See how good I was? I sat in front of the tree and I didn't bother anything. I didn't chew on it like I wanted to and I didn't open any of the presents. Well, none of them were for me anyway, so what was the point? But I usually like to chew on it, but I was good and waited until after the People have opened their presents before I did.

And you know what? Santa totally came through!


He brought us a Starchaser ball thingy, A Furminator, and a Morgen bed! I'm kinda too big for the bed, but it's still cool looking. I think Buddah might be too big for it, too, but sometimes he curls up so he might be able to make himself fit.

But the best thing of all, even though I didn't get a picture...

THERE WAS REAL LIVE FRESH DEAD SHRIMP!!!
Santa was smart and stuck it in the fridge so that it wouldn't get all gnarly, and we got to have a bunch of it tonight. And it was AWESOME.

I knew Santa would come through. All I wanted was shrimp, and I got it! Buddah can play with the rest if he wants.

I hope everyone else had a really awesome Christmas! I got to see the Younger Human, and he made pizza, and I got to eat a little squirt cheese today, too! So I had a really really nice day.

So today the Man loaded all the litter and food and toys into the car and the People took all the stuff over to the SPCA, and you know what? The Woman said they went into the office and there was a GIANT pile of beds for the dogs and cats! She thought there was probably 30 of them! And when the Man was unloading the car into a cart the SPCA had, a lady who works there said someone else had also just brought some litter over, so the kitties are going to have plenty to poop in for a little while! Since I consider pooping to be an important part of a kitty's day, this makes me happy.

I got to thinking last night...they need stuff all the time, not just on the holidays. And I have some books that sell a few copies every month. So I think what I wanna do is save my book money and every 3 months buy some stuff for the shelter kitties. Maybe even the dogs, too.

This doesn't make me a nice guy, though. I still think people suck.

Wherein I get a little repetitive...

A little while ago, I had a conversation about Christmas with the Woman, and it went kinda like this:

Me: How much money do I have? Because I really want to get toys for the shelter kitties. Do I have enough?

Her: You have enough.

Me: What about food? Do I have enough to get them some food, too?

Her: You do. In fact, when we were at the store today we bought around 60 pounds of dry cat food for you to donate.

Me: Good. It's about time you listened to me.

Well, after we talked I was looking online to see when the shelter was going to be open again, and it's not going to be open until Thursday (they still go feed the cats and dogs, right???) and they had this thing at the top of their website

We are in desperate need of kitty litter.

Well...I had to get the Woman and show her that.

Me:How much money do I have after buying the food and toys? Do I have enough for kitty litter?

Her: Max, you've been a cheap little furball all year, so you have some book money left. Just tell me how much you want to get.

Me: All of it.

Her: That might be a problem...

The point is, while I wanna give the shelter kitties toys because I don't think they get very many of them, there are some things they need. Can you imagine not having any litter to poop in? Just going in an empty box is, well, kind of...unsatisfying. I've done it once or twice when the Woman wasn't quick enough in filling the box after cleaning it. Not having the litter to use to bury things just ruins a good poop.

And can you imagine not having enough to eat? Sure, I don't get as much as I want, but even I have to admit I get more than I need.

Pile all that on top of not having a forever home... well, you can see where I'm coming from.

If you can, call your local shelter and see what they need. Even if you can only get a few cans of Stinky Goodness or a bag of crunchy food, they would welcome it. Some shelters will need your used towels--hey, that's an excuse for you to get some new ones! They might need a PTU or two. Or kitty litter. Shelters need a lot, and they don't always have the money for it.

And toys. It doesn't matter if you buy stuff for the cats or the dogs, or if you make something. But think about your forever home, and how much you have just by living there.

Not every kitty has that.

I have enough junk, so I'm thinking that I'm going to ask the People to not get me anything after all, and to use the money they would have used on me to buy a few extra toys or extra litter.

Santa will bring me something. That's enough.

Finally, a tree.

But you see that stuff under it? None of it is for me! Or Buddah! The only thing that makes me happy about it is that there's also nothing under there for the Woman, either. If I don't get a present, she doesn't get a present. That only seems fair.

But, I did hear her and the Man talking about Monday after he gets up going to do Toys for Tots shopping and then Tuesday finishing up the rest of their shopping, so I still have hopes that I'll get something. Now, I know Santa will bring me something because I've been very good, but the people really should stop being cheap and get me something, too.

Now, don't get started about how I didn't get them anything. They have the gift of ME every freaking day. So they still get the better end of the deal.

And double still...I want the Woman to take my book money and use it for the Toys for Tots thingy. She has toys. Like a rumbly bike and toys that make her do stupid things in the snow. If she wants something she can go out and get it. Lotsa kids don't have that. They don't have books that make them money so they can't get the toys they would like.

I also want her to take some of it and go get some toys for the shelter kitties. Skeezix's Food Lady had a post on the Cat's Meow about shelter kitties needing toys and that got me thinking, I made a little money every month, so instead of getting something for the People, I want to get something for the kitties. And I don't think the People will mind.

I mean, my people suck, but not that much.

Okay, dooods, this is as near as I can figure it (oh and you little guys, you might want to skip this because there's people boobage involved, and I drew a diagram. This is not for the feint of heart. I didn't draw nipples, though, because that would have just been gross.)

The blue X is where the Woman landed when she went to do stupid things in the snow. The red parts are what still hurts. Now, I get why her shoulder hurts; anything is gonna hurt if 500 pounds of people crushes it into the ground, even if there is snow to cushion the landing.

Now, the Man says that red place on her chest hurts because when her 500 pounds of self hit the ground, her shoulder went back and it pulled on the tendons and stuff, maybe even the giant chest muscle that attaches to the boobiebone.



This sort of makes sense, but doods, I watch the Woman change clothes sometimes (and! I don't even barf!), and let me tell you, those boobs? The older she gets the floppier they are, and I'm pretty sure I figured it out for reals.

When she landed upside down, those suckers whipped around in the wrong direction and slammed into her upper chest. She's lucky they didn't get her in the face, or whip around her neck to strangle her.

Boobies are dangerous things, let me tell you.

So now she rubs her chest a lot, but I think she's also grabbing her boob at the same time. I dunno, maybe the sudden force of acceleration stretched it or something and she can't get used to it being longer and skinnier.

She needs to stop feeling ouchy, though, because the Man put the Christmas tree up and there are NO presents under it for me. She has to go shopping! I mean, I know Santa will bring me something, but doods, she needs to start think of the kitties and not herself so much, ya know?

A'ite. Riddle me this. The Woman got stupid in the snow and landed on her shoulder. Everything's been "my shoulder this" and "my shoulder that" and she's used it pretty much as a catch all excuse to sit on her asterisk and do not much of anything.

So I noticed the other day during one of her poor pity me whine-fests that--dooods!--she grabbed her BOOB because her SHOULDER hurt.

Really.

Dooods!

1) Just what did she really fall on?
and
2) I should not have to witness that!

Oh man, what has been seen cannot be unseen...

But, at least I'm not having to work so hard at purring on her. She's not drugging herself up left and right anymore, just at night so she can get some sleep. So today I took a break and spent most of the day in my mancat closet cave where I got some much needed rest.

But, I missed Buddah getting behind the curtain and not being able to figure out how to get back into the room. he couldn't find the middle where it opens and is too BUDDAH to figure out all he had to do was walk to the end of the window sill and there was a way out there...the Woman says he sat there and cried, but she wouldn't help him. That's kinda mean, but I see her point. He needs to figure these things out for himself.

Doods. I am wrecked. I admit, I'm sitting here leaking like crazy, because I am so, so sad right now. One of my heroes, Rocky the Gutter Cat, went to the Bridge yesterday.



We all knew Rocky. All the ladycats wanted to be with him, and all the mancats wanted to be him.

I mean, come on. He was ROCKY and he had VIXENS!

I know we're gonna see him again, and he's got some special company waiting for him at the Bridge, but dooods...Rocky is one of a kind. I think I'm leaking so much because I know how much he meant to Mr. Tasty Face the Food Lady. And to Skeez and Tripper and Mao.

Sir Rocky...you will be missed. I'd tip my hat to you if I wore one.

I have to go wipe my nose on Buddah now.

Cripes...It's been over 10 days since I got a shot at writing a blog post, because I live with massive human globs of fleshy FAIL. I mean, here I promised to get caught up with Ask Max Anything, but noooo...I haven't been able to.

The People have actually been at home the last couple of days and you'd think that the Woman would let me use the laptop, but she's been sitting here with it while she drools all over herself in a nonstop drugged out medicated haze, which is her own damned fault because she thinks she's still 21 years old and went outside to do stupid things in the snow. And at her ancient age, she just doesn't bounce back from Teh Stupid the way she used to.

So now instead of getting premium online time, I'm babysitting and playing nurse to her. When she got back from Stupidity in the Snow she needed me to sleep on top of her and purr hard, being very careful to avoid the really ouchy parts, and all day yesterday she was in bed and needed more purr therapy. Cripes, that's hard work. I mean, I had to sleep on her so long that when she got up to let the Man make food for her, I needed a nap.

Today she's not all drugged up and she's upright and drooling in front of the TV, so I got a shot at the computer. But in a little while she's going to swallow more drugs and then she'll want to lie down because the world will start swimming and she doesn't have any good water wings, so she'll need me to crawl back up on top of her on the bed and purr.

She's a little strange, though...she hurt her shoulder, but the most ouchy parts are on her chest and her back, and she feels best when I'm stretched out across her stomach, hips, and legs, with my head between her boobs. Hey, whatever works.

Plus, the Man is all jealous, so, HA!

The Woman hogged the computer ALL WEEKEND. I mean, she sat here and it was all tap-tap-tap and =sigh= and tap-tap-tap and dirtywords dirtywords dirtywords and lots of I'm never gonna make it...

But cripes, couldn't she let me have it for five freaking minutes? Or turn the other one on for me?

The only good thing was that she stayed home and kept the fire place thingy going, so at least I had plenty of warms.

But geesh...I was beginning to think she was going to take root right here in the living room.

So, I know I'm way behind on Ask Max Anything, because it's been a whole MONTH of her hogging the computer most of the time, but I'm gonna catch up. Srsly.

Whoa. Doods. I don't know what is going through the Younger Human's head, but remember last year when he jumped in the icy cold water and risked permanently shrinkage of his fun bits to raise money for Special Olympics?

Yeah, I don't get it, either. If I still had mine I'd protect them with my LIFE.


This is him pretending to be some dood named Mercutio.
I think he was singing five...five...five dollar don-a-shun...


But, he's doing it again, and this time someone has donated a really nice prize that donaters have a shot at getting, just in time for holiday shopping.

Seriously. Doods. A $250 gift card to Amazon.com. $5 gets a person or kitty a shot at winning it, and it's gonna be drawn for on December 15th.

Go to Curt's Polar Plunge for more details. And if you can't donate, can you at least help spread the word? It's for some important Sticky People, and it'll make someone's day when they win.

In other news: I GOT TURKEY!!! Denny sent some to me! DENNY LOVES ME!!!

Ya know, I was sitting here watching the Woman do lots of nothing and it was bothering me, so I finally asked, "Hey, when are you going to get up and stick the turkey in the oven?"

She didn't answer.

So I asked again.

And she said, "What do you want Max?" and I'm still sitting there, but now instead of wondering why she's not cooking the turkey, I'm thinking she's pretty freaking dense. There's really no point in talking to her, so I just stared at her.

If you stare long enough, it freaks people out.

After a while she mumbled, "what time is it?" and I thought Score! She's going to start the turkey! but dang doods, she was only seeing how much longer before she has to pound out meat for schnitzle.

SCHNITZLE!

Dooods...there is no Thanksgiving turkey here today. Instead, greasy fried pork patties.

I am full of Teh Disappoint.

In fact...



I hope everyone else has a terrific Thanksgiving, and that your people are not half as defective as mine!

I love all my CB friends. Since the CB started getting bigger, it's gotten a lot more fun. But just a few short years ago, it was kinda small, and I've known some of you longer than others.

I remember when The Big Piney Woods Cats were The Calico Girls. Patches made the first post to their blog just before Christmas (and yeah, I went and looked, but still.) The Calico Girls were always funny and very sweet, and I like them all.

So when Patches had to go to the Bridge on Friday, it was kinda like someone pinched my useless nipples really hard. I really wanted her to get better, because the CB is brighter with her in it. I have to think about how much fun she's going to have at the Bridge, and how many of our friends are waiting there for her, making it easier for her to learn her way around. I know they're going to take care of her just fine.

Her mom posted this picture of her, and I really love it. I hope it's ok that I swiped it.



Miss Patches was a true lady, and I am going to miss her.

Doods....hahahahaha....I'm laffin and laffin right now. Have you seen Harley's blog post today? Go look at it. Hahahahahaha... he's practicing his modeling and he's got some GREAT pictures. The cheesy one made me snort goop right out my nose!

DOOODS! Oh holy... PEOPLE ARE GETTING IDEAS! BAD IDEAS!



Cheeezeburger has this video or one really like it and we need to get them to take it down before our people start to THINK! Because thinking + people is never good.

Never.

All right, I'm kind of annoyed right now. Because we have a lot of stuff, the People tend to rotate it, and they put a bunch of our favorite things in the rumbly bike room a while ago so that they could pull it out later and try to trick us into thinking we had new things.

But.

Some of my favorite things got put in there, and today when they were going through boxes and stuff, you know what they found?

A dead rat.

And what else they found?

They found that before the rat committed suicide on a trap, it peed and pooped on some of my stuff. MY STUFF! And the Woman was all Oh Noes! We can't let them have that now! And she threw my stuff away!

Luckily I have a new throw to curl up on (I won it! From Skeezix's Food Lady!) so I'm not as annoyed as I could be, but there better be new stuff coming my way.

The only good thing is she says none of the presents my friends have given me were in with the stuff that got rat-peed on, so that's a relief. But she says one thingy has to be washed, but because the rat got to it but because it's time. Whatever that means.

And ya know, she's been sitting here all afternoon. Why is she not heading out to buy me new stuff???

Dangit...you know what the People are going to do tonight? And not just my people, yours, too. Tonight they are going to change the time on the clocks--they're going to push it back an hour!

They do this to us twice a year, and I'm pretty sure that they're just doing it to screw with us. There's no good reason for it, so I can only conclude that it's because people are a giant collective of MEAN on their part.

'Cause you know what's gonna happen. No matter what, we're all going to get fed an hour late tomorrow. Push time forward, push it back, either way, the people muck it up and feed us late.

So tomorrow morning, dooods, start in about 3 hours early. Jump on them while they sleep, shove your nose up one of their nostrils, flop your fuzzy asterisk down on top of their faces. Oh, they'll be annoyed, but I bet they get up and open a can just to stop you.

You know what I'll be doing starting around 4 am. That's like 5 hours early here, but the Woman, she's extra lazy and I have to work harder.

Peace, doods...

OK, all I've heard from the talking heads on TV lately is GO VOTE on NOVEMBER 2ND.

And then last week this thingy came in the mail and it said SAMPLE BALLOT. So I licked it a few times and realized it wasn't that kind of sample, so I started reading it.

And doods...you won't believe this...but in California they have this proposition that would make People Nip legal. All this time I've been enjoying the kitty crack, but the people don't get to. Which explains why they're so cranky all the time.

Well. I thought that was unfair so I decided I would suck it up and go outside today--and you know how much I hate going outside--and find the place where everyone gets to vote. I was ready first thing after breakfast, but you know what?

The people wouldn't let me go! Apparently speciism is not only legal but encouraged and kitties are not allowed to vote! WTF? In People years I'm legal enough. I'm like the equivalent of a 50 year old, right? I brushed up on the issues, I knew exactly what I was voting for and against and for whom.

But no. I had to stay home.

Before the Woman could shut the front door, though, I yelled out VOTE PROP 19 FOR ME, and doods, I think she did it. Oh, she says she's thinking of the tax potential, but we all know better right? She totally wants to make some magic brownies and special rice krispie treats.

Me, I'd just roll in it, but what do I know?


I would've if they'd let me...

It was a painful accident, but I totally have a way to get the Woman to give me what I want. Earlier tonight she stepped on my foot. And I don't mean just a little, I mean she STOMPED on it with all her 598 pounds. Give or take 5 pounds. Maybe 10. And not 10 to her benefit. Anyway, she stepped and I SCREAMED because, doods, it hurt!

Anyway, I ran a few steps away and stopped, and she was all Oh no! Are you all right? so I lifted my paw up like it was a major OUCH. And man she felt bad.

And then she gave me treats! After I had them I walked away and she was all Ok, he's fine but I still feel bad so later when she was playing on Facebook I walked up and lifted my paw, and she got all awwww and got up and opened a can of Stinky Goodness!

Doods, it was like SCORE!

She said she was feeding me because it was dinner time, but doods, I know better. It was THE PAW.

Think of the power I have now!

Happy Halloween Doods!

Why do I like it this year? Because the People aren't even gonna answer the door so I don't have to put up with Sticky People and their freaky costumes begging for treats, when I know perfectly well that I'm not getting any treats.

The Woman says it's because last year they only got 2 kids at the door and they were like teenagers, but I know the 2 ultimate truths:

1. They're cheap.
   
2. If they buy a lot of candy they'll eat a lot of candy, and expand their flabby asterisks.
   

I'm totally on board with the no Sticky People thing this year.

But, to celebrate anyway, I leave you with some festive LOLz...





Hahahaha...

AhhhhhAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!



It wasn't me but I kinda wish it was...

Wow.

When I started blogging I was two years old. TWO. I was like a feline sticky little person, but better because I was never, you know, A PEOPLE. I mean, I used big words like "egregious" and used them correctly.

Doods. That was seven years ago.



The cat blogosphere was a tiny, tiny place back then. So tiny that I couldn't find any other blogging cats at first. Then I stumbled onto Timmy's blog, and Prince Muddy's, and before I knew it, you guys all found me and there were more blogs and =BOOM= there was an entire cat blogosphere.

It was really nice to have other kitties to talk to, because my People? Not so entertaining. I had Hank the Dig back then, too, but being a woofy and all, his appeal was limited.

Since I started the blog, Hank has gone off to the Rainbow Bridge, and so have a lot of my cat friends. I miss them a lot, even though I know I'll get to see them for reals some day.

I've had to do the m-word more times that a kitty should have to in a lifetime, but I think those days are over. My people finally bought me a forever place; I mean, they were my forever family, but we didn't have a forever house, and now we do. I like the idea that this is it, this is where I'll leave for the Bridge from someday.

I got stuck with Buddah. Life was pretty good; I was an only pet and enjoying it, when all the sudden there was this little black puffball of terror, riding me down the hallway like I was a pony. I tried, but I still don't much like him. I still try sometimes, but then he bites and all bets are off.

I nearly died that one time. When Buddah showed up, so did Buddah cooties, and I'd never been immunized against them. I don't ever want to be that sick again. I mean, doods, I didn't want to eat! Not anything! And that's just not right.

But most of all in 7 years I've come to see how generous the kitties online can be, and how well they guide their people. Kitties raise money to help other kitties; our people raise money to help kidneys and MS, and BOOBIES. And they do some really tiring things to get that money.

I'd like to think I have another 7 years in me, but I am 9 years old now, and battle the bulge a bit. So who knows? All I know is that I've had a really, really good time, and you guys make my life all that much better, and right now, I'm more than a little bit nipped out.

So.

HAPPY BLOGOVERSARY to me!

Doooods.
MEATLOAF!
There was REAL food for dinner tonight!
Yeah, I know I mentioned it on FB earlier.
But...MEATLOAF!

It's Derby's birthday, and in honor of it everyone is celebrating 'Tocktober!

This is as close to our 'tocks as the Woman could get...



Happy Birthday, Derby!

The Woman thinks that when she took this picture I was looking off to the kitchen in hopes of food.

But really? I heard the Man say something about calling the dood who cleans the fire box thingy so that we can turn it on and have fires.

Dooods! That means fire box thingy weather is coming!

I have missed lying in front of it and getting my furs all toasty and warm. Summer is nice with the cold air blowing thingy and all, but nothing beats a good fire roasting your chestnuts.

Well...except maybe some primo nip. And crunchy treats And Stinky Goodness. But it's definitely in the top ten.

Doods, Look!

THIS KITTY GOT HIMSELF A VISHUS DEER!
AND LOOK WHERE HE STUCK IT!




Yeah, I think if I had caught one and jammed it into the wall, I'd be riding it, too...

Hey doods, today is Commander Spitfire's birthday. His blog is new, and it would be really cool if a bunch of us went over there and said hi and happy birthday. He's a year old! We all remember how exciting that was, right?

KILL THE SHEETZ!



Really...she can't change them without my help...

Doods, a fellow kitty needs your brains. Or actually his person needs your brains. Kind of like all people need help with brains, but this is specific brain-trust need.

OK. Wendell's person is looking at an apartment that's on the 10th floor, and it has ancient windows that open to the outside--no screens. It's not especially cat-safe and needs to be...if no good ideas can be coughed up, she's going to pass on the apartment, and other than the window issue it sounds like a good one.

So...ideas, please. What can be done to make these windows Wendell-safe, so that he doesn't accidentally plummet 10 stories down?

Baby gates are a no-go, the ASPCA says no.

Mucho thanks in advance.

DOOODS!



I don't know what he just ate, but I think we need some Vishus Deer Repellent, just in case...

Okay, so the Man finally went and got the Woman from her boobie walk; she's so slow that it took her longer than I thought it would. Three freaking days! I thought it was going to be one. I mean, she was so slow that she had to stop and sleep outside a couple of nights, and one night she was really, really cold but then Diva Kitty's mom told her how to be less cold (I think it was, DUH, yer kinda stoopid, you should probably learn how zippers work before going out in public) so when she had to sleep outside a second night, she wasn't miserable.

And in spite of all that practice, she still doesn't have it down pat. Monday she was walking like someone had shoved a broomstick up her asterisk, and it wasn't much better yesterday. And she says she can't feel her toes. Well, duh, lady, your fat asterisk + boobie walking = squishing nerves. But she's whining about it, and that annoys me.

Ya know, I get that walking for boobies is hard work but come on. Shut up and feed me already.

She and the Man took a lot of pictures and there were some, um, interesting people walking for boobies and helping the walkers walk for boobies. If you want to see them, CLICK HERE.

Lots of other things went on while she and DKM and Jeter's Mom and Skeezix's Food Lady and DKM's cousin were boob walking. I heard her tell the Man than Jeter's Mom wanted her to sing but she didn't know the words, and then later it was just funnier to not sing, but really? I know the truth. She was afraid that if she started singing their heads would explode and she'd be responsible for them not being able to finish walking.

Oh and dooods! People cheered and clapped for them while they walked! It's like total strangers knew that they'd been practicing and were happy that they were doing it and not falling over! People were so happy for them that they gave the boobie walkers candy (kinda like giving me crunchy treats, I think) all day long and there was one guy--he must have smelled them coming--gave them moist wipes to clean up with.

And look what they found!


Heh.

The Woman keeps talking and talking and talking about it...I mean, I like hearing about my friends' people and it just affirms for me that my friends are cool and have raised their people right, but come on. SHUT UP AND FEED ME!

But you know what the most important thing is?

THE COLD AIR BLOWING THING IS FIXED!

Doods! THE COLD AIR BLOWING THING IS BROKEN!!

BROKEN!!!

And the Man didn't go back and get the Woman, so it's safe to say he just left her there.

Chances are, she did something to deserve it.

Ok, the Man came home without the Woman. It's fricking hot in this house and I was kinda-sorta glad to see his opposable thumbs, because that meant he could turn the cold air blowing thingy on, but he left the Woman!

So either all that walking practice was for nothing and she's so bad at it that it's taking her for-freaking-ever to walk, or he got fed up and just left her there. Or maybe he just forgot her!

Meh. As long as he's willing to use his thumbs to open cans for me, whaddo I care?

Ok, so the Woman is getting really excited about this walk she's going on, but dang, doods, I didn't know she was going to drag a bunch of crap along with her. Seriously, she got this giant bag on wheels and is taking it with her! I hate to tell her, but that's some serious baggage to be dragging along for 60 miles, and I don't think any of her friends that are walking are going to want to help her with that.

And she's obsessing over the stupidest things. Like an extreme addiction to diet soft drinks. I'm pretty sure that she'll pass a convenience store or two while she walks. I mean, she does when she's practice walking. And I looked online, San Francisco has a lot of stores. One of them is gonna have a diet soda.

She's worried about her meds wearing off and having to pee a lot. Well, duh, stop and pee. I looked up places for that, and San Francisco has like a giant litter box, so I'm pretty sure she can use that.

Oh yeah, dooods, she pees a lot. Like, so much you wouldn't wanna share a litter box with her because in one afternoon it would be too unpleasant to step in.

She hasn't asked me what she can do about it, though. Maybe she knows she won't like my answer.

Like, what does a person do when they pee their fricking brains out every day?

Depends.

Ahhhahahahahahahahaa yeah, I slay me.

Ok, Dooods, the calendar is winding down on the walk some of our people are doing in order to support one of my favorite things.

BOOBIES!!!


They're all organized into a team and chit, and are going to camp near the water in SF, which I find kinda bizarre, but whatever floats their bloats. I'd go find someplace warm to sleep and poop, but that's just me. The important thing is

BOOBIES!!!


If you haven't had a chance to, and you wanna help their effort, they're all still fund raising, so take a peek at their team page, go "eenie meenie mighty Max" and pick one to whom you wanna toss a buck or two. I'll make it easy. Click on their team logo, that'll take you to their team page.



Oh! And if you want a shot at some cool prizes, Skeezix's Food Lady is doing a Prize Thingy! Seriously, she's got some really cool chit, so at least go look at her blog.

And guys...you doods really rock. There's been some serious coinage raised so far...all to

SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!

Whoa. I am remiss in my relaying of important news. My apologies.

THE FOUNTAIN GOT FIXED!!!

The Woman didn't have a clue about it, but the Man did surgery on it (I think he learned how while he passes gas) and after he stabbed the heart of it with a knife, it started working again. So the crisis passed, and I am now able to drink when I want to.

I think the Woman is relived, because she really didn't want to go buy a new one. And you know she would have.

:::crack o'da whip:::

Arr, mateys... T' worst thin' that can happen t' a guy on Talk Like A Pirate Day...his water fountain breaks. And without a water fountain he can't drink. And what decent pirate doesn't tip back a pint o'whatever??

It's broked, broked, broked....It sits thar and nothin' be comin' out! How can I get anythin' t' drink?

Really, someone has t' pay for this. It should prob'ly be Buddah. Just because. Anyone got a plank I can make him walk?

Yo ho ho and a bottle o'rum, and all that... dammit.

Every freaking night, the Woman opens a can for us and then putters around the kitchen while we eat; when we're done she asks, "Was it good?"

Seriously?

Woman, did you not hear the sounds we were making while we ate? Did you not threaten to hold onto the counter lest you get sucked into the vortex? Do you not know what "Mmmm snarf snarf snarf" means?

Really, it sucked.

=sigh= People...

Hahahaha I was just at Jasper's blog and he talks about a spelling bee with words that sound dirty, and this was my captcha:



=snort=

It made me laugh.

My lap time has been woefully lacking lately; the Woman usually has her computer on her lap and doesn't leave any Max room (and yeah, once in a while I try to get on it anyway, but it's just not comfy) so while she was asleep last night I body slammed her a few times, stepped on her nipples, and did other things to make her wake up and give ne head skritches. And doods, it totally worked! She woke up and paid attention to me! Well, yeah, some of that attention was wrapped in words that are on lotsa kitty's bad words list and she rolled over and went back to sleep, but when she was in that in-between place of being asleep and pissed off, she totally petted me and rubbed my chin and head.

Yo! By declaration from The Most Awesome Derby, who wisely understood that some dork's "No Cats day" was stupidity personified, today is MO' CATS DAY!



I like this image best, though. Heh.

Labor day?

Labor?

I've been watching the Woman off and on all morning, and she's barely moved from where she's sitting.

There's no labor going on here.

I thought there would be labor. Like cleaning and the cooking of real live fresh dead things.

I feel cheated.

After YEARS of trying my best to get some,

Dooods...



...I GOT PIZZA!!!
It was AWESOME!

This became necessary:



The People have been "busy" lately, so I haven't been able to get online and visit my friends or leave comments at their blogs, so I pinned the Woman down and made her let me have the computer.

Sometimes, a guy has to do what a guy has to do.

Now, yesterday, I could forgive her for it. It was her 132nd birthday, and the Man took her into San Francisco so that she could drive around and yell at other cars, which apparently is a fun thing to do seeing as how she did it for hours and hours.

She also got to finally fulfill some long burning desire to go see a giant asterisked bridge up close and personal, and she even walked on it. This was apparently more practice walking, I guess to see if she has good enough balance to not fall over into water.

Whatever, it seemed to make her happy.

I didn't mind them being busy too much yesterday because they weren't too late coming home to open a can for me, but the rest of the week? That was just inexcusable. You'd think she would take two minutes to boot up the laptop for me, but no. I might log onto and look at kitty pr0n or something...

So I haven't been able to visit lately and haven't left many comments at all. And that sucks. Because, dang, what good is the Internet if I don't hop around, tossing around Pearls of Psycho-Wisdom?

Really.

You think they'd understand that by now.

Dooods, I got way behind on Ask Max Anything, but I'm gonna catch up this weekend...

Really.

Well, if the Woman gets done practicing her walking early enough. Apparently she's gotta practice all damned day long tomorrow, and most of the day after that.

I guess she still doesn't have the whole left-right-left thing down pat yet.

Aw man... We lost another great friend. Luxor unexpectedly ran off to the Bridge. He'd been sick, but still...was not expecting that. Losing him and Fat Eric and pretty much the same time? Man, that hurts...


Cat blogging legends...
Dooods, you will be missed like crazy.

Doood...you will be missed...

Finally, the people are home. But you know what? They went away and they didn't bring me anything! That's, like, a LAW. You go away, and when you come back you bring Max a present. But nooooo...not a freaking thing. Not even a crappy little shot glass from an airport gift shop. Sheesh.

OK, the people are getting ready to leave, so everyone can come over for THoE, primo nip, real live fresh dead shrimp, and a rip-roaring house trashing PARRRRR-TAY! Just hide and be quiet when the Younger Human is here!

Some of you already know, but yesterday the Woman's dad died; she's a little bit sad but she's not like wailing or anything, and tomorrow she and the Man are stuffing themselves into a giant lipstick tub and flying it to Texas so they can see her mom and sisters and six hundred sticky people (I think there are that many) and be there for the funeral.

So, Buddah and I aren't going to be visiting for the next few days. The Younger Human is going to come feed us and stuff, but he doesn't know where all our friends are, and I think I should be nice and not pester him, seeing as how he's going to be opening cans for me.

I never got to meet this Grandpa because of them living in Texas and us living just about everywhere else, but he was a good guy and he liked cats. In fact, if you're an introoder kitty in their 'hood, chances are you've bellied up to the buffet he and the Grandma put out on their back deck for all the kitties to enjoy. He used to feed the squirrels, too, but i don't hold that against him. ;)

If anyone wants to pop in on the sly for some THoE and to partake of some particularly awesome Nip, I think we can hide from the Other Dad. So come on over! We'll be celebrating life, and the joy of getting to have warm fuzzy feelings for others.

Stop barfing. I can be nice once in a while.

One of us--and I'm not sayin' who because that would be telling--knocked over the small climbing tree and it hit the wall and then made the plug thingy to the treadmill break...and it left a metal piece in the wall outlet. The Woman is not happy. I don't think the Man will be, either, when he finds out.

Sucks to be them, eh?

It's not like they use it, anyway...

Two nights in a row--TWO NIGHTS!--my dinner has not only been late, it's been LATE. We're not even talking just a few minutes or even an hour. We're talking HOURS late. Like THREE hours late. I'm not even sure really why the people have been going off and not being here when it's time to feed the kitties, other than this:


Now, I don't know what the Younger Human is doing there, but the People went to watch him do it twice, and they seemed terribly excited about it. They keep mumbling about "Mercutio" and "Romeo and Juliet" and "Holy crap he's good."

Whatever. I think they need to buy him some new pants. His are missing part of a leg, it seems.

Supposedly tonight I'll get my dinner on time, but I'll believe that when I see it.

Oh wow. I was gonna tell you all about what I've been watching out the back window, but that can wait (it has to do with people insanity and taking baths outside...) because dooods! You have to see the artwork thingy Skeezix's Food Lady made for Daisy Mae Maus!




LOOK AT THAT! Isn't that amazing? You can see more of it on Skeez's blog.

But...best thing about it? She's gonna make another one! You could have your face on some very, very special art, just like Daisy Mae (and the Grate Jeter Harris Hizself...) Skeez's Food Lady is trying to help save the boobies, too, and if you donate to her boobie walk, you'll have a shot at getting a custom made art thingy, too. Doods, this is EXKLOOSIVE (I learned to spell that from Skeexiz) kind of art, you can't just saunter into Tarzhet Booteek and get one. You can go to Skeezix's blog and read all about it or just go here to donate. $5 a shot, but $25 gets you six.

Know what else I like about it?

I got to say BOOBIES again.

Ahhhhahahahahahahaha!

SAVE THEM!!!



=snort=

Sometimes a guy just has to watch what's going on outside...

Heh...



One good thing about all the walking practice the Woman has been doing...since she gets up earlier, I get fed earlier. Sometimes she doesn't feed us before she goes outside to practice, but the Man comes home from passing gas around the same time, and he goes ahead and opens the can since she might be gone all freaking day.

Then on the flip side, I get dinner earlier than I was, too. This meets with my approval.

She says tomorrow she is not going to go outside and practice, so I'm hoping I get some quality lap time. That's been sorely lacking lately...her lap has been woefully unavailable, and I really like napping on it. It's squishy. Not much beats a squishy lap to curl up on.

Well, except for real live fresh dead shrimp. I'd give up a lap nap for some real live fresh dead shrimp.

Niiiiice....the windows are open, the front door is open, and we finally get some fresh air! What a relief. Those people were starting to stink...

All right now...the Woman is still practicing her walking, and let me tell you, it's just a massive FAIL. She's not getting any better, that's for sure. She comes home and instead of having a nice smooth gait--which one would rightly expect from all that practicing--she walks like someone shoved a broomstick up her asterisk.

The whole coordinating the feet and legs must be too much for her to handle, because she spent hours at it this weekend, and what'd she have to show for it? Aside from the broomstick being where it didn't belong? She was soaked in sweat--which means it's just too hard for her--and she stuck all this weird sticky stuff to her feet. She says it's called moleskin, but doods, I went online and looked at pictures of moles, and their skin does NOT look like that, and even if it did, it wouldn't belong on her freaking feet! So all that practicing in the sun must be baking those two or three remaining brain cells.

Really, she should just stop. She's never going to get the hang of it, and this getting up early and leaving the house so that I have to wait for the Man to come home and feed me is just annoying the snot out of me.

But man, you think she'd have figured it out by now.

The Woman likes strawberries and she has them for a snack a lot of the time. It seems like every night it's either strawberries or raspberries, and dang, doods, the strawberries smell really good. So I jump up next to her and she holds one out for me--even if it's the last one--and says "go ahead, you can have a bite," but I never bite it.

I don't get it. Those things smell wicked good, but when I get close it just seems like something I don't want to eat. I keep trying, though...she has one and I want it, she offers and I don't eat it. Go figure.

Oh...and at the risk of being obnoxious--and I apologize for that--now's your chance to maybe win a Kindle e-reader. It's the last prize (for now...there might be something else later but the Woman isn't sure) being offered for donating to the Woman's boobie walk.

Now doods, we have a couple of these in the house, and the People think they're awesome. The Man likes his because it's light and he can carry around these 1000 pages books he enjoys, and the Woman likes it because, well, it's a toy and she's a toy whore. Plus, there are a TON of really cheap GOOD books for it (including MINE!) and I think the people read more now that they have them.

You really want one of these. And I really want to save the boobies. Visit the Woman's training blog at http://awabbitwalking.blogspot.com/ and click on the colorful DONATE FOR A CHANCE TO WIN A PRIZE to toss a few bucks towards the boobies--and every $5 gets you a shot at that Kindle.

Last night I planned on hiding in my mancat cave to get away from all the noise in the neighborhood. you know, the medium sticky people blowing crap up. But...it wasn't too bad. I could hear some boomers going off a few streets over, but it wasn't hide-worthy. so I stayed in the living room with the Woman, and then watched her out the window when she went outside to watch sparklies in the sky.

She stood out there for like fifteen minutes and had to get on her tip toes a few times...whatever floats her boat, I guess. I think she could have seen the same things if she'd stayed inside and pulled a nose hair or two...inside there was cool air coming from the cool air blowing thingies. But no, she stood out there in the hot, and was all proud of herself for thinking of watching from the back yard or something.

Whatever. At least it wasn't too loud.

Ok, so you guys know the Woman (and Jeter's Mom and Skeezix's Food Lady and DKM) are walking for boobies in October, right? The last couple of mornings the Woman has gotten up really early (well, early for her...she thinks it's the buttcrack of dawn but the rest of the world has been up for at least an hour, maybe two) so she can get outside and practice her walking. Because, obviously, she doesn't have the whole one-foot-in-front-of-the-other thing down pat yet.

So this morning I decided to be helpful. She wants to get outside before it gets hot, so I figured I would help her get up before it got hot outside. I jumped up on the bed, got really close to her ear, and said, “Wake up!”

Well. She jumped like I'd clipped battery cables to her boobs and fired up the car. And then she got really rude and grumbled, “It's three-farking-thirty in the freaking morning, Max!”

Well, yeah...isn't that what she wants? It was cool outside, I'm sure of it.

So I told her to get up and save the boobies, and doods...she pushed me off the bed. I mean, it wasn't like she shoved me so hard she launched me, but even in slo-mo, my asterisk was on the ground.

I jumped back up and thought about giving her what-for, but I've learned that when she gets all rude like that and uses not nice words, it's pointless. So I curled up on the bed beside her pillow, making sure I was close to her face, and then...doods...I did it.

I totally farted in her face.

That'll teach her.

---

Doods! The Food Lady is doing an awesome prize thingy for her boob walk. A custom pet portrait! Look at the one she did with the Grate Jeter Harris on it:



$5 gets you a chance at getting one. Hurry up, though, the deadline is July 5th at noon Pacific.

It will make you ded from the cute...

Lately, the Woman has been getting up in the morning; she then says a few not-so-nice words, gets dressed (in shorts...this is both amazing and disturbing. She hates her legs and says they're fat, but come on, Woman, so is the rest of you...), and after she feeds us she goes out to practice walking.

That's right.

She's almost forty-freaking-nine years old and she needs to practice walking. Like, what happens if she doesn't? Is she going to fall flat on her asterisk during the Boobie Walk? I'm pretty sure that if you give me a date 3 months in the future and tell me I'll be walking on that date, I'll still remember how to walk no matter how often I do or don't engage in that particular activity in the meantime.

Seriously, doods, she practices.

(She also sweats profusely while she practices her walking. This is why I licked her armpit. It was wonderfully salty. I would have licked elsewhere, but she slathers herself in a lot of sunscreen, which doesn't taste so good. Her pit, while unpleasant in odor, tasted just fine.)

This morning, though, she got up, put clothes on that aren't shorts, fed us, but didn't go anywhere. She needed to "rest."

Well, hells bells. What does she thinks she's doing when she comes home from all that practicing? She drops onto the little sofa and rests her freaking face off! She does more resting than walking, I can assure you.

So when she was just sitting here doing nothing, I walked up (see, I don't need to practice) and told her to get up and get outside, but she never moved. She mumbled something about "looking at FARK" and "You ate already."

Well now. She's just lazy. So I jumped up on the back of the little sofa, got close to her head, and meowed as loud as I could into her ear GO SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!

But did she get up?

No.

She "rested."

I dunno what it is with people. Either she needs to practice walking or she doesn't, but all I know is that she better keep at it, because there are BOOBIES out there relying on her and all the other boobie walkers to save them. Because, doods, boobies make awesome pillows.

I'm going to let her be a slug today, but tomorrow...she is so getting her asterisk out there and practicing her walking.

There are boobies at stake, dooods, boobies!

Dooods, look what I found on Fark! There's a breakfast cereal just for us!

AND...a packaged dinner!

I dunno about you, but I'm sending the Woman out shopping RIGHT NOW!

Oh man.

I've smelled some pretty awful things in my nine years, a lot of it owing to having lived with Hank the Dog and now Buddah. But dooods? Have you ever smelled a people after they've spent hours walking to nowhere?

I have. And it's not pleasant.

The Woman smells like...well, pee. I don't think she peed on herself, it's more like a cloud around her. She says it's her sweat, she just sweats ammonia or something that smells like ammonia, but doods, I know what pee smells like. And she smells like PEE.

The only redeeming thing is that her armpit tastes pretty good. Very salty.

Oh, she wasn't happy when I took a lick, but she was the one sitting there leaning back with her arms over her head. Those pits were fair game.

Today, I am nine.
And you know what? I think the people remembered.
I looked in the fridge, and there's real live fresh dead shrimp in there.
If there's shrimp, it's a happy birthday!

Yo...remember how the Woman is walking for boobies because Jeter's Mom held her down and FORCED her to say she'd do it? I think there was a threat of head shaving or soemthing like that involved...

Anyway, the Woman has more prizes...So far in July she's giving away three spiffy things. The previously mentioned GoFit thingy, and now in the prize pool is an awesome Stuhrling watch, and, thanks to some dood who doesn't want to say who he is but shall remain UndrCvr, an AMAZON KINDLE!



Seriously. A Kindle.

To see pictures of them and to donate ('cause every $5 gets you a shot at ALL the prizes) visit Rocking The Pink or A Wabbit Walking.

Do it for the Boobies!!!

OMYGAWD, Dooods...you have to look at this slideshow:

Clicky Here

CATIOS! And high walkway thingies! I keep BEGGING the people to enclose the patio like this so we can have a catio of our own, but no...so far they haven't done it.

There has to be a way to get them to do it. I mean, the Man has been working on the patio cover, pulling down the old top so they can put a new one on it. They could add the stuff to turn it into a catio...right????

I have to figure out a way to convince them...

"It's hot outside!" the people keep whining. "Hot!"

So explain to me why they keep going outside? The Man was out there a good part of the day ripping some of the patio cover apart; he only got like a corner of it off, but he was still outside when the box thing by the TV said it was like 95 out there, and when he took a break, they both went outside again!

Look, we have a cold air blowing thingy so it was nice and comfy inside. But still, they kept whining about how hot it was, and then kept going out there!

I have no complaints, because I'm smart enough to stay inside, and plus they came home with like a hundred cans of Stinky Goodness, but still... Outside + Hot = Stay Inside.

It's very basic math.

Even a caveman people could do it.

Boobies!

Sheesh, I haven't been able to blog for over a week, and what does the Woman want from me?

Pimping.

She wants me to pimp her begging-for-money effort. Like I would beg on her behalf for anything.

But she does have control of the crunchy treats, so...

She has a new prize up for grabs at her Begging Blog (aka "Rockin' the Pink) and it's actually a pretty good one. Something a lot of people will find useful, I think.

It's this thingy people can wear on their arm and it tells them how active they are (or aren't) and how many calories they're burning and how many steps they've taken. It's supposed to be a Really Big Deal, and something people want.

Every $5 you donate towards her walk is a chance at winning it. Visit her Walking Blog or Rockin' the Pink for more details.

Because I want it to get stuck in your heads...

Everyone! Look! FIN WROTE A BOOK!!!!



I am so excited, I can't wait to get my copy!

---

Rockin' The Pink

All right, the Woman has no pride, and she's gonna start poking people to donate money since no one will be at the finish line of that long walk dangling donuts in front of her.

But...if you donate, you get chances at winning prizes, and the first one goes up a little after midnight. You want to win, you know you do.

For every $5 you donate, you have a chance at winning.

Rockin' the Pink

Go check it out...the first prizes are handmade by a really cool blogger who jumped in and offered to make these. And I've seen 'em up close...they are wicked nice.

There are gonna be a lot of prizes over the next few months, but don't worry about donating early and not being eligible later...everyone who donates is eligible for all the prizes through the whole thing!

Coolness will abound!

Now, let's be real...a lot of people want to donate but can't. Please don't feel bad about that. Real life is sucky sometimes, so if you can't, you can't, and we understand that. we don't want anyone donating if it means hurting themselves. But if you can...think of the boobies, doods! THE BOOBIES!!!

BOOBIES!!!

Dooods! You are not going to believe what just happened! Seriously!

I was sitting by the front door, relaxing in the nice breeze that was coming through the screen, minding my own fricking business thank you very much, thinking about how awesome the air ruffling my fur felt, when the neighbor's giant brown DOG walked up to the door AND BARKED AT ME!

Like, WTF?

Why was he even out? He just waltzed up like he owned the place, looked and me, and BARKED. And he doesn't have a yappy bark, he got this huge, deep BARK.

Not bark but BARK.

I may be scarred for life.

I'm going to spend the rest of the day in my mancat cave. At least the worst thing that can happen there is that Buddah will wander in, but at least he won't bark...

Sheesh, Dooods, you know what? The Woman got up IN THE MORNING, like 2 hours early, and I was thinking "Score! We get breakfast early!" but you know what she did? She freaking ate her OWN breakfast, and then left! We sat there watching her open the door like, damn, this is harsh, but she just said, "I'll be back in a little while and you can eat then."

Well cripes, how were we supposed to know what her definition of "a little while" might be at that moment? It could have been 10 minutes, it could have been 10 hours. For all we knew we were going ALL DAY without getting breakfast.

Why the fark couldn't she feed us when she was feeding herself?

When she got back she didn't even say she was sorry, she just said she'd gotten back by our normal breakfast time, but dangit, when you wake a kitty's tummy up early, you should fill it early!

Dooods...the Woman has lost her mind. Really. It just went POOF, shot out her ears in this chalky cloud of dust, and was gone. She says it's all the fault of Jeter's Mom and Skeezix's FL, and and Diva Kitty's Mom but really? I think she's just gone a little nuts.

She's gonna try to walk for boobies this year.

Yeah. Her. Walking. For 3 days. If there's not a dozen donuts at the finish line I don't know how she'll make it, but hey, I'm all for the cause. It means that between now and October I get to say BOOBIES! a lot.

She's gonna have to raise some fundage for this, so we're going to sit down and figure out some fun ways--there will probably be PRIZES!--so that we can beg for quarters without being too obnoxious.

But, yeah. On Mother's Day 2010, she went a little nuts, and signed up for something that kinda scares her enough that she mighta peed herself a little. Oh, she wont admit to that, but we all know she did...

I gots to ask cause I gots to know...how many of your people out there are walking for boobies in the 60 mile 3 day boobies walk this year? And if you're walking for boobies, what's your blog page or donation page or whatever URL? 'Cause I'll put links in my sidebar and I'm gonna try to figure out a way to raise a little money for it this year again.

So...if you or your person is doing it...please comment.

The Man moved my Supreme Commander Kitty Tower from a corner in the library to a space between the Let's Rot Our Brains With TV Room and the THERE'S FOOD HERE! room...real close to the table.




I think I like it.

OK, so, I have this thing about closets. I like them. I really like them. Remember when we got Buddah and he made me so sick? Hanging out in the closet was about the only thing that made me feel even a tiny bit better. We had a nice closet then, with a door that made a sproooiiiiiiiing noise when I opened it, and lots of floor space upon which I could spread my black and white glory.

Since then we've had some ok closets, but nothing spectacular, until we moved into this house.

The big bedroom has a wicked nice closet. I mean, it's huge. It's loaded with all the Man's clothes (um, yeah, the Woman? She gets the LITTLE closet in the LITTLE bedroom) and some boxes up high on shelves, but there's lots of floor space for a kitty to lounge. And the Man dumped a bunch of clothes on the floor that he wants to give to some dood named Will, who must be a decent enough guy,because they keep calling him Good Will. Personally, if I was Will I'd give them a wedgy for that, because even when you;re really nice, no one wants to be called Good Whateveryournameis, because that's the kind of thing that gets you beat up after school.

Anyway, the Man realized that I was lounging in the closet on top of those clothes a lot. It's one of my favorite napping spots, because it's comfortable and quiet and Buddah never goes in there. So you know what he did? He scooped up all those clothes! The ones I was sleeping on!

But, it got better.

After he scooped up all those clothes, he put a bed down.

A nice, big, FURRY bed just for me. It's kind of like Buddah's red bed by the fire thingy, but not red, and it's FURRY. I mean, it's the kind of furry that can make a kitty understand why people are always trying to pet us. It's soft and warm and FURRY and just makes you want to rub your face all over it.

Not that I do that.

But dooods, with that bed in there, it's like I have my very own Mancat Cave! The only thing missing is food and a litter box, but since I don't really WANT a litterbox in there, it's just about ideal.

Really, if I could just get the Man to get all his stuff out of there, I'd have like a HOUSE of my very own, it's that awesome...

Doods. DOODS! Look!



I was laying there minding my own business, enjoying a little post-420 nip bar, when the Woman said, "Hey! You got a present in the mail! " and she plopped it down by me with, "It's from your friends Bansidhe and Jingle Belle Ewen!"

Well, these are some very good friends, and you can tell how I feel about both them and the Nip.



And doods...that was before the Woman opened the bag!

Now, I am nothing if not generous, so I told Buddah all about it and showed him the bag.



He was all, "Whoa, dood, can we have some, like, right now? On the floor? Not in a toy?" And we looked at the Woman and she said, "Sure, you'd just rip a toy open to eat it anyway."



And doods, that's what we did.

We ate the Nip right there on the dirty carpet, and got pretty well toasted off our asterisks.

Holy carp, this is some PRIMO chit! And we have enough for a long time!

Thank you Bansidhe and Jingle Bell! You can see, we LOVE it! Thank your Mom for us, too, because it was wicked nice of her to take it to the post office to mail it for you.

Now excuse me, I have a pink elephant to chase.