with "witch."

PSA

If your people close the bedroom door at night and you want to make sure they don't oversleep and miss your breakfast, remember this:

Trust me, they'll get up.

It was his birthday today...

He's nine years old.
Nine long years.
It's hard to believe that I've been putting up with him that long.

This was last night. He looks annoyed, like he's giving the Woman the Back of Disrespect, but doods, he's asleep. SNORING. He sat down like he was going to watch TV or something, and the next thing we know he's sawing logs like an old man.

He had the birthday he wanted, though. He got to nap right in the middle of the big bed, and when the Woman came home he got crunchy treats, and then a new nip toy. And tonight when we get our snack, I'm going to save him the last 2 bites of mine.

No, I don't like him that much. It's just the nice thing to do on someone's birthday.

I'm glad he had a good one. Maybe that means he'll leave me the fark alone tonight.

She's mean when she's sleepy

All right. So last night the Woman went to sleep around 1 in the morning, as is pretty typical. She GOES to bed around 11:30, but she reads and watches Craig Ferguson before actually trying to sleep.

And this is fine. This does not impact me at all. I'm usually in another room taking a nap, and don't really care what time she goes to sleep.

At 4:15, or thereabouts, I have taken to going into the bedroom, jumping up onto the bed right next to her head, and whispering in her ear until she opens and eye and gives me head skritches. Most of the time she doesn't seem to mind; she does it sleepily and goes right back to sleep when I jump off the bed.

I come back around 6:30 to start reminding her that I'm hungry, and would not be opposed to her getting up and feeding me before the Man gets home from passing gas. This is when she gets grumpy, as if a reminder every 5 minutes is not a good thing.

But this morning?

Cripes.

She has turned into a warm person, and I don't mean personality-wise. She just doesn't get cold like a normal person does, not until it's close to freezing. So last night she went to bed and didn't turn the warm air blowing thingy on, and by 6:30 it was COLD in the house.

Not her. She kept sleeping like everything was just fine.

So I started trying to wake her up. And she started saying mean things to me. So I ramped it up and instead of asking her to get up every 5 minutes, I did it every 5 seconds.

Doods. Did you know the Bad Word List is probably 7 pages longer than we supposed?

She was not nice. She did not give me head skritches. She kept telling me to shut the frak up and told me to go get bent.

I kept TELLING her I was cold, but no, she wasn't listening. She thought I wanted food.

Well, I did, but I mostly wanted warm.

When the Man got up today he told her how cold it was in here when he got home, and THEN she felt bad. Like, WTH? She should have felt bad when I was TELLING HER IT WAS COLD.

And really? I don't even know HOW to get bent. I'm pretty flexible. I have no idea what she expects.

I'm waking her at 3:30 tonight, and I'm not even going to let her pet me.

Well, this is just mean...

...and I'm surprised my people haven't tried it.


Don't let them see this, or they might.

And I don't know about you guys but so far I'm really digging the time change. I haven't even had to remind the people that dinnertime is in an hour; by the time my tummy tells me to start giving them a reminder every 2 minutes, it's time and they're opening a can. And this morning, when I thought it was time to wake the Woman up and let her know that I expected her to get up in an hour to feed me, the Man came home from passing gas and fed me.

I know they're both hoping it stays like this, but really? We all know in a week I'll adjust and will go back to my gentle reminders. But for now, everyone is happy.

Well, except that cat on the treadmill. He's *really* hungry by now...

The Man is now an arteest

Yep, an arteest. That's like an artist, but you say it with your pinky stuck out while slurping down tea or stupid drinks. You have to say it that way because his work is going to be displayed in a real artists' gallery, alongside paintings and pottery and other artsy things.

A few weeks ago he was invited to submit his pens and stuff to the jury for the gallery, and last week they voted him in, so starting next week people can go into the Artists' Collaborative Gallery in Old Sacramento to see and buy his stuff. 

Now, he's going to keep his Etsy shop because he has a lot of inventory, but some of the stuff that's in his Etsy store will probably be taken down so that he can display a few key things in the gallery.

So...if you've had your eye on something in his store, now's the time to grab it, just in case it's one of the things he takes down in order to show it in the gallery.

If it's been a while since you peeked, he has some new pen styles, some really spiffy things...like this Pluma Acrylic pen. The Woman says this kind of pen fits in the hand really well so it's become her favorite.

So, yeah...for the last week the people have been paying attention to art stuff and not enough to me, but once he has all his stuff set up in the gallery, that should change.

It better change.

Oh and doods, remind your people to set their clocks forward before they go to bed tonight. Daylight Savings Time starts at 2 am! THAT MEANS BREAKFAST WILL FEEL LIKE AN HOUR EARLY!

And then snack will feel early.

EVERYTHING WILL FEEL EARLY!

I love Daylight Savings.

This is how awesome I am

Really.

It's proof of my awesomeness.

And how powerful my poop is.

The Man took the litterbox outside to wash it, because he does that every other week or so, but this time when he dumped the litter out, the bottom fell out.

Seriously.

I have power-pooped that sucker into oblivion.

The downside is that I'm stuck with a lesser box tonight, something smaller than is comfy, and the Woman says tomorrow she's going to go buy me a new gigantibox.

Heh.

I hope she buys me some crunchy eats, too...

I know your feels, dood.

My peoples' feet do the same thing to me...

In 2 weeks

Yep, two weeks from today--on Buddah's birthday--the Woman is getting her head shaved at this event where people get their heads shaved in order to raise money for the St. Balderick's Foundation. They do for kids' cancers what the boobie walking things do for breast cancer. And there must be a common thread because judging by the Woman's appearance, screwing around with hair is like a priority.

Just look at it. Her hair has been pink a lot for the boobies. In January it was this crimson for another boobie thing (and now it looks reallllly bad, all faded and choppy and chit) and for St. Baldrick's they're taking all her hair away.

Now, Buddah is convinced that the whole thing is for him and that she raised money on his behalf because he never gets to do fundraisers, and that she's going to get her head shaved because he's not allowed out of the house to get it done to his own head.

We can leave him his illusions.

Though...I really would like to see someone shave him. Just for the chits and giggles.

Oh man, I just had a thought. Maybe we can dye his furs for money! WE'LL TURN HIM BLUE!

There has to be a way. There just has to be a way...

Over an hour...

...and he hasn't missed.

I'm kinda tired of watching, but dang I'm impressed...

Cold! Wet! Awesome!

What rain might look like...

The people are all excited because we've had some rain the last couple of days, but this weekend we're supposed to get more of it. Not just rain, but RAIN. Like, more rain in a couple days than we've had in a couple of years.

They're also worried about getting too much rain at once and potential flooding, but mostly, they're excited about it.

You know what I'm excited about?

When it rains, the Woman doesn't like to go running around, taking her laptop to some guy's house named Star Bux. where she does the exact same thing that she does at home: plays on Facebook and reads stuff at FARK and reddit. Or wait, Star might be a woman. I think she was on some TV show the people used to watch, the one that had walking toasters and and a dood named Uhpaulo. So I can see why she'd go hang there, because that lady was totally badass.

But when she stays at home and it's cold and rainy, it means I have a lap and I have the fireplace thingy going, and if I play my cards right I do the sleepy yawn thing and lead her into the kitchen where I get crunchy treats.

AND I looked in the fridge and she bought a lot of meaty things to make for dinner this weekend, so I'll probably score some real live fresh dead meatloaf, chicken, and porkchop. At least I think the one thing was porkchop. If not, there's something real live real dead sitting in there, and it's not appetizing.

I might have to let her sleep a little extra tonight, just to be sure she's not too sleepy to cook all that stuff for me.

:::shiver:::

Okay, so lately it's been warm enough during the day to have the front door open so that we can get some fresh air. I do enjoy this, and if there's a breeze I'll even stretch out on the floor there.

But after it gets dark, it gets chilly. So before the Woman goes to bed, she turns the heat on.

Except last night.

No, last night SHE was not chilly so she went to bed and didn't think about the kitties who were not burrowed under heavy blankets. Kitties who do not have hot flashes all night long. No, she didn't think of the kitties at all.

This morning when the Man came home from passing gas, as soon as he walked in he declared it to be Too Cold and HE turned the heat on. And then doods, he had to do it. He had to do the unimaginable.

It was kinda like this...

He had to chip icicles off my useless nipples.

And I have a lot of nipples!

This is not an experience I would choose to repeat. Luckily, he'll be home tonight so the heat will get turned back on before the last person goes to bed.

I really need to work on figuring out the right angle I need to press the switch that turns the fireplace on.

Heh

All right, so I heard the Woman coming down the hall and figured she was going into the giant litterbox room, and when she goes in there I can get some prime tummy rubbing time. It's pretty much perfect; she sits there and I flop down at her feet, roll over, and she'll rub my tummy right where I want her to, and only for a minute or so which is all I want. If she touches a place on my tummy I don't want her to, all I have to do is set my teeth on her hand--I don't don't bite down because I'm neither as crude nor mean as Buddah--and she moves.

I get tummy rubs, there's a time limit, we both leave the room happy.

But today she decided that while she was in there she needed to wash her hair. I don't disagree with this; as short as hers is it still does these funky WTF things where things stick out in opposing directions, kind of like a drunk frat boy at a party where there are girl he thinks he's impressing but really is only convincing them that birth control is a very good idea.

Now, other than the fact that I am ready to leave the room when she does this, I don't mind being captive during the washing of the hair. I like to sit on the throne (she keeps the lid closed out of habit...which started when the little crackhead came to live with us, out of worry he would jump in and drown himself, which I am sure he would have) and watch the water swirl in the bathtub before it goes down the drain.

Well...her giant head was in the way (she kneels on the floor and leans over the tub to accomplish the hair washing) and I couldn't see, so I decided I needed to get closer. If I could look over her shoulder, I could watch the water swirl.

So I jumped onto her back.

I did have a terrific view of the water, but she started laughing, which made her whole back jiggle, and that was a lot like trying to sit on jello.

So I laid down, my belly to her back, so I wouldn't fall off.

And she just kept laughing, like it was odd or something. How else did she expect me to be able to watch the swirlies?

Anyway, I finally had to just get off and try to watch from the throne again, because she warned me she was sticking her head under the faucet and I might get wet if I stayed there. And no one wants a wet Max.

She gets points for not just doing it.

Still, it occurs to me that there needs to be a perch over the tub so I can watch things. A little looking around Amazon, and I see there are these shower bench thingies that would work just fine.

They're meant for old people to sit on while they take a shower.

So she totally needs one anyway.

I just have to figure out a way to get her to buy one. Her birthday isn't for a long time, so I don't want to wait for that. But there has to be a way to convince her she needs this. Because I think she kinda does.

The fact that it works for me, too, is just a bonus.

I'm winning the routine change

Steak from a previous night. But it looked like this..

Yep.

So far, victory is mine.

I've been waking the Woman up at various points during the night--90 minutes after she goes to sleep, 3:30, 6:00--and at first she was resistant, but now when I start singing out she pats the bed and I jump up, and she gives me sleepy head skritches until she falls back asleep, usually with her giant hand making kind of a blanket for me.

Yesterday, she and the Man left the house about an hour before my dinner time and I was worried because they often are late with the noms when they leave like that, but 45 minutes later they were home and they brought some still-warm real live fresh dead cow for me. She even chopped into bite sized pieces and we still got our regular dinner.

Then this evening was I hungry pretty early, like 3 hours early, and at first she just thought I was being a pain in her asterisk with all my meowing and trying to herd her into the kitchen, but when I ramped up the requests and kept trying to get her attention while she cooked up some real live fresh dead chicken for them to have for dinner, she decided that I really was HUNGRY and not just being me. So I got some bites of chicken, and then doods, she went ahead and opened a can for us. 45 minutes early!

Better yet, I heard her tell the Man that it might be a good idea to open another can before he goes to bed at 4 a.m. Now, part of that is she wants to sleep, but part is thinking maybe Buddah stole some of my breakfast (he's been doing that) so I might be in need of noms.

You know, after he feeds us at 4 a.m. I'll have to do the polite thing.

I'll have to wake her up to thank her for having him do that.

I bet I get head skritches, and maybe even body tickles.

Dood, I think she said no...

But...okay. I suppose cute gets you the smoochies you want...

First I was =ewww=

Earlier today, after the Man got up, I heard the Woman tell him they were eating the brat for dinner. Now, I was half asleep so I was pretty sure I heard her wrong, but I started listening just to be sure.

And yep, she said brat.

Only she got all hoity toity and pronounced it braaawt, like she's the kind of person who drinks with her little finger stuck straight out.

I was a little grossed out, to be honest. I mean, I can live just fine without Buddah around, but to turn him into dinner?

Ah...no.

And then I heard her say that if I wanted I could have a little bite.

Doods, I like real live fresh dead things, but I have my limits. Still, when I heard their silverware clink on their plates, I had to go see. You know, in case they were licking fur bits off their knives or out of the pan or something.

I got into the kitchen...and Buddah was sitting there in his box, watching them.

He was fine.

I was only marginally disappointed.

Now, I don't know whose brat they ate, but I gotta tell you, he was tasty...