WOW! Lookit Santa Brought Me!
FIRE FOOD THINGIES!!!
We got lots of fun stuffs. I got the fire thingies and kitty crack toys and crunchy treats and fluffy tribble toys, and Buddah got this really tall scratching post and crunchy treats and stuff, too. I think the People got good stuff, too, but I was tired by the time they opened their presents. I do know the Woman got a damned new clicky box that takes pictures even faster, and you know who she'll be annoying with that thing.
It was a really nice day. Everyone slept in, got to see what Santa brought and opened presents, we napped while the People went out to a movie, then we played some more, got lots of crunchy treats...and the Man says there's SHRIMP for later! REAL LIVE FRESH DEAD SHRIMP!
I can't wait for them to turn on the fire food thingy for me, I'm planning a nice long snooze right in front of it, and I might even let the Woman point that new clicky box at me.
Oh man...it's really hard to curl up in bed and nap all day long--I'm trying to be good--when the Man goes around pushing the button on the beep-beep-beep-dinner's-done ceiling skwakers. All four of them! It was LOUD. And it's a good thing the Supreme Commander Kitty Tower has a hiding space at the bottom. I had to go there. Not because I was SCARED, but so that I wouldn't do anything to make Santa think I was being bad. Like pooping on someone's pillow. Or treating their stuff to a toothy death.
Being good is hard work, you know?
I was not playing with the twist tie, no matter what the Woman thinks. I was simply relocating it to another part of the room, and lacking opposable thumbs, batting it about the floor was my only option.
Also, the Woman should know that if she does not wish me to lick the mostly empty soup pan, she should get off her lazy butt and actually do the dishes.
Sweeeet...the Woman got a pillow for my basket, and today they bough a big box full of fire food thingies, so I may just spend the next week asleep by the fire. If I stay there snoozing, I can't get in trouble, and this is one week I gotta be good!
Well, it's about time.
There's no new pillow in my bed; the Woman did go out and buy one, but it was too small, so she folded up a fuzzy blanket and stuck it in there until she can get something that fits. And then the Man cleaned out the soot so that they could turn on the fire thingy for me tonight.
Buddah wanted to get in the basket but I said No! Not Yours! and he walked off, so I get the whole thing to myself!
I'm gonna go take a nap in front of the fire now.
Buddah and I were having a private conversation when the Woman stomped out of the bedroom and grumbled, "It's five in the freaking morning!" to which I replied, "So?"
She was not amused.
People, it's not our fault if you can't sleep through some gentle meowing. We were being quiet; I was not singing or howling, I was just talking to the little monster. I thought you wanted me to be nice to him.
It's also not our fault if you were awake until after four in the freaking morning. You're the one who just had to finish reading that book. If you'd gone to sleep at a normal time, chances are you would have been so deep asleep you would have slept right on through our
plotting polite conversing.
Oh, and clean out the fire thingy. I want you to be able to turn it on already!
Because I was cold...
Me: Turn on the fire thingy
The Woman: What are you doing over there?
Me: Turn on the fire thingy!
The Woman: Oh! Are you cold?
The Woman: I can't light a fire right now. I have to clean it first.
Me: Well...clean it.
The Woman: I turned up the furnace.
Me: Fire! Now!
The Woman: Poor baby...Maybe tomorrow.
You know the oddest part of this whole thing? She understood what I wanted. Granted, she didn't get off her large bee-hind to clean out the fire thingy so that we could have a fire tonight, but she knew what I wanted!
The Apocalypse is upon us, isn't it?
Hey guys... Wendell is having dental surgery tomorrow and could use lots of good thoughts and Mojo and stuffs. He broke a tooth and some of it is still up in his gums...so if you wouldn't mind tossing a few good wishes and stuff his way, I'd appreciate it.
- Apparently, if the Woman has just cleaned the counter, she does not want a kitty to walk across it.
- She should have said so before I jumped up there.
- Apparently, too, if she has just cleaned out the litterbox, complete with sweeping of the floor, she does not want a kitty to immediately make use of the box.
- Nor does she want the kitty to kick litter out of the box.
- She should have mentioned that before I got in to do my bizzness.
- If she would clean more often, we'd have a better grasp of the rules.
- The first donation to imom.org was made...$250!
- The Woman is getting lots of complimentary email from people about the book.
- Most of them aren't even blogging kitty people!
- One was from One Wandom Woofy owner, who says we're all very talented.
- Yes, there will be another one next year.
- Like, why the heck not?
- The book is on sale at the online stores!
- The Woman does not have any more copies here, so if you want one that would be your best bet.
- Unless you want, like, 20 copies, and then she can order from the printer.
- I am trying to not chew the Christmas tree.
- Because it's plastic.
- And because Santa might see me if I do.
- If Santa brings me shrimp, do you think he'll leave it in my stocking or in the fridge?
- The Woman just swept the floor, so I need to get over there and walk through the little dust pile before she can get to the dustpan.
Hey, the Man got news about Snowball!
First, her name isn't Snowball anymore. Since their other cat is named Charlie, they renamed her Angel. Hahaha, Charlie's Angel. That's even better, because the Woman says she's as sweet as a little angel.
And she wasn't pregnant or full of worms...she had a poofy tummy because she's malnourished. So she's not getting her lady gardenectomy for a few more weeks, because the stabby guy wants to get her more nourished first. She had ear mites, though. And she woulda had fleas but the Woman squirted her neck with a little Die Flea Die stuff.
It sounds kinda odd, but the Woman was happy to hear that Angel was not going to have kitties but was just malnourished. She is just too little to have kittens, and knowing the poofy tummy was from not having gotten enough food makes her sure that she didn't give up looking for her family too soon. Now she's certain there was no family, that she really was a homeless kitty.
The Woman still misses her, though. She's been at her new home longer than she was in the rumbly bike room, but the Woman misses her anyway.
Don't worry, Buddah and I are still trying to make her feel better, in between bouts of getting yelled at for chewing on the Christmas tree...
Oh man, the People are not happy right now. Neither am I, frankly. The Owner Lady called them today to say she might have to sell the house, which means the implementation of the M-word all over again. They appreciate that she didn't wait until the last minute and it would be a couple of months at least, but we weren't supposed to have to think about it for 2 years. The Woman says she doesn't even really mind except Uncle Sam is going to want all their money, one of her boobs, and 152 pints of blood before April, and moving while trying to give him all that is just a pain.
And then after they talked to her they decided to put up the Christmas Tree. Apparently there's been a HUGE mouse or a rat (based on the size of the droppings) playing in the storage shed. And the little rodent pooped on everything--the tree, the ornaments, and our stockings--and it peed on the Man's Giant GIVEMEEVERYTHING stocking.
So they got all the poop out of the tree (they think) and cleaned it up, and when they plugged it in (prestrung lights) one of the light thingies was out. So they went out and bought a string of lights and new stockings, and then the Woman sat down and had some chocolate, which is supposed to make everything better.
I think I need to write a new book. That will make them happy, and I can LEND them some Uncle Sam cash. LEND, I said. L.E.N.D. Just so we're clear on that.
Look at this!
We've never had a fire before. Buddah didn't stay near it but I did because I wanted to see if it was going to do anything special.
It was warm, I guess that's special enough.
The Woman says she's going to buy a new pillow for my wicker bed and put it in front of the fireplace so I can lounge there and enjoy the fires. I'll believe that when I see it. I'm sure she fully intends to buy a new pillow, but ya know what they say about the pathway to Hell...
Buddah and I decided that since the Woman was a little sad about not keeping Snowball that we would give her lots of attention. But does she appreciate it? =sigh= Her punt people brain just can't comprehend that we're being NICE to her, not trying to be furry little attention whores. Buddah jumped on the bed last night and pushed her book aside so he could grace her with his butt plopped down on her neck--just to make it easy to reach his head and chin to skritch. She actually grumbled "Hey, I was reading that." So? And tonight I tried to sit on her lap and rub her face with my paw, and she liked it for about 5 minutes and then she got up and got out the sucky monster! How is that for gratitude?
I'd go poop on her pillow, but Santa is coming soon, and I need to hedge my bet a little.
She's sooooo lucky...
The Woman doesn't think the girl kitty's people can be found, and she's starting to think that maybe the girl kitty was abandoned. She has fleas, and is either full or worms or she's pregnant...but she's also very young, maybe 6 months old.
And I know lots of you think I need a sister, and the Woman would be all for that except for a big giant problem (and no, not me eating her.) Remember when we got Buddah and I got so sick? All the blood that stabby guy stole from me showed a problem with my pancreas, which could get much worse if I'm under stress. And if it was bad enough, it could kill me.
A little sister sounds fun on the surface, but if having her here really stressed me out...well, the People kinda like me and don't want their oooh what a pretty girl, we must keep her! feelings be what sends me to the Rainbow Bridge.
Now...the Man has this friend he's known for 1300 years, or at least 15. Maybe 10. She has a neighbor who would like to have a girl kitty. They met the girl kitty yesterday evening, and he spent last night talking it over with his wife and kids, and consulted with their other cat, and they decided that yes, this girl kitty (who apparently looks quite a bit like their other kitty) would fit their family just fine.
The details haven't been worked out, but as of right now she's still in the rumbly bike room and will probably see a stabby person tomorrow or the next day. She might go to her Forever Home tonight, but we don't know yet. But she will have a very good Forever Home, because the Man's friend is a very dedicated animal person and would not suggest a bad home for her.
The Woman would like to keep the girl kitty, she really would, and it's going to be very hard for her to say goodbye, but she knows that even though we sometimes pick the people we want as our forever family, sometimes we pick the people who will keep us safe and who will find us the forever family we're supposed to have.
So...it's not sad that she's not going to be my sister. It's a happy thing that she'll have a forever family, with her own built in brother, and sticky people to boot!
UPDATE 3 Hours Later:The little girl kitty is now at her Forever Home, and she has a name! The female sticky little person there named her Snowball, and the Man says it's a good thing fur grows back because Snowball is going to be petted so much that she'll probably get a bald spot. And...AND...she got to briefly meet Charlie, their boy cat. Charlie sniffed at her and was like "All right, she's cool." There was no hissing and spitting. Everyone fell in love with her, and tomorrow she goes to the stabby place for a checkup and scheduling for her lady-gardenectomy.
The Woman is really going to miss her (and she admits she was trying to think of a way to keep her but realized she was just being selfish) but knowing that Snowball is going to have more love than she'll know what to do with AND her big brother kitty seemed to think she's okay right off that bat makes it all right.
And you know what? The Man's friend who told him about her neighbor who wanted a kitty? She wanted Snowball to have a Forever Home so much that she said she would pay for the stabby guy to look at Snowball and do her lady-gardenectomy. That's someone special, and a real friend to kitties and woofies everywhere. Snowball is going to be one lucky kitty!
The Woman hasn't given up hope of finding her people, but you'dthink that someone who lost such a pretty girl would be looking high and low. Thanks to Spitty Kitty's Mom, the Woman put a notice up on Craigslist but no one has called. They got all excited last night because the Craigslist ad Spitty Kitty's Mom pointed them to looked alot like her but those people found their lost kitty (which is good and makes them happy, but...)
Anyway, she's still here. The Woman treated her for fleas today and if no one claims her by Monday she's taking the girl kitty to the vet to make sure she doesn't have any cooties or worms. And then comes the hard part, finding her a forever home. The Woman is already attached but is afraid I might eat the little kitty. And you never know, I just might...
There are a few more pictures HERE.
The girl kitty is still in the room with the rumbly bikes,but the Woman says that's ok because even though it's going to get really really cold outside tonight the rumbly bike room will stay warm enough for a little kitty. She put up notices all over the neighborhood that say HEY I FOUND YOUR CAT but no one has called about her yet. And the Woman took her to the Esspeeceeay today but just to see if she'd eaten any chips. I guess that if you eat chips, they can figure out where you got the chips from, and take you back there.
Oh and she's getting ideas about feeding ME chips!
I don't think we're going to keep her, because if the People can't find where the girl kitty lives and the Esspeeceeay doesn't have a space for her (they don't all weekend, they told the Woman than when all she really wanted was to see if the kitty ate any chips) then they might try to find her a new forever home. The Man won't even go out in the garage to play with her because he thinks if he does he's going to get attached but the Woman says that's too bad, she's already attached.
I have to admit I am kind of curious about this little girl and I don't mind her smell on the Woman (though I don't get to smell a whole lot because the Woman scrubs her hands under HOT water when she comes inside) but I don't need a sister or a girlfriend. That little girl is LOUD when she's talking! She might be even louder than me!
THERE'S A GIRL KITTY IN THE ROOM WHERE THE RUMBLY BIKES SLEEP!
She came to the door when the Man was taking trash outside, and she was very loud and said FeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMe
FeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMeFeedMe and the Woman said "Go inside and get food!" So the Man came inside and got a can of Stinky Goodness WHICH I AM NO LONGER ALLOWED TO HAVE and they fed the little beggar! They think she's someone's kitty that got loose so she's going to stay in the rumbly bike room tonight so tomorrow the Woman can try to find her people.
That's very nice, but that girl kitty better not be thinking about moving in. I have enough to deal with with Buddah. The Woman said something about the Man saying something about the Esspeeceeay (I was too stunned to hear there was a girl kitty in the rumbly bike room to really hear what was said) so maybe she'll go there if they can't find her people. I hope they do, because if she's as sweet and pretty as the Woman says, her people probably miss her.
Coolness! Karen Jo gave me an award!
She says it is "presented to a successful blogger, one who can “be the blog” - making it their own, staying with it, interacting with the readers, and just plain having fun." Ths makes me all tingly, but in a not-creepy kind of way. I'd like to pass it on to Jeter because he just makes me laff and laff...
Oh! And THE BOOK IS UP AT AMAZON!!! They got it up pretty quick; there's no cover image yet but the Woman sent one to them so it should be on there soon, too. I know some of youse wanted the book but wanted to get it from Amazon, so there it is! I don't know if it's up at other online bookstores yet but if not it will be soon.
And UPS says they're bringing boxes of books from the printer to our house TOMORROW, so if you pre-ordered it, we'll have them then and will get them ready to mail out. Some will go out Friday and some Saturday and some Monday, unless she gets really ambitious and gets them all addressed tomorrow night.
U.S. Kitties will get their books in 3-5 days I think, overseas and Canadian kitties, it will take a little longer.
And don't forget, any profits are going to IMOM.org! We think from the preorders the first donation will be $250-300. YAY US!
Cripes...People, you know if the kitty is scooching across the floor, it doesn't always mean he has poop stuck to his butt. Sometimes it just means his butt itches. You don't have to embarrass him by picking him up and looking! Really! If it was a poop issue, the streaks on the carpet would alert you to it. Leave the kitty alone to his scooching!
I was not playing with Buddah. I was beating him about the head and neck with my mighty paws, letting him know who's the boss. If thats your idea of play, you might need a little therapy...
It's a little late, but HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
The people left us alone ALL DAY LONG, and they didn't turn the heat up before they left so by the time they finally decided to come home I had icycles hanging off my already useless nipples. All day long I kept thinking about how everyone else was getting turkey today and I was home alone (Buddah doesn't count) and COLD and TURKEYLESS.
It was a very depressing day.
But then! THEN! The People came home and they said "Guess what! Auntie Marla sent a surprise home for you!"
So Buddah and I waited on the floor and we asked "What? What? What?" but she made us wait while she cut our surprise up and then stuck it in the I'm-too-damned-impatient-to-wait-for-the-oven box for FIVE WHOLE SECONDS...and you know what it was? Do you?
It was TURKEY! And it wasn't just tiny bites, it was, like, FOOD. I scarfed mine down and Buddah just took a couple of small bites and I asked, "are you gonna eat that? Because if you're not, can I have it?" and Buddah said "I really would like some crunchy treats," because he's backwards that way, he only likes a tiny taste but wants treats, so the Woman gave him treats. And I was good, I waited until he had his treats and when he said he was done I jumped up on the counter and finished his turkey for him.
Now I'm all sleepy, but turkey will do that to you, especially surprise turkey. So today I am thankful for surprise turkey, and having an Auntie Marla who sends it home to me because I have lame people who won't stay home and cook for the kitties.
Litterbox Wars Part Twoi
Allrighty, first it was the oval box which I made the Woman think was inadequate, until she stuck it in the carpeted Former-Kitty-Club (which I had refused to go in), where I decided to use it once in a while.
She replaced the oval box in the downstairs bathroom with a rectangle box, which was a little too small. I didn't always get all the way into it, and sometimes peed over the edge, but I ALWAYS dig some litter out to cover it up, because that's how wonderful I am.
So today she declares we need a new box. A bigger box. And I'm totally cool with that, because a bigger box just means a greater surface area on which to poop.
And she did it, she brought home a bigger box.
But it wasn't bigger lengthwise or widthwise. It was taller. A lot taller. So tall that if a kitty laid down it in, they might be invisible.
So she put it in the bathroom and put litter in it, and then picked me up and showed it to me, asking if I would use it.
To answer, I stepped in, and assumed the position...with my butt still hanging over the side.
She sighed really hard and said "You're doing that on purpose."
I stepped all the way in and did my business (she was considerate and left the bathroom to give me privacy) but I got the message through: if I want, I can still pee over the side, and there's not a thing she can do about it.
I know the rumbly bike brings the Woman great joy, but if she doesn't stay home and provide a lap for me this weekend, I am going to be forced to treat something to a toothy death. And since she's been leaving her work stuff where I can get to it, well...she should just stay home, right?
We have a book! The proof copy got here a little while ago and it looks very spiffy! And you might recognize the handsome cover model, Ko Ko Schumacher of The Fluffy Tribe. Yes, I can admit he's handsome...girl kitties want him, boy kitties want to be him, and he's gracing the cover of We Are The Kitties ...And We Writed You This Book.
By tomorrow there will be a web page up where you can order advanced copies; it should be up on Amazon and Barnes & Noble within 2-3 weeks. The Woman will go ahead and place an order with the printer for 25 copies tonight so that she'll have them within 10 days for getting in the mail.
It's a little longer than the last book, but the same price ($12.95 + shipping) so the profit margin will be slimmer, but whatever profits there are will be donated to IMOM.org -- they help people who have stabby place bills, and I think a lot of us understand how hard paying those bills can be. They don't give the money to the people, but they pay the bill directly to the vet, so there's no worrying about someone who doesn't really need it getting the money.
Mucho thanks to Ko Ko and Merlin's Mom Jane for allowing Ko Ko to be on the cover!
Hey, it's later, and I was just at Skeezix's blog...Mr. Tasty Face is having some heart problems, so we need to send all the purrs and mojo and prayers we can for him. Go over and give him your best wishes, ok?
Oh oh oh...the People went hunting today and brought home a whole buncha food, and I noticed there are two different bags of crunchy kitty food! Two different kinds! Do you think maybe they're going to give me that giant bowl of crunchies after all???
Buddah's been sitting on the floor for the last 15 minutes, watching TV. And it's not like the TV is on Animal Planet or anything, it's just some talking head telling people what's been going on around them all day. All that matters is what's been going around US all day long, and I can tell you, it's not much of anything. The Woman was gone all day, the Man was asleep... But man, he is GLUED to the TV, like it was sending kitty crack into his brain or something.
Oh man, wouldn't that be awesome? Kitty crack sent right into your brain? If we could have that, and that giant bowl of crunchies, life would be absolutely freaking PERFECT.
Well now I'm all depressed, because I want brain crack and crunchies, and I don't see me getting either in this lifetime...
I don't care if it's pizza...I still wanted a bite...
OMG! Lookit these kitties that I found at Stuff On My Cat!
I WANT THAT BOWL!
Why can't I have that bowl?
That so totally rocks.
I haven't had to do it for a long time, but today I pinned Buddah down and gave him a bath. Well, he didn't really stink or anything. It just annoys him, and that's always fun for me. He couldn't even try to fight me about it because the Man and the Woman were right there and if he had bared his claws he would have gotten in trouble. Heh.
This evening I sat near the Woman and watched as she worked on all the pictures for the book...she says y'all are entirely too cute. She even kinda laughed at some of youz because you're so pretty. She never gets that happy about MY pictures, and I'm FREAKING ADORABLE!
Unless she gets all caught up in taking her rumbly bike out tomorrow for 132 hours, she thinks she'll get most of the book laid out, and then she'll finish laying it out on Monday. Then it will be ready to send to the printer for a proof copy...so figure in less than 2 weeks there SHOULD be a book! She'll be able to figure out the price once she knows exactly how many pages it will be.
A couple people emailed to ask where the profits will go...that hasn't been decided, but it will either be an animal charity or we'll sell the book at cost. If you have suggestions for a charity, feel free to leave them in the comments. Another option is to price the book to just cover print costs, and do away with donations...that option is on the table because it takes a really long time to get royalty payments from the distributor--if we sell it at cost there's no worry about when the distributor cuts a check or where the money goes. Or who pays the taxes on it.
In other news, I tossed Buddah down the stairs at 5 a.m., and I think he still likes it...
Cripes, I think I hate October 31. Group after group afer group of Sticky Little People coming to the door, holding bags out, expecting treats for BEGGING. I beg, and what do I get? I get that poky finger wagged at me. They beg and it's all "ahhhh how cute!" I'M CUTE! I WANT TREATS!
After the Sticky Little People stopped coming to the door so often, the People had dinner, and Buddah was downstairs so he got a little bit of roast beast, which he seems to find a little tasty, and that made him feel better about all the sticky people that were here tonight. I would have been happier overall if there had been no sticky people, and if Buddah had stayed upstairs so I could have had his share.
But, now that Sticky Little People Begging Night is over, that means turkey day is coming soon, but I'm not holding my breath because the people don't seem to stay home for that anymore. There should be a law, that people have to stay home for Turkey Day.
Why it sucks to be Buddah...
There's a rule that if a kitty is not there when the People are done with dinner that the People won't call him and say "we have food you'll really like if you come downstairs" so if you're upstairs taking a nap, you have no chance of getting a bite for being good.
Tonight the People had STEAK and Buddah was asleep upstairs. The Man looked in the front room in case he was waiting in there being good, but since he wasn't, he didn't get a bite of steak. He doesn't even know it yet! He's still asleep!
I was good, I only poked the Woman in the butt 149 times to remind her I was there waiting for a taste. If you poke 150 times you get in trouble. Good thing I can count.
The Woman keeps wagging her pokey finger at me.
Wag, wag, wag "Will you stay out of the pantry?" (No, because it's fun in there, I can jump on shelves and puh food around.)
Wag, wag, wag "Can you at least try yo get your entire ass into the litter box?" (No one said I wan't trying. Get me a bigger box.)
Wag, wag, wag "Can you keep your fur out of my nose?" (Stop breathing.)
I don't like that pokey finger, and I think when she's asleep tonight, I'm going to creep up onto the bed and bite it.
Hey, I'm nothing if not classy...
We know this is short notice, but we'd like to include kitty pictures in the book. Even if you aren't a writing kitty, we'd still like a picture (by November 1st...)
If you want a picture in the book, it needs to be either really big, or a small photo that is rendered to 300 dpi. It can be color or black & white, but all photos will be changed to B&W for the book. And this time we'd like to actually identify the kitties pictures, so please name the file with your kitty's name, as you would like it to appear. Like, if it were a picture of Buddah, the file name would be "buddahpest.jpg" but without the quotes. Or if it were me, it would be "psychokittymax.jpg".
Send them to email@example.com with the subject header "WATK PICTURE SUBMISSION." In the body of the email, please state the kitty's name for clairity (ya know, so it doesn't wind up mis-spaced...like "bud dahpest" or "psycho kittymax.")
Submitting a picture implies your consent to publish it, so don't worry about signing a publishing agreement. Because, really, you wouldn't send it otherwise, right...?
Are ya excited yet? Are ya? 'Cause we're getting close to A REAL BOOK! and we're GONNA BE FAMOUSER!!!
Remember the oval litter box? Since it was difficult to use the Woman bought a new rectangle one and put the oval one into the carpeted box that I hate to use.
So you know what Buddah and I did?
We decided to use the oval box inside the carpeted box. And we didn't tell anyone. Well, not until it got gross and needed to be cleaned. So now that she's going to check it everyday, I think we'll stop using it.
Just for a while.
Oh man, the People are not happy. The warm air blowing thingy fixer didn't show up today and didn't bother calling to say he wasn't coming. The lady that owns the house isn't happy either. Supposedly the fixer will come Thursday morning, but we'll believe it when we see it.
- The Woman has been "busy" and hogging the computers--both of them!--and hasn't let me or Buddah get online to do much this week.
- For revenge, I peed outside the box. Twice. Right there BESIDE the box.
- Not intentionally, but it got the point across. "You're pissed off, aren't you?" she asked.
- Tomorrow someone is coming to see what they can do to fix the warm air blowing thingy. Luckily, it hasn't been cold the last few nights.
- We had krokpot chicken the other night. Buddah only licked the gravy off his and then gave it to me.
- So I played with him later. We played I'm Not Touching You, which the Woman thinks is bizarre.
- We played it in the china cabinet. I was inside the bottom, Buddah was outside.
- The Woman kept saying "I don't want you playing in there" but she was to lazy to get up and make us stop.
- There is no china in the china cabinet.
- There is lots of booze.
I jumped up onto the Woman's lap and she commented as she petted me, "Your fur's a little cold there, Big Guy."
Well, yeah, that's why I jumped up into your lap. To tell you to turn the warm air blowing thingy on.
And then she said, "The furnace doesn't work. I'm sorry."
The warm air blowing thingy is BROKEN and I'm going to FREEZE to death!
Oh she says it won't get that cold tonight, but she has blankets to sleep under. I'm going to have icycles hanging off my useless nipples. I want someone to fix it and fix it Right Now, but the Man told the Woman In Charge that it wasn't urgent yet because it's not that cold. Why did he not tell her to get her skinny butt over here and MAKE IT WARM?
Someone better plan on having a kitty in bed tonight.
"My face," the Woman says, "is not a pillow."
But I disagree. It made a mighty fine pillow, and the rest of her made a mighty fine bed, and she should be hppy that I chose to sleep on her early this morning instead of following my first impulse, which was to go stand in the bathtub and sing as loudly as I possibly can.
Book Stuff: she emailed proof copies of almost everyone's submission for the new book last night (exception, if you sent in something in the last day or two, she hasn't formatted those yet.) So if you sent something and didn't get a proof, yell at her. If you just sent something in, she'll get a proof to you today or tomorrow.
Oh! I got awards!
Sammy and Miles and Derby and Frostin awarded me this:
I'd like to pass this along to Edsel and Skeezix and Bonnie & Victor and Ginger and Skeeter & LC
Monty award my this:
I think the blog that really deserves this is the Cat Blogosphere, because it provides an important connection point for all the kitty blogs out there.
I feel all special and chit this morning!
Oh. How deflating.
The Man had fish for dinner. The Woman had chicken, but the Man had FISH. Real live fresh dead fish. So I was good, I was very good and while the Woman cooked up her chicken and his fish I sat patiently and didn't get in the way and I didn't beg and I didn't jump on the counter to get a closer look and sniff. The Woman even commented on how good I was being, and while they ate I sat on the floor and waited, and Buddah sat on the counter and waited, and then the Man said "Ok, I saved you some." He took all the crunchy stuff off and the skin and gave us each a nice sized piece.
But it was gross.
How can fish possibly be gross? IT'S FISH! By definition fish s supposed to be mouth wateringly wonderful. Go ahead, look it up in the dicitionary. It says right there Fish: a noun: the world's most wonderful taste treat. And there's Fish: a verb: to procur the world's most wonderful taste treat.
Fish cannot possibly be gross! But it was! Buddah and I both looked at it with such deep sorrow that the Woman felt bad and she took the crunchy stuff off some of her chicken and let us have bites of that. Poor Buddah was so disappointed that he only ate a nibble of the chicken, so I had to finish his for him--that's how good I was being.
I just don't understand how this could happen. The Man ate it, he said it was just "ok" but the Woman wasn't offended because she thinks all fish is gross (now you see what I have to put up with...) but I just couldn't bring myself to eat any of it.
I think we should get a Mulligan on this meal, and they should have better fish tomorrow, fish that tastes as good as it looks, and Buddah and I should get a whole giant piece each. And if Buddah doesn't want his, I can force myself to be good again and finish it for him. Because you know you shouldn't leave good fish just laying there, not when there are starving kitties all over the world.
How can people go from buying Twinkies to buying grapes and bananas? I don't want grapes and bananas. They bought apples, too. What good are apples to me? I don't eat apples? About the best thing I can do with an apple is roll it off the counter and onto the floor, where it will split into a gooshy apple-tinged mess.
Well, that part might be fun.
But really...think of the kitties, people. Some kitties like fruit but I'm not one of them. At least buy something junky as a break from that dry crunchy crap.
Oh, and can I have some milk? I saw you out some into the fridge and I haven't had any in years. If I can't have a Twinkie, at least give me that.
Ok...if you have a story idea or poem idea or whatever, the Woman says she'll take more stuff through the weekend, and in the meantime she'll work on creating proofs for what she already has.
And tonight she's going to email everyone who ha already submitted so they know she got their submissions, which she should have done already but she's limited by that puny human brain and is kinda thoughtless, plus she gets distracted by that rumbly bike a lot...
On the Twinkie thing, she says there's only TWO of them left in the box and then she's not buying anymore for a while because SHE likes them and she's fat enough as it is thankyouverymuch. Why do we have to be punished because she has no self control? I don't even have to have the whole Twinkie...just the cream filling with a little bit of the yellow cake stuff glommed onto it.
See how reasonable I am?
The Woman has actually been making herself useful, and has been working on The Book...and it looks like it's a bit short. Like, it might reach 110 pages if she's clever with how it's formatted and she puts it in a small trim size. She might be able to be bribed into taking a few late submissions, if they're ready to go.
In other breaking news, Buddah discovered he, too, likes Twinkies. The People will never be able to sit with one in hand again.
In other other breaking news, I did NOT snuggle on top of the Woman with Buddah, no matter what anyone else says.
I now know what Stinky Goodness is made of at the Bridge.
When we die, we get TWINKIES.
I know this because I got some of a Twinkie today, and it was THAT GOOD.
Everything should come with that creamy filling.
Cripes...if you sent me email anytime between late August and now and never got a reply, I apologize. Everything was going into my spam folder and I didn't think to check it; I don't get a lot of email anyway so not having any didn't seem out of the ordinary, but now I have to wade through over 3,000 messages and figure out which are spam and which are actually for me.
And today is the deadline for submissions for the new We Are The Kitties book and today technically extends until midnight, so whatever the last midnight in the last timezone is, that's the deadline. So basically, if you get it in by the time the Woman checks her business email tomorrow, you're good. And she has this major thingy in the morning, so she probably won't be able to check it until afternoon...so there ya go. Midnight is probably somewhere around 4 p.m. PT on October 2nd.
The rest of this week she'll be doing a dummy layout for the book to see how long it is; it looks like there are enough submissions, but if there's some space she might ask for kitty pictures to do like the last book and have a couple of pages of a collage type thingy.
Then everyone's submissions will be put into a proof layout, each on by its ownself, and if you submitted you'll get a proof copy in .PDF format so that you can look it over and if there are any typos you can tell her so she can correct it. If you don't get one by November 10 (it should be a lot sooner than that, and I'll mention it a couple of times when she sends them out) then you need to let her know so that there's not the crushing disappointment like there was last year when Beau got left out (you won't get left out this time, Beau, I'll sit on her and remind her over and over to triple check both her computers!)
OK, I am now going to poke through my email and see what's for me and what's just an offer to increase my already massive manhood. If you have any questions, either leave them in the comments (the Woman will check tonight and tomorrow) or email them to her at firstname.lastname@example.org.
She's all a-twitter...I think she's looking forward to this book more than the other stuffs she's working on.
Ok...you know that litter oval? Turns out it's not the greatest idea in the world. You get in, and think you're all the way in, but you're not, and you wind up whizzing all over the floor, which is embarrassing as it is, but then the Woman gets all bent out of shape because I'm considerate enough to dig litter out and cover it, but nooooo she says it would be easier to clean up without the litter.
Well tough boobies, I cover like a good kitty should, and if she doesn't like it, she should replace it with a REAL box. One capable of containing my massive manhood.
Oh yeah, I said it.
- The People simply don't seem to understand how important it is for them to stay home and give the kitties attention when attention is wanted. They've spent the last week or so off doing Whatever, which means the kitties are home alone, not getting the attention they deserve.
- If the kitties do not get the attention they deserve, then they have every right to wake a person up every 60-90 minutes throughout the night, and demand to be petted.
- If the person being woken up does not comply, then the kitty is allowed to drop every pound of kitty flesh and ounce of fur onto the sleeping person's face. If the sleeping person has boobs, dropping onto those is effective, too.
- If the kitty does not feel like using bodily force to wake a person up, the kitty has the right to climb up to the highest place in the house that he can get to, and howl like his missing goodies have been clamped into a vise.
- The person must pay attention to the kitty then.
- The person could avoid all of this if they would just stay home.
Hey! People! It is inconsiderate and impolite to go to bed without first being sure that the kitty's food dish is full. And by full I don't mean a few crunchies to get through the night on: I mean full. Because, you know, just a few crunchies at night makes a kitty nervous because he might starve to death before morning, so if the dish isn't full, no one is going to sleep through the night...
Aye, tis' talk like a pirate day, gar! So let's discuss my new litter box, gar! I'm rather likin' the new o'al box, but the Woman says cleanin' it out is a pain in the butt because thar's no straight edge t' butt the scoop against. Not my problem, Me have a nice clean place t' poop, she can figure out the particulars. Aye, isn't that why People exist? T' clean out our litter boxes and make sure we have fresh food? Aye. If she complains one more time, she can walk the plank. Or be cleaning poop off her pillow. Either would work.
Arrr, does parrot taste like chicken? I bet it tastes like chicken...
Hahahahaha...the little litter box was too little; I got in but all of me didn't make it so I wound up peeing on the floor. But I was good, I dug some litter out of the box and covered it up lest the furless ones be offended. Later that day when I went in there, there was a brand new big litter box. The People can't open the door all the way because the box takes up so much floor space, but at least now I can actually get all the way into the box.
Wait...is it still a box if it's oval shaped? I have a litter oval, now.
Remember this box?
The Woman originally bought it to hide our litter box, but we hated it, so it became a kitty hideout for a while, and then was largely ignored.
Well, we moved into this house and there was no obvious space for the litter box, but the was a nice nook upstairs that this fits into, so it became the litter box hideout again.
Did I mention that I hate it?
I tolerated it for a couple of weeks, but I can only take so much. So I stopped using it. And the Woman scooped yesterday and today and kept commenting about how there wasn't much to scoop up.
Well, by this time I really had to go.
So everywhere she went, I found a box to jump into and I scratched at the bottom like there was litter. She laughed and said "Sure, you can play in all the empty boxes."
She sat down to watch a little TV and there was a box there so I jumped in it and scratched again, then I got out and scratched at the floor, and then got back in the box...it was like the light bulb suddenly went off; her eyes got wide and she said "You really have to go, don't you?"
After sharing this momentous realization with the Man she went out in the room where the rumbly bikes sleep and came back in with a small litterbox and jammed it between the wall and the People litter thingy in the tiny downstairs litterbox room, filled it with litter, and came and got me. She showed it to me and then backed out to give me some privacy...
Oh man, do you know how GOOD it feels to pee and pee and pee when you've been holding it for to days?
(Well, she thinks 2 days. I'm not showing her a few select places around the house..)
The Man says if they leave the top open on that big box I'll use it, so they might try that. But the Woman says they'll keep the little box, too. Which is good, because the next step was, well you know...pooping on her pillow.
Bulleted For Your Pleasure
- People need to stay home and be there for when the cats are awake.
- So maybe we don't want your attention, but you need to be home in case we do.
- Nice weather and a rumbly bike is not a reason for not being home.
- Just because the cats no longer get Stinky Goodness in the morning, that does not mean you get to sleep untile whenever; get your lazy self up and pay attention to the kitties.
- If the kitties are not ready for attention, sit quietly and wait until they are.
- That is all.
It's Iam's MultiCat that the Woman puts out for us now.
Apparently, Buddah can gain muscle on it while I cut fat.
I do enjoy it, I must admit...it's nice always having food out.
If the Woman keeps giving us chicken on the side, I might learn to live with it.
Damn, I'm gonna miss her...
Ever since I met Ayla online, I had that thought in the back of my head that if I was equipped for a girlfriend, Ayla would be it. She was my fellow grump, as snarky as I could be on any given day, and she understood the plight of being pestered by younger kitties. She was far too beautiful for the likes of me, but that didn't keep me from admiring her.
I can't imagine the blogosphere without her there. We've lost so many kitties in the 'sphere lately. I hated the idea of Ayla in pain, hardly able to eat, and I'm glad she's romping around the Rainbow Bridge with all the rest of the kitties who have gone to pave the way for the rest of us, finally free of the tumor that had been bothering her so much lately.
But I'm gonna miss her. I'm gonna miss her a whole lot.
Oh man. Ohhhhhhh man. Oh man Oh man Oh man.
Tonight, after the People had dinner, Buddah and I heard the distinct sound of the plates upon which Stinky Goodness are heaped being taken out of the cupboard, so we ran to the kitchen with hope held high, just like our tails, which were all atwitter thinking we were going to finally get some REAL food.
But there were no cans out, and the Woman didn't move towards the place where I know she's hiding them.
She had this container full of chicken that they had for dinner the other night, and she said they weren't going to eat any of it, so before it got thrown out because the people who seem to love trash are coming to pick ours up tomorrow, she thought we would each like to have a bite.
She cut up A WHOLE BUNCH of chicken and put it on plates for us. AND THEN BUDDAH WOULDN'T EAT IT! He sniffed at it and then jumped up on the refrigerator. I know he doesn't usually like chicken but it's been so long since we had decent food...
Anyway, she put that plate down on the floor and I started to eat, and i wanted to scarf it down but I thought I should go slow, because who knows when we'll get anything that good again, so I took my time--and when I was done she gave me part of Buddah's!
I was STUFFED when I was done.
And don't feel bad for Buddah. The Woman said "Oh, sweetie," =GAG= "I know you don't like chicken." So she opened a bag of crunchy treats and gave him a bunch, right there on top of the fridge.
So Buddah was happy, I was ECSTATIC, and the Woman feels like she did a good thing by letting someone have some chicken before it got tossed out.
Now that we don't get Stinky Goodness (and dammit, I have ENERGY now! She says I feel a little lighter, and she caught me running earlier) I'm hoping the sound of those plates means TREAT TIME.
It's not just vishus deer...
We need to watch out for the squirrels!
In other news, there's still been no Stinky Goodness, and dangit, the Woman picked me up today and said I felt a little lighter. There was some tasty chicken tonight, and I got some really good bites of it, and there's always dry food out so I can eat any time I want. But no Stinky Goodness.
I don't mind being fat. Why should they care???
Oh man...I think the People are serious. There hasn't been a can of Stinky Goodness in like FOREVER. Or since Thursday. Whatever. It's been a long time.
The only good thing about just getting dry food is that if Buddah is eating and I sneak up on him, he jumps REALLY high, and sends the whole bowl full scattered all over the floor. And that annoys the Woman, which makes it at least 4 kinds of fun.
Well now. Evidently, if you turn your nose up at the offered Stinky Goodness several days in a row, and the only way the People can get you to eat it is if they sprinkle crunchy food on top of it, and then you don't finish it, one morning you wake up all hungry and ready to devour a whole can of Stinky Beefy Goodness or Stinky Fishy Goodness, and the only thing the Woman will do is point to the crunchy food dish and say "That's it. If you're hungry, eat that."
Don't they know we were only trying to be difficult because you're supposed to be difficult during the M-word implementation? Don't they care that Buddah cried when there was no Stinky Goodness this morning?
I think they're serious about it. I heard the Woman tell the Man that they were almost out of Stinky Goodness anyway, so if we weren't going to eat it she was just going to let us have the crunchy food we seemed to want.
But...but...doesn't she understand that just because we don't eat it that does mean we don't WANT it??? WE WANT OUR STINKY GOODNESS. We just want it with crunchy food on top. And we only ate half so we could save it for later but nooooo, SOMEONE threw it out before we could go back.
They hate me , I know they do.
Apparently, I'm the only one who thinks it's funny to sit at the top of the stairs and not let Buddah get past so he can go downstairs. I was just amusing myself, but the Woman heard me growl at him so she came to see what was going on, and told me I wasn't being nice and I HAD to let him go downstairs.
Well, no I did not HAVE to let him go downstairs, so when he tried again I growled again. So then she picked him up and put him on the stairs past me.
And then, apparently I'm the only one who thinks it's funny to put my ears back and hiss and slap at the Woman's arms with my paw. She shook that finger in my face and told me to stop it, so I hit her again, and I really did think it was funny, but she stood up and walked away from me.
Sheesh, it's not like I bit her.
I'm not sure about the new house yet. The first couple of days it was so hot in here I thought someone was cooking kitties for dinner, and I heard the Man say it was 98 degrees INSIDE. I was uncomfortable and I didnt want to be ncomfortable, so I followed the Woman around whenever she was around and said "I'm hot. Fix it." And it only took saying it about 2 million times before the cold air blowing thingy started blowing cold air.
And there's no place to stretch out on he floor yet. Honestly, this place looks like it ate all our stuff too fast, and then threw up. I'll be glad when the People have everything out away.
Oh, and Buddah was not a sissy boy when the People brought us back to the new house. They had a bunch of stuff in here, and he was so busy exploring all the stuff that he forgot to be scared. He's upset because there's no way to get to the really high place on the wall like he could in the other house, but the Man said the lady who owns the house said it was ok to put something on the wall that would make it easy for both of us to get up there if we want.
The People look very tired, but I think they're done moving stuff so they should be all perky tomorrow. They better be. I'm tired of punky looking people.
The Woman is taking a break from hauling things, which means "sit down and pull out the laptop" and since today was an OHMYGOD day, I get to blog.
It started out ok. They took Buddah and me to the house and let us explore a little, which for Buddah meant find a closet to hide in. Then they put us in a room with a climbing tree and food and water and a litter box and my plastic tomb (this is very important in the OHMYGOD scheme) and closed the door so they could begin moving stuff. They left the door to the room with the rumbly bike open on both sides, and went about their business.
Well, they did not make sure the door to the room we were in was latched. And after a few minutes I checked, and sure enough, I could open it. So being the curious kitty that I am, I went to explore some more. I found this closet under the stairs and it was was cool. While I was in it I heard the People and meowed "Hey, look at this!" to them and the Woman laughed saying she could hear me through the vent.
So I did what any good kitty would do, I left the closet to say "Hey, guess what?" and thusly did the freaking out begin. They went tearing through the house looking for Buddah, and when they couldn't find him--like how many places can a kitty hide in a completely empty house?--they went up and down the street calling and looking. I could hear them from inside the empty house, so I sat halfway up the stairs and every time someone came in to look again, just to be sure, I meowed at them.
But they don't speak kitty.
Now, normally I would enjoy the freaking out of People. But the Woman was crying, and I mean the kind of crying where snot runs down a people's face, so I felt bad. They looked and looked and looked and could not find Buddah anywhere, and they kept coming back inside to be doubly sure, but he was gone.
After a while they took me out of the new house and put me in a room in the old house where they knew I'd be safe. The Woman made flyers for the neighborhood and put them up, and they didn't know what else to do. They offered money to anyone who would bring him home, and then they had to start moving things again, because they didn't know what else to do or where to look.
The Woman moved things and kept crying. The man and the Younger Human moved things, and I could watch them all out the window, and I kept meowing at them, but they were too sad to listen to me.
For three hours they moved and would look for him while they were outside, and eventualy the Woman sat down in the front grass and just watched, I think hoping she would see him if she was still. The Man took more things to the new house, and after those three hours went by I heard him shout I FOUND HIM!!!!
I was watching from the window, and I tell you what, I have never seen a fat woman move so fast. Pretty soon they came back to the house with Buddah (who got all pissy because his bookcases were missing) and then gave us treats. They closed the doors so no one could escape, and sat down to get their crap together. The Woman stopped crying but the Man said he kinda wanted to just throw up now.
Now, they got all bent, but if they would have listened to me none of this would have happened, because I sat on those damned stairs, and then I hollered from the room I was locked in he's being a sissy and he's hiding under the plastic tomb!
So for right now we're staying in the old house. They're being careful by just taking things they want to move and setting them in the living room, and when they're ready to haul we get locked in the downstairs bedroom, but not for too long. I don't know when we're going back over there, but you can be sure that one of us (not me) is going to be a giant baby about it again.
It looks like implementation of the M-word begins tomorrow, so I probably won't get use of a computer until next week.
I think the People are taking some stuff for a bedroom over first, then Buddah and me. We get to explore the new place for a little bit, without there being anything for Buddah to hide in and get stuck in, and then they'll lock us up in the bedroom with stuff we know, so we won't feel too displaced.
I hope we get extra Stinky Goodness for this. I deserve extra Stinky Goodness.
You know, lady, when the kitties are enjoying their long-awaited-for night time Stinky Goodness, and you say "Since you two are being so good right now, I think I'll go take a shower," and we both look up at the same time to meow, we're not saying "OK, and the Stinky Goodness is so wonderful, thank you for giving it to us."
We're saying "Oh, thank God, because we're were THIS close to choking on your noxious fumes."
Buddah, exercising that little blob of gray matter wedged between his ears, has reasoned that all the boxes littering the house have been put there for our amusement. He jumps from one to the other, climbing over them and jumping off them; there's a open box with sheets of paper in it that the Woman was wrapping her Things We Hate To Dust, and he attacks that like it's a live mouse. He's having the time of his short little life.
But I know better. I have to admit, I'm not as bothered by it all as the People were afraid I'd be, but I've been through it five freaking times already, not to mention all those odd rooms we stayed in when we went to live in Evil, Ohio and when we came back. When we get over to the new place, I'll explore, and Buddah will try to find a place to hide, because deep down he's a little sissy boy. But that's ok, when he's done it 5 times he won't be bothered by it so much.
It's going to happen soon. The Man was all excited because the people who are living there right now started moving their stuff out tonight, and the man who lives there says he's renting a big truck tomorrow so they can get the rest of their stuff out, which they didn't have to do, but they did it because they're nice people and didn't want my people inconvenienced. I got to meet the Lady, and yes she is very nice. She was in the house and I allowed her to pet me, and she didn't get all grabby, she just said I was pretty, which means she has good taste.
But man...Buddah is for such a letdown. Not only will he be freaked out, but he won't have the bookcases lined up by the stairs anymore, which means getting down from the high place will be a problem.
The house is a mess, littered with box after box, our toys aren't where they're supposed to be, stuff just seems to be vanishing... I hate this, I really do.
On the plus side, tonight I meowed at the Woman and she actually understood what I said. I was sitting by the back window and when I started talking to her she said, "Yep, we're having something kitty friendly for dinner, and you can have a bite."
Not only did she make something kitty friendly, it was roast beef, and I got more than a little bite. I got a huge bite, and now I'm kinda stuffed.
I think with the implementation of the M-word, we should get lots of kitty friendly people dinners for at least a month. We deserve it for all the chaos we're going to have to put up with.
Is this fair? I don't think this is fair.
This is the second night in a row the People have had non-kitty friendly food for dinner. Two nights in a row I've had to hear "No, you can't have any, it would make flames shoot out your ass."
People are supposed to eat kitty friendly food so that the Kitty Has Been Good Rules apply! I was very patient while they ate, I didn't jump on the table, I didn't do anything more than touch the Woman to let her know I was sitting there, but I did not get anything! When I'm good, they're supposed to share.
If they don't have kitty friendly food tomorrow, something is going to meet a toothy death. Perhaps a tooth brush. That would be, what, kismet? Whatever, it would be justice, for sure.
Here's the thing...Buddah and I have been keeping ourselves occupied at night while the People sleep. We do that because we're good and kind and CONSIDERATE kitties. Buddah runs around as fast as he can, up and down the stairs, around and around, and he occasionally plays in the closet. I sit in the living room and sing. I sing to the moon out the window, I sing to the shadows on the wall, and I mostly
sing to myself, because where else will I hear such awesomeness?
Now, we're doing this because the People don't want to be bothered. Yet the Woman complains that we're keeping her awake, that she hasn't slept much in the last couple of nights.
You know what she did? She decided to punish us!
Yes, she did! She decided to stay out today and was TWO HOURS late with our Stinky Goodness. She SAYS they were at a movie but I know better. She's trying to get even with us for our attempts at being good by withholding food.
She's done this before, you know.
This is decidedly unfair.
Tonight, we're going to stay in the room with her, and I will sit next to her head on the bed where I will sing as loud as I can, andBuddah is going to play Thundering Herd of Elephants all around the bed.
Take THAT, killjoy...
Oh, Buddah is going to be upset. The Woman says the new house ha the same wall cutout thingies, but the stairs are different so the bookcases won't be there, so it might be hard for us to get up there. I don't mind so much, but Buddah loves it up there.
The People better figure it out, because if he doesn't have those really high places to climb to, he's just going to have that much more time to annoy me, and if he annoys me more, I am going to treat many of their favorite things to a massivelt toothy death.
Just to freak the Woman out, I ran up the bookcases and jumped onto the wall thingy again (only this time I didn't fly into it.) She was hoping I would be afraid to go up there now, but heck, since I know I can fly, what's there to be afraid of???
And I flew right into this wall thingy I'm sitting on in this picture.
Chest first, even.
I then did a 360 degree flip in the air, and landed on my feet with a wonderous TaDa!
My People were impressed. The Woman shouted with glee (ok, she shouted OHYMGOD! or HOLYS**T!, I don't remember which, but the Man was on the phone with The Grandma, so she probably overheard and could tell you what the Woman said...) The Man scrambled down the stairs, and they picked me up and gave me skritches all over my body for my amazing feat (ok, they were checking for broken bones. Let's not quibble over semantics.)
Truly, I am amazing.
It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game! ... Now With BEAU!
Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.
If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!
Bonus: caption it like a LOLcat.
When a kitty is coughing, it is NOT nice for the other kitty to jump on his back.
The more you know...
Miles and Sammy tagged me to come up with a Proverb, but it took me a while because I had to ponder what would be the absolute truth, and after many hours of deilberation, this is what I came up with, the undeniable Truth of Life:
To my way of thinking, since the Woman is the one who usually opens our cans of Stinky Goodness, then when the Man does it that shouldn't count as a meal. That should count as a treat. So if the man has given us Stinky Goodness, it shouldn't surprise the Woman when we ask for more food 20 minutes later, and she should just bend to our will and give it to us. That makes sense, right?
My head's gonna explode.
We might be able to m-word next door after all.
I wish everyone would make up their minds.
That lady is coming over again on Thursday, and I'm thinking if she says no, I'll just have to poop on her shoes or something.
(she was really nice, but sometimes nice people need to be pooped on.)
In other news, Buddah has learned to annoy the Woman during the day by meowing at ALL the doors. He's also plopping down on her face in the middle of the night. I'm kinda proud!
WooHoo. Today we got both dinner and snack early. They Woman said it was because she was in a good place to pause and as soon as our plates were in front of us she said she was going back to Harry Potter, and I'd like to thank him, but really all she did was park her butt in her chair and then picked up a book. Go figure.
I'm kind of hoping for some crunchy treats later, but she's done with the book and I still haven't seen anyone who could be named Harry--though there was this lady in here yesterday but I don't think she was Harry, I think she was just the lady who was saying we don't get to invoke the M-word into the house next door--so I don't have my hopes up.
I can still hope, though.
There's always hope.
The Woman thinks we were up there together plotting what to do to here.
Now, I'm not saying we were, but I'm also not saying we weren't.
You gotta keep your People on their toes, after all.
I'm also not saying I was thinking about pushing Buddah off of there...
Buddah is talking to the wall. I'm not kidding. He's sitting across the room from the Woman's desk, looking at the wall, and meowing his little fool head off. She can't figure out what he wants, but we're both pretty sure that if the wall is talking back and he hears it, it might be a good thing we're moving soon...
Earlier the Woman was saying she wants to dig through stuff and find things to put on eBay. How much ya think I can get for Buddah...?
This is wrong on so many levels...
It's also almost 6 minutes long... don't let your people see it, whatever you do.
I Be Smokin'...
Rocky from Artsy Catsy gifted me with a Rockin Boy Blogger Award. Ooh yeah, I be cool...
I had a hard time coming up with 5 boy bloggers to also give it to. Not 'cause there aren't 5 awesome boy bloggers out there but because there are ALOT of awesome boy bloggers out there and it's HARD to pick just five. So, since I'm like twice the man a cat normally is, I figured Hey! I get to pick 10! I'm still gonna be leaving some awesomeness out, but I'm not sure my ego is big enough to say I'm 3 times the man-kitty as the rest of the world. Heh.
Timothy Dickens was one of the first cat bloggers I found. I'd been blogging for a long time and it felt very lonely in the blogosphere without other cats to talk to. He also convinced me to stop saying bad words. I still THINK them, but I'm more careful about saying them.
William was another one of the first I found. I revel in his awesome capacity for destroying things. I can only hope to some day have his Mad Skillz.
Oreo is supercool. AND he was one of the first to spot Vishus Deer! He also kinda looks like my twin,. so he gets cool points for that.
Edsel confused me for a while 'because I couldn't wrap my brain around a kitty being called "The Pooch." I learned about the existence of Tuxedo Bears from him! Bears that look like they're related to us!
Jinky doesn't blog as much as he used to, but I always look forward to his patrol reports. He's super observant and keeps Catifornia safe.
Skeezix just makes me laugh, sometimes so hard the Stinky Goodness I ate an hour before threatens to squirt out my nose. He tells a good story and really should become a Famous Author. Or maybe just a Famous Writer. Famous Authors have to stick their little pinky out when they drink, and I don't think he has one.
Dragonheart is the first kitty without fur that I've ever seen. He lives in Germany, and the Woman used to live there when she was little and tells me about it sometimes. He's wicked cool looking AND International. I think that plus being his family being Canadian gets him, like, 3 extra cool points.
Derby says he's sassy, but really he's just a very nice kitty who lives in a place called Whiskonsin. He's surrounded by cows out there, but that's not so bad since the cows give the milk that makes cheese, and cheese is a very tasty product.
Scooby, Shaggy, & Scout have to share a blog, so I'm cheating and naming all three of them at once. Scooby and Shaggy know what my life is like because they had to learn to live with a kitten (Scout) just like I had to learn to live with Buddah Pest. They've always been much nicer to Scout than I am to Buddah.
Luxor makes the Woman squeal. She thinks he is adorable and loves to see pictures of him. I just think he's pretty cool and I make sure I always at least peek in on him every day.
OK...that's ten. But there's one more...I want to award a posthumous Rocking Boy Blogger to Purrsident Larry. Larry was a wicked cool cat, and managed his purrsidental duties even when he was fighting diabetes and looking over the other kitties in his home. I'm glad I got to meet Larry online and I'm gonna remember him forever.
The People keep whining about how hot it is outside; yesterday it was over a hundred degrees, and today I heard the guy on the TV say it was 108. Now, inside it was very nice. The Woman said she was going to set the cool air blowing thingy so that it was 76, and I didn't think it was hot at all. Which begs the question: if it's nice inside and so freaking hot outside, why didn't the People just stay inside with the kitties??? You get no sympathy from me if you go outside ON PURPOSE when you know it's hot enough out there to blister the pads on a kitty's feets. Really now.
It's The PsychoKitty Caption Game!
Just think of a caption, and submit it in the comments.
If the first kitty playing assigns a name to the kitty in the picture, then that's the name everyone has to use!
Bonus: caption it like a LOLcat.
Wow...I don't think I've ever gone so long without a blog post. It's not that I've been especially busy or even that the Woman has been hogging the computer. It's just...I dunno. I haven't been to read any blogs the last couple of days, either. I think it's all the goodbyes we've had to say to so many of our kitty friends lately. The other day I started to get on and then I remembered it was the day Buzz was going to the bridge, and I just couldn't write anything.
So I took a few deep breaths, and here I am again.
Oh, and Buddah's a butthead. I just had to throw that out there, 'cause, you know, he just is...
I Got Mail!
The Woman went to the place where my mailbox is and when she came home she had a package for me from Diva Kitty! And look what was in it! A pretty blue blanket that had KITTY CRACK in it! Very very very tasty kitty crack! And there was squigglies!
I let Buddah help me open it and he got to have some of the Nip and I said it was ok for him to play with the Squigglies. Right now he's stretched out on the blanket and says it feels so nice and he thinks he can smell Diva Kitty on it! In a few minutes he has to get up and let me take a nap on it. Whether he wants to or not.
Thank you, Diva Kitty! It's VERY pretty and we're gonna have 21 kinds of fun with the squigglies!
No one really felt like doing anything for my birthday yesterday, not even me. I kind of forgot about it until the People came home from riding their rumbly bikes today and they had shrimp for me! Buddah let me have his, so I got 4 whole live fresh dead shrimps! And there's more in the freezer!
The People are seriously bummed about the M-word. When we moved in here the Property Manager Guy told the I Own The House Guy that we'd had a house sold out from under us, and didn't want to make us sign the You Will Pay paper if he was gonna sell it in a year. He said he wasn't. So the People signed.
Then about 6 weeks ago the Woman saw the I Own The House Guy outside taking pictures. The only thing she could think of was him taking them for the I'll Sell Your House Person to show online. So the Man called the Property Manager Guy, who called the I Own The House Guy, and he said "No, I'm not thinking about selling. They can stay."
And then he calls and says Get Out, I Want To Sell. The Property Manager Guy says the I Own The House Guy just plain lied when he asked a few weeks ago. So now we have to implement the M-word.
Cross your paws, though, because we might be able to just m-word right next door. A different I'll Sell Your House Lady is living there for just a few weeks and then it'll be for rent, and we'd all rather m-word there than move far away. Plus, it has a pool, and the Woman wants the pool.
I just want to live somewhere for a while. I am six years old and have lived through the M-word 5 times, not including leaving my first home for my forever home. This will make it 6 times. Only one time was the People's actual fault, so I can't even really be mad at them.
There are some words
Even a kitty should not say
Like Nooter or
Stinky Goodness is all gone
And there are some words
That a kitty should not hear
Like the M-word
Followed by the F-bomb
But mostly the M-word
Tomorrow I turn six
But I am not happy
Because I heard the M-word
And this is after
The People were told there
Would be no M-word
And now there is
And everyone is just
Really really mad
I'm not telling Buddah yet
He doesn't handle the M-word well
You are working on your stuff for the next book, right? Cuz we're writing another book!
The Woman finally got the page up...working title is We Are Still The Kitties And We Own You. That'll probably change.
- Deadline is October 1, 2007
- Signed publishing agreement needs to be in by November 5, 2007
- Word limit is 7,000
- You don't have to have a cat blog; those who frequent cat blogs are welcome, too.
- No pornography
- You can write a short story, an essay, or poems.
- You can submit more than one thing, but if there are a bazillion submissions, some might not be included.
- If you make me laugh so hard my Stinky Goodness squirts right out my nose, you'll be the lead story.
Most of all, have fun. If it's not fun then it just bites...right?
The People had chicken for dinner tonight. And not just any kind of chicken, they had the kind that cooks all day long and makes the house smell like OH.MY.GOD! and gets me to drooling at random points.
This is chicken that I will be very good for while the People eat, because I want a taste that bad. So after the Woman gave Buddah and me our dinner, I knew it was just a matter of an hour or so before they weould be eating that wonderful, wonderful chicken.
I curled up on top of the climbing tower to wait, breathing in the intoxicating aroma of chicken cooking in that soupy stuff.
And I fell asleep!
AND THEY DIDN'T WAKE ME UP!
By the time I woke up it was all gone. All of it. The Woman had put the dishes in the dishwasher and there was nothing there for Max.
I am heartbroken. I don't know if I should be mad and go treat something of hers to a toothy death, or if I should just sit in the middle of the floor and howl. They know I love that chicken, why didn't someone wake me up???
Okay, I was not being weird, no matter what the Woman thinks. It's just that the eye thingy she wears when she sleeps now is all slippery and feels nice under my paw pads, so yeah, I stroked it a little bit this morning while she was still asleep. I didn't mean for her to wake up, I just wanted to touch it. That's normal, dangit!
I have not abandoned my blog... the Woman simply hasn't been cooperative in turning the computer on for me. Not only did she not let me on, but while she was cleaning the litterboxes tonight she had the nerve to complain about how much we've pooped today. As if we would just hold it for a more convenient time. What's more convenient than making sure we're pretty much done for the day just before she scoops??? We're considerate is what we are! Buddah and both could have saved it up for 30 seconds after she finished. And I just might do that tomorrow.
I've gotta find a way to flash that thingy in YOUR eyes when YOU'RE trying to sleep...
Dona Nobis Pacem
Sweeeeet...it looks like there are plenty of kitties & people who want to write for another book. The Woman will put up an "official" page about it in the next couple of days, but go ahead and start thinking about what you're gonna write! Fiction, essays, poetry... The tentative deadline will be October 1st, hopefully that's enough time to write and edit and rewrite and polish and then for the publisher to lay it all out and make it pretty.
Someone answered the poll and said I suck. I DO NOT! I bite and I yak and I poop mightily, and sometimes I lick, but I do not suck. So there. ;)
You know, the Woman is always calling Buddah "sweetcheeks" so why was she surprised when I was licking his face? I wanted to see for myself.
And equally, why was she surprised when I then whacked him over the head with my paw? He didn't taste sweet. He tasted like Buddah-spit. That annoyed me, so I hit him. He seemed to understand...
Last night after everyone had gone to bed I sat on the table and looked out the backdoor, and it was really bright out there, even though it was after midnight. And when it's nice and bright out there and I can see the stars or even the people next door walking around nekkid in their house, it just makes me want to sing.
But the Woman is not appreciative of my talents, and kept getting up to see if something was wrong. She crept down the hall and peeked into the back yard to see if someone was back there making me upset, then skritched the top of my head and said there was nothing out there when I already knew that.
So she went back to bed, and I waited 30 minutes--I counted, 1,2,3,4,5,22,27,30--and started to sing again. So she got back up and said "there's still nothing out there, Max," and I sighed really hard because she just didn't get it, and jumped down to the floor while she went back to bed.
The next time I started singing I heard her mutter "Will you shut up already?" but she didn't get up, so I got to finish my song in peace. And it was one of my finer performances, with howling and yowling.
If she would just appreciate my talent and record me singing, I bet we could turn it into a CD and make a buttload of money.
I know where your eyes are, lady. Covering them up with some fancy shmancy sleep eye covering thingy isn't going to fool me. I will still curl up my paw and punch you in the eye if you don't get up and feed me on time in the morning.
I think I get bonus points for getting my paw under it, and then making it snap on your face. That was just good work all around on my part.
Those who go before us are not just other kitties
They're men and women who fought the good fight
Or treated the wounded and fed the hungry
And made it possible for kitties where I live
To have Stinky Goodness and crunchy treats
And where those kitties who do without
And are looking for forever homes
Other men and women fight their good fight
To find them homes and food
Because they have the freedom to do that
So today don't poop on a pillow
Or treat anything to a toothy death
I decided to be nice and let the Woman take a picture of me, but only because she was nice and gave me a bite of her tri-tip tonight. It was quite tasty, and I appreciated it. I didn't get a second bite because I violated the Stay Off The Table While People Are Eating Rule. I didn't mean to, I just got carried away.
And see the spiffy thingy I'm on? The Woman bought it a long time ago because Timmy has one and she thought I would like it, but it's been in a box that I just wasn't getting into, so she pulled it out and set it here for me, where I use it every morning now.
In unrelated news, the Woman keeps looking out the window and saying "Phking Wind." And she thinks *I* have a potty mouth...
Well, *I* think it's funny for a person to have 16 pounds of kitty drop onto their face first thing in the morning.
It's not my fault the Woman has no sense of humor.
And to think I barfed on the towels instead of floor out of consideration...
It's not like I forgot that the Woman was not going to be upstairs this morning when it was time to wake her up to open cans of Stinky Goodness...it's just that going upstairs and going into that room is habit, and when the door was closed I thought maybe she needed help getting out, so of course I banged on it and howled a little. And I was a little taken aback when I heard her call my name out from downstairs...I really do feel kind of bad that I probably woke the Younger Human, but at least I got my breakfast.
Hey, if they're going to put a bed in the living room, on its side, I'm going to snooze on it.
Buddah got all upset, thinking the People were implemting the M word again, but they were just rearranging. Supposedly they did it because the Woman wants to avoid the stairs because they kill her back, but honestly, I think thye do it because they have brain defects.
I mean, they do it every year, something gets moved around and rooms get totally changed. Her back was just an excuse to create a little havoc and make things look different. It's a good thing I'm used to it now.
Last night the Woman did not sleep well--it was not my fault, I swear, and it wasn't even Buddah's--so when the Man got home from passing gas this morning she grumpily asked him to go ahead and feed us so that we would let her go back to sleep. We got breakfast like two hours early! And then she didn't ecven stay in bed more than half an hour later than she usually does, but I'm not complaining. Well, I could complain that we got hungry early tonight and she didn't give us dinner two hours early, only half an hour early. But I won't. Because I'm so thoughtful that way.
The Feline Sextet tagged me for a mememememe:
Time of Day:Huh. What? Time of Day for what? To eat? To sleep? To rule the world? I need all day for those things!
Day of the week:I like to be around for every day of the week.
Season of the year: Whatever time of year gets me presents.
Beaches: Hmmm...the Woman can be a real beach...
Song: My very own Songs At 3 a.m.
Flower: the kind used to make pizza crust. Self rising, I think.
Talk show: I show can talk, especially at 3 a.m.
Movie: that sounds too much like the "M" word, and I refuse to discuss that.
Soaps: I hate soap. Soap = people bath and I don't want one.
Beverage: All I drink is water, though I would like a taste of beer.
Fruit: Buddah is my favorite fruit.
Snack: People food, if it's chicken or beef or steak, but expecially SHRIMP.
Food: Stinky Goodness! What else is there?
Restaurant: KFC. Chickeny goodness. Oh yeah.
The desktop on the computer used to be a picture of me. ME. I was looking up at the camera ever so sweetly, ok maybe with ym ears flattened back a little, and maybe I LOOKED pissed off but I was really quite nice, but you know what the Woman did? She went and changed the desktop to this:
I've been replaced by a rumbly bike.
I am so humiliated...
It's a good day when you get breakfast early, get to sleep on a lap all afternoon, and then get bites of the People's chicken dinner. Every day should be like this.
LOOK AT THIS!
The People brought in another kitty!
Worse than that, it's very rude. It wouldn't even look at me, or even acknowledge I was there.
And it thinks it's so cool, with its sunglasses on.
Wait...maybe its just stoned and is trying to hide red eyes or something...
Either way, this is just WRONG. And Buddah is sucking up to it, he even brought the newby kitty a toy mousie! Seriously, he sniffed it and tasted its ear, and then went and got it a mousie! He doesn't even get mousies for me!
This just isn't right.
Please do not tell me to get my face out of your plate. You are not sitting at the table, where I understand the rules and follow them. You are sitting in a chair in front of the TV, where I frequently nap and bathe, plus what you have on that plate smells pretty good, so I am within my rights to investigate it for potential kitty consumption. I don't know why you have a problem with that; I didn't actually lick anything, I just sniffed it. Closely. My nose might have touched the crust of your pizza, but that's it. And really, it wouldn't have killed you to give me a bite.
Next time, I just might sneeze.