Usually Buddah and I have to wait until the Woman gets her asterisk out of bed before we get fed, but once in a while the Man gets home a little but late from passing gas, and he goes ahead and opens a can, thinking we'll let her sleep a little later.
When he does this, he feeds me across the kitchen from where I usually eat, because then she'll see the plate on the wrong side of the floor and know we've had breakfast already. Most of the time she doesn't need this, because I do let her sleep. Actually, I really like it when this happens because when I'm not hungry and she's still in bed, I like to go plop down on top of her and take a nap. She's all sleepy-warm, and that's the best kind of warm to snooze on.
But this morning she woke up at her regular time anyway and wandered out into the kitchen. She saw the plate on the wrong side of the kitchen and guessed we had already eaten, but Buddah was on the counter meowing at her and I was on the floor meowing, which confuzzled her. She looked in the trash can and didn't see an empty can in there.
"Better safe than sorry," she said as she opened a can.
We're smart kitties. We wolfed that stinky goodness down fast.
Later on, when she and the Man were having their dinner, which frankly looked like beef barf on a plate so I didn't even ask for any, she asked him if he'd fed us or not.
He admitted that he had.
This puzzled her, and she said she thought he might have, but didn't see the empty can in the trash, so she fed us anyway.
"It's in the recycle can," he told her.
She never even thought to look there.
I was gonna laugh at her, but we hadn't had dinner yet, so I figured I better not, just in case...
July 28, 2011
Yesterday the Man and the Woman went someplace different for her to practice walking. They've been there before and they spend hours there and she only walks like 5 miles, but she likes walking there because she gets to see some of her favorite animals, like tigers. She freaking loves tigers. Yesterday they got to see a tiger swimming under water, which apparently wasn't as lame as it sounds because it swam in a pool with see-through walls, and it was right up against the wall closest to them.
Did you know tigers flap their ears closed when they dive underwater? If the Woman would do that, she wouldn't whine so much about getting water in hers.
Anyway, she loves the tigers, but for the first time ever she got to see a fennec fox up close.
Look at those ears! He's a frootbat for sure... Hell, even I looked at that and thought Dooood! Awesome!
Just before she took the picture he was peeing...I think she should get a brownie point or something for letting him finish first. That's not a moment a guy wants captured for posterity.
I wouldn't mind being able to go and see the tigers and this little guy, other than the whole going outside and then getting in the car thing. And the whole that tiger would eat me thing.
They should have a Max display. People would pay to come see me.
Well, I would.
Oh, and don't forget, in less than a month the Woman is going to be drawing numbers for the Nano, the Kindle, and the iPad. Save the Boobies, win a prize!
It's a win-win, really...she does the practice walking and gets all sweaty and stuff, but you get to save the boobies!
Did you know tigers flap their ears closed when they dive underwater? If the Woman would do that, she wouldn't whine so much about getting water in hers.
Anyway, she loves the tigers, but for the first time ever she got to see a fennec fox up close.
Look at those ears! He's a frootbat for sure... Hell, even I looked at that and thought Dooood! Awesome!
Just before she took the picture he was peeing...I think she should get a brownie point or something for letting him finish first. That's not a moment a guy wants captured for posterity.
I wouldn't mind being able to go and see the tigers and this little guy, other than the whole going outside and then getting in the car thing. And the whole that tiger would eat me thing.
They should have a Max display. People would pay to come see me.
Well, I would.
Oh, and don't forget, in less than a month the Woman is going to be drawing numbers for the Nano, the Kindle, and the iPad. Save the Boobies, win a prize!
It's a win-win, really...she does the practice walking and gets all sweaty and stuff, but you get to save the boobies!
July 24, 2011
Things on my mind
- Someone stopped following me. I notice those things. WHY YOU NO LIKE ME?
- The Woman tripped over her own feet earlier. So I guess she really does need all that walking practice.
- There’s nothing worth watching out the windows, but I keep looking.
- I think we need some sticky people out there. And for someone to rip the bushes out because we can’t see past them.
- Buddah likes to use one of the dammit machines as a bed and a place to play. It’s good that someone uses it.
- Yeah, we know he hasn’t blogged in forever. He needs help to do it, and the Woman has a lot of things going on.
- Plus, he’s a crackhead.
- In early May the Man gave the Woman a little vase with a single rose in it. It’s still on the fireplace mantel. It looks really bad.
- But then so does the rest of the house.
- The Woman wants to know who keeps kicking litter out of the box. I don’t think it matters since she never sweeps in that room anyway.
- At least she scoops.
- We have the hots, but not nearly as much as our friends back east. They have the Oh Holy Hell Hots.
- I am doubly enjoying the cold air blowing thingy just for them.
- That’s how awesome I am.
July 20, 2011
The People decided to get their asterisks out of bed early this morning (well, early for them, late for normal people) to go to San Francisco so the Woman could practice her walking some more. She says "the city" (like it's some magical hoity toity place...if she were drinking her little finger would have its own little Viagra moment) has good hills to walk on. I think she could just push the button on the Dammit Machine to make it incline higher, but apparently that makes too much sense.
Anyway, they went and practiced walking, and part of that practice is buying stuff. She came home with these blindling yellow-green pants with a matching jacket, something called a track jacket which is kinda dorky because her asterisk isn't going anywhere near a track, and says she walked some good hills but gets winded on them too easy, which is "not a good thing."
Ya think?
Anyway again, she and the Man went into a mall to steal some a/c and have some lunch, and they spotted this and she said "That's totally Skeezix!":
It's a Hello Kitty bicycle!
Srsly, I think if they could have stuck in in the backpack, Skeezix woulda been getting a bike for Happy Skeezix Day. No, I dunno when that day is, but it's probably coincides with teh second day of school, when everyone tries to make him feel better about the school bus not stopping to pick him up.
The bike doesn't have any pedals, though... so if Skeez does wind up getting one, someone's gonna have to push him around on it...
Anyway, they went and practiced walking, and part of that practice is buying stuff. She came home with these blindling yellow-green pants with a matching jacket, something called a track jacket which is kinda dorky because her asterisk isn't going anywhere near a track, and says she walked some good hills but gets winded on them too easy, which is "not a good thing."
Ya think?
Anyway again, she and the Man went into a mall to steal some a/c and have some lunch, and they spotted this and she said "That's totally Skeezix!":
It's a Hello Kitty bicycle!
Srsly, I think if they could have stuck in in the backpack, Skeezix woulda been getting a bike for Happy Skeezix Day. No, I dunno when that day is, but it's probably coincides with teh second day of school, when everyone tries to make him feel better about the school bus not stopping to pick him up.
The bike doesn't have any pedals, though... so if Skeez does wind up getting one, someone's gonna have to push him around on it...
July 17, 2011
All that walking practice and the Woman still doesn't have it even close to perfected. I mean, yesterday she practiced for hours and hours, so you'd think she could manage better than the average sticky person, right?
Phfft.
I think she regressed. Right from the time her feet hit the floor this morning, she's been shuffling around like someone shoved a stick up her asterisk. And she's all hunched over like a 90 year old.
Doods. She clearly needs professional help.
I thought I might be able to help her by going online and looking for someone who knows all about walking and can come help her learn a little better, but doods, look what I found!
It's a thingy to help people walk!
It's like someone out there KNOWS her and made this with her in mind!
I am totally buying it for her with my next royalty check, because that's how awesome I am.
Phfft.
I think she regressed. Right from the time her feet hit the floor this morning, she's been shuffling around like someone shoved a stick up her asterisk. And she's all hunched over like a 90 year old.
Doods. She clearly needs professional help.
I thought I might be able to help her by going online and looking for someone who knows all about walking and can come help her learn a little better, but doods, look what I found!
It's a thingy to help people walk!
It's like someone out there KNOWS her and made this with her in mind!
I am totally buying it for her with my next royalty check, because that's how awesome I am.
July 16, 2011
So. I was really nice and let the Woman sleep in a little today, figuring it would get me some chin skritches. But what did she do? After she fed us she went outside to practice walking again!
Doods, all this time and she still doesn't have the whole one foot on front of the other thing down. And she's really bad, since it took her all freaking day to do it. And then later, she got on the dammit machine and did it some more!
Tomorrow, I'm waking her asterisk up at DAWN.
And just a reminder, she and Jeter's Mom and a bunch of others are walking to save the boobies again. DKM is gonna be there to drive people around and to feed them. Even the Man will be there, he's not gonna pass gas, but if anyone gets hurt he's gonna help them.
The Woman is doing two walks and is still trying to raise money--she's like $300 away from goal for the San Francisco walk and over $2200 away for the Atlanta walk--and people who donate have a chance at winning an iPod Nano, a Kindle e-reader, and a 64GB iPad. Those are some freaking awesome prizes! For details and to donate, go to ROCK THE PINK.
Doods, all this time and she still doesn't have the whole one foot on front of the other thing down. And she's really bad, since it took her all freaking day to do it. And then later, she got on the dammit machine and did it some more!
Tomorrow, I'm waking her asterisk up at DAWN.
And just a reminder, she and Jeter's Mom and a bunch of others are walking to save the boobies again. DKM is gonna be there to drive people around and to feed them. Even the Man will be there, he's not gonna pass gas, but if anyone gets hurt he's gonna help them.
The Woman is doing two walks and is still trying to raise money--she's like $300 away from goal for the San Francisco walk and over $2200 away for the Atlanta walk--and people who donate have a chance at winning an iPod Nano, a Kindle e-reader, and a 64GB iPad. Those are some freaking awesome prizes! For details and to donate, go to ROCK THE PINK.
July 10, 2011
Let's play Find the Kitty!
At least, we played it yesterday. The Woman heard a thump and then heard me meow--and then nothing. So she freaked out a little and started looking for me, thinking I'd somehow hurt myself. She went up and down the hall, looked in every room, looked under the bed, went into the bathroom and looked in the tub, came into the office and looked under the desk, and then did it all again, all while whispering "Max?" in a kinda loud way.
She wanted to find me, but didn't want to wake the Man up.
Now, I watched most of this, but didn't feel compelled to speak up. I mean, come on, this was entertaining! She just assumed I'd be on the floor or no higher than chair level. She never once looked UP.
Buddah was following her around like a puppy dog, but he didn't rat me out. He knew what was coming next and wanted to be right there when it happened.
And then it did.
She went for the crunchy treats. She went into the kitchen and got the bag of Temptations and started shaking it as she walked down the hall, because that's one thing I cannot resist. And dammit, it worked. She came into the office and I heard the bag crinkle, and without even thinking about it I sat up and meowed.
Man, was she surprised. "How did you get up there?" she asked, obviously not thinking.
I walked down the length of the closet thingies and jumped down to the top of the climbing tower and the light bulb went off over her head. Then she gave us crunchies, and went off to walk on the Dammit Machine for the rest of the day.
Seriously. That thing was on All. Freaking. Day.
I tried it again this morning, jumping up there and meowing, but it didn't work. She didn't get any crunchy treats. She just grabbed her phone and tried to take a picture with it.
Maybe later.
At least, we played it yesterday. The Woman heard a thump and then heard me meow--and then nothing. So she freaked out a little and started looking for me, thinking I'd somehow hurt myself. She went up and down the hall, looked in every room, looked under the bed, went into the bathroom and looked in the tub, came into the office and looked under the desk, and then did it all again, all while whispering "Max?" in a kinda loud way.
She wanted to find me, but didn't want to wake the Man up.
Now, I watched most of this, but didn't feel compelled to speak up. I mean, come on, this was entertaining! She just assumed I'd be on the floor or no higher than chair level. She never once looked UP.
Buddah was following her around like a puppy dog, but he didn't rat me out. He knew what was coming next and wanted to be right there when it happened.
And then it did.
She went for the crunchy treats. She went into the kitchen and got the bag of Temptations and started shaking it as she walked down the hall, because that's one thing I cannot resist. And dammit, it worked. She came into the office and I heard the bag crinkle, and without even thinking about it I sat up and meowed.
Man, was she surprised. "How did you get up there?" she asked, obviously not thinking.
I walked down the length of the closet thingies and jumped down to the top of the climbing tower and the light bulb went off over her head. Then she gave us crunchies, and went off to walk on the Dammit Machine for the rest of the day.
Seriously. That thing was on All. Freaking. Day.
I tried it again this morning, jumping up there and meowing, but it didn't work. She didn't get any crunchy treats. She just grabbed her phone and tried to take a picture with it.
Maybe later.
July 06, 2011
Look at this!
I was there minding my own business, and Buddah jumped up on the couch just to annoy me. Oh, he acted like he wanted to lay down on the newspaper that was there, but I know better. I know because he stuck his cold wet nose against my furs before he started scratching his chin. And yeah, he plopped down and went to sleep, but I was on the couch first! He ruined my nap!
I was there minding my own business, and Buddah jumped up on the couch just to annoy me. Oh, he acted like he wanted to lay down on the newspaper that was there, but I know better. I know because he stuck his cold wet nose against my furs before he started scratching his chin. And yeah, he plopped down and went to sleep, but I was on the couch first! He ruined my nap!
July 04, 2011
June 25, 2011
There was lots of real live fresh dead shrimp for my birthday. In fact, there's still some real live fresh dead shrimp in the refrigerator, and I wanted some a little while ago but the Woman was all, "Oh I think that might have gone bad by now. You probably shouldn't eat it," but I was all like, "Well let me sniff it and I'll decide," but then she was all, "No, we need to toss it."
So she closed the refrigerator door, and it's all still in there.
Yeah, people logic.
Now, the other day she and the Man went for a long walk at this place that has six flags over it, and apparently it has giant fish, and they took a picture of one.
But did they bring one home for me?
No.
I mean, that looks like a HUGE fish and I would really like to sample one, but they didn't even think about me while they were there.
On the plus side, there was real live fresh dead cow tonight, so that kind of makes up for not getting the giant fish or even the real live fresh dead shrimp.
I have high hopes for tomorrow. Maybe there will be chicken...
So she closed the refrigerator door, and it's all still in there.
Yeah, people logic.
Now, the other day she and the Man went for a long walk at this place that has six flags over it, and apparently it has giant fish, and they took a picture of one.But did they bring one home for me?
No.
I mean, that looks like a HUGE fish and I would really like to sample one, but they didn't even think about me while they were there.
On the plus side, there was real live fresh dead cow tonight, so that kind of makes up for not getting the giant fish or even the real live fresh dead shrimp.
I have high hopes for tomorrow. Maybe there will be chicken...
June 17, 2011
Oh man, I just remembered, my birthday is in 3 days! I'm gonna be ten years old. TEN! That's like...old. But it's a good old...no one expects much of a ten year old cat, but at ten you're still not almost dead.
I think ten shall be a very good year for me.
But there better be real live fresh dead shrimp on Monday.
I don't want presents, I just want shrimp.
I think ten shall be a very good year for me.
But there better be real live fresh dead shrimp on Monday.
I don't want presents, I just want shrimp.
June 12, 2011
Keep scrolling until you find something that interests you. I got a few things today...
You guys know the Woman and Jeter's Mom are walking for boobies again this year, right? And Diva Kitty's mom is crewing in THREE walks. The Woman is walking twice, one in San Francisco and one in Atlanta, and is still raising bucks for boobs...she's like $500 away from goal on the first walk and hasn't started doing anything for the second because she just made up her mind about it today.
She's got some awesome prizes this year. Lookit:
An iPod Nano and a Kindle 3 w/3G and WiFi, AND a 64 GB iPAD w/3G and WiFi.
To donate to help save the boobies AND to have a chance at winning some awesomeness, go to Rock-the-Pink.com.
And... don't forget about ASK MAX MONDAY at mousebreath! Every Monday I answer your burning questions... Got a question? Just leave it in the comments on my mousebreath! column, or use the link at the top of this page (Ask Ma Anything) and that will send it to my formspring page (though longer questions are best suited for the comments at mousebreath! because Formspring has a limit...)
Oh, and I think the Woman has some really good connections somewhere. This morning, when I was trying to wake her up because I was hungry and she was drooling on her pillow and not getting up to open a can for me, she opened an eye and said, "Do you want to meet Jesus today?"
Well, I said OF COURSE, so when she went outside later I thought she was going to get him, but she came home a few hours later alone. So either he doesn't like her, or she realized the house is too big a mess for company.
But yeah, anytime she wants to invite him over, I totally want to meet him.
You guys know the Woman and Jeter's Mom are walking for boobies again this year, right? And Diva Kitty's mom is crewing in THREE walks. The Woman is walking twice, one in San Francisco and one in Atlanta, and is still raising bucks for boobs...she's like $500 away from goal on the first walk and hasn't started doing anything for the second because she just made up her mind about it today.
She's got some awesome prizes this year. Lookit:
An iPod Nano and a Kindle 3 w/3G and WiFi, AND a 64 GB iPAD w/3G and WiFi.
To donate to help save the boobies AND to have a chance at winning some awesomeness, go to Rock-the-Pink.com.
And... don't forget about ASK MAX MONDAY at mousebreath! Every Monday I answer your burning questions... Got a question? Just leave it in the comments on my mousebreath! column, or use the link at the top of this page (Ask Ma Anything) and that will send it to my formspring page (though longer questions are best suited for the comments at mousebreath! because Formspring has a limit...)
Oh, and I think the Woman has some really good connections somewhere. This morning, when I was trying to wake her up because I was hungry and she was drooling on her pillow and not getting up to open a can for me, she opened an eye and said, "Do you want to meet Jesus today?"
Well, I said OF COURSE, so when she went outside later I thought she was going to get him, but she came home a few hours later alone. So either he doesn't like her, or she realized the house is too big a mess for company.
But yeah, anytime she wants to invite him over, I totally want to meet him.
June 05, 2011
Oh man. Doods, you will not believe this. Today, while the Woman was out walking the streets, she saw this:
A cat on a bike.
In a basket on the bike.
And she says the cat liked it!
Now, I have to take her word for it because she didn't get a picture, but based on her description, I think I did a fairly accurate drawing.
She thought it was so cool, a cat riding on a bicycle.
Well, I am stating publicly that she better not be getting any ideas, because if she thinks I am going to happily take a ride on ANY kind of bike and buys a basket for her bike and tries to stick me in it, I will eat her face off.
Srsly.
She needs to find better places to walk. She gets too many weird notions walking around here.
A cat on a bike.In a basket on the bike.
And she says the cat liked it!
Now, I have to take her word for it because she didn't get a picture, but based on her description, I think I did a fairly accurate drawing.
She thought it was so cool, a cat riding on a bicycle.
Well, I am stating publicly that she better not be getting any ideas, because if she thinks I am going to happily take a ride on ANY kind of bike and buys a basket for her bike and tries to stick me in it, I will eat her face off.
Srsly.
She needs to find better places to walk. She gets too many weird notions walking around here.
June 02, 2011
A little while ago the Woman was in the kitchen, where Buddah was begging for crunchy food, and she looked at the container in which the crunchy food is kept and said, "Oh no, I forgot to go buy you guys the good food."
This caused much excitement, because the good food? It tastes like krap.
"I'll just give you some of the other dry food tonight."
The other food? It tastes like awesome.
Tonight, we are happy kitties. Hopefully she'll forget again tomorrow. That's possible, given her puny people brain and all.
This caused much excitement, because the good food? It tastes like krap.
"I'll just give you some of the other dry food tonight."
The other food? It tastes like awesome.
Tonight, we are happy kitties. Hopefully she'll forget again tomorrow. That's possible, given her puny people brain and all.
May 26, 2011
I like my routine. I know it well, and I like it when things go the way they're supposed to go.
Like every morning, I know the order of things.
It's an 8 step process. It's simple. She should have it memorized by now. But no...once in a while she screws up the order of things, and I have to stop to think what should come next.
Like, this morning? I made sure she woke up, but instead of going into the bathroom she went ahead and out her clothes on. Well, after clothes comes herding her into the kitchen, so I started down the hall but then she went into the bathroom. So I went in and headed for the giant litter box but no, so took her drugs. So I jumped up on the counter thinking she would stand on the Dammit Box, but then she went to the giant litter box.
What the frak?
Man, I didn't know what to expect after that, so when she opened the bathroom door I didn't trust where she would wind up she I just kind of stood there in the hallway and waited.
Luckily she remembered she was supposed to open a can for me, otherwise I might still be standing there trying to figure out where I was supposed to make her go next.
Sheesh.
Like every morning, I know the order of things.
- Curl up on top of the Woman and make sure she wakes up
- Herd her into the bathroom
- Plop down on her feet while she uses the giant litter box
- Jump up on the counter and watch while she stands on the Dammit Box
- Headbutt the box on the wall where she keeps her rugs so she remembers to take them
- Jump down and wait for the door to open
- Herd her into the bedroom so she can change clothes
- Herd her into the kitchen so she can open a can of Stinky Goodness
It's an 8 step process. It's simple. She should have it memorized by now. But no...once in a while she screws up the order of things, and I have to stop to think what should come next.
Like, this morning? I made sure she woke up, but instead of going into the bathroom she went ahead and out her clothes on. Well, after clothes comes herding her into the kitchen, so I started down the hall but then she went into the bathroom. So I went in and headed for the giant litter box but no, so took her drugs. So I jumped up on the counter thinking she would stand on the Dammit Box, but then she went to the giant litter box.
What the frak?
Man, I didn't know what to expect after that, so when she opened the bathroom door I didn't trust where she would wind up she I just kind of stood there in the hallway and waited.
Luckily she remembered she was supposed to open a can for me, otherwise I might still be standing there trying to figure out where I was supposed to make her go next.
Sheesh.
May 18, 2011
I'm annoyed.
The people had the last week "off" which makes a kitty think that there will be plenty of blogging being done because HEY the people are OFF and that means HOME, with a computer turned on.
But no.
Apparently "off" means out riding rumbly bikes. And "off" means that when at home, watching 16 zillion episodes of Doctor Who.
(BTW I want a TARDIS for Christmas. Not that I was watching, too...)
It was so bad, my lack of computer time, that when I went to read my friends' blogs, there were over 400 posts stacked up in Google Reader. FOUR HUNDRED!
Clearly, I am neglected.
Clearly.
The people had the last week "off" which makes a kitty think that there will be plenty of blogging being done because HEY the people are OFF and that means HOME, with a computer turned on.
But no.
Apparently "off" means out riding rumbly bikes. And "off" means that when at home, watching 16 zillion episodes of Doctor Who.
(BTW I want a TARDIS for Christmas. Not that I was watching, too...)
It was so bad, my lack of computer time, that when I went to read my friends' blogs, there were over 400 posts stacked up in Google Reader. FOUR HUNDRED!
Clearly, I am neglected.
Clearly.
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