Oh man. Last night, I was sleeping on the big bed with the fuzzy blanket, and the Woman was sleeping under it (the blanket, not the bed) and the thing that lives in the ceiling said it was time for dinner.

The problem is that it was 4:15 in the morning and no one was cooking. And even the Ceiling Thing didn't seem too impressed, because it yelled kind of pathetically. The Woman was all kinds of pissed off because she'd been sleeping pretty good but only for like an hour and a half.

She got up and went to get a ladder, and dang! She got up there and yanked it out of the ceiling and opened its guts up and ripped stuff out! She's never been that mad at me, but I think I better reconsider my plans to head butt her at 3 in the morning for a while.

She shoved some other stuff in it and jammed it back onto the ceiling, but I think it learned its lesson because it shut up after that.

I think I would have, too.

OMG WE GOT STEAK!!!

The People went out today and when they came back, they had steak! For US! Given the sorry state of special treats around here lately, that was like AWESOME!

And it wasn't just a tiny tiny piece, the Woman gave us each pieces that started out about an inch big that she cut into bite sized for us. It was soooo good.

There was also present-opening, hich leads me to think I was not reminded of someone getting old, but really, I got steak so I don't care.

The Woman has this friend who lives in Wisconsin; they've been friends for longer than I've been alive, which is saying a lot. Like, who knew? The Woman was able to make friends at one point in her life. Yeah, I can't believe it either.

Since the Woman is getting old, her friend sent her presents this week. In the package was this:



Ducks.

You should have seen Buddah. Holy crap, she pulled those rubber duckies out of the package and he went apechit trying to get at them. She teased him by saying they weren't for kitties, but he wasn't giving up. I've never seen a kitty try to get at something the way he was trying to get at those ducks, not unless it was like real live fresh dead shrimp, or an itchy place on his fun parts.

They're Ninja Ducks so I think after the lights get turned out tonight they'll hide and he'll spend the next week looking for them.

That's like a present for me, since it means he'll stay out of my hair fur.

Way cool.

Dusty, The Cat Who Came Before Me



The Woman found this picture while poking through old files. It used to make her sad to see pictures of Dusty because she was not ready for her to go off to the Rainbow Bridge, but this time it made her smile.

You can kinda tell that she didn't feel very well when the picture was taken--it was probably a month or so before she went to the Bridge--but she still posed for the camera.

Dusty was kinda grumpy. I think that's why I like seeing pictures of her. We woulda gotten along just fine...

Gah...tonight the Man and I were actually playing; I was stretched out on the bed with the fuzzy blanket and he was batting at me with his hands and I was batting back with my mighty paws, and after a little bit I jumped into the laundry basket. The Woman dumped a bunch of dirty clothes on top of me, but that didn't stop me. I kept playing with him, biting his hand through wads of her dirty t-shirts. And honestly, I was having fun for once.

And you know what she did? She made him stop! He said he was going to call into work and tell them he couldn't come because he was playing with the cat, and she made him get his stuff and leave! Like passing gas is more important than playing with me!

Last night I stretched out on her pillow and petted her face. I think tonight I'll curl up on her pillow again, but this time I'll let loose with a mighty fart. 'Cause truly, she deserves it.

The Woman is still being selfish and keeping all that Jenny lady's food to herself and not giving me even a tiny bite, so I hocked up a hairball on her bathroom rug. Right where she would step in it if she didn't turn the light on.

And she didn't.

Heh.

Okay so my people decided they were gonna start eating better and they wanted to shed some girth because apparently that gets in the way of things they think are fun but I find just plain disgusting and I don't even wanna go there, really. They decided this before the man had that scare thinking his heart was broken, so they've been eating better for like 5 weeks now.

Kitties...this is not a good thing. The food they eat now? It smells good and all but there's so little of it that they refuse to share! It used to be that if I sat there very politely I would get a tiny taste of whatever they had for dinner unless it was going to make flames shoot out my asterisk, but now? Not a chance. They're =this= close to sticking their faces down and licking their plates clean.

Now every week they go see this person Jenny Craig and she sells them the food they're going to eat all week. Kind of like a crack dealer for fat people. I mean really, they could do crack and get the same results and have a lot more fun, I think, but they seem to like this Jenny person.

But Jenny Craig does not give them enough food to share with the kitties. She gives them these tiny, tiny meals and then makes them eat fruits and vegetables, which I cannot stand. This tells me that Jenny Craig is rude and inconsiderate.

This also tells me something very important: Jenny Craig must be pooped upon.

I just don't know how to get the people to bring her here, where this can be accomplished, instead of going there every week.

But clearly, she must be pooped upon.

This morning, I was really nice to the Woman. I climbed on top of her at 8 o'clock and waited very patiently until it was time for her to wake up. She sleeps later than most people do, because deep down she is lazy, and I can say that because it's not like it's some huge secret. I waited and purred and occasionally petted her face, and when it was time for her to wake up I climbed onto her pillow, put my face right by her ear and said, very gently, WAKE UP I AM HUNGRY!!!

Well, now. You'd think I stabbed her in the eat with a Q-tip or something.

In spite of my niceness she didn't jump up and open my can of Stinky Goodness. No, she feels like she can take the time to visit the giant litter box room, where she takes care of biznezz and drugs up. And just to annoy me now she stands on this thing that says "GET OFF ME YOU'RE FAT."

I think the goal is to stand on it every day until it says, "Well, ok. That's not too bad." But until then she's KILLING it and I don't think it's happy, not at all.

See, she's tormenting EVERYONE in the morning when we'd all be happy if she would just get up and feed me!

Sprout...we're never gonna forget you...

Oh man I love Box Cleaning Day. Not when it just gets scooped, but when the Woman takes it outside and scrubs it and then fills it with brand new litter. There's nothing like being the first kitty to foul a nice clean box.

FINALLY!!! I have crunchy treats!!!

It took 'em long enough, sheesh...

There were seven sheets of paper with everyone's names on them:



It took longer than Women thought to cut the into strips and then fold up and put in the Special Bowl:



Buddah jumped right in to help pick the winner:



And the name he picked out of all the names in the bowl:



CONGRATS!!!!


I want to catally thank everyone who donated to Save the Boobies, and thank everyone who spread the word. I know some people and kitties wanted to donate but couldn't, but your spreading the word helped a lot. From the bottom of my cold, black, furry heart, thank you.

Doods.
Dooooods!
Doooods!

When the Woman decided to try to get donations to save the boobies and put the netbook up as an offering to the Boobie Gawds, she thought we'd get maybe $200. And that would have been awesome.

But you guys...Dooods...Well, frankly, I have to type this because she just did a final check and you came through in a major way, and now she's all choked up.

Major.

It's so major that it would be ranked Brigadier General.

While she was checking the final total she was talking to a friend of hers and told him how much y'all donated, and he said, "Well let's make it a nice round number."

Doods.

You guys donated $820.

Seriously. $820.

And her friend--he's the guy who's dog Stoner adopted that puppy Tank--he said because Paypal takes fees and stuff that he would make up the difference, and a little more, so that we'll be handing over to Jeter's mom a really nice looking figure for her 3 Day Walk To Save the Boobies.

$1000


Doods! WE RAISED A WHOLE GRAND!!! Do you know how many boobies might be saved with that??? TONS!

First thing tomorrow morning the Woman will print out the donaters list (you're on there as many times as you donated $5) and will cut the names into strips, and we'll draw the winner's name.

I had to get on here and tell you guys how well everything went, because, well, you guys rock.

YOU GUYS ROCK!!!


Come back later to see who the winner is! She should have it up by noon Pacific time.

We are out of crunchy treats.
OUT!!!

Now, the Man left a reminder on the Woman's desk this morning, and she went to the store but when she came back she realized she FORGOT to buy crunchy treats!

How could she??!?!?!?!

Tonight when they have their dinner and it's nothing I can have and she has no crunchy treats to give me instead, I am going to SHUN her.

That's right.

I am going to turn my back on her and not look at her AT ALL. That will teach her. People hate being shunned.

Plus, I am going to starve to death tonight.

I need my crunchies.

Don't let time run out on you! Last chance to donate to save the boobies and get a chance to win an Acer Aspire One netbook!

BoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobiesBoobies

To donate, see the link in the sidebar to the right, ROCK THE PINK!
You might even win a netbook!

The People have decided to "eat better." I think I need to buy them a dictionary because their idea of better is food that the kitties can't share. Oh it's probably FINE for us to eat, but there's so little of it they're just not willing. It's pure selfishness, and I'm actually hungrier than usual because I count on those tiny bites to get me through the night.

Well, finally tonight we got some! There was salmon--which I normally don't care for--but the Woman didn't like hers so she had the Man cut it up into kitty sized pieces for us. I don't know how it was prepared, but it was actually good! It was FISHY GOODNESS!

I suppose tomorrow night they're going to have something else that's not kitty friendly, but tonight...tonight was good. I'm almost happy!

You guys know I like to entertain my people at 3 a.m. with these amazing vocal concertos, right? If I stand in just the right spot in the hallway the entire house fills with the Wonder of Max Music, and it is truly a beautiful thing.

Well, last night I started singing and I realized these people just don't deserve my full potential. They're always whining about it, so instead of giving it my best I just sang for myself. You know--instead of making the air swell with an awesome classical piece, I mostly hummed a personal version of Ozzy Osbourne. Or maybe Michael Buble.

The Woman woke up and actually got out of bed to stumble out into the hall, and told me I should just come crawl in bed with her! Like SHE FINALLY GETS MY INCREDIBLENESS! SO I did, I jumped up onto the bed and curled up on top of her. Well, kind of on top. She was on her side and she has this long body pillow she uses, so I stretched out on her and on it, like a hammock, and grabbed a bit if side boob to use as a pillow.

I thought she might want some up close and personal serenading, but I was so comfy I fell asleep. But I think she'll survive the disappointment. If not, I get the entire bed to myself!

---

Don't forget about trying to snag yourself a netbook for just a $5 donated to help save the boobies! See the post below for details.

All right. Book or not, let's Rock The Pink anyway!

Y'all know that Jeter's mom is gonna walk like 13 million miles in October to raise money to save the boobies, right? Boobies are expensive things when it comes to protecting them and saving them from the nasties. Even men have boonies! Imagine that!

She has a blog about it right here and you can go see the blister on her foot she got from training. I kinda wanna pop it.

But

The whole point to her walking until her feet fall off is to raise money for breast cancer research (eh..it's funnier to say SAVE THE BOOBIES!!!) And it would be nice if she walked knowing she had a bajillion dollars donated. So let's raise a little money to help that endeavor.

Because truly...without a couple of nice, squishy boobs, what would I set my head on while I'm napping on top of the Woman?

So...I'm taking little donations. $5. For every $5 you donate through my Save The Boobies link (see sidebar to the right of your screen) you get a chance at winning this:




It's an Acer Aspire One 8.9" netbook, very gently used (like just long enough to load a few things onto it) that comes preloaded with Microsoft Office 2007 (fully functional...the Woman chewed off one of her licenses to put it on there) and it's already protected by Zone Alarm. It's lighter than most cats so it's easy to carry around, and it has a spiffy Decal Girl skin on it. It's got Windows XP, and Intel Atom 1.6GHz processor, a gig of RAM and 130gig HD.

You want this, you really do.

For every $5, you get a shot at it. $25 = 5 chances.

Come on, rock the pink...let's raise some money to save a boob or two.

Donations will be accepted through August 1st at 11:59pm, and the winner be selected on August 2nd. So you got two whole weeks! Just 5 bucks!

And spread the word...
ROCK THE PINK!!!

First the good news:

Hendrix has a new blurpy! Go say hi!

And the not so good news...The book we were writing is dead in the water. The Woman is going to sit on the submissions she got, but there weren't enough of them to make up even a short book. This is disappointing, but we know it takes a lot of time to write and people and kitties just don't always have that kind of time.

She debated extending the deadline but she's facing one of her own and the timing is now off and everything...but we can try again another time.

We still want to raise money to protect the boobies, and the Woman is working on that. So stayed tuned, especially if you've had an itch lately to own a netbook...

Sometimes, waking the Woman up in the morning is an exercise in amusement for me. I've stuck my nose up her nostrils, put my face in her mouth; I have bounced off her tummy, her butt, and her boobs. I have even put my mouth so very close to her ear, and then meowed as loudly as possible.

Invariably, I get the desired result: she's up, awake and wondering What the &$## just happened??!?

But this morning. Oh man, this morning. I crawled on top of her and was going to curl up and wait nicely, but her head was positioned just so and her ear was right there in front of my face. It was begging me to do something.

Seriously, I heard it.

So I stuck my tongue in her ear.

Oh Holy Cat, you would not believe the ICK that lives in that Woman's ear! It was tons of this goopy, gross, disgusting JUNK and IT STUCK TO MY TONGUE!

I had to flick my tongue in and out of my mouth fifty two hundred times just to get half of it off and I was so bothered by it that I was practically dancing on the bed and she opened an eye and then said, "Gotta pee, Mister Max?"

And then she laughed at me! As if it was FUNNY!

Well.

There is nothing funny about her apparent lack of hygiene. Seriously. Don't people clean those things out? I mean, they need them to HEAR with, you'd think they'd keep them unobstructed from sound waves.

It does explain a lot, though. At least now I know why it always seems like my entirely polite requests fr crunchy treats seem to fall on deaf ears.

They're plugged up.

Sheesh.