Dooods!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Oh man, I knew Santa would come through! He got us a couple of really sweet things!



First..an awesome 'Nip stash. These things are PACKED with some really awesome nip. And the long ones are great for grabbing and bunny kicking while you put the bitey on it. The Woman thinks they'll last a long time, too, which is good since we kinda kill nip things all the time.



Then THIS!

He brought us a new tower! It's shorter than our other big one, but the thingies are big enough for us to curl up on, and a lot of towers have too-small thingies, so this really rocks. Buddah seems to really like it and has spent more time on it, but that's all right. I'll get around to it.

AND

So the PEOPLE didn't out anything under the tree for us, but our friend Kris, with her kids Kasia and Bug, and her man-thingy Tim, THEY got us a BUNCH of toys!



That calendar thingie has a toy in EVERY SINGLE POCKET! Doods, we've got enough toys to last All.Freaking.Year.

And the topper?

The People didn't forget about us, after all. Tonight I was in the kitchen while the Woman was getting a bubbly drink and I peeked in the fridge, and doods, there's a big thing of REAL LIVE FRESH DEAD SHRIMP!

She saw me looking and she said, "Yep, Big Guy, that's for you. I'm sorry we forgot about it earlier, but we got caught up in things..."

And that was ok because the Younger Human was here so that was exciting. And the Woman doesn't like touching shrimpy things, so the Man will give me some for breakfast. So I have something more to look forward to!

I hope everyone else had as awesome a day as I did. It wasn't even really about the stuff...I just liked having ALL my people here (and I even growled at the Younger Human once, but to be fair he WAS trying to touch my tummy....) And just think, the new year is almost here and we get to party it in!

After being told over and over that this year there would be no Christmas tree in the house because my People are FREAKS and put a sofa where the tree SHOULD go and there's Dammit Equipment in the other place where a tree could go, guess what the People did?

Yep, the put up a tree.

The only way this happened, as I understand it, is because the Woman looked at the family room and where my mancat lounge is, and thought that a small tree would fit right next to it, and still give me plenty of room to get to my personal space.

So they went to Walmart and found this skinny thing. It's really narrow and is only 6 feet tall, but hey, we have a tree, so I have no complaints.

Plus, there are TONS of plastic M&M ornaments on it, which means I can play with them as much as I want.

Now, you see all the stuff UNDER the tree?

What's a Christmas tree without presents? Very spiffy looking and all, but look at this:

It's a HUGE present.

And you know what name is on it?

BUTTERS! It's for that damned dog Butters!

You know how many presents have MY name on them?

NONE!

Yeah, I know I was all Oh I don't want anything because I want the money that they would have spent on me to go to shelter kitties, and that's still true, but COME ON. This is an insult!

What the heck could a DOG need that would fit in a bag that big?

Man, I hope Santa comes through for me, and makes whatever that damned dog Butters got look like carp.

Yeah, yeah, yea, tis the season and kiss my asterisk. I cant be outgifted by a DOG!!!

All right. So the People didn't forget about me while they were cavorting around Disneyland like a couple of 14 year olds. However, I should have been more specific. When I asked them to bring me home That Mouse, this was not what I had in mind:

Seriously?
I can't eat that!

And look...it has a metal loop in its head! If I eat that, I'll get a tummy ache! And the whole thing...it just tastes all plasticky.

People, I am disappoint.

In other news, Buddah doesn't fit in that box with his name on it. Oh, he can sit, but he can't curl up in it, which is what he wants to do. So overall, it's kind of funny now, watching him try to puzzle it out.

At least somethin around here amuses me right now.

Look at this.

LOOK AT THIS!

The People went to Disneyland and brought back all kids of bags, bags that I tried to dig through to see if they got me a present, bags they said to get out of, they'd give me my thing sooner or later. So I left the bags alone and have been waiting PATIENTLY, but what does the Man do?

He gives Buddah a new box.

A box with his name on it!

Where's my freaking box? I was GOOD while they were gone, you'd think I'd get something out of it.

I really think I liked it better when the Younger Human was here feeding us and taking care of things. I be HE would have given me a box, too.

The Younger Human has been taking care of us, and you know what that meant?

STEAK!!!

I'm not so sure the People need to come home...

This is my Younger Human:

I think he was having a hard day when this picture was taken. Probably girl trouble or something like that.

But, I digress.

He came over tonight, and doods, he has it right. There was pizza, and you know what?

I didn't even have to ask! He left some cheese and pizza sauce and grease on his plate, and then put it on the floor for me!

The People? They always make me ask! They have really good stuff for their dinners and won't give me any unless I'm both good AND say please, but him? He just gave it to me!

Clearly, this called for some concession on my part.

So I let him pick me up.

And  left him hold me.

For, like TEN seconds!

It was totally worth it.

Do I look annoyed? Do I?

I should.

Tonight I was lounging on the foot stool, waiting patiently for the clock to say It's Time To Feed Max, and you know what the Woman did? Do you?

She didn't look and tried to put her feet on the foot stool and CLONKED ME IN THE HEAD!

AND

She nudged me in the side with her giant other foot!

You'd think that would be enough to make her feel bad enough to get up and feed me early, but no. I was all ouchy and she was just, "Oh, sorry, I didn't know you were there."

Well, for one, LOOK and for two, FEED ME EARLY.

Once in a while, Buddah has a good idea. And by good idea I mean sometimes he makes a worthy attempt to frustrate and annoy the People.

This was him yesterday morning:

He was fast about it, too. The Woman got out a box of cereal and while she was putting some in a bowl he jumped onto the counter, then onto the fridge, and crawled in there before she could stop him.

She turned around and asked him what he thought he was doing, but all he did to answer was to get deeper into the pantry, where there was no way she could reach him without getting something to stand on. I could see the Hehehehehe in his eyes, knowing what a pain it was going to be, because the standing-on-thingy is in the back of the house right now, in her office where she took it when she thought I needed help getting off the closet.

It was a worthy attempt on his part, but all the Woman did was take her bowl to the table to eat her cereal and look at the paper. He stayed in there, thinking when she was done eating she would get him out, but she didn't. She took a picture of him (I think to show Santa how rotten he is) and then she went into the room with the fireplace thingy and sat down, telling him that it was probably pointless to ask him to close the pantry door when he was done in there.

Man, was he disappointed. It was no fun anymore, so he got out and sat on the fridge, and tried to vent a few complaints about how not fun she was, but she just looked over her shoulder and said, "I see, you're out. Good boy. I'll close it in a minute."

I don't know what I liked more, that he thought of it and tried to tick her off, or that it backfired and she disappointed him by not caring that he was in the place where the crappy breakfast food lives.

Oh, and I want a taste of one of those PopTart thingies. She says I can't have any because it's not for kitties, and barely even for people. But still...I want to at least taste it.

One bite won't hurt.

Well, unless it's her I bite because she won't let me try it...

Hey, look what the People got me.

A new chair!

It better not be a Christmas present...

KIMO IS HOME!!!

DOODS!!!

KIMO IS HOME!!!

Everybody dance now!

I dunno what the big deal is...

The people always whine about how hard getting on the treadmill is and how much they sweat and why does it have to hurt so much? Well, I was on it for like an hour and it wasn't hard at all. Actually, it was kind of comfy. I may go back and get on it again, so that I'll be all buff by Christmas...

Ok, it's National Christmas Shopping Day (seriously, people, look at that picture...WTF is wrong with you???) but is the Woman getting up and going out to go buy stuff for me? NO. She's just sitting here playing on Facebook and Jigzone while HGTV drones on in the background. I don't even want her to go out and buy me presents, just STUFF. You know, APPRECIATE MAX toys. I need a new nip banana. She could at least go get me one while it might be on sale.

Not for Christmas. For now. I need it NOW. I don't want anything from the Man and the Woman for Christmas again; like last year I think the money they would spend on toys for me would be better spent on food and stuff for the shelter kitties. And I saved up all my royalties from The Rules so that I could kick in some money, too, and it looks like we'll be able to load the back of the peoples' HHR with stuff. But I think the Woman is going to check to see what they need the most before she goes shopping for that stuff. They might need money more than anything, so if that's the case then the people can buy some toys and stuff and I'll just write 'em a check.

I like getting new stuff, really I do, but I don't need anything more than a new nip banana. And all I really want, I want it RIGHT NOW. I want Kimo to find his way back home and I want my friends' peoples who need jobs to get them today. That's it.

Oh, and the People went to Denny's for Thanksgiving but NO they did NOT bring me any turkey. Denny must be getting cheap with his servings or something, or maybe he really doesn't like me anymore. But the Man gave me some real live fresh dead shrimps, and then later the Woman opened TWO cans of turkey stinky goodness, on just turkey and the other was turkey and rice, so we got to eat a lot even without Denny's help. And after we ate, we took naps near the fireplace thingy.

I'm pretty sure there's more shrimps in the fridge, too, so I have high hopes that I'll get some more today.

And pie. I would like to sample the pie.

This kitty is happy because there's turkey!


Happy Thanksgiving doods...I hope you get a ton of real live fresh dead turkey and some crunchy treats. Me, I'm getting some real live fresh dead shrimp! Or I better, cause I saw the Woman stick some in the fridge...

And just for a few more laughs, a few more funny thingies...










Go stuff yourselves and then take 22 naps!

Man, the days just aren't getting any better, doods. Kimo still isn't home, and to top things off, Herman's little sister, Emma, went to the Bridge. She was a real sweetie and I am really glad that she had a nice Forever Home with Herman and Karen Jo, but I know they're gonna miss her tons.

But, I needed something to make me snicker a little, and I wanted to share it with you guys.



Well...*I* thought it was funny...!

Man...this is turning out to be a sucky Friday. Kimo is still not home, so his people need lots of Mojo and concentrated GET YOUR BUTT HOME KIMO vibes.



And Ginger's sister Quest went to the Bridge today.



She'd had a rough last few months and she's got ShyGurl waiting for her at the Bridge, along with all our other friends who are already there, but still...

I has a sad today...

All right, doods, we need to harness the power of the CB. Our bud Kimo got out and has been gone all night long, and his people are super worried, and I'm feeling all OH NO with tummy flutters. So start up your Mojo engines and start willing him to get home NOW, and get home safe.

Kimo, dood...call the adventure done, ok? Your people are scared, and so are your friends...

Doods, I know I am a lucky kitty. I live in a country where men and women volunteer to protect our freedoms, where they--to quote a meme going around--write a blank check to Uncle Sam, and cashing it in means losing their lives, all so the rest of us are protected and free.

You know, there are some places where I wouldn't have much of a chance at a forever home where I get cans of stinky goodness twice a day and crunchy food and treats more often than I should. Where there's a fireplace thingy turned on pretty much any time the people even think I'm cold. Where staying inside all day and sleeping is my right as a cat.

I know I could be living somewhere that I might be dinner for someone else. Or stuck outside in the cold. Or hunting bugs and stuff to feed myself.

Because I was born in the USA, I enjoy the kind of life I have because of men and women who have been willing to offer up the blank check of their lives.

I don't take this lightly, you know.

The Man is a veteran. He didn't go off and fight in a war, but he served in the US Air Force for 20 years and was there in case other men and women needed to be patched up. He could have gone into a war zone, and he accepted it as part of the deal he signed up for.

The Man's Dad served for 20 years, and he did serve during a war. He went to Vietnam. It wasn't easy, that's for sure.

The Woman's Dad was in the Navy during TWO wars. Can you imagine twice? He didn't stay in long enough to retire, but he he stayed as long as he was needed.

I don't know where I would be without them.

I don't know where any of us would be without people like them. So if you know a veteran, today you need to suck it up and give them head butts and purrs, and if you can figure out how, pop off a salute. Because without them?

Doods, without them, you might be what's IN the can of stinky goodness instead of what's nomming it...

Dear Cynthia Markey, please stop using my email address to sign up for crap at political websites. I don't want to know anything about Al Franken or Minnesota farm politics. I realize this was all likely just from a typo--hell, the Woman has like 5 people using her email address because they can't seem to remember their email address isn't exactly what they wanted it to be--but I'm begging you to think before you sign up for stuff.

My poor email has taken too much abuse lately. It wants to stop bending over and taking it, because the e-lube has worn off.

Thank you,
Max