It will make you ded from the cute...
It will make you ded from the cute...
Lately, the Woman has been getting up in the morning; she then says a few not-so-nice words, gets dressed (in shorts...this is both amazing and disturbing. She hates her legs and says they're fat, but come on, Woman, so is the rest of you...), and after she feeds us she goes out to practice walking.
She's almost forty-freaking-nine years old and she needs to practice walking. Like, what happens if she doesn't? Is she going to fall flat on her asterisk during the Boobie Walk? I'm pretty sure that if you give me a date 3 months in the future and tell me I'll be walking on that date, I'll still remember how to walk no matter how often I do or don't engage in that particular activity in the meantime.
Seriously, doods, she practices.
(She also sweats profusely while she practices her walking. This is why I licked her armpit. It was wonderfully salty. I would have licked elsewhere, but she slathers herself in a lot of sunscreen, which doesn't taste so good. Her pit, while unpleasant in odor, tasted just fine.)
This morning, though, she got up, put clothes on that aren't shorts, fed us, but didn't go anywhere. She needed to "rest."
Well, hells bells. What does she thinks she's doing when she comes home from all that practicing? She drops onto the little sofa and rests her freaking face off! She does more resting than walking, I can assure you.
So when she was just sitting here doing nothing, I walked up (see, I don't need to practice) and told her to get up and get outside, but she never moved. She mumbled something about "looking at FARK" and "You ate already."
Well now. She's just lazy. So I jumped up on the back of the little sofa, got close to her head, and meowed as loud as I could into her ear GO SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!
But did she get up?
I dunno what it is with people. Either she needs to practice walking or she doesn't, but all I know is that she better keep at it, because there are BOOBIES out there relying on her and all the other boobie walkers to save them. Because, doods, boobies make awesome pillows.
I'm going to let her be a slug today, but tomorrow...she is so getting her asterisk out there and practicing her walking.
There are boobies at stake, dooods, boobies!
Dooods, look what I found on Fark! There's a breakfast cereal just for us!
AND...a packaged dinner!
I dunno about you, but I'm sending the Woman out shopping RIGHT NOW!
I've smelled some pretty awful things in my nine years, a lot of it owing to having lived with Hank the Dog and now Buddah. But dooods? Have you ever smelled a people after they've spent hours walking to nowhere?
I have. And it's not pleasant.
The Woman smells like...well, pee. I don't think she peed on herself, it's more like a cloud around her. She says it's her sweat, she just sweats ammonia or something that smells like ammonia, but doods, I know what pee smells like. And she smells like PEE.
The only redeeming thing is that her armpit tastes pretty good. Very salty.
Oh, she wasn't happy when I took a lick, but she was the one sitting there leaning back with her arms over her head. Those pits were fair game.
Today, I am nine.
And you know what? I think the people remembered.
I looked in the fridge, and there's real live fresh dead shrimp in there.
If there's shrimp, it's a happy birthday!
Yo...remember how the Woman is walking for boobies because Jeter's Mom held her down and FORCED her to say she'd do it? I think there was a threat of head shaving or soemthing like that involved...
Anyway, the Woman has more prizes...So far in July she's giving away three spiffy things. The previously mentioned GoFit thingy, and now in the prize pool is an awesome Stuhrling watch, and, thanks to some dood who doesn't want to say who he is but shall remain UndrCvr, an AMAZON KINDLE!
To see pictures of them and to donate ('cause every $5 gets you a shot at ALL the prizes) visit Rocking The Pink or A Wabbit Walking.
Do it for the Boobies!!!
OMYGAWD, Dooods...you have to look at this slideshow:
"It's hot outside!" the people keep whining. "Hot!"
So explain to me why they keep going outside? The Man was out there a good part of the day ripping some of the patio cover apart; he only got like a corner of it off, but he was still outside when the box thing by the TV said it was like 95 out there, and when he took a break, they both went outside again!
Look, we have a cold air blowing thingy so it was nice and comfy inside. But still, they kept whining about how hot it was, and then kept going out there!
I have no complaints, because I'm smart enough to stay inside, and plus they came home with like a hundred cans of Stinky Goodness, but still... Outside + Hot = Stay Inside.
It's very basic math.
caveman people could do it.
Sheesh, I haven't been able to blog for over a week, and what does the Woman want from me?
She wants me to pimp her begging-for-money effort. Like I would beg on her behalf for anything.
But she does have control of the crunchy treats, so...
She has a new prize up for grabs at her Begging Blog (aka "Rockin' the Pink) and it's actually a pretty good one. Something a lot of people will find useful, I think.
Every $5 you donate towards her walk is a chance at winning it. Visit her Walking Blog or Rockin' the Pink for more details.