The People have decided to "eat better." I think I need to buy them a dictionary because their idea of better is food that the kitties can't share. Oh it's probably FINE for us to eat, but there's so little of it they're just not willing. It's pure selfishness, and I'm actually hungrier than usual because I count on those tiny bites to get me through the night.

Well, finally tonight we got some! There was salmon--which I normally don't care for--but the Woman didn't like hers so she had the Man cut it up into kitty sized pieces for us. I don't know how it was prepared, but it was actually good! It was FISHY GOODNESS!

I suppose tomorrow night they're going to have something else that's not kitty friendly, but tonight...tonight was good. I'm almost happy!

You guys know I like to entertain my people at 3 a.m. with these amazing vocal concertos, right? If I stand in just the right spot in the hallway the entire house fills with the Wonder of Max Music, and it is truly a beautiful thing.

Well, last night I started singing and I realized these people just don't deserve my full potential. They're always whining about it, so instead of giving it my best I just sang for myself. You know--instead of making the air swell with an awesome classical piece, I mostly hummed a personal version of Ozzy Osbourne. Or maybe Michael Buble.

The Woman woke up and actually got out of bed to stumble out into the hall, and told me I should just come crawl in bed with her! Like SHE FINALLY GETS MY INCREDIBLENESS! SO I did, I jumped up onto the bed and curled up on top of her. Well, kind of on top. She was on her side and she has this long body pillow she uses, so I stretched out on her and on it, like a hammock, and grabbed a bit if side boob to use as a pillow.

I thought she might want some up close and personal serenading, but I was so comfy I fell asleep. But I think she'll survive the disappointment. If not, I get the entire bed to myself!

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Don't forget about trying to snag yourself a netbook for just a $5 donated to help save the boobies! See the post below for details.

All right. Book or not, let's Rock The Pink anyway!

Y'all know that Jeter's mom is gonna walk like 13 million miles in October to raise money to save the boobies, right? Boobies are expensive things when it comes to protecting them and saving them from the nasties. Even men have boonies! Imagine that!

She has a blog about it right here and you can go see the blister on her foot she got from training. I kinda wanna pop it.

But

The whole point to her walking until her feet fall off is to raise money for breast cancer research (eh..it's funnier to say SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!) And it would be nice if she walked knowing she had a bajillion dollars donated. So let's raise a little money to help that endeavor.

Because truly...without a couple of nice, squishy boobs, what would I set my head on while I'm napping on top of the Woman?

So...I'm taking little donations. $5. For every $5 you donate through my Save The Boobies link (see sidebar to the right of your screen) you get a chance at winning this:




It's an Acer Aspire One 8.9" netbook, very gently used (like just long enough to load a few things onto it) that comes preloaded with Microsoft Office 2007 (fully functional...the Woman chewed off one of her licenses to put it on there) and it's already protected by Zone Alarm. It's lighter than most cats so it's easy to carry around, and it has a spiffy Decal Girl skin on it. It's got Windows XP, and Intel Atom 1.6GHz processor, a gig of RAM and 130gig HD.

You want this, you really do.

For every $5, you get a shot at it. $25 = 5 chances.

Come on, rock the pink...let's raise some money to save a boob or two.

Donations will be accepted through August 1st at 11:59pm, and the winner be selected on August 2nd. So you got two whole weeks! Just 5 bucks!

And spread the word...
ROCK THE PINK!!!

First the good news:

Hendrix has a new blurpy! Go say hi!

And the not so good news...The book we were writing is dead in the water. The Woman is going to sit on the submissions she got, but there weren't enough of them to make up even a short book. This is disappointing, but we know it takes a lot of time to write and people and kitties just don't always have that kind of time.

She debated extending the deadline but she's facing one of her own and the timing is now off and everything...but we can try again another time.

We still want to raise money to protect the boobies, and the Woman is working on that. So stayed tuned, especially if you've had an itch lately to own a netbook...

Sometimes, waking the Woman up in the morning is an exercise in amusement for me. I've stuck my nose up her nostrils, put my face in her mouth; I have bounced off her tummy, her butt, and her boobs. I have even put my mouth so very close to her ear, and then meowed as loudly as possible.

Invariably, I get the desired result: she's up, awake and wondering What the &$## just happened??!?

But this morning. Oh man, this morning. I crawled on top of her and was going to curl up and wait nicely, but her head was positioned just so and her ear was right there in front of my face. It was begging me to do something.

Seriously, I heard it.

So I stuck my tongue in her ear.

Oh Holy Cat, you would not believe the ICK that lives in that Woman's ear! It was tons of this goopy, gross, disgusting JUNK and IT STUCK TO MY TONGUE!

I had to flick my tongue in and out of my mouth fifty two hundred times just to get half of it off and I was so bothered by it that I was practically dancing on the bed and she opened an eye and then said, "Gotta pee, Mister Max?"

And then she laughed at me! As if it was FUNNY!

Well.

There is nothing funny about her apparent lack of hygiene. Seriously. Don't people clean those things out? I mean, they need them to HEAR with, you'd think they'd keep them unobstructed from sound waves.

It does explain a lot, though. At least now I know why it always seems like my entirely polite requests fr crunchy treats seem to fall on deaf ears.

They're plugged up.

Sheesh.

It's hard to annoy the boogers out of a person when they refuse to stay home. Really now. Stop going out for rumbly bike rides and stay home so I can be a pain in your backside!

You guys are right; if I keep peeing inappropriately, the People will get all "Oh noes!" on me and drag me off to the stabby place. So I decided this weekend to just use the litter box like I'm supposed to. Instead of worrying them with my bladder, I decided to hide under the bed, which freaked the Woman out even more.

I could hear her walking up and down the hall calling out to me, but I was comfortable, dammit, and when a guy is comfortable he just doesn't jump up when some bimbo otherwise well intentioned female calls out to him. I heard her looking everywhere. She opened closet doors, she looked in the bathtub, and I even heard her open the door that leads into the room where the rumbly bikes sleep. She didn't quite panic because on some level I think she knew there was no way I could have--or would have--gotten out, but it was certainly starting to annoy her.

When you hear a People mutter "Where are you, you little $hit?" that's a sure sign of annoyance, and it's great fun to drive them to that point.

Eventually it occurred to her that she hadn't looked under the bed, but I think that was only because it was the only place she hadn't looked. She asked me if I was feeling all right, and to that I could only respond by turning around and showing her the glory of my former nads.

I think I need something new to pester her with this week. It doesn't have to be overtly creative, because obviously, she's easy to get to.

What to do, what to do...?

A couple of days ago, the Man cut a hole in the door that leads into the laundry room, where our litter box is. He stuck this thing in the hole to make it look nice, but face it, a hole it still a hole. Apparently, we are wxpected to use this hole to get to the litter box.

Well. I wasn't having any of that. So I peed on the bathroom floor.

Victory was mine and they opened the door. But why should I make it easy for them? There's no good reason for them to have it easy!

So this morning I peed in the empty laundry basket in the bathroom.

Now, the downside is that the Woman didn't get mad; she just cleaned it up and sprayed this enzyme stuff (that frankly doesn't work) and asked me if I was feeling all right. And then she went on about how I don't act sick or anything and the box was reasonably clean, so why am I peeing in her bathroom?

Duh.

Because I can.

Well...yeah...

This is why I'm glad I'm an indoor kitty:


Got the cold air blowing thingy going in here, got a brand new fountain spewing filtered water, got a perch on top of the climbing tower near a cool air vent, and Buddah is off somewhere napping and not bothering me.

Today, life is good.

Yesterday, my water fountain stopped working. It was working, but then the Man picked it up to clean it, and when he as done and had it filled and plugged back in, it just didn't work anymore. So he said a whole bunch of fun words and picked it back up so he could take it apart and fix it.

But it wouldn't fix.

Now, the people were tired. They had already been outside where it was hot because they had things to do that required driving back to near where we used to live, and they really didn't want to have to go back out, especially since the only place to get me a new fountain was back near where we used to live.

But the Man said, "Max won't drink unless the water is running, will he?"

And the Woman said, "He has to drink."

Buddah said, "Hey, no one ever asks me what *I* want to drink out of and I don't like the fountain and I don't think you've ever seen me drink out of it AT ALL but is there a bowl on the floor for me instead of the fountain? I don't think so!"

No one listened to Buddah, though, because he doesn't take breaths and it's like one long word coming out of him anyway. Sometimes, the People think he's speaking Spanish. Or maybe Spanglish. Either way they can't understand him.

So even though the people were really tired and it was really hot outside they got in the car and went back to where we used to live and bought me a new fountain.

Do I own them or what?

The birthday was decent. I did not get any real live fresh dead shrimp, but I did get a can of Fancy Feast Yellowfin Tuna Medley, and that's really rare around here, so it almost made up for the lack of shrimp. Plus I got my regular Stinky Goodness later that night. And I also go a new catnip burlap toy.

Frankly, I was more impressed with the Fancy Feast, but at least there was a present.

I also got to nap all day on the top of the climbing tower; I think that was Buddah's present to me since he likes to get up there and I usually nap on the big bed with the fuzzy blanket.

But yeah. No real live fresh dead shrimp. I am not surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised.

However, any disappointment was soothed over by Buddah and I having a fight on top of the Woman while she was asleep last night. It's entirely her fault for having such a large and squishy butt. We both wanted to curl up on it. If she doesn't like it, she should lose weight and firm those buttcheeks up a little.

Annoying her was fun.

Today, I am 8.
I hope the People remember this.
And I hope they get me some real live fresh dead shrimp.
Because a birthday just isn't happy without some real live fresh dead shrimp.

Ya know, the oddest things get the Woman all excited. A few days ago I was checking out my buds' blogs and she looked over my shoulder in time to see me scoping out what was up with The Creek Cats. Now, they got to test out The World's Greatest Cat Litter and liked it, and because it's flushable the Woman was all Ooohhh we have to try that, I'm tired of litter-stink!

So she and the Man went out and bought a bag, and she was all oooh it has the same texture as the old litter and oooh it's made out of corn, and then she dumped out the old litter and cleaned the box out, and then presented this new litter to us as if Santa had shot it out his...well, his whatever. Use your imagination.

Buddah jumped right in and peed his little brains out. I sniffed it and walked away.

She was all Ohhhh he doesn't have to go now, he'll use it later and I was thinking, "Holy crap, Woman, do you not remember the Great Breeze Box War of 2008?"

Apparently she didn't.

So today it's two days after she changed the litter, and she realizes I stink. Not just weird, I need to bathe stink. More like, "Max, are you dribbling pee?" stink.

"Why yes," I replied as she ate some chicken for dinner, "yes I am. Please give me some chicken."

As soon as she was done she gave me some chicken--because I was POLITE when I asked, dammit--and then she picked me up, and holy cow she groped me!

"Is his bladder full?" asked the Man.

She put me down and started to wash her arm off. "It's full, and he peed on me."

Well, yes, when one has an overly full bladder, one tends to pee on the person who's pushing on it. It was nothing personal, but really now. It was not my fault.

So she dumped the new litter out, proclaiming "I don't really like the smell anyway," (yeah, roll your eyes) and then filled it with my beloved Tidy Cat.

Oh yeah, I jumped in there and peed for about five minutes.

So. I think her lesson has been learned. Don't change Max's litter! But she a little disappointed because the stuff worked really well. It clumped nicely when Buddah peed in it and it flushed just fine. But I refused to even try it, so she wasted $20 on a 17 pound bag of litter.

Having this much power is just awesome.

Look, if you leave the pound cake on your desk, I am going to jump in your chair and try to eat it while you go back into the kitchen for something to drink. Your displeasure is not my fault; you left it where I could get to it, thusly, it's your own damned fault if there's cat spit on the very last bite of poundcake in this house.

I'm playing with the template again...things might be really wonky for a bit. If it doesn't work out, I'll revert back...

Previous comments made will be lost if I keep this template. Please accept my apologies. If I revert back, they'll reappear.

Oh, man...Buddah just dropped the mother of all litter box bombs, and even my eyes are watering...We were sitting in the Woman's office and it hit us from way in the back of the house, and she sprayed the Febreze Pet Odor thingy which usually works, but gawd it's lingering.

I should be proud of him, but geeeez!

Apparently crawling onto the people bed in the morning, being all stealthy and sneaking up to a people ear and then shrieking in it is not an acceptable way to wake them up.

Who knew?

It is effective, so I don't know why the Woman is complaining about it. I was hungry, and she had to get up anyway...

Hmmm...I keep meaning to mention this but I usually think about it when the Woman is hogging the comoputer.

Some of you with blogs hosted on Blogger have this sign in thingy:




You know, the one where you pick what you're signing in with from a drop down menu.

It doesn't work very well. In fact, it so not works that some of us can't comment on your blogs because it just doesn't keep us signed in or remember what we commented. It's frustrating because some of my best comments just vanish.

Anyway, if that's your comment setup and you haven't seen me comment in a long time, that's why. It's not for lack of trying.

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And don't forget we're writing a book! The deadline is rapidly approaching but there are only a couple of submissions, so we might wind up pushing it back a little bit.

Oh, and my mailing address has changed, so when you send your publishing agreements, please send them to:
K.A. THOMPSON
PO BOX 1316
DIXON CA 95620

Ok. So last night the Woman was sitting on the bed, using the giant TV there as a monitor, while she sort of kinda worked for a while. I sat on the bed and watched a little bit, and let me tell you what she was writing was kind of embarrassing because truly, I had no idea she knew some of those words.

Then she realized it was midnight and she better go to bed, so she turned the monitor part off and left the TV part on, and went to brush her teeth and shoot up take her meds, leaving me with the TV.

It was on that weird Look In My House channel, HGTV, and I didn't want to watch that, so I sat on the remote until something interesting came on. I mean, I had no idea what I was looking at, but it was certainly different. And then the Woman came back in and saw me sitting on the bed, staring at the TV with my head cocked off to one side, and she asked, "what is so freaking interesting, Max?" And I answered her, I said "These Woman are playing with this THING and I'm pretty sure I've seen one before but it wasn't THAT color and it sure as heck didn't buzz like that."

But she was so busy getting ready for bed that she couldn't bother to look. So I kept watching, because really, it was interesting in a disturbing kind of way, what wit these two very serious women holding it and talking about it like it was a Very Necessary Thing to Have. She finally turned the light off and crawled into bed, and then she looked at the TV an said, "Oh my god WHAT are you watching!?" and I still didn't know so I uncocked my head and read the little icon at the bottom of the screen and it said Shop Erotic so I guess that's what I was watching. But it was on the Oxygen network so it's classy, right?

Evidently not, because she grabbed the remote and changed the channel, but not before cocking HER head to one side and taking another look and then saying "That would give me nightmares..."

Apparently the color was frightening? I dunno, but she still won't tell me what it was. Maybe she doesn't know...?