Really. She needs me.

"Mr. Max," the Woman said, "I've been going over the book so far, and dood...it's a whole lot of dialog."

"So? It's got people in it. People talk. A lot."

"Yes, but novels typically have a narrative. Too much dialog can bog a story down and is often better changed to fit into the narrative."

"I've read your books, lady. They're all dialog-heavy."

"Touche."

"Wick has a lot of lines. I don't want to cut his dialog. In fact, I want him to have more."

"Maybe. Wick is the narrator, so he technically has the bulk of the story. And as cats go, there's not a lot of verbal back and forth with other characters."

"He has the best line. Dry food is for peasants. Keep that one. It's important that people understand that."

"Hey, I saw you eating dry food just ten minutes ago."

"Yeah, well as a snack. Not as my primary source of nutrition. Make sure that Wick gets lots of real live fresh dead things."

"You want me to include his dietary preferences in a novel?"

"Novels have to have some real life in them, right?"

"Yes, but people don't want the minutia of real life. It's boring. Everyone poops but I'm not putting that into the book."

"You should. Pooping is glorious."

"No. And none of this addresses the volume of dialog in the manuscript. You need to start picturing the words in your head, and then showing those same things in the narrative."

"That's what I have you for."

"But the book will have your name on it."

"Well it's my story. My thinks."

"That might be the problem. You're thinking as if this were a script."

"Again, I've read your other books..."

"Fine. We'll leave it like this until the last draft, but then it has to change, okay?"

"This, what we're doing. This is real life dialog, right?"

"It is."

"You're right. This chit is boring. You go back to work and I'll start polishing my thinks. I have no idea how you ever managed to write without me before."