Does this photo make my butt look big?

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/30/2017 08:03:00 PM

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The Woman keeps playing with the camera on her new phone and it's usually pointed at me. This illustrates what I think of it.

The Man had this week off from passing gas and I assumed that meant there would be lots of attention for me, and laps to sit on, but no. They went off and did things that benefited me in no way and often made them late for snack and for dinner time.

I contemplated pooping on a pillow to show them my displeasure, but the Woman put fresh sheets on the bed and they're the super soft bamboo kind, and doods...omcod they're amazing to nap on, so I don't think I'll be defiling those any time soon.

If you don't have these, you really need to get them. They make all other sheets feel like sandpaper.

We're doing it backward this time

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/26/2017 06:43:00 PM

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https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0727QRHLQ
Click to go to Amazon
Usually, a book comes out in hardback first, then paperback, and the ebook comes either with the paperback or right after. But this time we're reversing the order, because there doesn't see to be a logical reason to hold the digital book back when it's ready to go. Not just because the print version is still in layout.

The paperback will come next, and after that the hardback. There won't be a lot of time between them, maybe a week or two. Now that we've got it done and uploaded and it's out of our hands, the Woman kinda wants to take a week or two off so she can go back to the gym and get in the swing of booby walk training.

So if you have a Kindle, or a device with a Kindle app, you can now get yourself the latest book in the Wick Chronicles series. We really had fun with this one and played with time travel more than we have in the other books.

Doods...there are wizards and elves, and a giant cat named Fluffy and a baby dragon named Jeff.

A DRAGON NAMED JEFF, GUYS!!!

From the back of the book:

Drew knows there are two rules to using the time portals. One, be precise in thought. Two, never visit the future.

On his second practice run, a stray thought of wanting to see life 1000 years in the future lands him, along with Oz, the Emperor, Aisha, and Wick in 3416. San Francisco is in ruins. The Embarcadero is gone, the Bay Bridge is a broken skeleton, and the city has been overtaken by a dark wizard named Tobias. The only one who can destroy his power and his hold over the elfin citizens of Saint Francis is a clumsy, sword-wielding fifteen-year-old boy, the wizard Hagar and his fading magic, and the Trident—warriors of time long past who will stand beside the Lord of Prophecy.

Hagar knows their names and declares them as the Trident, prompting Will to agree to indulge Oz and Drew’s curiosity and stay long enough to understand the truth of how Hagar knows who they are. He could not foresee the horse-sized cat named Fluffy, the infant dragon named Jeff, or the truth about Tobias.

As he puts the pieces of the puzzle together, Will realizes the fight isn’t just to free the elves; it’s a battle Oz needs to see to the bitter end, and he’ll risk them all to get her there.

A DRAGON NAMED JEFF!!!

If you haven't read any of the Wick Chronicles, sit tight. In a few weeks the first book, The Emperor of San Francisco, is gonna go on major sale.

And just because, a picture of me:


THE EASTER BUNNY CAME

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/20/2017 02:27:00 PM

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Ok, she came on Sunday (yes, she. The Easter Bunny is a girl. How did you not know that?) and we took a picture but we've been working (read: playing online a lot) and instead of posting I ate a lot of the treats.

Shuddup. That sentence got away from me.


I'm being nice and sharing with Buddah. I mean, I'd like to hog them all, but I'm pretty sure Santa would find out about that.

But yeah, work. Wick 3 is basically done and headed for formatting and cover creation. We're hoping everything will be in the can by the end of this weekend. Well, the Woman does, because next weekend the Man is off work and it's his birthday and stuff, so she kinda wants to not have work looming over her.

Oh hey, I just looked at his birthday is one week from today.

I should get him something.

'Scuse me while I head for Amazon. Surely I can find something there, and charge it to his credit card.

The sticky notes...and reviews

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/09/2017 12:06:00 PM

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The notes on the monitor in the previous post...those are coding reminders for the Woman. She can never remember how to make InDesign auto-flow text from the first page to the last, and she sometimes forgets how to make it show page numbers. So she keeps sticky notes on the monitor where she can see them, and then every time she needs to know that information...well, she forgets those notes are there and starts saying things from the bad word list, and she digs through books to find out what to do, and then starts to make new notes. When she sees she already had notes? Yeah, more bad words.

Other thing we're contemplating today...book reviews. I used to get a lot of reviews on my books, but lately...none. There's only one review on Amazon for Ozoo. I know people are reading it, because they email me about it. But no one is leaving good reviews.

This isn't just about me or the Woman. Indie writers especially live and die by the reviews they get, and we know a lot of indie writers (you might be one of them.) The fewer reviews, the worse the sales become. It doesn't take long to write a review, but the impact it has is pretty big. So if you buy a book and like it--anyone's--please take 2 minutes to review it on Amazon, especially if it's by an indie writer.

Why Amazon? Because it's where most book sales occur, especially digital books.

In other news today, I have successfully opened 27 more links on Reddit by rubbing my face on the computer, and I have a special knack of finding the X-rated things. The Woman is so proud. And newly educated. But she keeps asking me why the hell I can't just open cat pictures...it's not my fault the things she looks at have links to nekkid people. I'm just really good at finding them.

Huh

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/06/2017 03:56:00 PM

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I don't know why the Woman took a picture of the computer monitor while we worked. She just did. What I want to know is why she needs to have a box that says PENCIL. Like, does she keep it in there so that when she needs one, she knows what it is? Can't she leave the pencil in the desk, and just GRASP that's what it is? And more importantly, since the pencil is ON THE DESK, when she goes to open the box, won't she be confused??? I mean, more than normal?

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!

Posted by Max | Posted on 4/01/2017 12:18:00 PM

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Buddah and I had a heart to heart talk last night. He sat in his box, clutching his favorite nip banana, and I was on the floor, licking up the nip that spilled out of the hole on my banana. And we realized something during this talk...we're not really brothers. The people may have adopted us both, but there's no paper trail or anything.

Since we are not truly related, this opens up a whole new vista in our relationship. I mean, I still don't like him, but he is a fixture in my life and he's not going away. So we figured we might as well make the most of it.

We like you guys an awful lot, so we wanted you to be the first to know. Buddah and I are getting married. I mean, I know a lot of married couples don't like each other and they make it work, so I think we'll be just fine.

It will take some time to get all the details worked out, so we decided to have a year-long engagement, and we'll make it official one year from today.

Everyone is invited!