NaNoWhatMo?

Phfft.

So here we were, writing my book, slowly making progress, when all the sudden last night the Woman announces that she's setting it aside for a while to write some piece of fluff for NaNoWriMo. And she knows it's fluff because she already titled it Fifty Thousand Words of Suck.

Oh, she says it'll be good for us to take a break because we've scrapped more words than we've kept, and that I have a whole month to really think about the direction I want the book to go, but she's missing the point.

She did not ask my permission.

Sure, I don't mind some down time, and the chance for extra naps, but don't you think she would have asked me if I thought it was all right first?

Oh, and she added insult to injury by getting a tattoo that wasn't of me.

AND THERE WERE STICKY PEOPLE AT MY DOOR LAST NIGHT.

I need some nip. Some really, wicked good, awesome nip.

The Party Was AWESOME!!!

Doods! That was an off-the-hook party and it made my 10th about 53 kinds of wicked cool! Thanks for coming and playing and eating and drinking...and whoever pooped outside the box by the washing machine...heh. The Woman said to thank everyone because as house trashing parties go, you guys were nice and tidy and didn't leave a huge mess, and the guest dogs even licked all the plates clean!

After everyone left, we sat down and ran the number of comment minus the ones she and I made through a generator, and these are the ten commenters that are going to get an Amazon gift card:

• Tillie and Georgia
• Shaggy and Scout
• MargB
• The Meezers & Billy
• Jeter Harris
• Kate
• Darling Millie
• conny warren
• Beau Beau & Angie
• amorrissey (Kaylee, Scrappy, etc.)

Those were the names used to comment with. If it's you, drop the Woman a line at kathompson -at- gmail -dot - com and put "Max's 10th" in the subject line. In the message, please leave your name and snail mail address is you want a physical card. If you want just the Amazon gift code (which you can use just like the card, but quicker) just tell her your name and the email address you want her to send it to.

Don't be shy...if you won, let us know! The holidays are coming and you can use your card to get anything Amazon sells!

I really wish I could give everyone who came a card, so I hope my genuine thanks is enough for those who didn't win. These last 10 years have been 1,467,198,399 kinds of awesome fun, and it would have sucked donkey balls without you all.

Thanks, doods. YOU ROCK!!!

HAPPY 10TH BLOGOVERSARY TO ME!

Doods, it's here! I made it to 10 years with my blog, and that means we need to PARTY! Everyone transport over and we'll trash this place like no place has ever been trashed before!

There's food:

Real live fresh dead shrimps!

Ham!

Hot dogs!

and REAL LIVE FRESH DEAD COW!!!

And for your beverage pleasures: Nipojitos and Niptinis:

Freshly made!

Plus, I have a couple of water fountains and Buddah has a mug for those who choose to not imbibe.

And we have toys!

The best nip bananas

Balls!

Funky green things!

And for those who prefer to get their nip fresh for rolling in or nomming:

FRESH NIP!!!

The music will be loud, the play rough as you want (or not), the food drinks plentiful (the Woman will replace as needed, so nom all you want), and doods, the fact that you're here will make this party TEN KINDS OF AWESOME!

Now, it's not a party without prizes, right? So at the end of the party--the People say we have to be done by Sunday at around 8pm Pacific Time--there will be prizes.

Since it's my 10th blogoversary, 10 of you doods are going to win a $25 Amazon gift card. All you have to do is comment. Comment anything you want (but play nice!) and comment as often as you want (but you know, not just "comment." PLAY WITH US!) After the party is over, I'll number the comments, and run them through a random number generator, and then post the lucky winners.

So party your asterisks off until Sunday and then come back Monday to see if you're gonna get to shop at Amazon!

And doods...thank you for all these wicked fun years. When I started blogging I couldn't find any other kitties and thought it was just me talking to the people out there. But then I found Timothy Dickens and Prince Muddy Paws, and others followed, and the CB has EXPLODED since then. It's been amazing.

So yeah, we deserve a PARTY?

Ready?

LET'S GET IT ON!!!

TWO DAYS, DOODS!!!

Yep, Just two more days until my 10th blogoversary. 

You're gonna come celebrate with me, right? 

There just might be a giveaway, so you don't wanna miss it!

Maybe we'll even sit on Buddah's toys!

Don't forget! 

October 26th, 2013!

Ick

The Woman has had a cold for the last few days. This means lots of noise coming from her, as she sniffs and coughs and sneezes and hacks. It's disgusting, but there's not a lot I can do about it.

It also means lots of naps, because she sleeps a lot when she doesn't feel well. I don't mind this at all, because it means she leaves a giant warm place for me to curl up on after she gets up.

Another bonus is that she doesn't feel like doing much, so she sits here and watches TV all day when she's not napping, and I get her lap.

But tonight she crossed a line.

Tonight, as I jumped into her lap, she sneezed. And it wasn't one of those achoo sneezes. It was an ACHOO sneeze, the kind that hits a person so fast they can't cover their mouth. And she sneezed that giant surprise sneeze right into my face.

INTO.MY.FACE.

I know it's not her fault, but I'm not so sure I can forgive her for it. Because...doods...cooties.

I'm crawling with people-cooties.

Just.

Gross.

In just 10 days...

...yep, just ten days...

this blog turns 10 years old.

TEN.

See how impressed I am?

I wasn't even 3 years old when I started it. I was a little over two years old, and here I am now, 12.

Ten years seems like something to be celebrated.

I'm not 100% sure how, but it should be something spiffy.

So stayed tuned.

Because

TEN FREAKING YEARS!!!

Dang. Six Days?

Yeah, doods, I really didn't mean to go almost a whole week without posting anything. I'm not exactly sorry about that, though, because I've been busy sitting in front of the open window while cool breezes come through the screen.

Yep, that's what I've been doing: just enjoying the nice weather and that the People have windows and the front door open. If I'm not asleep, I'm either looking out the window or looking out the front door and soaking up the Cool.

And oh man, I can see more out the front door now! A few weeks ago the Younger Human came over and chopped up the giant bush that was blocking me being able to see anything. There's still not much to see, but at least I can see more of the Not Much.

Also, I heard the Man say something about calling Fireplace Guy to come clean the fireplace, and that means Fireplace Weather is coming soon! I'll have open windows during the day and warms at night.

It's a good life, it really is.

Hey. Whatever works.

Ok. So. I wanted the Woman to get up this morning to open a can for me, because it was Hungry O'Clock and the Man was still asleep and Bast knows Buddah is useless when it comes to obtaining the noms. I reasoned that the Woman went to sleep last night before the Man did, so she should be the one to get up.

Now, sometimes she sticks her head under a pillow, which makes getting her attention a bit tricky. Usually I just shove my head under it right next to hers and meow into her ear, but dang, doods, that puts me right near Death Breath, and lately it's been even worse (she SAYS she brushes her teeth before she goes to bed, but guys...I'm doubting it. Because her mouth smells like month old kitty litter.)

I didn't want to stick my head under there.

So, I climbed on top of the pillow that was on her head, and plopped down.

All 16 pounds of me.

Hard.

Now, the great thing about being on a pillow on top of a person's head--aside from the weight--is that every meow rips right through the pillow and seeps into their skull, so they hear it extra loud. With a bit of an echo. I didn't even mind that she pretended to keep sleeping (I knew better) because I knew she was getting to hear me on a whole new level.

When she caved and started to push the pillow off her head...let's just say I hunkered down a little harder, just to send a message.

I bet tomorrow she doesn't try to ignore me.

I don't eat those. Nope.

There was one of these thingies flying around the living room tonight. I noticed it because the Woman was all, "Holy carp, you guys, DO YOUR CAT JOB!" while wagging her pointy finger at it as it darted back and forth.

I admit, I was interested for a few seconds, because, hey! Flying thing!

But then I realized I would have to chase it. Then catch it. And then she would want me to eat it instead of just ripping its wings off.

I'm down with ripping off the wings. Not so much with eating it.

So I chased it for like 5 seconds, and Buddah chased it. I jumped up on a chair to watch, and he managed to smack it out of the air with his paw, and I think he hurt it because it sure as heck wasn't flying anywhere after that.

I don't know if Buddah ate it or not because I didn't want to watch that part of it, but no one can find it now and he was heard burping as he walked down the hall.

For about a minute, it really was entertaining. Buddah is useful after all...

An interjection from the Woman

A couple of people have asked about Max's health; they are worried because it seems like just before the release of Bite Me, and since then, he's talked a lot about death and dying, and a good deal of the book touches on the subject.

I just wanted to assure everyone that aside from being grumpy and 12, Max is fine.

I think that because of the book, and the timing of the loss of several of his friends here that it seems like he is death obsessed for a personal reason, but (barring anything catching us totally by surprise, and keeping in mind that he is a senior kitty) he's well.

I appreciate the concern. Thank you!

Ok, so I wasn't TOO neglected...

Good or bad, I wasn't as neglected as expected because the Woman came home a lot earlier than anyone expected, especially her. She drove all the way to San Francisco and checked into a hotel and met some pink people and had dinner with DKM, and then had to come home the next day. She didn't even get to walk for boobies.

Nope, not one step. Apparently she had issues of the litterbox variety, and didn't want to...you know...in front of a thousand other people.

So she came home and made a lap for me, and we watched stuff that she recorded on the DVR. Which for me is a good thing because I like watching TV from her lap. It's nice and warm and squishy, like a lap should be.

The problem was that we watched the last two episodes of Under the Dome, and guys...that was a so-so show with a WTF ending, and it really pissed us both off.

I needed her to make that up to me so tonight we're watching an old episode of Doctor Who, and that is much, much better. It's been so long since I've seen it that I'm all like OMG WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?! and that's exactly how good TV should be.

It's also distracting her from her boobie walk disappointment. I dunno why she's not happy, I mean she gave money for the boobies and it only means she didn't have to walk all those miles and sweat so much, and doods, let me tell you, she doesn't smell good after that.

Well, she doesn't smell very good most of the time, but after sweating. Yeah. Gross.

I will be neglected all weekend. Again.

The Woman, as she does a couple times a year, with intent to throw my routine into chaos, is running off to The Big City to do another of those boobie walks.

For the whole weekend.

While this is all well and good for the boobies, for me it means relying on the Man to open cans, and he doesn't always open them at the right time. AND he skips the late night snack because of "work."

I knew it was coming up when she painted her head all pink again (and I'm really getting tired of that shirt. She wears that shirt all.the.time) but I thought I might have another weekend or so.

She really should consider how this impacts me.

And holy carp, look how big her forehead is in that picture. That's freaking huge. It must be all that internal hot air... I think the dye trapped it in.

Spiffy!

Almost a week ago the People went out in the morning, and when they came back the Woman said she bought something for me...but then didn't give it to me. I spent a lot of time wondering what it was. Food? Toys? Crunchies? WHAT IS IT?

But then she didn't give it to me and I kind of forgot about it, until last night when she unzipped the bag it was in and spread it out.

It's a brand new fuzzy blanket to replace the fuzzy blankets that she got rid of because they were too gnarly to clean!

AND IT'S A 49ERS BLANKET!

It's going to live in the nook by the fireplace where I like to lounge and nap during winter. I bake by the fire, then go curl up on the fuzzy blanket to snooze for a while, and then get up and do it again.

She put a new bed in there, but I didn't like it as much as I did the fuzzy blanket. The bed is still there, but she folded the new blanket up and set it on top, so I should be nice and comfy.

Now...winter needs to get here. I have some baking to do.

:::rolls eyes:::

He thinks he's King of the Pillows

I'm going to let him keep thinking that, because he's getting fur all over them AND he's getting his butt all over them, and at night the Woman has been known to plant her face into them. So it amuses me. But the only royal thing he really is is a pain...

OH COME ON!

Tonight, I was sitting on the arm of the sofa, enjoying the nice breeze coming in through the open window, when the Woman walked in. This is nothing unusual and I expected her to be there soon, since she had only gotten up a few minutes ago to visit the giant litterbox room, and I was contemplating that upon her return I would sit in her lap and allow her a few minutes of me.

Well. Buddah came in first, and when she followed she reached down and patted him on the head and said, "Hey there, Buddy."

Buddy.

THAT'S **MY** UNWANTED NAME!!!

He is LITTLE MAN or SPAZ or even one of those gag me names like SWEETYKINS, but he is NOT Buddy.

I am deeply offended.

Seriously. So I only sat in her lap for like 3 minutes, long enough to roll onto the laptop keyboard and screw up her game of Bookworm.

Let's hear her call him by the nickname I hate again...

Dood totally deserved it!

Ok, once upon a time the people bought a pet stroller with the intent to take me outside. I only have to suffer in it once, because they got it when there were lots of fires north of the area we lived and the air was filled with smoke. They were at least that considerate, and took me back inside...and I think they pretty much forgot we had one (DO NOT remind them...it lives in the rumbly bike room now.)

If they ever try to take me out in it again, I'm doing what this kitty did.


Oh yeah, dood totally deserved it.

I have a new name tonight

Seriously.

The Woman calls us by all kinds of different names and most of them make me gag because they're so...sweet.

Do I look cranky...?

But tonight she bestowed a new one on me, all because I growled at her when she told me I couldn't help Buddah finish his snack.

"Back off, Captain Crankypants. I'm bigger than you are and I'm not letting you take his food."

Well.

I'm not sure I like that.

Not at all.

DOODSDOODSDOODSDOODS!!! LOOK!!!

Tonight while I was looking out the back window and enjoying the nice breeze that was blowing in, the Man and the Woman came into the living room, and she sat down on the sofa--which she never does--and said, "Max, come see!"

So I went and saw and SHE HAD TWINKIES!!!

After she opened the box she let me sniff...holy carp, doods, it smelled like AWESOME and SPIFFY! The only problem was that I could not just reach in and grab one, so I had to rely on her opposable thumbs and hope that she wouldn't rip one open, only let me sniff, and then shove it into her own mouth.

She really did it, guys. She got one, took the plastic skin off, and then ripped it open so that I could get to the silky smooth white guts inside.

Buddah wandered up to see what was going on and when he did he wanted some, too. And doods, I had no problem with that. There was more than enough Twinkie to go around. Besides, I HAVE A WHOLE BOX. I might even let the Woman have one.

The Woman got smart...she ripped it open the long way so that we could slurp up the innards. Wonderful, creamy innards.

Last bite. We nommed that thing to death.

I'm not sure when I get my next one, but I can be patient. Besides, I saw where the Woman put the box and I can get to it, and since it's now open...let's just say I have no problem with tearing the skin off a Twinkie with my bare teeth. So there might be some hunting going on tonight after the People go to bed.

I GOT TWINKIES!!!

Word has gotten out, doods

Yep. The world knows I enjoy a really good poop. And that I am discriminating about the litter I use. I've always been a Tidy Cats man, though I've been willing to entertain the idea of another brand. Sometimes (like, not often) I'll use it, most of the time I won't.

But when Tidy Cats emailed and said they wanted me to try one of their new litters, it was a no-brainer. I freaking love Tidy Cats. Now, granted, I was a little skeptical because I really don't want any change to my beloved kitty litter, but I had to try it.

It even came in a special box.

I was. I was prepared to be amazed!

I didn't try to lift it, but the Woman did and she didn't even grunt!

Okay. A sticky person. I wasn't too sure about that. I don't take things from sticky people as a rule, because, you know, they're sticky. And they touch things. Like my tail. I did entertain the idea that perhaps the litter is composed of ground up sticky people, but even I don't think I'd like that. Because...gross.

Now, this is the new thing. The container is super lightweight. The whole thing weighed less than 9 pounds, which the Woman says is a spiffy thing when you're hauling those suckers out of the store and then out of the car, and especially when you're trying to pour it into the box with feline help.

This gives you an idea. The one on the left is the new stuff. On the right, my tried and true Tidy Cats. It weighs 20 pounds, and is only slightly bigger than the lightweight stuff.

Now, lightweight is all well and good, and frankly I'm tired of hearing the Woman whine about having to lift the litter to pour it out and how much her back hurts, but what counts is how it works.

And doods...it works just as well as the stuff I've used all my life. It filled the box the same, it clumps and scoops the same. It's just as good, just not as heavy. So this means no more excuses from the whiny people when it's time to change the litter (and I dunno about you, but I like having all fresh litter a lot more frequently than the people like changing it.)

There was only one drawback to it, and that was the Woman's issue: it's kind of perfumey. She does not breathe well around perfume-type things, and didn't like how it smelled, but she also says it wouldn't stop her from buying it. She'll just hold her breath when pouring it out and she didn't think it was overwhelming after we used it. If your person doesn't have a reactive airway or asthma, the perfuminess probably won't bother them.

So...I really like this stuff. It's familiar, works really well, and now I can tell the Woman to stop whining. This isn't going to hurt her back. All four paws up for this one...but don't touch my tummy while I'm sticking 'em up, or I will treat your hand to a toothy death.

She says I'm not helping

I think I am. 

I mean, I'm even scrolling the screen for her.

If she doesn't like it, she needs to learn to read faster.