Got the cold air blowing thingy going in here, got a brand new fountain spewing filtered water, got a perch on top of the climbing tower near a cool air vent, and Buddah is off somewhere napping and not bothering me.
Yesterday, my water fountain stopped working. It was working, but then the Man picked it up to clean it, and when he as done and had it filled and plugged back in, it just didn't work anymore. So he said a whole bunch of fun words and picked it back up so he could take it apart and fix it.
But it wouldn't fix.
Now, the people were tired. They had already been outside where it was hot because they had things to do that required driving back to near where we used to live, and they really didn't want to have to go back out, especially since the only place to get me a new fountain was back near where we used to live.
But the Man said, "Max won't drink unless the water is running, will he?"
And the Woman said, "He has to drink."
Buddah said, "Hey, no one ever asks me what *I* want to drink out of and I don't like the fountain and I don't think you've ever seen me drink out of it AT ALL but is there a bowl on the floor for me instead of the fountain? I don't think so!"
No one listened to Buddah, though, because he doesn't take breaths and it's like one long word coming out of him anyway. Sometimes, the People think he's speaking Spanish. Or maybe Spanglish. Either way they can't understand him.
So even though the people were really tired and it was really hot outside they got in the car and went back to where we used to live and bought me a new fountain.
The birthday was decent. I did not get any real live fresh dead shrimp, but I did get a can of Fancy Feast Yellowfin Tuna Medley, and that's really rare around here, so it almost made up for the lack of shrimp. Plus I got my regular Stinky Goodness later that night. And I also go a new catnip burlap toy.
Frankly, I was more impressed with the Fancy Feast, but at least there was a present.
I also got to nap all day on the top of the climbing tower; I think that was Buddah's present to me since he likes to get up there and I usually nap on the big bed with the fuzzy blanket.
But yeah. No real live fresh dead shrimp. I am not surprised. Disappointed, but not surprised.
However, any disappointment was soothed over by Buddah and I having a fight on top of the Woman while she was asleep last night. It's entirely her fault for having such a large and squishy butt. We both wanted to curl up on it. If she doesn't like it, she should lose weight and firm those buttcheeks up a little.
Ya know, the oddest things get the Woman all excited. A few days ago I was checking out my buds' blogs and she looked over my shoulder in time to see me scoping out what was up with The Creek Cats. Now, they got to test out The World's Greatest Cat Litter and liked it, and because it's flushable the Woman was all Ooohhh we have to try that, I'm tired of litter-stink!
So she and the Man went out and bought a bag, and she was all oooh it has the same texture as the old litter and oooh it's made out of corn, and then she dumped out the old litter and cleaned the box out, and then presented this new litter to us as if Santa had shot it out his...well, his whatever. Use your imagination.
Buddah jumped right in and peed his little brains out. I sniffed it and walked away.
She was all Ohhhh he doesn't have to go now, he'll use it later and I was thinking, "Holy crap, Woman, do you not remember the Great Breeze Box War of 2008?"
Apparently she didn't.
So today it's two days after she changed the litter, and she realizes I stink. Not just weird, I need to bathe stink. More like, "Max, are you dribbling pee?" stink.
"Why yes," I replied as she ate some chicken for dinner, "yes I am. Please give me some chicken."
As soon as she was done she gave me some chicken--because I was POLITE when I asked, dammit--and then she picked me up, and holy cow she groped me!
"Is his bladder full?" asked the Man.
She put me down and started to wash her arm off. "It's full, and he peed on me."
Well, yes, when one has an overly full bladder, one tends to pee on the person who's pushing on it. It was nothing personal, but really now. It was not my fault.
So she dumped the new litter out, proclaiming "I don't really like the smell anyway," (yeah, roll your eyes) and then filled it with my beloved Tidy Cat.
Oh yeah, I jumped in there and peed for about five minutes.
So. I think her lesson has been learned. Don't change Max's litter! But she a little disappointed because the stuff worked really well. It clumped nicely when Buddah peed in it and it flushed just fine. But I refused to even try it, so she wasted $20 on a 17 pound bag of litter.
Look, if you leave the pound cake on your desk, I am going to jump in your chair and try to eat it while you go back into the kitchen for something to drink. Your displeasure is not my fault; you left it where I could get to it, thusly, it's your own damned fault if there's cat spit on the very last bite of poundcake in this house.
Oh, man...Buddah just dropped the mother of all litter box bombs, and even my eyes are watering...We were sitting in the Woman's office and it hit us from way in the back of the house, and she sprayed the Febreze Pet Odor thingy which usually works, but gawd it's lingering.
Hmmm...I keep meaning to mention this but I usually think about it when the Woman is hogging the comoputer.
Some of you with blogs hosted on Blogger have this sign in thingy:
You know, the one where you pick what you're signing in with from a drop down menu.
It doesn't work very well. In fact, it so not works that some of us can't comment on your blogs because it just doesn't keep us signed in or remember what we commented. It's frustrating because some of my best comments just vanish.
Anyway, if that's your comment setup and you haven't seen me comment in a long time, that's why. It's not for lack of trying. And don't forget we're writing a book! The deadline is rapidly approaching but there are only a couple of submissions, so we might wind up pushing it back a little bit.
Oh, and my mailing address has changed, so when you send your publishing agreements, please send them to:
Ok. So last night the Woman was sitting on the bed, using the giant TV there as a monitor, while she sort of kinda worked for a while. I sat on the bed and watched a little bit, and let me tell you what she was writing was kind of embarrassing because truly, I had no idea she knew some of those words.
Then she realized it was midnight and she better go to bed, so she turned the monitor part off and left the TV part on, and went to brush her teeth and shoot up take her meds, leaving me with the TV.
It was on that weird Look In My House channel, HGTV, and I didn't want to watch that, so I sat on the remote until something interesting came on. I mean, I had no idea what I was looking at, but it was certainly different. And then the Woman came back in and saw me sitting on the bed, staring at the TV with my head cocked off to one side, and she asked, "what is so freaking interesting, Max?" And I answered her, I said "These Woman are playing with this THING and I'm pretty sure I've seen one before but it wasn't THAT color and it sure as heck didn't buzz like that."
But she was so busy getting ready for bed that she couldn't bother to look. So I kept watching, because really, it was interesting in a disturbing kind of way, what wit these two very serious women holding it and talking about it like it was a Very Necessary Thing to Have. She finally turned the light off and crawled into bed, and then she looked at the TV an said, "Oh my god WHAT are you watching!?" and I still didn't know so I uncocked my head and read the little icon at the bottom of the screen and it said Shop Erotic so I guess that's what I was watching. But it was on the Oxygen network so it's classy, right?
Evidently not, because she grabbed the remote and changed the channel, but not before cocking HER head to one side and taking another look and then saying "That would give me nightmares..."
Apparently the color was frightening? I dunno, but she still won't tell me what it was. Maybe she doesn't know...?