HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Doods...Happy New Year. 2017 is going to be awesome, I can feel it. There will be real live fresh dead things to nom upon, lots of premium Nip, and the new season of Doctor Who.

Lots of things to look forward to.

The last week I've been enjoying the fireplace a lot--the Woman groaned when she saw the gas bill but she still turned it on for me--and there have been treats. Like, squirty cheese.

The Woman had some, and we watched her closely while she ate, to make sure the can didn't explode all over her. As a reward, she shared some when she was done.

Of course, it was pointed out to me on Facebook that had the can exploded, we would have gotten a lot more than we did. Lesson learned.

The Younger Human and his Much Better Half came over the day after Christmas, and then they all went out to have dinner, which apparently mean lots of Stupid Red Drinks, because the Woman was totally stupid when she got home and she stayed that way the rest of the night. I think it was by sheer luck alone she didn't cut her fingers off when she cut up her leftover steak into Max sized bites.

The Woman said we're not staying up until midnight to see the new year come in. She wants to lay down and read for a while and then will probably go to sleep around 10:30, but I think she's forgetting that we have neighbors that like to shoot off fireworks, so she's gonna be awake at midnight anyway. Maybe she'll get up then and get me a snack. If she's going to be up, she might as well be useful.

Anyway...I had a good 2016, even if it wasn't so hot for a lot of other people. And I think 2017 will be spiffy. So, have an awesome Happy New Years, doods, and be sure to wake your people up bright and early in the morning to wish them one, too. Like, loudly. They'll love that.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Toy haul #1

This is what you did, people. Every book of mine you bought went to this.

The toys extend all the way to the front seats...I was kind of disappointed that they didn't go all the way to the ceiling but the Woman wanted to be able to see out the rear view mirror.

But.

She also said we aren't done. There's enough book money left for at least one more load, but the debate is now whether to do a third, or pick another charity.We have a couple of things in mind, like Coats for Kids and the food bank, so we'll see how it is after they do the next toy run.


This is my favorite thing every year...I get to make sticky people happy, but I don't have to have them in my house.

And in just 18 days...DOCTOR WHO CHRISTMAS SPECIAL!!!

It's beginning to look a lot like

Whovimas!

But, I don't know how Mr. Spock got stuck there between the Weeping Angle and the Dalek, but he's been warned to not blink.

Only 22 more days until the Doctor Who Christmas special!

Waiting For Fire

I spent most of the afternoon trying to convince the Woman I was freezing and the fireplace needed to be turned on. So then I decided to stare at it, so that she would take the hint.

She kept telling me no, because it was not cold in the house. She SAID it was 76 degrees and that was good enough, but doods I can read the thermometer thingy and it says 58, and that means Cold Enough.

Eventually I wore her down, because I'm clever that way.

It took like 5 hours, but she caved, and I plopped down on my bed to enjoy it.
For five whole minutes.

Then I required a cooling nap.

For some reason, she's not happy with this.
I'm perfectly content.
Also, napping until midnight. Just because I can.

Because of an Oops...

...the second book in the Wick Chronicles is available for purchase. The Woman was supposed to click on "I approve the e-proof but don't want this released until I get the hard copy" but instead she clicked "Yay! It's pretty! Sell it!" so the distributor sent it out into the world. She's not worried about it because this one went through formatting and the printer without any hiccups, but she's also not ordering any copies for pawtographing until she gets a copy in hand.

But...you can get a hardback or a Kindle copy now. Paperback will be another week or so.

We really weren't expecting this to be out until around the 15th of December, so we're pretty happy that the editor was able to get her stuff done and the formatting went through faster than we thought it would. Having it out now gives a buffer for people who wanted it for Christmas (a couple people asked me about getting both books as a set for Christmas...we can do that, I think, but you need to let me know ASAP so both books can be set aside for you.)

We're working on the 3rd -- and potentially 4th -- books now. I say that because we may have to split the story, because one part of it might be a little too adult for the Wick series. Not, like, Fifty Shades kind of adult, but more adult than Emperor and Ozoo. Ha. Fifty Shades of Wick.

Too bad he's neutered.

In any case, the third won't be out as quickly as the second. The holidays are going to mean fewer days of writing, and the People are celebrating their 35th anniversary next month, so that gets in the way, and then there's the Doctor Who Christmas Special which I will have to watch 23 times.

Oh! I wonder when the People will put up my Whovimas tree. Once I have that, and a fire in the fireplace, life is gonna be goooood.

Oh!! December also means they're gonna go toy shopping! I hope we fill the back of the CX-5. It's not Christmas if we don't fill the car.

Oh!!! I dunno...it just felt like there should be an Oh with 3 exclamation points.

Ozoo in hardback   |   Ozoo for the Kindle

Bits and Pieces

And it's not even like Odds and Ends!

Since the Woman racked up enough words to win NaNoWriMo (which I still think is kinda cheating since her normal workload is at least 3 times that every month and she only did it for bragging rights) and the second Wick book has been put to bed (like, it'll hit the distribution channel soon because someone who is not me clicked the wrong button when approving the e-proof so it'll be released before we even see the hard copy proof, but that's all right) I had the chance to just sit back with a Kindle, and read for fun.

I picked up Bits and Pieces a few weeks back intending to read it in between slices of work, but stuff happened (Grandma is still getting better!) and I had to set it aside, but I started it last night and finished it, like, ten minutes ago and had to tell y'all about it.

Why did I wanna rush? Aside from really liking it, the hero is Jericho, a giant of a black kitty with super cool blue eyes and pointy fangs, and he's wicked smart. There's trouble brewing in this little town called Urchin Cove, and they gotta find out whodunit. I don't want to give anything away, but let's just say that there are bits and pieces that should have been one whole person. And yeah, who the heck would do that?

And doods...when you get to the end and find out more about Jericho? THERE BETTER BE ANOTHER BOOK WITH HIM.

Once I got started, I really didn't want to put it down. It's not a long book--definitely novella length--which makes it easy to devour in a lazy afternoon. So maybe start it when you have a couple hours so that you don't have to argue with a person about putting your Kindle away when she wants to go to bed but you still wanna read.

There are some problems with the editing; lots of typos and punctuation issues, but seriously doods, you can gloss right over those and I probably only noticed them because it's kinda what the Woman does all day, looking for stuff like that (and I point that out knowing full well that every freaking book I've ever written makes it to print with some mistakes that no one caught. It happens.) The story is fast and fun, and I really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it enough that if Amazon didn't auto-reject all my reviews,* I'd review it there.

It's only $2.99 to buy it for the Kindle or Kindle apps, totally worth it (and hellz yeah I paid for a copy, this is not a review-for-a-freebie...just in case you wondered. I just liked it and wanted to share...there aren't enough books where the cat is the hero.)


*Thing to know: Amazon, if they can connect authors in any way, delete their reviews, because they don't want sock puppet or quid pro quo reviewing. Which bites. But I understand it.

Todays Odds and Ends

Random stuffs...

The Grandma is getting better and better every day. The Man is staying with her for a few days, and then his sister will because he has to go back to work to pay for my stinky goodness and treats, and maybe also the mortgage, but pretty soon she should be okay without having someone there all the time.

The Grandma is a lesson in what to do right. She stays busy and stays in shape, so that she can get through stuff like this. If she had been a blob that never moves, it would have been way, way worse. Like, super worse. But she does all the right things, which gave her a huge leg up.

Be like the Grandma.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

It's fireplace weather. I waited a freaking long time for this. I like living here, but winter is not long enough. I only get to use it like 2-3 months a year, and I would be happier if it was more like 6 months. Or longer.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

This morning the Woman was greeted by the pile o'poop someone left in the hallway, and when she was cleaning that up, she stepped in a puddle of pee. One of us tried hard to make it to the box in time, but we're not telling her who. And we won't tell her if it happened because the other kitty was already in the box, or if one of us woke up and was like OH HOLY HELL I GOTTA GO, or what. Figuring this carp up is her job, not mine.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Ozoo, Wick book two

The Woman did NaNoWriMo this year, and she's already past the 50,000 word point, which means she won the spiffy PDF certificate. Now that she's got that out of the way and we're deep into the third Wick book, she's been able to get the last of the final touches done on the second book. In fact, while she was polishing, the cover was created, and the interior is now being formatted. It should be out early December. That's the perks of small and indie publishers...things get done fast.

This book was fun to write...the next one is fun, too, but it's gonna take longer because we'll have to take holiday breaks, and the People are celebrating their 35th anniversary next month, and for some reason the Woman wants to go back to the gym. Also...what we're working on might wind up being so long that it needs to be split into two books.

Now, I'm not opposed to a long book, but as we're going along the Woman realized that some of what's making it into the story is not young adult, but adult, and is the foundation for an unWick Wick book, something that Wick will still narrate but won't be part of the Wick Chronicles because of the content. Don't worry, it's not porn, it's just more grown up.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

 ONLY ONE MONTH AND A FEW DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS!!!

That means that pretty soon the People are going to count up all the monies you guys have spent on my books, and they're going to take it and try to fill the back of the Woman's new car, which is bigger than the HHR the Man drives and we've filled the last couple of years. I'm 99.9% sure we can do it. And there will still be some monies left over for the shelter kitties and puppies.

That's where your book purchases go, doods. The Man keeps a roof over out heads and noms on the table, so my money goes to toys for kids, stuff for the shelters, and boobies.

I will always donate to the boobies, just so I can say boobies.

Boobies.

Good news!

The Grandma is not only out of ICU, she got to go home today. She's still pretty tired so she needs to rest, but at least she gets to rest in her own house and sleep in her own bed. The Man and his sister are with her so she's not alone, which leaves me here to keep an eye on the Woman and make sure she doesn't throw any wild parties or have too much fun.

She's all sneezy and headachy so I don't think I'll have to snoopervise too hard. But we're happy now, because the Grandma went through a lot in the last 2 weeks, but she's gonna be okay.

We're gonna just work tonight...

I got the Woman up at 5:30 this morning so that she would have enough time to really wake up before going out to vote. She grumbled about it, and said that she had all freaking day to do it, but I know she wanted to be sure to get it done. And she was out the door and home by 7:40, so I hope she appreciates my efforts on her behalf.

But...we don't really want to sit here glued to the results. Whether we're watching or not, the winner will be who the winner will be. And watching the talking heads spout back and forth about early polls and who's winning what can just be frustrating. So we're gonna turn the TV off and work.

The Grandma is still in the hospital, so ongoing mojo is greatly appreciated. It's been a week now and she's still in ICU--she was out and in a regular bed for one night but then had to go back--and we just want for her to get better really fast. You guys know how much I love the Grandma, she's pretty free with the treats and tells me I'm handsome, and is just a super special person. So I want her to be better.

So...back to work. We've done a bunch of editing today, implementing some little things the editor suggested (apparently I use the word "really" a lot) and once we get that done the Woman wants "one more pass." Tomorrow she promised to work on the 3rd book with me, which basically means she takes my notes to Starbucks and drinks tea.

But yeah...Mojo for the Grandma, and don't sweat the vote. It is what it is.

I'm being extra good right now...

The Woman just said that this has been a really craptastic week and she would like a do-over. I concur. It has not been a happy week, and is making me think 2016 needs to end already so that 2017 can start and maybe reboot everything.

The Grandma's appendix attacked her and went -splooge- and got a spendy ride to the stabby place; the stabby guy yanked it out of her, but she hasn't felt well at all since so she's still there, and has been since Tuesday. Her heart got all fluttery and they took care of that, but she also feels like she wants to hurl. So they gotta fix that, too.

Buddah's helping by just doing this. Good for him.

The Woman has having "issues" of a human female nature that I don't understand but it's making her cranky because she says that chit stopped 2 years ago and never shoulda come back, and she made the mistake of looking at Google before the Man could call her stabby person (who said to quit freaking out because it happens sometimes and is rarely all the awful things Google told her it could be...but he's seeing her Monday to appease her.) She's super tired and queasy, though, probably because she looked at Google first.

Then Jeter went to the Bridge, and we've all been super sad because he was Teh Man. The only thing making me feel any better about that is thinking he's with Rocky and Mao and Whitey and Skeezix probably picked him up right at the entry in his spiffy yellow bus and I bet he even let Jeter drive it.

Everyone here is tired and pulled thin...but everyone will be okay soon, they just gotta get through it. But Buddah and I have been very good and not singing during the night. I even cuddled with the Woman this morning, and when she gets back later I'll cuddle with her some more.

My heart is broken

and I am leaking.

The Grate Jeter Harris has gone to the Bridge.

I can't make myself type anything else. But I am leaking and now so very sad.

Weight A Minute...

The Woman keeps her Dammit Monitor right by the bathroom door. The footprint of the bathroom is such that if I'm in there with her, and I want to get out easily, I have to sit on it while she opens the door. If I don't, I wind up behind her, waiting, and we can't have that.

As a rule, I go in with her at least once a day. It's a great time to get head skritches and tummy rubs, because she's basically captive, and since she's not going anywhere for a few seconds, she figures there's no reason not to cater to my whims. I have her pretty well trained to bend over to pet me, and she doesn't mind, so it's sort of a win-wine.

But that Dammit Monitor.

It occurred to me this morning, that she's actually waiting to open the door until I get on the dammit monitor. At first I thought she was just slow, but she actually said, "Come on, let's see the number before I open the door," and I realized that she's been doing this as a way to weigh me without making a big deal about it.

She freaking trained me to do something.

I would be really mad about that, but I'm holding steady at 16.5 pounds now, and because I'm neither gaining nor losing, she's freer with the snacks.

She had taquitos for lunch, but she wouldn't share them, which sucked because they smelled really good. But after she was done she opened a can and gave us each a spoonful, so I got that going for me.

But damn...she figured out a way to get me to do what she wanted, and I fell for it.

See this bed?

The Woman bought it for me because it's meant for old bones, and she thought I would like something really spiffy to lounge upon in front of the fireplace this year. It was not cheap, which of course means that I sat on it once (as you can see) and then refused to go near it again.

I like my other fireplace bed, and wanted it back. So she finally caved in, and put my preferred napping surface back in place, and the Man took this one and set it on the coffee table in the front room. He never intended to leave it there; it was just until they figured out where it would live permanently.

Then this happened. Several times.

I didn't like the bed, but someone else did. And he really likes it on top of the coffee table.

The People don't drink coffee, so they decided it could live there for now, until Buddah gets tired of it, then they'll move it someplace else.

See, everybody wins.

Happy Blogoversary to me!!!

THIRTEEN YEARS, DOODS!

We started this blog 13 years ago, when the Man and the Woman and I were living in Evil, Ohio, where there were tons of sticky people outside my window and lots of red stupid drinks being consumed.

In that time we engaged in the M-Word way too many times, Buddah came to live with me, a bunch of you helped write 2 cat blogger books (we totally need to do that again!), I bought a house (don't let the people fool you, I know I paid for it), and I've met so many super cool doods. A lot of the cats who started blogging along with me have gone onto the Bridge--and I miss them like crazy--but we'll see 'em again on the flipside. So many new kitties have taken up blogging that there's no way to keep up with them all.

And to think...when I started, I couldn't find any others. Now look at you all.

Thirteen years, doods.

Thanks for making it awesome and fun.

Finally...the hots might be over

The last few days the People have been able to open doors and windows to let the fresh air in, which is nice because I was getting pretty tired of the hots.

I'm ready for cool days, and even more ready for the fireplace, which has only been turned on twice lately, and then just for a little bit to burn the smell off.

Apparently, the fire gets all stinky over summer. Who knew?

Even better...there are only 2 months until Christmas. Which means it's even less time until the People set up my Doctor Who tree, so that I can celebrate Whovimas, too.

Like every other year, I'm asking Santa to not bring me anything but to take extra stuff to the shelters for the kitties and woofies who don't have a forever home, I don't play with toys anymore, anyway, except for the occasional romp with a good nip banana (and I have a supply of them), and I have all the beds and stuff a guy could ever want, so it would be a wasted effort on his part.

And we have a new goal this holiday season...you know how we try to fill the back of the HHR with toys for Toys for Tots? Well, this year we have the CX5 and the back is way bigger, so we're hoping to fill that. That's where the money goes when you buy my books: toys, stuff for shelter pets, and various charities.

Gotta admit, I'm excited to see if we can fill the CX5 this year.

Maybe, Possibly, In the Can

Stylish picture, just because

I don't know what that means but I heard the Woman say it last night. She said it as she hit SEND on an email sending the next book to the editor. That doesn't mean it's 100% done, but it's done enough to show it to the person who will say how awful it is. It's also done enough to start the graphics train moving, finding cover art and picking a spiffy font, and done enough to try to figure out what the blurb will be.

I leave that part to the Woman, and she hates it. She says if she could condense something to a paragraph, she wouldn't be writing book-length things.

While we're waiting on the editor, we're plowing ahead into book three. We have the story, some notes (which will be expanded) and know what's going to happen. It's just the process of getting it written. Sure, no biggie, right?

I think the rest of this month will be notes and stuff, and the actual writing will start in November. The Woman is thinking about doing NaNoWriMo with it this year, even though she loses a week to the 3 Day Boobie Walk. We can write enough words in a day to cover that, I think. It works out to around 2700 a day for three weeks, and it's not unusual for us to get 5,000+.

Now, when she works alone, the Woman is lucky to hit 1000. She needs me. But I bet you anything, at the end of November when we're way over 50,000 words, she keeps the winner's certificate.

Score!

Okay, so the Woman got up at a normal people hour and fed us at 7:20 this morning. Now, normally after I eat in the morning I go take a nice 4 hour nap in order to prepare myself for the nice 3 hour nap I enjoy most afternoons. But this morning I decided to stay up, and I sat on the end table near the Woman's comfy chair and stared at her.

That's it. I sat there and stared.

I was still for a good half hour, until she was finally unnerved enough to tell me to go find something better to do. And that seemed perfectly reasonable, so I jumped to the chair's headrest and started meowing in her ear every 6.35 seconds. Right about the point I knew she was getting irritated, I jumped down, sat in front of the treat machine, and politely requested that she remove a few for me.

Sure, I can get stuff out of it myself, but why? I already know that if I ask nicely, she'll do it for me. And she did, she got up and put down a handful of the dry Fancy Feast food that serves as filler in the treat machine. And since she was up, she decided to get her own breakfast.

Well...I was not going to eat dry krap if there was a chance at something better. So I followed her, and reminded her I was there, and I would like to know what she was planning on having, just in case it was something I would like a taste of. That's all I expect, a tiny taste. And I was filled with disappointment when it looked as if she was going to have the same oatmeal bar she usually does, but she looked down and said, "You're still hungry, aren't you?"

Now that you mention it...

So before she had her own breakfast, she opened another can and gave me a spoonful from it, and gave Buddah a spoonful, and it was the kind with gravy and chunks of meaty wonder. It was awesome.

And now I can go take my nap, which is over an hour late, but totally worth it. While I sleep, she gets to go through my newest manuscript to look for typos and chit.

It's a hard life.

Oh, and I have more hardbacks of The Emperor, if you want a pawtographed copy. I have paperbacks, too.

Link to purchase is in the sidebar.

If you don't want the pawtograph, Amazon is the next best place to get it.

Royalties from this book (from release date to around December 1st...I won't actually get paid by then but I'll know the amount and can borrow from the Woman) will go toward buying Christmas toys for Toys For Tots...and we have a new car to load, and the load space is way bigger than the HHR!

My brain is melting...

I can't think of any other reason for forgetting to do my Ask Max Monday column last week. We've been working a lot, some days spending 12+ hours writing, but I didn't think it was making me forget what day or even what week it is, though. Seriously, if you had asked me a couple of days ago where the column was, I'd have sworn I uploaded it.

This week's is there, though.

Last night we finished working a little early so the Woman decided to go to bed at a normal-people hour. She was almost asleep, but a noise outside startled her, so she was wide awake. And it happened again... =this= close to being asleep, and then =bam= a noise outside. So she gave up, got out of bed for a few minutes, and waited until she was good and sleepy to go back to bed.

Lookit that face. Who can be made at that?

Now, I have a habit of talking to her at intervals during the night, so she closed the door, hoping for some peace and quiet. This was about 2:30, and by 3:30 she was finally asleep.

Good for her, right?

Well, I thought so, too, and at 4:40 I crept out from where I'd been hiding under the bed and was going to congratulate her on a solid hour of sleep, but when I jumped onto the bed near her head, she kinda lost her chit and had a little bit of a pretend heart attack.

Well...it's not my fault she didn't check under the bed before she closed the door.

And it's not my fault she's so delicate that she has sleeping issues.

I was gonna be NICE, dammit, and all it got me was kicked out of the bedroom.

Well, rush it is, then...

We kinda sorta sold out of the hardback books yesterday, but the Woman saw it coming and placed an order for more the night before. We were worried because it took freaking forever to get the hardbacks in in the first place, but she paid an extra $13 for rush service, and doods...rush service must work, because the books are shipping today. Which means we'll have them probably by Monday, because they were sent from Las Vegas and that usually doesn't take too long.

We've also been working really hard...book two has elevated itself from Vomit Draft to First Draft status, and it's gotten to the point where we're letting a beta reader have a crack at it, because we need fresh eyes looking for mistakes and seeing if there's something missing. The Woman worries that there is, because this thing went from notes to Vomit to First Draft in about six weeks, and that's pretty fast for us.

Thing thing is, we started this one with some pretty comprehensive notes and knew exactly what the story was and where it was going. The whole concept has been simmering in the backs of out brains for a couple of years, so it's not like we pulled the story out of our asterisks. We even have notes for the next one, and ideas for any that might follow. So she's probably worried for nothing. Sometimes a book damn near writes itself.

Actually, that's probably because it's my book. Her books tend to take a lot of time because she's limited by that puny human brain.

The thing that has surprised both of us with book one?

Y'ALL ARE FREAKS AND WANT NASTY THINGS TO BE DONE TO THE EMPEROR!

I mean, seriously. More than one of you has asked about a more adult theme for future books with the Emperor...and that kind of took us by surprise. This was always intended to be a teen/young adult thing, but that doesn't mean that there can't be a grown up story to spring from it. If we do that, it probably won't be considered part of The Wick Chronicles, but a stand alone kind of thing. We're not discounting it.

That said, we're pushing right up against the edge of the YA genre this time, I think. Nothing graphic, but there are more mature elements to the next story, because face it: there are teenagers in Wick's world, and two of them are planning a future, so...there has to be some realism. Not to mention the King and Queen. They might be old married grunts but they still like each other.

And we still don't have a title. That might wind up being the hardest part of all.

My new Facebook cover image. I kinda like it.

I got some books

All righty, it took freaking forever, but I finally have a shipment of both paperback and hardback copies of THE EMPEROR OF SAN FRANCISCO.

If you would like a pawtographed copy, this is how you get it.

Paper or Hard back

Hardback - U.S. $19.95 USD Hardback - Int. $37.95 USD Paperback - U.S. $15.95 USD Paperback - Int $34.95 USD Hardback - U.S. 2 copies $39.90 USD Paperback - U.S. 2 copies $31.90 USD

It's probably cheaper for you to get it on Amazon, especially if you're not in the U.S., but if you want my sterling signature and paw print, this is the only way.

If you were one of the people who asked the Woman to hold a copy or two and arranged to pay via check*...don't use this link. You're already covered.

And y'all know how we were talking about the vomit draft? Or maybe the Woman did that on her blog, I dunno. But by working 14-16 hour days a whole lot of the last couple of months, we've gotten past the vomit draft and the first draft of Book 2 of The Wick Chronicles is actually written and will be going to beta readers soon. We know it need some work--we're at that Well I like it but I know something is missing stage--but dang, doods, there's a chance it could be out by Christmas.

The problem is we have no title. We always have at least a working title. But not this time.

*She's only doing this for people she has a personal relationship with, because she knows where they love and can go break some of their toys if they don't pay.

Okay, not really, but you can see what I mean, right?

A request...

The Woman has been away watching that Damned Dogs Butters and his sister Lady, so I haven't been able to get online much, because the Man just doesn't turn the laptop on for me that often. But, today we're making do, because it's important.

Y'all remember Ginger the Cat, right? I still miss her. She was awesome. And so are her mom and dad, Rita and Fred.

Bluntly... Fred has cancer. It's aggressive. And because it's draining him, he can't drive to appointments and the like, and it's costing an arm and a leg to get him there. Right now he's in the hospital trying to get stabilized so he can go home, but holy hell, this is going to be a hard, hard fight, and the last thing they need to worry about is the costs of just getting him where he needs to be.

Insurance isn't going to pay for it. And it can cost over $600 just to get him to a single appointment.

So. Jasper McKittencat's people started a Go Fund Me page so that we can all pitch in. Any little bit will help.

These are truly amazing people, and if I could, I would actually go outside in order to help them, but this is the best I can do.

Click here to donate.

And doods...thank you.

I'm just gonna sit here and stare...

...until she gets up and opens a can for me.
I will win.
I always do.

FAN MAIL! Sorta. LOL

Dood.
What do you want Wick to look like?
There's your answer.

But I want it NOW...

See the shiny TARDIS?

It's mine.

The Woman ordered it a couple of weeks ago, and said it was for me, but I won't actually get it for a long, long time. Until then, I just get to look at it nestled among some of her Doctor Who toys.

Oh yeah...she has a lot of those now.

She also has several plastic TARDISes, but this one is ceramic. And some day--she says not for a long, long time if she gets her way--it's where my remains will rest while I go off onto the next great adventure.

She said she felt a little creepy buying it, but she wanted to get it while it was still available.

In the meantime, I get to enjoy it while I lounge on the desk during work hours. And there's been a lot of those lately. Sometimes 12-14 hours a day.

(Not complaining...we're having fun. Maybe too much fun, because when we get to the final draft of this book, a bunch of stuff will have to be cut because there are some adultish things that need to be toned down.)

((OTOH, there might have to be an R rated version, because honestly? Bouncy things through a cat's eyes is...interesting. And funny.))


I'm also trying to talk the Woman into buying a 2nd ceramic TARDIS because doods...it could hold a TON of crunchy treats.

Randomness

♦ The Woman put pants on today and went outside--I know, right? PANTS!--and when she came back she had a plastic bag in her hand, so I asked her of she bought me anything. Doods, she totally did! She bought me a bag of Fancy Feast dry food, because that's what goes into the treat machine. And I didn't even have to work for it; she put some in the machine but then also dropped a handful down onto the plastic base so that I could just eat a bunch.

♦ I learned this week that the Woman has a friend named Honkers McBonkers. And it really doesn't surprise me.

♦ I still have not see a printed copy of the hard back version of my book. The printer is supposed to send me a proof copy, but every time I check it's still "in printing" so I ordered one off Amazon and it'll be here Monday. Go figure. You guys might see it before I do.

I guess I should have warned people.

You might cry when you read it.

You might not, but you might.

You also might go out and adopt a kitten just to name it Wick.

You also might notice--especially if you're friends with the Woman on Facebook--that we used a few names of people she knows.

Last year, her friend Rider was all Oh I want to be a princess! and because she's a super nice person, she got to be a princess.

And the whole royal family was named for a super cool dood named Jeff, but the Woman probably should have told him that before the book went to print, because what if it pissed him off?

And Wick...well, his name came from one of the sweetest people the Woman has ever met.

♦ I don't know if we'll do the same thing in the next book, unless you have a burning desire to have someone kinda douchey named after you.

♦ The Woman's birthday is next week and the Man is not going to go pass gas, so I don't know how much writing we'll get done. It sounds like they want to go places and do things WITHOUT ME so who knows?

♦ I was going to take a picture of the spiffy new office spot I have, but someone needs to clean some crap off the desk first.

♦  Instead, here's a picture of me looking down on everyone. Well, not YOU. You're awesome.

WE HAVE BOOK!!!

All righty, doods. The book went live on Amazon for the Kindle about an hour ago, and it's in the distribution system for print and can be ordered, though Amazon says it'll take a couple of extra days. I have not yet seen a print copy, just the e-proofs, but I'll see one tomorrow (I think the hard back, but I'm not 100% sure) and if it looks sucky I'll tell you.

BUT YOU CAN GET IT!

Clicky here for Kindle version.

Clicky here for hard back.

Clicky here for paperback.

I had really expected it to be available like a week ago, but there was a hiccup with the cover of the hard back, and then just silence from the distributor (no idea what was going on there. Maybe too many tacos at lunch and they were all stuck in the litterbox room) but once they got rolling, they got it moving pretty fast.

I am 23 kinds of excited about this book because it was so much fun to write, and I am 698 kinds of nervous because I've never written anything like this.

But doods...you're gonna love Wick.

When I grow up, I want to be Wick.

In fact, I wish I had my fun bits, so I could spawn, and I would name him Wick, so that Wick could continue on. But I don't, so there will just have to be more Wick books. Next one is pretty much outlined to the end (except a few parts) and the vomit draft is half done. Oh yeah, I have found my calling, and it is Wick.

We'll get to space sooner or later

Ok, so now that the book is pretty much out of our hands and we're taking notes for the next one, I revisited the idea of Cats in Space, with Feline Overlords. The Woman flipped through the considerable volume of notes we have and said, "Well, I don't think it will fit into this book, but I can see it working in the third book."

This is how I tell her what I want to do

Now, that sounds all right; just be patient and my Feline Overlord story idea will come to fruition. But do you know how long it takes to write and then get a book published? I'm 15 now. I'll be 16 when the second book is done, which means she expects me to hang around until I'm 17 years old.

I mean, that's doable, but not bloody likely.

So while she's taking notes for the next book, I'm also making her take detailed notes for the third, and maybe even the fourth. Seriously, doods, this thing has legs...Wick is super fun to write for and I kinda hope she takes my ideas and runs with them.

Gotta get the first one out, though. It's in the printer's paws, and as soon as we see a clean proof, we'll click on "ACCEPT" and let it fly into the public's hands. Looks like you'll get your choice of Kindle book*, trade paperback, and hardback.

A HARD BACK, DOODS!!! That's how much the editor liked it!

I haz an excited.

Okay, back to work. We have book two of The Wick Chronicles to write.

*If you read on another type e-reader, I can arrange for you to buy a copy. We just have to do the conversion here, at least for now.

While we wait...

...for the final proofing so that corrections of typos can be made, the Woman and I are plowing through and starting more copious notes for book #2.

I mean, we HAVE notes, but these are a little more involved and we're hoping it means the second book will get done faster than the first. Like, way faster, given that we kicked this story around for 2-3 years before I was able to staple her asterisk to the chair to get her started with the actual writing.

Tell ya what, though, I don't think I've ever had more fun writing something or liked it quite as much, even if I am nervous about it. I think the Woman is enjoying it, too, because the notes for book two are keeping her awake at night, as the story percolates in her brain. This is perfect for me; I get to sleep, she gets to think.

And doods, trust me, she needs a lot of practice doing that.

WHOEVER SENT THIS TO ME

THANK YOU!!!

Enjoyment shall commence... NOW.

Why I'll never be on the New York Times Bestseller's List:

Me: I have an idea for the next book.

The Woman: Let's finish this one first.

Me: But it's a great idea!

The Woman: Let's finish this one first.

Me: But we should at least take notes so I don't forget my idea.

The Woman: Let's finish this one first.

Me: CATS IN SPACE! FELINE ALIEN OVERLORDS!

The Woman: Let's finish this one first.

Me: But we'll save humanity!

The Woman: Let's finish this one first.

Cripes almighty, doods, this book is essentially done. We're just doing some minor revisions and proofing. She could set it aside and take copious notes for me, but nooooo.

Oh...and for your viewing pleasure, here's a little preview of the very much unfinished cover mock up.

The Woman's name is on this one but probably won't be in the final version. I mean, who gives cover credit to their typist...?

Holy Birthday Box, Batman!

Doods, check out the birthday stuff I got from my friend Mighty Kitty. I GOT A WHOLE BOX FILLED WITH STUFF!!

Ok, it's really for both Buddah and me, but it was sent for my birthday so it's technically all mine, but I'll share it with him because I'm not a jerk.

Buddah will probably get most of the treats since my tummy is particular, but I get to try them all anyway. But first up...I'm getting into the Silvervine, because, NIP!!!

Oh. I need to get into it and then help the Woman work on my book. We worked yesterday and if you ever doubted that I dictate to her...well, here's the proof.

We were having a discussion about the word "horrible" because she said I had used it too many times on one page and needed something else, and I was pretty firm that horrible was the right word, trying to work with her.

We're on the home stretch with the book. Revisions are nearly done, and then it needs to be proofed. We are WAY ahead of the deadline, so if we get finished and it gets proofed and the editor says ok, it may go to print long before expected. And we have tons of notes for the next one, so we might jump onto that, too.

This is gonna be a fun, nipped out, story-writing summer!

The Big Onety-Five

Yep, it's the annual Max-Turns-Another-Year-Older Day.

I have to admit, I was not expecting to reach this milestone, but I'd damned glad I did. I still have things to do and people to annoy, so I'm not ready to shuffle off to the next big thing.

Today I am hoping for 5 naps in different places around the house, some real live fresh dead shrimp (which I have been getting for the last couple of days, because I'm that awesome), and maybe some real live fresh dead steak, too.

Everyone celebrate with me.

NAPS FOR ALL!!!

Y'all need pretty things to look at today

This has been a horrible day for people, and for that I am truly sorry. When a day like today happens, with people dying needlessly at the hands of someone who cannot be in their right mind, it's too easy to see nothing but ugliness all around.

But this is a beautiful world, people. It's more beautiful than it is ugly, and that includes people.

Click on image to biggify...go on, it's magnificent

Just look around. The people doing the ugly things are broken people; there are more of you that are whole and wonderful and so breathtakingly beautiful, and you need to remember that. There are far more good people in the world than bad, but it's the ones doing awful, horrible things that get noticed most.

But look around. You'll see, this world is a wonderful place.

I'm happy to be in it, however few the years I'm given might be.

You're a big reason why. I see you out there, going about your people-lives, the effort you make in getting from day to day and the good you do without even thinking about it.

But...sometimes, on a day like today, people need to be reminded that they are wonderful and special, and to not let the ugliness that swirls in microscopic mists drown them out.

Weep for the dead and the people who loved them, but never forget...there's all this awesomeness around us.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

I haven't blogged the last couple of weeks because my routine has been turned upside down. The Man had to go to the stabby guy, who is apparently a stabby lady, and she did stabby things to him, and it included someone else passing gas on him, which I thought was both ironic and funny.

But...while I popped onto Facebook some, the Woman has been distracted and not helping me with my blogging. I can't complain too much, because she has been helping with revisions on my book, which looks like it will be done way ahead of the September deadline.

Ya, I have deadlines.

In any case, the Man is healing spectacularly and even though he'll be off work for a couple of weeks still, the Woman is not nearly as distracted and should be more willing to help me blog in between bouts of helping me write.

If not...I'm on Facebook, you can find me at my "official" author's page. 

I'm CONSIDERATE, dammit!

Okay, so the Woman doesn't always sleep very well. This makes her cranky and, frankly, a sub-par can opener, so lately I've been trying to help her. The other morning I woke her up at 5:45 and then kept bugging her until she got out of bed, because it made sense: if she got up early, she would be tired at night, and would then be able to sleep.

She was not grateful.

But did I let that stop me? No. It occurred to me that perhaps her sleep issues were related to a cold head, since that's never covered at night. So I jumped up onto the bed at 5 or so, and curled up next to her head, trying to send warms her way. Then I realized it might work better if there was direct contact, so doods, I was super thoughtful and climbed onto her pillow and wrapped my body around her head.

Still, she was not grateful.

Then last night, I wanted to just check on her, so I jumped up onto the bed and simply watched her. Four times she opened her eyes and said "Jesus!" so four times I had to jump down to go see if he was maybe at the front door or something, but no. It was just Buddah and me home with her. I wetn back to report that, and she got up, put me out of the room and closed the door.

Not grateful at all.

In fact, she was so not grateful that she told the Man about it, and you know what she said? SHE SAID I WAS CREEPY AS PHK LAST NIGHT! All I did was stare at her while she slept. I didn't even lie down, I sat there fully upright, except for my head, which I may have had a few inches from her face, and strained my neck in the process.

I might not even bother trying to help her tonight. Just let her see how she sleeps without me. I bet it sucks.

Dangit, Woman...this is MINE!

Seriously. The Woman shared this on HER blog and HER Facebook page, but IT'S MY BOOK.

Today, she printed out a copy because the Man is going to hunt for typos, and she also emailed the digital file to the editor.

Now, the editor is a mean, mean, mean lady who takes her red pen and writes mean, mean, mean things all over a manuscript. This makes me wonder how many monitors she's gone through, because I'm guessing she has to mail those to her writers when she's done, but that's beside the point. She likes to write 37 things on every page, and because it's in red even the nice things like This made me laugh! look angry.

She's liked the Woman's stories but has always had a lot to say about them and has had exactly 34.9 metric chit-tons of suggestions to improve those stories. She's been way nicer about my stuff but this time it's fiction, and I have a feeling she's going to have a lot to say about it.

The Woman says we need to relax now, and start taking notes for the next book, because the first editing pass takes time (that lady is going to read it like THREE times!) and because Tracy the Editor is 6 million years old, it might take a little extra time.

Oh, don't look at me like that. She knows she's old. She used to ride a dinosaur to school for Pete's sake.

In other news, if you haven't read There Once Was a Cat From Nantucket... yet and you have an e-reader with a Kindle app, it's gonna go on super-sale soon. Like, free for 3 days. I don't know the dates yet, but as soon as I do, I'll let ya know.

Ok, I think I need to celebrate tonight. I told the Woman this would be a good night for some real live fresh dead steak and some shrimpy things, but so far she hasn't moved fro her chair, so we'll see. But I really do think a brand new bouncing baby book calls for noms worthy of all my literary efforts.

Really. She needs me.

"Mr. Max," the Woman said, "I've been going over the book so far, and dood...it's a whole lot of dialog."

"So? It's got people in it. People talk. A lot."

"Yes, but novels typically have a narrative. Too much dialog can bog a story down and is often better changed to fit into the narrative."

"I've read your books, lady. They're all dialog-heavy."

"Touche."

"Wick has a lot of lines. I don't want to cut his dialog. In fact, I want him to have more."

"Maybe. Wick is the narrator, so he technically has the bulk of the story. And as cats go, there's not a lot of verbal back and forth with other characters."

"He has the best line. Dry food is for peasants. Keep that one. It's important that people understand that."

"Hey, I saw you eating dry food just ten minutes ago."

"Yeah, well as a snack. Not as my primary source of nutrition. Make sure that Wick gets lots of real live fresh dead things."

"You want me to include his dietary preferences in a novel?"

"Novels have to have some real life in them, right?"

"Yes, but people don't want the minutia of real life. It's boring. Everyone poops but I'm not putting that into the book."

"You should. Pooping is glorious."

"No. And none of this addresses the volume of dialog in the manuscript. You need to start picturing the words in your head, and then showing those same things in the narrative."

"That's what I have you for."

"But the book will have your name on it."

"Well it's my story. My thinks."

"That might be the problem. You're thinking as if this were a script."

"Again, I've read your other books..."

"Fine. We'll leave it like this until the last draft, but then it has to change, okay?"

"This, what we're doing. This is real life dialog, right?"

"It is."

"You're right. This chit is boring. You go back to work and I'll start polishing my thinks. I have no idea how you ever managed to write without me before."

This is glorious!

Y'all know I'm a senior kitty, right? I turn 15 in about a month. Now, I'm a healthy senior kitty, as evidenced by my recent stabby guy checkup (new stabby guy, I might like him because he gives me drugs and I don't remember being there, but because of the drugs I don't really know) so the people aren't especially worried about me. I'm slower than I used to be, and I nap more, and the Woman thinks that a lot of the time I just look sleepy.

And that's okay. I've earned my naps and tiredness, and even my cranky times. But the Woman noticed that I ask for dinner a little early more often than I used to, and I want food at 4 am when I used to just be happy to sing in the hall. So sometimes I get dinner early because I ask nicely, and if someone is awake at 4am--it happens because the Man works nights and sometimes stays up that late when he's off--I get an extra dinner.

Tonight I asked for dinner half an hour early, and the Woman was all "Okay, Big Guy, it's not too early," and she opened a can for us, and while we nommed the People stood in the kitchen (I have issues getting the food unstuck from the dish sometimes, so she waits and unsticks it for me a couple of times) and I heard them say that because I'm an older guy, maybe I should get food when I want it and not just because of what time it is.

Yeah, that'll work for a while, then they'll look at the clock more often again.

The glorious part? The Woman said that maybe it's time to let me have gravy food again. And the Man said that maybe I should also get to have the special gooshy stuff, Fancy Feast Medleys, because I do love them, and...I am fifteen.

DOODS THERE ARE PERKS TO OLD AGE!!! WHO WOULDA THUNK IT?!!??

I'm really hoping the Woman goes to the store tomorrow and gets me some, because I haven't had that in years.

My life won't be awesome again until I do.

IT WILL EAT YOU

Okay, not really, but as far as Buddah is concerned, the new Roomba WILL eat him.

Now, generally, the rule here is that no gets to intentionally scare a kitty, which kept the People from getting a Roomba for years. But then the Auntie got one and really liked it so they decided to go ahead and give it a try. Since Buddah and I tend to nap in a bedroom, they figured they could close the doors and run it while we're sleeping.

Mostly, they thought I would be terrified if it.

This morning, they learned the truth: it doesn't bother me. I made note of it, and then went about my business. And Buddah isn't really afraid of it, he's just cautious. He'll follow it from room to room to see what it's doing, but he's not hiding from it...but I'm still gonna tell him that when he's not looking, the Roomba will eat his soul.

One Facebook, everyone said I needed to get a shark costume and ride it. I think everyone just needs to be happy that I didn't hork a hairball onto it.

Like I did into one of the Woman's shoes.

Oh yeah. I totally did it.

A great big one, right into her spendy running shoes.

Life is good.

William, my man...

Dood, before you go, I gotta tell you...I love you, man. I'm sorry you're just about ready to go onto the next big thing, even though we have a ton of friends there who are waiting for you and will throw you the most wicked fun party.

William of Mass Destruction...the most awesome WMD there will ever be

I will try to chew up some window stripping or something in your honor.

Other doods....William of Mass Destruction is nearing his time to go to the Bridge. Please go say something, tell him how much you love him. He deserves a whole lotta love. He's wicked cool and a long time blogging buddy, and he's gonna be missed so hard.

We really need a maid

Like, for realz.

Right now, the front room is so jammed with STUFF that I can't even walk on the floor. There are boxes and bins and they're loaded down with krap the Woman pulled out of the old office so that she culd clear enough space to get a couple of bookcases out of it.

Oh yeah, that's how bad the office was. It filled the front room with all the stuff that blocked her way to the bookcases.

She also dumped stuff on the sofa, but with the exception of a dresser drawer, it was all soft and squishy things. So what's a guy to do when there are soft, squishy things on the sofa?

He makes a nest, that's what.

It was a really comfy nest, too, especially when the Woman moved the drawer out of the way. I don't think I'll get to keep it forever, because at some point she'll start putting all that krap back in the old office, and then she'll fold the soft blankets and set the pillows back the way they should be.

But we still need a maid, because left to her own devices, it will take her 5 years to clean it up by herself.

On the plus side, I now have a spiffy new office, where I will finish my book soon and then start on the next.

Thinks will be thunk here

The Woman thinks I'm a slave-driver, pushing her to get this thing done, but doods, I have so many things in my head and I have to write them NOW while I can. She can go write her own things and play when I'm done. Right?

Right.

I may need a new dictation taker soon

Seriously. For reals. The one I have now is borderline useless, what with her "educated" opinions and control over the laptop.

Like tonight. She felt like working from her comfy chair in front of the TV (after she colored in a coloring book like a 7 year old) so I lounged on the back of the chair near her head. It was an ideal position, because I can see what she's typing, and that makes it easier to correct her mistakes. Sometimes we disagree on dialog, but that's just because she has a people brain and not a cat brain, so even though I tell her what to type, her brain translated it into something different.

But man, when she totally changes my words? That's a deal breaker, right?

Like tonight. My narrator is a cat named Wick, and he was talking about being hissed off. So that's what I told her to say. Hissed off.

But what did she type?

TICKED OFF.

That's not remotely the same. First off, Wick doesn't have ticks. He's a royal kitty, and very hygienic. And being a kitty, he hisses.

HE'S HISSED OFF, WOMAN.

There are so many more things like that. It makes writing exhausting. But the story is good, so I'm keeping at it, but I really do think I need someone else to type my thinks, someone who doesn't edit me as she goes along.

Oh, and I totally won that battle. Maybe because I bit her hair and warned her that her ear was really close to my teeth...

MY FAVORITE THINGS!

I didn’t get to talk much last year about my favorite subject, because the Woman “took a year off” and deprived me of doing much about it.

But this year? I totally get to talk about it. Them. Heh.

Boobies.

Who doesn’t like boobies?

Not these boobies

The kind of boobies that thousands of people walk for every year, raising money to save. Or treat, really. Eventually they’ll get saved, but a lot of the walking is for treating the kraptastic things that happen to some people who have boobies.

So the Woman is walking this year. And you know what else? SO IS THE MAN!!! For reals!

And you know what else?

This year they have some super spiffy prizes for their donors. Like every year, every $5 you donate gets you an entry…and they’re going to have something pretty much every 5-6 weeks. The first drawing on April 30 is for a Garmin Vivosmart HR activity tracker AND a Garmin Index digital scale (it’s smart…it keeps track and sends data to your account so you can see how you’re doing.) This prize is worth $500.

If you want to read more about what the prizes they have so far are, peek at the Woman’s blog from a week or so ago (click here). She’s got a picture of all of the stuff. But I can tell you, too…

The Vivosmart HR & Garmin scale

Kodak 14MP digital camera

Roku Streaming Stick

Kindle Fire 6

Samsung Galaxy Tab E Tablet

11" Dell laptop

13” Dell laptop

But go read, ‘cause there might be other things I’m not thinking about.

If you donate now, you’re entered for ALL of them…even if you win one. You can win another.

 

The Woman's Page

 

The Man's Page

Just click on their pictures, that goes right to their fundraising pages. One or both, doesn’t matter.

Oh, and my buddy Weezer (she loves me and wants a date on the 2nd Tuesday of next week) says her people will pony up a super-duper sweet prize if the people both hit their minimum goals by the end of September.

Everything you donate through their official fundraising pages is tax deductible, don’t forget that. And IT’S FOR THE BOOBIES!!!

Boobies.

Boobies.