The PsychoKitty Speaks Out

"Woman," I said while she was swallowing a handful of drugs medications this morning, "I got my Secret Paws address so I need you to go shopping. Today. None of this 'later, Max.' I need you to go TODAY."

She put the pill bottles back in the medicine cabinet and said, "Cripes, Max, go fart somewhere else."

Well, truly I did cut a really good one, and she was locked in the giant litterbox room with me, but still. She did not acknowledge my demand request.

"GO SHOPPING!" I said.

"I can't open the door with your head on the doorknob," was her nonsensical reply. She can be kind of dense that way; sometimes I think she has these private conversations going on inside her head and she doesn't pay much attention to the things actually being said to her.

"SECRET PAWS!" I reminded her.

"Max!" she said, a little too loud. "If you don't move, I can't feed you!"

Well now. I must admit the prospect of a can of Stinky Goodness did distract me for a little bit. We went downstairs and she opened two cans, and it was like WOWSA! because it was two different flavors and we each had half of each can. That was a nifty taste treat.

When I was done eating, I walked over to where she was sitting in the living room and said, "about the Secret Paws thing...?"

She looked over the edge of the comics and said "You're welcome."

WTF? Doods, really! This is what I have to live with! I ask for shopping and she responds with 'you're welcome'?

I sat there and stared at her while she read the comics (because honestly, I don't think she realizes there's real NEWS in that paper...just Zits and Pearls Before Swine and Get Fuzzy and =sigh= Garfield) and kept thinking at her head Go shopping...go shopping...go shopping.

But then she got up to go check her email.

Holy carp.

So I gave up. I jumped up in the comfy chair and curled up for my morning nap, and was almost asleep when all the sudden there was this HAND tickling my tummy. I hate that, she knows I hate that. But then she said, "I'm going out for a little while Big Guy. Any ideas what you want to get as your Secret Paws present?"

Well now. Maybe she doesn't listen but sometimes she hears.

So I told her what I wanted her to buy, and she said, "Ok, I got it. I'll be back in a little bit."

And when came home--she'd gotten what I said to! I think it was a fluke, to be honest, but my Christmas shopping is half done and I didn't even have to leave the house!