Doods...

Hahahahahaha

The Woman gave me an early Christmas present, because she just knew I would love it and want to use it and might never leave it.

It's a sofa bed of my very own. And it's quite lovely, very nice to look at, but in 2 days I have not gotten on it of my own volition. I was on it for a minute last night, but she put me there with a new nip banana, hoping I would curl up and relax by the fire.

I might use it, but it's my duty as a cat to avoid it for a good two weeks.

OMG DOODS!

I kinda want to say WHY DID NO ONE EVER TELL ME ABOUT THESE??? but y'all totally told me about these and I did not tell the Woman to run out and buy some. But on a whim she did, and tonight when I didn't eat much of my bedtime snack, she opened one and OH HOLY TACOCAT this stuff is THE CHIT! I licked that bowl clean and wanted more, but she said "maybe tomorrow" so I lowered myself to her level and ate more of the snack food (which was perfectly acceptable but I wasn't in the mood for it at first.)

Do yourself a favor and get some. AND I'M NOT GETTING PAID TO SAY THAT! But get some, especially if you're a little off your feed. It might make you want to scarf it down, which totally makes the people happy.

Om nom nom

After I had breakfast this morning--of which I ate half--the Woman remarked that I hadn't had a really good food day in several days.

That's how they refer to days when I eat a lot. Good food days.

Now, bear in mind, I get cans opened for me 5-6 times a day. Sometimes I'm just not hungry, but I asked for food, so the can got opened...a bite or two was all I wanted. And she gets that, and says it's okay.

But when I only nibble at everything for a couple days, she thinks I'm not getting enough.

Spoiler...I am not losing weight

Since I didn't Hoover my breakfast down, she opened another can 2 hours later, and I took 2 or 3 polite bites, then walked away. She shrugged, gathered her stuff, and went off to work at Starbucks for a while. I went to take a nap.

At lunchtime, I was hungrier, so I ate a little more than half.

She was happy with that, and then set about making her own lunch. I was in the front room lounging on my seat by the front door, and when she sat down in the living room, I caught a whiff.

Ham.

I wanted it.

So I casually strolled into the living room and jumped up on the arm of her chair, and politely asked for a bite. She equally politely said I would get a bite when she was done. So, still polite, I got closer and informed her that I needed that ham more than she did, and I would really like some right now.

Now, from where I was, I could see that she had already torn a few bites off of her piece. She knew she was going to give me some. And I reasoned that since she was aware of this and had wanted me to eat more earlier, she would understand if I did not wait politely any longer.

I shoved my face to her plate and scarfed down all the little bites she had set aside.

She did not yell.

Instead, she sighed, tore more off, and set the plate on the end table to make it easier for me to eat, shoving the lone small bite she had left in her mouth.

I don't begrudge her that.

But...she was happy that I ate.

Even if I did break the "you only get a bite if you're good" rule.

Heh

Buddah on the counter, in the bag, just before Halloween

Buddah doesn't sit on the Woman's lap very often. It's like he knows that's MY lap, and he gets the Man's lap. Well, he gets the Man's chest and shoulder mostly, since that's where he prefers to lounge.

But today he bypassed the Man and went straight to the Woman and stretched out on her lap. She was surprised, but gave him some head and chin skritches.

And then he farted.

Like OMG WHAT DID YOU EAT farted.

After that, he got up and went over to the Man, where he assumed his regular position.

Yes, I am amused.

Dona Nobis Pacem

Blog Blast for Peace 2019

(click to biggify)

Geez, I was just napping...

Okay, so I like moving the places I enjoy napping. I'll sleep on one of the big beds for a couple weeks, then move to my bed under the Woman's desk for a couple weeks, then the sofa...I'm predictable in my changing moods.

But a few days ago I moved to an old, old spot, under one of the big beds. It had been so long since I'd slept there that stuff had accumulated and it was difficult to squeeze in, but I made it, and had a nice, wide spot in the center. And I went to sleep.

Next thing I know, the Woman has pulled some things out of the way and she's on her belly on the floor. She looks at me and says--no kidding--"Why you little forker!"

But she didn't say forker.

Then she went on to say she had looked under the bed like four times and never saw me. Yeah, well, it's dark under there and I've got a lot of black fur, so what did she expect? She only found me on the fifth try when I opened my eyes. And I opened my eyes because SHE HAD RUINED A GREAT NAP.

I tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but I heard her tell the Man she was actually nauseated. And then it was like, oh crap, I have to get up and make her feel better. So I did, but I was not happy about it. I mean, not only was the nap ruined, but now the space is ruined because it's not a secret hiding place anymore.

At least Buddah doesn't know about it.

I don't think, anyway.

Now, they were never worried that I'd gotten outside, because no one had gone outside, which means they were worried about something worse. But hells bells, I have steak in the fridge. I'm not going anywhere.

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New Wick short up at The Wick Chronicles. Becoming Blackshear. It's posted in four parts because it's kind of a long one. And looking at things, the ones that follow might be kind of long. ALmost like I usually write novels...

You might feel stabby after reading this one. Heh.

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Just for the heck of it, here's a picture of me staring at the Woman.

Mmmm...Steak...

Apparently I am a sloppy eater.

This does not bother me. It doesn't really bother the People, either, but they still bring it up a few times a week, usually when they're washing my place mat.

I dunno what I was eating when they snapped this picture, but a few days ago, after not getting any for a long time because they thought I was getting tired of it, there was steak.

Not just any steak.

Ribeye.

Spendy steak.

The Woman prefers giving my ribeye because it's easy to cut into thin strips, which is apparently important even though it doesn't get all the seeds out. I prefer it because it's delicious. The Man probably doesn't prefer it because sirloin is cheaper and why can't I just have that?

Because the Woman prefers the ribeye and knows I like it best, and what I like, I get.

This is one of the perks of being an old man. Don't fear getting old, doods. When you're old, people will do just about anything you want, if they can. I want ribeye, I get ribeye.

I think it stems from the Man's days working in nursing homes when he was a teenager. He had this one patient, an 80 year old diabetic, who just wanted a slice of his birthday cake. The nurses wouldn't let him have it, because diabetes. The Man has always thought that was kinda mean, that if you hit 80 years old, and you have something like diabetes, you know the risks. You know how to account for it. And old men should get their damned birthday cake.

So I get my damned steak, and I get ribeye if the store has it when they go shopping.

I'm glad they got me one this week. I kinda missed it, even though I was getting real live fresh dead shrimp and other dead delicious things.

I think I get a fresh one tomorrow.

And they wonder why I'm still plugging along. Why would I leave? I have them trained, and I get STEAK.

This template is settling with me

I mean, I don't hate it. And it doesn't look like hippies threw up all over it. The colors are close to what it was, and I dig the pink--Da Tabbies are right, I think Skeezix would have liked it, and that makes it worth keeping.

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And yeah, I don't blog as much as I used to. Seems like no one does. I do post on Facebook almost every day and those link to the right sidebar here. No FB account is necessary to click through to the longer ones.

I would really like to figure out how to get those posts to pop up here as a blog entry, and not just the sidebar, but I think I'm limited by the Blogger interface. Hell, I'd like to use the FB commenting system, too, but that for sure doesn't work here.

Not sure I could make any of that work of if I migrated to Wordpress, either.

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What's irritating me today?

Well...the Woman likes to go outside and ride her bike, like, a lot. And I can live with that, she needs to sweat a lot. But tonight she rode one of those contraption IN THE HOUSE. Right when it was time for my snack. MY SNACK WAS LATE BECAUSE OF THAT PRETEND BIKE.

I had to wait 4 extra minutes.

I almost passed out.

FOUR MINUTES.

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On the upside, there was a shopping bag full of cans for me. I even got to pick what I wanted.

Y'all know what? When you have 20 to choose from, it's HARD. And if you pick the wrong one there are no do-overs.

Well, not unless you sound pitiful enough. If you can meow just right without whining, someone will be all oh fine you forking little furbag* and they'll get you something else.

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*Okay, not really. You just have to ask really nice and you get a better selection.

Oy.

Somehow, I borked my template and in trying to fix it I made it worse, so...

Yeah, this place is going to look all kinds of Not Right for a while. It might take a few days before we can find the right combo of background colors and text colors that won't make your eyes bleed...it'll take that long because the Woman loves eye-gouging colors and she gets all ooooh that looks good when, in fact, it does not look good and will cause 90% of everyone else to get a headache.

We'll also get a new Wick short up soon.

Maybe we won't fark that site up, too...

This is cross-posted to The Wick Chronicles...excuse my venting as I explain...

Let's talk.

I've been going back and forth with a few people, one on Facebook, and a couple in email, about how inconvenient the way I'm offering up the short stories is. There are complaints that I'm not offering them in print, complaints that I'm not offering them as a download, and complaints that the formatting here is not book-standard and it should be.

So, I'm addressing these issues.

• It's cost-prohibitive for the reader if I sell these in print. Who wants to pay $5 for a 5-10 page short story? I don't. That would be seriously unfair of me.
• Also, my editor said no. 
• I've been accused of wanting the money (? I don't get this one) because I apparently won't earn enough from print. No...I don't want to charge you for these shorts. I want you to get them for free.
• These stories will appear in print at a later date, in a single volume. Right now--and it's right there in the sidebar--I'm offering up things that are just barely 2nd draft material. They're almost where I want them, but the final draft will wait until all the stories have been finished and the order determined.
• I can offer them as a download via Bookfunnel. If there's enough interest, I absolutely will do that. 
• It's not easy to format here and have it book-standard; I went with what will look decent across multiple browsers. If the font is too small (and I get that, I'd like it bigger, too) you can hit CTRL + scroll and the size will increase. That works on pretty much every web page. 

Look. Anyone who has stuck with me this far knows that my royalties go toward buying as many toys at Christmas as we can, and those toys either go to Toys for Tots or toys for foster kids. (Despite my frequent whining about the people spending my money...the Man really does pay for the care and feeding of the creatures in the house, thusly can I afford to use the royalties that way.) This isn't and has never been about the money for me. But I also can't spend money out of pocket to print these and give them away (as has been suggested) nor can I offer print copies as donor gifts (as has been suggested) to dozens of people.

All I really wanted when we started kicking around the idea of a Wick website was to give something for free, something for my readers, and not as a way to make a lot of money. This site isn't monetized. I could have done that; we thought about doing that by way of advertisements, to generate the purchase of a few more toys. But damn, doods, I really wanted to do this because so many of you have been there since the beginning of The Psychokitty Speaks Out, you've bought my books, you've followed me on Facebook, and you've made doing all of this so much fun.

I want to continue doing this. But at this moment, the fun has been sucked out of it, and I feel like I'm banging my forehead on the keyboard.

I know I can't make everyone happy.

And you know what started the worst of this? The Woman's nephew is doing a charity walk, and she made the offer on FB that if he hit X-number of dollars by the end of the weekend, we'd put Wick After Dark up for free as a download. And the complaints started. One woman wanted print copies (though she didn't donate a damned thing.) Someone else complained that they'd read those already so why can't they have something else...and it went on. And on.

I have tried really hard to not lose my chit over this, but tonight someone declared they are done with me because--and I am not even kidding--I'd answered her question but apparently not the way she wanted. And all I did was explain why I can't do the shorts in print yet.

Doods, I'll bend over backwards to make things easy when I can, but I'll only take so much.

So. 

If you would like the shorts available as a download via Bookfunnel, speak up. I can do that.

If you want them in print, please be patient. I have to write them all first.

And if you think I suck, well, sorry. Not much I can do about that.

There's a new Wick short!

Yep...pop on over to The Wick Chronicles website and read the first Wick short story, A Day in the Life. This is the first of a planned 10-12 or so...some will be long, some will be short, but all will be free to read (and it really helps of you've read the books.)

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Today there was a stranger in the house, sitting at the table talking to the people about getting a new patio cover. I'm not sure why they thought I would be antisocial, but I walked up and said hello, and a few minutes later when he was in the kitchen looking at pens the Man made, I asked him if he would read up into the cabinet he was in front of and open a can for me. The Woman seems amazed that I would get that close to someone new and especially that I would talk to them, but he seemed harmless and there was a chance he would feed me. Slim chance, but still.

I walked away disappointed, and the dood walked away with a new pen. And apparently, we're getting a new patio cover. I am not as happy about that as the people are.

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 Last night we finished watching The Umbrella Academy on Netflix. Doods, if you haven't seen it, watch it. It's freaking weird and was really good. And it's been renewed, so there will be another season to look forward to.

The downer is that there are no cats in it. They need a cat.

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 I dunno what a Red Vine is, but if the Woman doesn't get one soon she's going to wind up eating the entire kitchen. Cabinets and all, I think. Man, if she does that, tomorrow's poop is going to seriously hurt.

And the winner is...

Just Ducky!

Congrats, you will get a copy of Max Attacks! As soon as I have your mailing address (I gotta figure out how to get your email from your comment, which I used to know how to do but suddenly feel brain dead) I'll drop you a ling and get it, and I'll pass it along to the author's rep!

You're gonna dig it, I know you will!

Dive into Wick's World for free, limited time only

Ha. Clickbaity title.

Still...if you haven't had the chance to read The Wick Chronicles, here's your chance to get started FOR FREE.

This digital edition is the first three books--The Emperor of San Francisco, Ozoo, and Forked--and you can download it for free, for the rest of today (maybe a little into tomorrow; I don't know when on the 19th that the link expires, but it does expire on July 19, 2019.)

And with this offer, we've officially launched the website for The Wick Chronicles, where we'll be offering free content every now and then. A new Wick short is coming soon, with several more to follow...so if you've already read the other books in Wick's universe, those will be more for you.

To get your free digital edition of The Wick Chronicles, just CLICK RIGHT HERE.

Also, don't forget to check the post below this one to enter to win a free copy of Max Attacks by Kathi Appelt.

Want to Win a Book???

A while back I was sent an advanced reader copy of this book, Max Attacks, written by Kathi Appelt and illustrated by Penelope Dullaghan. It's cute and fun and funny, and you can totally win a copy!

It's aimed at kids in the 4-8 age group, but it really is sweet and you'll want to read it anyway. This Max is a lot like me when I was younger--he'll attack anything. Happily. And anyone who has ever had a cat will totally get it and enjoy the perspective of this book.

It's told in fun prose and the pictures are outstanding, and if you have small kids or grandkids, it will make story time a ton of fun.

Here's how it'll work: leave a comment on this post, and it must have an email address associated with it where I can contact you if you win. No anonymous entries. I'll use a random generator (your number will the order in which your comment appears, absent any anonymous comments) and on Sunday, July 21, at around 8pm Pacific time, I'll pull the winner.

Note: I did not write this, it's not one of my books, just so we're clear about that.

Geez, timing...

If you follow me on Facebook (and you can, via Twitter, right there in the right sidebar here --> ) you already know that not long after turning eighteen, I got sick.

Again, I got it from Buddah. Just like I did when he first came to live with us. He got sick, got over it in a couple days, and then I got it...but I did not get over it was easily.

In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't horrible. Nausea, not eating, and a royal case of the squirts. If I were much younger, I don't think the people would have worried even a quarter as much as they did. But I'm an old guy, with failing kidneys, and a product of the nausea was not drinking enough and not peeing enough, so Monday I was dragged to the stabby place where I was--surprise--stabbed a couple times.

They stole blood and then pumped me full of water. That was a concession; because of my health history the stabby lady kind of wanted to hospitalize me and put me on an IV, but the Woman straight up told her doing that would literally kill me, so no. That's when they discussed medications and the fluids, and then sent me home to wallow in my extreme upset at having been manhandled.

On the plus side, when Buddah went the stabby lady stuck her finger up his asterisk in an attempt, I think, to find a brain cell or two. She reported that she didn't find anything. I was not surprised.

The drugs and the fluids worked. I started eating and drinking and peeing, and the world celebrated when I had a good poop (really, if you're not on Facebook, you're missing things like this. I POOPED.)

Today I was reminded that I'm all right, because my whims were not catered to the moment I made them, and uneaten food was not immediately replaced with something I might like better. I was even made to wait an hour between requesting lunch and getting it!

So, the people are relieved, but unsettled, because I am 18 and things can go downhill pretty quick at this age. I mean, it did take me several days longer than it took Buddah to recover. The Woman says I've always been that way, but she said it like she hoped that was the only reason and not that it'll be a future pattern.

Eh. I am a delicate flower. I'm fine with that.

So. I'm okay. And working. We're getting close to releasing the first Wick short, and it'll be free. We're also looking for ways to distribute the first Wick book for free without risking major pirating of the manuscript, all while making it easy for people to get. So if you haven't read it, pretty soon you can and it won't cost you a dime.

I did it! I did it! I did it!

Doods! Today is my official 18th birthday!

The Woman admits, she didn't think I would see my 17th, but then the stabby lady fixed stuff, and now she says she won't be surprised if I'm still here for my 19th.

But the important thing...

I CAN VOTE NOW!

I hope there are a few local elections before the Big One in 2020. Just so I have some experience. That's important when facing big decisions.

But today my biggest decision: which to eat first, the real live fresh dead shrimp or the real live fresh dead cow. 'Cause I'm totally getting both! The Woman said so!

The One Where The Woman Whines Because She Can't Sleep

At 1:30 this morning, my fountain stopped fountaining. So I did what any self-respecting cat would do: I walked up and down the hallway, calling for someone with thumbs to get up and fix it.

Well, I know the Woman heard me because there were WORDS said, but she didn't get up. No, she rolled over as if going back to sleep were an option, so I sat by the door and told her I needed help.

She finally caved at 4:30 this morning, but instead of going to my fountain to make it fountain again, she went into the kitchen to open a can for me. Well, I'm intelligent enough to realize that one does not refuse 4:30 am offerings, though it meant that my fountain would sit there, woefully not fountaining.

She went back to bed and tried to sleep, but the guilt of not meeting all of my needs weighed on her, and all she could do was toss and turn. There was grumbling about that because she has a doctor's appointment this morning (no worries, she's not sick; this is just the annual presenting of herself to prove she's still alive) and apparently one must be awake for this. The Man will drive her, so I'm not really sure what the issue is.

Really, I think she just likes to complain.

After the Man got up, he fixed the fountain so it is now fountaining again, so all is well. And I bet the Woman sleeps really well tonight.

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!

Yep, this is it! JUNE! Now, we usually celebrate my birthday on June 20, but the truth is no one is sure exactly what day I was born on, just that it was sometime in June. So this year, because it's my 18th, I'm declaring the entire month to be Max's Birthday!

I think today's celebratory activity will be watching the last 3 episodes of Good Omens. Doods...it's seriously freaking good. And not just because the 10th Doctor is playing the demon Crawley. The Woman and I read the book again last week to refresh it in our heads, and while the series veers a teeny bit from it, it's still done the way books-to-series should be done.

Yes, we really do read together. Lots of times it's just before bedtime, on her Kindle. I enjoy it, except when she gets ahead of me and turns the page before I can finish it. She's kinda rude that way.

I'm not sure what else I'll do this month, but doods...I made it to June, so we've decided that I am officially EIGHTEEN.

Confuzzlement

My brain is broken trying to figure this out, and the Woman isn't faring any better. Since I post to Facebook almost every day, a bazillion years ago the Woman linked my page to my Twitter account, so that those posts would push to Twitter. And she set up Twitter so that my posts would push to the blog (over there in the sidebar.) But we noticed this morning that nothing has pushed to Twitter in a couple of week, and we can't figure it out.

The page shows as still linked on Facebook, and if I post directly to Twitter it does push to the blog. But I'd really rather just post once to FB and let things propagate because I'm lazy that way.

If you never noticed the Twitter posts...yep, right there in the sidebar. If they're truncated, you can click through and see them on FB (no FB account needed)...or at the bottom of the widget there's a "See on Twitter" link, it'll take you to my Twitter profile, which has all my tweets.

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This really sucks.

 

Grumpy was only seven years old. I remember when she first popped up on Reddit, posted by her owner's brother. I seriously dug her then, and when the memes and stuff started rolling out, I was super stoked by it all. 

I can't believe she's gone. Seven is just too young.

I am pretty sure about one thing: she got to the Bridge, saw how wonderful it is and all the cats waiting for her, sat down, and grunted I hate it.

Heh

I have a tendency to push food off my plate when I'm eating, so the people started putting it in a little bowl.

I did not like that.

So they went out and bought ten pasta bowls, thinking that it was close enough to a plate, but a lot bigger than my little plate, so my food would not go all over the place.

I did not like that.

So now we're back to my little plates, which I like, and they get to stand there while I eat so someone can push food away from the edge and into a neat little, easy to grab with my mouth pile, 4-5 times until I'm done eating.

I eat 5-6 times a day now.

They are not happy.

I like that.

I suck at this blogging thing now...

For realz, I never used to go this long between posts, but the older I get the longer it seems I go. It's not intentional...I think it's mostly that I spend most of my time sleeping and the rest of it either working or pestering the Woman to find something worthwhile for me to watch on TV.

The other night I sat on her lap while the Man watched Game of Thrones. I think it's the first time I've ever seen that. And let me tell you, that was disturbing. He really liked it, but I was kind of blown away by how dark and violent it was. But there was a dragon, and I dig dragons, so I had that going for me.

We did get this done, and it's now available for the Kindle. The print edition went into distribution but it hasn't popped up yet, but should within a week. I really dig this book, because we get to meet Rhys a bit more, and we get to learn more about Jax and his parents, and figure out why the heck he wants to literally hunt a man...and neither the Emperor nor the Queen are gonna stop him.

And now that it's done, we'll concentrate on finishing the book Buddah and I are doing together, as well as getting the website for The Wick Chronicles going. Right now it's just a placeholder thing, but we want to offer short stories and the occasional free digital book there.

The biggest thing today, though... Daisy the Curly Cat has gone to the Bridge, and it makes me all kinds of leaky. She was iconic and a model of the highest caliber.

She was only 15. It seems like she should have gotten a few more years, and the only thing that makes it a tiny bit better is that now she's running around the Bridge with her beloved Skeezix and his bud Jeter and all the other friends who have already gone on.

I hope her brother Harley is okay.

Doods, be well, okay? I'm tired of saying goodbye.

Happy Birthday, Younger Human!

Today he is 36.

This is him with his Much Better Half...you get this instead of a picture of just him because 1) they're like ONE entity now and 2) she's pretty and I like seeing pictures of her.

I hope he's having a most awesome day. I know he got a bunch of cupcakes, so that's a good start.

Happy Birthday, Younger Human.
Yer getting old.
Hahahahahahaha

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Cover mockup

The last couple weeks have been pretty busy. We got the finishing touches done on the 9th Wick book, The King of Saint Francis, and set up a new site for The Wick Chronicles. There's no real content yet, but now that we're done with this book and are waiting for the proof to be sent, we'll work even more on it.

You're gonna get chances to get digital versions of my books for free, you never know when. And we're jumping into some short fiction that you'll be able to read or download for free, before those stories go to print.

Right now, it's pretty obvious that the Woman and I are working on the site, but unless it just looks stupid, at some point Wick himself will be the host. Maybe. We're really unsure about that, but it seems kind of funny.

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Something else in the works, something that's getting close to being done (like, before the editor sees it, and she'll have Things to Say because OF COURSE SHE DOES)--my interview with Buddah. It turned into a conversation that kind of goes all over the place, buy you can't be too surprised about that if you know Buddah. Frankly, I'm surprised he took breaths so that I could get a word in.

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 This afternoon, though, we're taking off. The People have some stuff to do that involves moving the wardrobes out of the spare room since I can't get on top anymore, and turning it into Thumper's Room of Pain. Yeah, she thinks she's funny. They're just setting all the dammit machines in there, and then maybe hanging a TV on the wall so she can watch stuff while she rides her bike to nowhere. I can't mock her too much, because she's actually using that stuff. I just wish it were quieter.

It's me! Buddah!

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!! Max said I could take over his blog today on account of this is my 14th birthday and he wanted me to knock myself out, but I don't think he meant it like I should run head first into a wall or anything, just, like, use the blog and have some fun and let me take my nap in peace, so that's what I'm doing.

The Mom says that today I get to have extra crunchy treats and my favorite flavors of stinky goodness even though I like all the flavors and I'm not picky like Max is, but I bet I get some beef Fancy Feast because that's the best Fancy Feast, or maybe I'll get some of the new Prime Plus stuff because that's always good, too, or even something with a lot of gravy on it, but not people food because I don't usually like people food, except steak when it's fresh off the grill, but there won't be a fresh steak today because that's Max's favorite food and today is my day.

When I was little I got really big presents on my birthday, like one year I got a screen door for the front door because I like sitting by the open door and getting fresh air, and another year I got a brand new cat tree, but I didn't want big things this year because I have all the big things a kitty could want, but Max said I'm getting something I really like and won't be disappointed about, and I thought that was the beef Fancy Feast but he said, no, it's a real present, just not big, it's fun and I'll be happy, but we don't get presents until after dinner so I have to wait ALL DAY to see what it is and that seems a little mean but he said it's just the way things are and birthday are about hope and by not getting my present until after dinner I have something to look forward to all day, and it'll be worth it.

So for the rest of the day I'm going to take 8 naps, eat lunch and snack, and Max and I are going to spend a little time working on a book that we're writing together even though it seems like I should get a day off for my birthday, but it doesn't feel like work so I suppose that's okay, and then he's going to work on his own book with the Mom while I take another nap, and then the Dad will be awake and it'll be time for dinner, and THEN I get my present and I can't wait!

Max says he didn't think he would be around for my 14th birthday or that I would even make it to 14 because someone was bound to strangle me but he's glad he's here and the day isn't over with yet, so if I bite someone who knows what will happen, but I don't bite as much as I used to even though I still chase him around the house and make him think I'll bite, but I did bite his neck a few days ago so maybe this isn't a good thing to talk about because it makes me look bad and no one should look bad on their birthday.

Happy birthday to me!!!

It's mine. All mine.

The people got new furniture. Just a loveseat, which is kind of like a sofa that got washed on hot when it should have been washed on cold. I don't know why they thought we needed one, since there's a sofa and another loveseat in the other room that no one ever uses, but here it is, and I have claimed it.

It's basically Max-sized, and it's in the perfect location to lounge and stare at the Woman while she sits in her recliner and pretends to work. She can feel me watching her, and after half an hour or so usually grumbles "WHAT? What do you want?" and then I get food, which is what I wanted.

There's something up high, though, and I'm not sure what, and have no way to get up there to check it out. I think there's a bird outside on the roof, right where I can hear it, but it might be a roof rat, too, which will thrill the people if it really is.

Seriously, we had them when we moved in, and let me tell you, the people got, like, 53 kinds of excited about it. They even let a total stranger go into the attic just so they could be all BEHOLD OUR HALLOWED ROOF RATS but I think the attention got to the little buggers and they left...but it's been 10 years so maybe they came back.

Oh yeah...10 years in this house. Remember how many times I was forced through the M-word before? Staying put has been nice.

Oh, and this week, Buddah turns 14. FOURTEEN. It feels like he should still be spasto-kitty, but he's an old man, too. I hope he gets what he wants for his birthday, because--like the Woman says a lot--old men should get what they want when they want it.

And don't tell him, but I got him his favorite brand of nip banana. Three of them, even. I hope he'll share one, but if not...it's his present, he can do what he wants. But I bet he will, because even he can't play with three of them at a time.

Oh, Bast, It's Back

The pretend bike ride dammit machine. The Woman rolled it into the house tonight because next weeks it's supposed to rain and she's tired of missing rides because she's too delicate to go outside and get wet.

How delicate is she? See that white box with the hose that goes out the window, behind the running dammit machine?

It's a cold air blowing thingy. AND THE HOUSE HAS ONE BUILT IN. But she's a weenie and needs more cold air--and you can't even see the fan in the doorway, just in front of the pretend boat you can't see.

This is all very good for her, but those things are noisy and I'm pretty sure that the bike will eat a kitty if he's not careful walking around it.

There's a purpose to her sudden desire to actually use these things. She has this illusion of getting fast enough to walk/jog this race in San Francisco next year...she's motivated by the hot chocolate they give out at the finish line. Like, woman, you can make that chit here. Or ride your bike the .63 miles to Dutch Bros and get a cup there. You don't need to make a lot of noise here, where I live, just to get something for free there.

She's also decided to do the boobie walk again. Yeah, I know, she was done, it hurts, she's not sure it's a good idea, barfus ad infinitum.

IT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA, KAREN. YOU NEED TO STAY HOME SO I HAVE USE OF YOUR THUMBS.

Why can't she just raise the money and stay home?

Oh yeah. Free t-shirt at the end. IT'S NOT REALLY FREE, lady. Cripes, offer someone a big donation to their walk IF they send you their t-shirt at the end. I bet someone would.

Whatever. I have time until that inconveniences me.

The dammit machine? That's a problem NOW.

Maybe it I pee on the chain, she won't be able to use it to make so much noise.

I wonder if I can aim that high.

Welp, there's only one way to find out...

I'm leaking....

Doods...today is a day of a whole lot of words off the Bad Word List. And I'm leaking. because Sammy Meezer took off for the Bridge.

Sammy and his brother Miles were old, old friends, and the idea that they're both now gone is just...wrong.They were always fun and funny, and I miss them a lot already.

Today...hurts.

It's February 14!

It's his turn in the spotlight

Or it will be if I can pull him away from the TV.

Remember a long time ago I mentioned writing a book in which I interview Buddah? Well, it's happening. The next Wick book is with the primary beta reader so I want to switch gears while that one filters its way through the production line, and resume work on a book about the little freak.

I still have the questions people asked before, but am opening this up to more. What do you want to know about Buddah? What's the question you want him to answer the most? Leave your questions in the comments here and I'll make note of them (well, I'll copy and paste into a Word file because I'm lazy like that) and there's a good chance I'll ask him, either directly or as part of a conversation.

We got started a while ago and have had a lot of good conversations; some of it is stuff y'all know already, but in Buddah's words and his view on things.

Legal chit: Submitting a question here gives me permission to use the question, in whole or in part, without attribution (because I suck at that, and also, because I want the conversation to flow), as part of any edition of this book. That means print in paperback, hardback, digital, or any future means on publication. There's no guarantee that every question submitted will be used, though I may use it later in a blog post or future works.

It's about time y'all got to know him a little better, especially since he doesn't blog anymore.

So...whatcha wanna know?

If You Comment And It Vanishes...

Ugh. Technology.

After trying to figure out why one particular person could not seem to comment on my blog or the Woman's blog, we went digging this morning. We dug before, but never found anything odd, but this morning?

Yeah, it seems like a lot of y'all have been caught up in moderation and spam filters. Your comments have been hiding between the 3,087,298 offers of Viagra, Cialis, drugs to make my winky bigger and longer and apparently worthy of making women quiver, and one odd offer to make my clearly luxurious locks smooth and silky and strong enough for someone to grab and hold onto for the ride.

Y'all...I get A LOT of spam and Blogger has been catching 99.9% of it. I did not realize how much. I mean, it's a freakish amount. But it's also--and I cannot figure out why--catching a few of you in its snares and it thinks you're spamming me.

So. We spent a couple hours going through the last 2 years and approved real comments that were snared in moderation, and then changed the moderation time from 5 days to 20. Then we combed through all the spam, found as many legit comments as we could and marked them as Not Spam, so they should be in the comments section now.

If they were older than 2-3 years...yeah, they're probably gone. And I'm sorry. But both filters have been unclogged, and I will make an effort to check them a few times a week to be sure your wonderful thinks aren't caught in an unintended net.

I'm not sure whether to be irritated that so many legit comments were flagged, or impressed by the sheer volume of true spam Blogger catches. But mostly, it's on me for not even thinking to check it more often. If I made a habit of it, the comments would have been found within a day of posting, and I would have had a much easier time finding stuff that was in the middle of the waves of sale pitches aimed right at my tiny, empty junk.

Dang...

Wow, I haven't blogged all year. I missed an entire month there, and then some. I'd blame it on old age and getting forgetful, but it would be mean to tell everyone that's what the Woman's issue is when it comes to helping me type.

This is me, trying to get her to focus. I have to sit on the desk and tap her shoulder every now and then, otherwise she gets lost down the Reddit hole and eventually she starts drooling, her eyes glaze over, and she shows me really stupid things that involve dogs howling or jokes about all the Karens that annoy baristas at Starbucks.

But, lack of blogging aside, we have been working. We're eyeballs deep into The King of Saint Francis (title subject to change) and have started notes for what might wind up being a short story or novella.

'Course, I've said that about stuff before and what started as a novella exploded and turned into a novel.

I'm kinda verbose, it you haven't noticed.

Also, when we're not working, I'm doing a lot of this.

Snoozing on the bed that's under the desk. It's been there for a couple of years but I only recently started napping there. And now I wish I'd given it a good try long ago, because it's quiet there and it's dark, and Buddah leaves me alone.

Yeah, it's kinda dirty because no one thinks to look there and I've gotten a lot of hair on it in the last couple of weeks, but I don't mind. It's all MY fur and not HIS fur, so it's cool.

I do feel kinda bad for Buddah, though.

Y'all know how he likes high places and jumping to get there, right? Well, I'm noticing that more and more he's reluctant to make long leaps like he used to. He's looking for shortcuts to get up high more than he used to. Most of the time when he tries to jump he makes it, but a few times he's fallen short and is 7 kinds of embarrassed about it, and I totally get that so I won't make fun of him for it.

It's tough when you realize you're getting old. And he is, he's 13, almost 14.

So the People are paying attention, so they can figure out how to add shortcuts to his favorite places that don't already have them. Most of them do, and they don't want to discourage him when he feels like jumping because it's probably better for him to stretch his abilities, but they're watching.

He's also bee snoopervising while we work. Normally that would annoy me, but he sits behind the monitor and blocks the Woman's view of the TV, and that's just freaking funny.