Let's talk about laps, shall we?

Posted by Max | Posted on 6/30/2013 04:37:00 PM

Yes. Laps.

Peoples' legs as they sit, bent in such a way as to allow a kitty to rest upon them. Laps are a cat's right, I think, someplace warm to curl up, where the occasional head and chin skritch is offered, sometimes almost mindlessly.

Oftentimes, I'll get the itch to sit in a lap, but there's already a computer perched upon it. I find that annoying, but I've learned to work around it. I butt my way in, making the Woman slide it down to her knees, and I lie across her legs, using the arm of the chair as a pillow. She gets to keep surfing reddit and Fark, and I get my lap.

It's not always ideal, but it's fair. And on chilly evenings, the heat of the computer creates a nice, warm pocket of air between it and herself, which can be comfy.

But now? Now it's hot outside; while it's cool inside, the Woman finds herself more comfortable in shorts than in pants, and much of the time the shorts she wears around the house are thin and inadequate. They're skin tight, made out of stretchy stuff, and it's like she's not wearing anything at all.

I don't like this.

Curling up on a naked lap is just too squishy. I want a significant barrier between my paws and the Woman's flesh. I don't want to jump up there and feel like I'm trying to balance on Jello; she knows this, she understand this, but does she get up and put some damn pants on?

No. She does not.

She just tells me to either suck it up or get off.

Earlier today, she sat here with the TV on for noise while she read a book, and I wanted a lap. She patted her leg and told me there was plenty of room, so up I jumped.


Jello legs.

It was gross.

This would be more acceptable. Without Buddah.
I jumped back down and told her to go change; heck, just put on those long ugly shorts she likes to wear to boobie walk things. That would be fine; she would still be cool and I would have something decent to plop down on. Something reasonable between us.

She just snorted and told me it was too bad.

People...this is unacceptable. You owe your kitties a decent lap, and trust me, your naked flesh--or even Lycro-covered naked-feeling flesh--just doesn't cut it.

Put some clothes on.


It's only fair.

Comments (20)

the meowers have the opposite problem. i wear jeans 100% of the time (except when i'm wearing a nightgown, and then i don't sit where a cat might jump up with their regular load of catfeathers to disperse on me because i don't want the furs in bed because of my cat allergy). their complaint is, and i quote, "how is we sposed to draw copious amounts of blood wif our mighty clawrs when you're wearin' THAT stuff?"

You've definitely got a problem!

The Florida Furkids

I personally prefer a blanket over the legs, no matter what she's wearing...

If mum has other stuff on her lap, I sit on her boobities!


My kitties sympathize with you Max.They want a nice soft terry robe-no jello legs.

My kitties sympathize with you Max.They want a nice soft terry robe-no jello legs.

My kitties sympathize Max. They prefer a nice soft thick terry robe with plenty of material between them and my legs.

Silly hoomins need to wear enough clothing, at all times, to allow kitties traction without leaving those oopsies claw marks on flesh. People move, kitties grip, it happens.
And grow some fur already. Sheesh.

Max, we totally know what you mean. Laps were made for us cats and the humans should do everything they can to make them as comfortable as possible for us.

one word: BLANKIE!!

a kitty-sized one, just for you.

Me kitties will take the beds...any chair...or couch...me lap the one wont sit on at all and the other one wants a definite style of blue jean or he just will not sit on my lap. Me quite sad!

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Like Jello indeed!! Dad's home BTW - he was "Fishing in Idaho" likely story. Thanks for trying to assure a kitten, you're a cool cat.


Max, I don't do laps at all so this is never a problem with me!

Nekkid OR clothed, laps are just a skosh too, well, intimate for me. Nothing wrong with a nice chair across the room.

We just jump up on our moms boobs making sure to stick our butts in her face so she cannot see TV or anything else. Plus she overheats so it is all good.

Neo and Peanut

We totally agree!!! We simply do not like the feel of flesh! Eeeeuck!
Moms give no respect :/
They are supposed to serve us and comply with our wishes!
Purrs Tillie and Georgia,
Treasure,Tiger,JJ and Julie

Man, we feels your pain. The mom does that too, and ewwwww no one wants to sit on that!

Sometimes a claw or two is needed to get her to put some clothes on...but sometimes that just gets a cat yelled at.

Good luck!

Sasha, Sami, & Saku

My mom just says "It's too hot for cats" and that's it.

What a baby.

I have resorted to lying across mom's arms, especially while she is on the computer and can hold me up. Squishy (cough cough...well padded actually) with nice cotton t-shirts to leave lots of hair before she goes to earn more funds to buy me new toys...it works for now...
Marty the Manx