The PsychoKitty Speaks Out

The Man was making awful noises in his sleep last night, and he snored louder than the sound of the trains that went by at night, so I decided we'd wake the Woman up this morning to feed us. And she was NOT happy about it.

First thing she said to me: "Dammit, Max, it's five-twenty! Go away!"

I didn't care what time it was. I was very very very very hungry, and I wanted her to get up and feed me. Buddah was hungry, too, but I think he's afraid to wake the People up. I don't think he's figured out that they won't do any of the things they threaten to. I really think he believes that if he annoys her too much, she'll string him from the mini-blinds by his tail.

I went away for a while, anyway. But at six-thirty, and I know it was six-thirty because she made a point of saying so as she shoved me off the bed, I started again. And I used my most obnoxious voice, telling her over and over to get up. Getupgetupgetupgetupgetup.

Victory was mine at seven o'clock. I know it was seven because she made a point of telling me that. "All right you little freak, it's seven, I'll feed you now."

Did I mention I was really hungry?

She opened one can and was prying the top off the other when I decided I just couldn't wait, so I jumped on the counter and tried to eat right then and there.

Have I ever mentioned she is not a morning person?

She grabbed me and very rudely deposited me onto the floor, grumbling something about pigs and waiting. Then she took her own sweet time about getting that second can open. It took so long that Buddah started crying. He was saying "Mommmmmmm... I am dying!" but all she heard was "meowmeowblahblahblah."

Buddah freaking INHALED his food. He sucked that 3 ounces down so hard and fast that I'm surprised we didn't all get sucked down right with it. And I think he wanted more, but the Woman was only half awake and not paying much attention to his forlorn little face staring down at his too quickly emptied plate.

She was still grumbling when she went back upstairs. I don't know what her problem is. It's not like she didn't get to go right back to bed. And it's not our fault she was still awake at three o'clock this morning. Ok, it is my fault for trying to sucker her into getting up at five-twenty, but I was HUNGRY. Does she care? No, she says being hungry means I'm probably burning off body fat.

Yeah, well Buddah was hungry, too, and she doesn't want him to burn off body fat. Did you know he gets MORE Stinky Goodness than I do? Now THAT'S not fair.

I think I'll wake her tomorrow morning, too. She's just so much fun to annoy.