SECRET PAWS!!!

Doods, I totally did not expect to get mail today but I got a BIG box, and on it was a return address that said,

SECRET PAWS

FRIENDS FUREVER

and it was for me and Buddah! I inspected it pretty closely before it got opened and I could already tell there was some stellar stuff inside.

I mean, look all all this!

There were crunchy treats--TEMPTATIONS!--and toys and a nip banana and a scracther, and this little red sproingy toy that Buddah went nuts over, and even a mug for the Woman!

(Ok she took it whether it was for her or not. Because IT IS AWESOME and she thinks it's too nice for me or for Buddah.)

See? it is pretty spiffy.

We took too many pictures to show here, so if you want to see us get our presents from Allie, Ellie, and Raz from Friends Furever, go peek at the whole set of pictures on our Flickr thingy.

Allie & Ellie & Raz, thank you so much! Your gifts were super spiffy and totally made my day!

I'm really digging the tree this year

I mean, look at it. It's loaded with Doctor Who awesomeness, and one of my beds is near it--you can see the corner of it in the picture, there on the lower left--and it's near the fire place thingy.

And even though none of those presents are for me--and that's cool because I ask the people to spend money on toys and stuff because I know Santa will hook me up--I like looking at them. The Woman got all inspired and color-matched presents to people. The blue ones are for the Younger Human and the red and white ones are for the Man (and trust me, it's more even than it looks) and having them stacked like that makes for my absolutely favorite part.

Having everything there makes my nook even more private and I can take nice, quiet, Buddah-free naps, because he never thinks to look behind the tree. Doods, he's not even really playing with the tree this year. And that's a good thing, because the really cool Doctor Who ornaments are glass. Heck, there's another bigger tree in the front room and he's leaving that alone, too, though he gets under it.

That's actually all right. The people bought the skirt thingy just for us, so we'd have something soft to lay on if we wanted to lounge under the tree. I don't use it, really, but Buddah likes it.

There's only a week until Christmas, guys! ONE WEEK! I'm excited because I'm pretty sure Santa will bring me a new nip banana, but I'm also not looking forward to it because that means that not long after the tree will get put away and I'll lose my private space.

I wonder if I can glue the tree down when no one is looking...

The Woman went shopping with DKM today...

...and what did she get me?

NOTHING. She got me a big fat NOTHING.

On the other hand, she bought a couple somethings for That Damned Dog Butters. But ya know, I'm so used to it now that I didn't even bother registering a complaint. I just plopped down on the floor, hitched my back leg up, and licked myself.

I'm just gonna be 6 kinds of chill, and wait for Santa to bring me that real live fresh dead shrimp.

I'm not even gonna go poop on anyone's pillow.

Just chill.

That's how I roll.

What? Hell yes I've been in the nip tonight. Why are you asking?

Hmphf

Okay, so today the people put pants on--REAL PANTS--and left the house, saying they were going shopping for toys.

Now, the Younger Human doesn't play with toys.

The people don't play with toys.

So clearly, they were buying cat toys. I am a cat; I occasionally hunt the toys in the house to kill them.

When they go shopping they're usually gone for a long time, so I went into the room with the big comfy bed and jumped up there to take a long nap, and I admit, I was a little excited. New toys! It's been a while since I've had a toy I wanted to kill, so that was something to look forward to.

But then they came home, and what did they have?

A whole lot of nothing.

Seriously, nothing.

They walked in empty handed.

At first I thought they'd just struck out and couldn't find anything Max-worthy, but then the Woman left her phone where I could see it and LOOK AT THIS

Water fountain not included

There are a lot of toys there but not one damned cat toy.

So when the Woman sat down I jumped in her lap and was going to tell her exactly what I thought about it but then she went and said, "Lots of toys, right, Big Guy? And you bought most of them."

Well dammit, now I can't even be mad.

Not even a tiny bit.

Second load being delivered to the fire station

And really, doods, you bought these toys: it took 2 trips, filling up the back of the HHR both times. I save most of my money from my books every year to buy things for Toys for Tots at Christmas and some random cat thingies for cats that need cat thingies, but this is the Toys Haul.

When you bought copies of my books, you were also buying toys for sticky people who might not get much for the holidays.

It would have been nice if they'd SAID this is what they were doing instead of getting me all excited about waking up to a new thing to kill, but it's cool. Now I feel all warm and tingly, and it's not much longer until Christmas, and Santa will hook me up. The Woman assures me that she made sure he knows I would like a new nip banana and some real live fresh dead shrimp, and that's all I really want or need.

Thanks, guys. I don't always get a real feel for how many books I sell or where the money goes, but seeing this?

I freaking have warm fuzzies right now.

Now, pet my head and tell me I'm pretty. I feel pretty tonight.

I'm just surprised he still sorta fits in that

First he was like this

Then he was all

I feel his pain. It really sux when someone interrupts a good nap by taking a picture.

I know those feels, little dood...

Gimme!

Cripes

It's December, right?

Chilly outside, right?

Fire thingy weather, right?

So why won't the Woman PUT SOME PANTS ON???

Seriously...aside from the eye bleach I'm hoping Santa brings me, instead if pant she wears these slippery shorts that fit like skin, and that makes it very unpleasant for me to sit on her lap.

It's cold.

She should wear pants.

Five bucks to whomever can convince her that she needs pants.

=AHEM= Since Christmas is coming...

I don't want to be a pimp blog, but the holidays are coming and gift giving is coming and some of y'all expressed an interest in the things the Man makes when he's out in the garage instead of being in the house where he can admire me.

And even I have to admit, the stuff he makes is pretty cool.

Some of his newest pens...I think if you click you can biggify

He's got more than pens; he's got these thingies that help you put a bracelet on, bottle stoppers ( for like wine bottles for all you boozers out there), clocks, keyrings...lots of things.

Go check it out! CLICKY HERE or click on the link in the sidebar.

If he sells stuff, he might even buy me something like REAL LIVE FRESH DEAD SHRIMP!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING USA DOODS!!!

No turkey for us this year. Again. But we get to see the Younger Human and I'm pretty sure there will be pie, so that'll suffice.

I hope you guys all have a great day!

Why rabbits might be smarter than dogs. Or horses.

There's no proof!

You may have heard a rumor today, probably on Facebook, that I was seen playing with one of these:

The Cat's Meow Toy

You know how rumors are: someone sees something and misunderstands it, and the next thing you know that misunderstanding is all over the freaking place.

I assure you, I was not playing with this thing.

There was something alive under it, and I was hunting.

Then I killed it.

But I was not playing.

And there's no proof, just that ugly rumor...

I deserve more

Chances are, if you follow me on Facebook, you know that one of my biggest issues with the Woman is that she frequently sits here without pants on. She wears these super thin Lycra shorts, but that's kinda like wearing nothing, and sitting on her lap is unpleasant because the shorts make it slippery and her blubber makes it squishily uncomfortable.

So I might have mentioned once or twice or ten times that I would like it if she would just put some pants on, so that I can be more comfortable.

Today she put pants on, and took a picture to prove it. But doods, don't let that fool you. It didn't benefit me at all. She put them on to go outside, and 20 seconds after she took the picture those pants were in a heap on top of the hamper in the bathroom.

By the time I got up from my second afternoon nap, she was back in her chair, watching TV while being all pantsless.

Why won't she think of the kitties? Really now.

I SAID I'D GET OFF THE TABLE WHEN I WANT!

NOW GO MAKE ME A SAMMICH, WOMAN!

Guess what I'm eating! GUESS!

REAL LIVE FRESH DEAD STEAK!!!

I didn't even know the People had gone somewhere because I was taking my 3rd afternoon nap, but I heard the door open and close, and a couple minutes later my plate being put on the counter, so I got up to investigate. And it was steak! They must have gone out to see Mr. Cat Elman again and he sent home some delicious meaty wonder! 

Better yet: in an hour I get dinner!

Sweet!

Fireplace dood was here today! He cleaned all the pieces and parts of the fire thingy and put it all back together, and even cleaned the glass thing that keeps it from eating my fur.

I'm gonna be doing a lot of this during the winter

It's really not cold enough to get to use it, but the people have turned it on a couple of times just so Buddah and I can flop down and soak up some warms.

I didn't get to see Fireplace dood because I was napping under the bed and didn't even know he was here until he gone. Buddah got to see him and says he's a very nice guy who didn't even chase him around with his giant noisy vacuum thingy.

That's always a bonus.

Books! Books! Buy a Book! And Not Even Mine!

Ok, Doods, y'all know Mo from Purrchance to Dream, right? He's Dad to a bunch of our kitty friends, and he runs the CB page, AND he teaches sticky people. Or almost-not-sticky-anymore-people.

Anyways, his classroom needs books. Kids need books because without them their brains don't really form right and they're all mushy, which leads to them being super grumpy and then all they know how to do is text on their not-so-smart phones, using Kiddie Speak, like, "LOL u c dis? I cnt rilly reed!"

You can help. Mo has a wishlist of books and things for his classroom, and they're not at all spendy.

Please go buy one; Amazon will send it right to him so you don't even have to put pants on to leave the house. You'll be contributing to the betterment of some kids whose school doesn't quite have the fundage to load the bookcases in all the classrooms.

MO'S CLASSROOM WISHLIST THINGY: CLICKY HERE.

Remember, Santa is watching, and it would give you a few points on the Good Kitty List.

Just sayin'...

San Francisco Doods!

OK, so you guys know the Younger Human jumps into icy cold water every year to raise money for the Special Olympics, right? He's started his fundraising this year and there are gonna be prizes again, but the first one is one doods in the SF Bay Area will be most interested in.

Tickets to see The Book of Mormon at the Orpheum Theater on December 13th. That's a $250 value prize right there for one of the hottest shows out there. Every $5 you donate gets you a shot at them (and future prizes!) and he's drawing the winner on November 20th.

Click here to donate to him.

I'd try to win them but they don't allow cats in the theater. Plus, I don't want to leave the house.

All the money he raises goes to a good cause, and if he hits his goal this year, he'll dunk as a Princess again. But the kicker...the more money he raises, the more skin he'll show. If he hits $2000 he'll be a princess but if he hits $3000 he'll be a Jasmine-like princess!

I kind of wonder...if he hits $4000, can we get him to jump in the Woman's pink tights and other boobie things? Heh.

I don't have pictures to prove it, but...

...doods...

I CAN HAZ CHEEZEBURGER!!!

Tonight the man threw some real live fresh dead cow on the grill and used the hots from the grill and some cheese and turned it into cheezeburgers, and I totally got some!

Later, when the Woman opened a can for my dinner and plopped that Fancy Feast onto my plate, I sniffed at it and decided it wasn't what I wanted, she freaking opened another can for me!

I'm also pretty sure that if I ask, she'll even turn on the fire thingy for me.

It's been a awesome day!

Dona Nobis Pacem

NaNoWhatMo?

Phfft.

So here we were, writing my book, slowly making progress, when all the sudden last night the Woman announces that she's setting it aside for a while to write some piece of fluff for NaNoWriMo. And she knows it's fluff because she already titled it Fifty Thousand Words of Suck.

Oh, she says it'll be good for us to take a break because we've scrapped more words than we've kept, and that I have a whole month to really think about the direction I want the book to go, but she's missing the point.

She did not ask my permission.

Sure, I don't mind some down time, and the chance for extra naps, but don't you think she would have asked me if I thought it was all right first?

Oh, and she added insult to injury by getting a tattoo that wasn't of me.

AND THERE WERE STICKY PEOPLE AT MY DOOR LAST NIGHT.

I need some nip. Some really, wicked good, awesome nip.