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OHMYGAWD LOOK!!!


Chomp

I had just gotten up from a nap when I heard the Woman laughing downstairs, so I went to see what was so funny--and as soon as she saw me she held a WHOLE donut in front of my face and said I could lick it! And after I licked it a little bit she broke it in half so I could take a bite!

Then Buddah came over and I let him have some, too. Because I'm nice that way.

Hey!


We only got a few little bites before the Woman said that was enough.

Enough's enough


See? That's what was left. She SAYS she tossed it out when we were done, but I think she mighta eated it.

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"Max," the Woman said as she gave me head skritches, "we are not spending all your money on a house. We're not using any of your money. When you get your royalty check it is all going into savings for you. But Christmas is coming, and I know you want to get Buddah a present, so I will give you some money to spend."

Ok, well she might not have said that EXACTLY, but that was the gist of it. I get to keep my money when it gets here (royalty checks take FOREVER, sheesh) but apparently I am expected to buy Buddah something. Phfftt. I bet he doesn't get me anything, because he doesn't HAVE any money. The little black monster is foolish enough that he works for FREE. He holds down papers for the Woman, and doesn't expect anything for it! Go figure!

Anyway, I got to thinking. What would Buddah like? And then I remembered last year he went absolutely apechit over these little heart shaped mousies the Grandma gave us. There was a red one and a green one, and after a few weeks no one could figure out what he did with either of them. But I know he'd like to have another one. Or two. Or ten.

So I spent ALL DAY online looking, and I cannot find these mousies. The Woman refused to go look in the stores today because she says she's Not Insane, though that's actually debatable. So I need help. If you know where I can find these mousies, please let me know. I mean, I'll ask Santa, too, but even if Santa brings him some, he'll really be happy if I get him some, too.

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Dooods! Happy Thanksgiving, though a little late.

Buddah and I were a little bent because the People were gonna go out instead of cooking for us--AGAIN--plus we weren't going to get to see the Younger Human. I mean, that was kind of sucky, no turkey AND no Younger Human. But when the People came home they brought us some turkey AND it was served to them BY the Younger Human. He works in a place called Carinos and had to bring food to people too lazy too cook for themselves (like my People) all day long, so they decided to go see him work and have turkey there.

The Woman said he might come over next week, but I might have to ignore him, just so he knows I'm still perturbed he moved out in the first place. Though, if he gives me crunchy treats...well, I'll pay attention to him then. For about 15 seconds. Maybe 20.

Now we can count down to Santa Claws! I don't think we're putting up a tree this year, what with the looming M-word, but I'm pretty sure that Santa comes anyway. I would like more fire thingies for the fireplace, but that whole m-word...sheesh, the People aren't sure if the fireplace in the new house is gas (meaning no fire thingies) or regular (which means I could have them.) But the Woman promises if I don't get any of the same fire thingies if the new place can use them, I'll get REAL WOOD to burn.

But still...I gotta think of something to ask Santa for, because I've been FREAKING GOOD this year. Right?


book...book...book...book...book

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The People have been terribly excited lately, coming and going, talking about papers to be signed and looking at "places" and SPENDING MAX'S MONEY. That one catches my attention every time. Like today when the Woman was giving me head skritches and mentioned as if it was perfectly all right "Today we're going to sign the papers that will probably render you completely broke." Or something like that. The actual words don't matter as much as the fact that when they're done I'll be penniless.

Until the next royalty check comes in. But who knows when that will be?

I can't complain too much. If all goes well (and with People, you never know. They very well could screw something up) we'll endure one more M-word, and then never again. I've been taking a certain amount of comfort in that idea--never, ever, ever again having to see all my stuff boxed up and taken away, never having to suffer through 4 days in the car...

And then it hit me.

One more m-word, and we'll be in the house WHERE I WILL DIE.

DEAD, DOOODS!

On the plus side, it's probably where the People will die, too. I'm not going to hold a contest to see who that happens to first. I'm kinda screwed if they kick it before I do, what with not having developed opposable thumbs and all. And I'd have to take care of Buddah... ack, no.

I hope I get enough years to really enjoy the never having to move again thing.

But yeah...only one more m-word.

Life is good.


Oh yeah, don't forget about my book!!!

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It's here! It's here!


Max's new book


We finally got the proof copy of my new book! It looks pretty good, though the Woman spotted a couple of typos that made her mad because she missed them after going over it like 100 times. In the original, she missed them. In the galley, she missed them. Everyone missed them!

But, it's not worth pulling the entire book over a couple of typos. Typos happen.

The Woman went ahead and ordered a box full of copies if it so that they'd be here in plenty of time for the holidays. So if you want one, or want to give one or two as gifts, order now!

ORDER...ORDER..ORDER


It's set up so you can use Paypal, but if you don't want to do that, the Woman will also take snail mail orders. Just be sure to email her and let her know to expect an order in the mail so she's sure to get off her lazy 'ttocks and go to the post office.

Kitties...your people need this book. They just don't understand us, and hopefully after reading this they'll at least know what they're doing wrong.

And don't forget--I answered a bunch of your questions, too!

It'll be up on Amazon and Barnes & Noble in a week or two...but I must greedily point out that I earn a little more if you buy direct. And apparently I have to buy Buddah a Christmas present, even though he's broke and probably won't get me one.

Oh yeah, I'm excited for this book and I don't care how girly it makes me seem!!!

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Ok, so one morning last week the Man got up before the Woman did, and he came downstairs to open cans of Stinky Goodness like a good pet caregiver should, and then he went back upstairs to read email or play some online game involving geeks and WoW and who knows what else. The thing is, he went upstairs before I had a chance to determine my own personal comfort level, and by the time I decided it was a little too cold downstairs, he was already up there engrossed in nerdly activities.

So I sat in the middle of the Woman's office, looked upstairs and said "Hey! Get back down her! I'm cold!" but being human all he heard was "Meow! Moew meow meow meow. MEOW!" He wandered out of the Hall of CompuGeek, looked down and said something like "What do you want? You need to be quiet." And then he turned around and went back to his Whatever before I could even answer him.

So I went over the the foot of the stairs and looked up at the thingy on the wall that has the magic buttons the People can press to make the warm air blowing thingy come one and said "GET DOWN HERE BECAUSE I AM COLD!!!"

He wandered back out and looked down, and saw what I was looking at as I meowed, and said "Oh! You're cold!" I would have bit him, but he did come down and turned the warm air blowing thingy on for me.

Later on he was relating the tale from his warped people perspective for the Woman, but I didn't bite him because he started it with "You know how smart Max is?"

Well no chit Cherlock. I'm glad you finally grasped that notion. It only took you what, seven years?

One would think that after I meowed so loudly when I needed something, that this would sink into their brains. Yes, I sing for them, but that's quite a different tone of meow. When I'm sitting downstairs saying MEOW MEOW MEOW with authority, they should know something is amiss.

But then the other night the Woman was asleep, but I needed her so I meowed. Loudly. Loud enough that she woke up and came downstairs to see what was the matter. When she got here I said "Turn on the light, I have something to show you," but all she did was ask "What's wrong?" and then she looked out the window and added, "there's no one out there, Big Guy."

Well duh. Trust me, if someone had been out there trying to get in, I wouldn't be sitting in the middle of the room talking about it. I'd be upstairs hiding under a bed. I'm not stupid. Obviously.

But instead of turning on the light and seeing what I needed her to see, she went back to bed. Oh, she didn't sleep and then complained to the Man that I'd woken her up at 4:30 in the morning and she couldn't get back to sleep, but she couldn't taken 30 seconds to turn the freaking light on.

Later that day they were both in the living room and the Man asked, "what's that on the floor?" and the Woman looked and said, "It looks like a hairball." Nice catch there, sunshine. It was indeed a hairball, barfed quite nicely on the tile flooring by the fire box thingy. You know, a place easy to clean. That's how thoughtful I am.

Then the lightbulb went off over hear head, singing what few brain cells I think she has left. "Maybe that's what he wanted when he woke me up...he wanted me to clean up the barf."

:::sigh:::

I'm a smart kitty. They've admitted as much. So why don't they listen to me???

Really.

At least I did MY part and TOLD her there was something she needed to see. It's not my fault they're a little dense.

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I did NOT attack the Woman's boobs. It's just that there was this string on her sweatshirt, and it moved, so I HAD to go for it, and her boobs got in the way. That's all, I SWEAR.

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If I had a palm, my face would be in it...

Ok, lots of you emailed me about a newsletter from PetPlace.com...apparently the little black monster has a name so unusual people are taking note of it. Now, if you want to know what total irritation feels like, let a kitty with ADHD (emphasize the H) traits know there's something special about him. Buddah is WAY too excited about this, but since it makes him happy, go tell him how cool it is.

=sigh=

In other news, getting a proof copy of my book has been delayed because someone :::glares at the Woman::: screwed up the spine and it was gonna print on the back. And it was screwed up twice, sh she finally said a whole bunch of really fun words and just took all the words off the spine. I think that makes her spineless...

Oh, and to everyone who emailed me about the newsletter...it realy is kinda cool so thank for letting me...but don't tell Buddah I said so. I'll never hear the end of it...

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Winners! We did it a little differently this time. There were 61 comments, so we used a random number generator to pick two numbers, and the kitties who commented and were that number, they win!



Click to biggify

#28 was The Island Cats, and #51 was TC!!!
Congrats!
Now, ya gotta email me your snail mail addresses so I can send the books to you! psychokitty -at- gmail -dot- com.

Thanks for playing! I'm starting to love giving stuff away!

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Check it out, you want this!




It's another free book and I'm giving it away! Actually, I have TWO copies to give away. Same rules as before, just comment that you wanna win, and we'll have a drawing for it. You can enter through Tuesday at 8 p.m. PT, and the Woman will post the winners as soon after that as she can!

This is a really neat book, with lots of illustrations and funny sayings ad advice, and some Things That Make You Go Hmmm (heh like the definition of bird--canned food with wings but no can! Hahahaha!) So enter to win now!

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Wow...I'm approaching 400,000 visitors. Since I missed my Blogiversary, I'm hoping to not miss it when I hit 400K... There should be a prize for whoever manages to be the magic visitor, don'tcha think? At the current rate it might be 2 months before it gets there...hmmm...if I dangle a really good prize, do ya think I'd get more visits in less time? Hmmm...

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Ya know, if you don't want my help eating your donut, you should go sit in the closet to eat it...



About the book... Once I can order copies of it, I'll ship it anywhere. Australia, Austria, whatever. Because I'm nice like that. It's also going to be available on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble online, places like that. It should be ready in time for Christmas, at least in the U.S. I'm not sure what shipping times will do to overseas availability, though I think the printer has facilities in the U.K., so English kitties can cut the ship time that way.

I make more money if you buy it from me, though... Just sayin'... ;)

I do touch on what will happen to people who break the rules. They will not be happy people. But then, they *shouldn't* be happy if they're not fulfilling their felinely obligations...right?

We should get a proof copy next week, and if it looks good we can start taking pre-orders, so that when we get the first shipment of books we can turn around and get them in the mail ASAP. The publisher already knows if I can't get them in time for holiday gift giving that there will be a whole lot of pooping going on...in stealthy places, too. I'm hoping that means the publisher will not sit on its publishing butt and make sure that I'm a HAPPY CAT.

If I'm happy, everyone is happy. Or that's how it should be.

Word.

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IT'S COMING!
Go ahead, get excited
You know you're gonna want one...



Click to biggify

soon...soon...soon

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Yo. Soldier Boy. Sailor Dood. Flyboy. And you, the guy with the jarhead haircut. You, too, Coastie. You who put on the uniform and fought and paid the price to keep freedom free for the rest of us. The doods and doodettes willing to do what most won't, you who got dirty and bloody, even when the end result might be people spitting on you when you got home. You who gave so much so that I could have Stinky Goodness every night and crunchy treats on a whim, just because my People are free to have me as a pet and not need me for food. For all the blood, all the sweat, the pain, and the sacrifice.

Thank you.

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Pay attention, people, this is Truthiness in Color:


funny pictures of cats with captions

Now get up, stop whining about being sleepy, and open the can!

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This is where I was in the I'm Not Fat picture:


Oh...it's you
CLick through to see a bigger version

It's a wall cutout thingy really high up. I don't think I'm going to have one at the next place because the people keep making a big deal about no stairs. Phffft.

Ok.

Are you ready to win?

It's the Psychokitty Trivia Game!
and you're playing for these:


A microwave mat...your person heats it up and you sit on it. Very toasty.
A cat dancer!
A toy mouse that looks REAL!
And two of my favorites--TRIBBLES!

First kitty to answer all three questions correctly wins! Just answer in the comments. Ponder carefully, because there's only one entry per household. I hope that sounds fair. If you have sibling kitties, feel free to consult with them, but only one of you gets to answer!

Ready?

Are ya?

1. I used to have a Golden Retriever named Hank. He was a very good dog (because he left me alone) and everyone still misses him. What was his nickname?

2. What is the big word I first used to describe changing back from daylight savings time?

3. What did Buddah take away from me before I even got to see what HE was?

Good luck!

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It's coming...
..........Are you ready...?
....................Stay tuned for TRIVIA!

Yep...sometime this weekend I'm gonna post a question about ME, and the first kitty to get it right WINS A PRIZE!!! And it's a GOOD PRIZE!!!

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I AM NOT FAT!!!

See? I fit

I'm just...fluffy.

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"Max," the Woman said, "I'm going to spare you the torture of a car ride. Cats aren't allowed in the polling place, so you might as well stay home."

Well first I was relieved. Because, you know, I detest going places, because going places never ends well. In my experience, a car ride either means going to the stabby place, or it means 4 long days of riding and nights in creepy weird rooms. So I'm not a fan of car rides.

But then I realized...she said cats aren't allowed in the voting place! Then how the hell could I vote?

"How about I vote for you?" she offered, and I thought that was mighty generous. "I'll see if Chey is on the list of approved write in candidates, and write her name in for you if she is. But if not..who do you want me to vote for?"

I didn't need to ponder this very long. I knew who my second choice was, but the problem is that the Woman does not understand Cat very well, and I was afraid if I said a name, she would misunderstand. "Meow" is what she would hear, and I worried she might think I meant the old guy. Now I think he's a very nice old guy and perfectly capable of leading the country, but I have extreme reservations about his VP pick, and since he's so old his VP pick was very very important. I like him a lot, but I did not want to vote for him.

So I had to make sure the Woman understood who my vote was for. How could I make her understand I wanted to vote for change? To make history? How to get it through her thick skull that while I like the old guy, I think the younger guy is a better choice? I mean, I can live with either one being elected fairly, I really can, but I wanted my vote to go for the person who resonates with me the most. I needed to make her understand!

I didn't have much time to think. She was getting ready to leave.

"Well?" she asked.

So I did what I had to do. I hocked up a hairball.

That did kinda sound like barrrraaaccckkk.



Truly, I am behind whoever wins. Both are good guys and both have the ability to lead, and whoever gets the nod has a big mess to clean up. So even if my guy doesn't win, the country gets my support over my wishes...I hope it's pretty much like that for everyone, because we have to take up the intellectual slack our People are lacking. Let's get back to respecting the Office of the President, no matter who wins.

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GO VOTE!!!

I was all set to actually get into the blue plastic tomb and go for a :::shudder::: car ride so that I could go vote for Chey. Because truly, Chey would be THE BEST president EVER.

But then...then I went to her blog and read this. Even is she wins, these PEOPLE aren't gonna let her serve.

Well. I never...

=sigh=

Even though Chey can't be president, you should still go vote. I don't care who you vote for, just vote.

:::Wanders off, grumbling about speciism:::

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I really really really really realy really hate it when they put the clocks back an hour. 'Cause you know what happens? The People seem to think they get to sleep an extra house, and the kitties go UNFED while they waste time in bed. they think they're being nice by "splitting the difference" and opening cans of Stinky Goodness at the half hour mark, but really, I was hungry ON THE HOUR. So was Buddah.

Now in the spring when the go forward...that's okay. 'Cause that's when I get fed early, and early is always good.

Oh and a few of youse wanted to know what the Woman got drawn on her skin for forever and ever. First you have to go read this and then go see the picture here so that it makes sense.

Skeezix might like it. It's got LOTS of pink in it.

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The Woman went and did it again, she let someone draw on her with PERMANENT ink. And she keeps smearing this stinky stuff on it that's also kinda sticky...and then she whines that there's cat hair stuck to her little drawing. Well, quit using the sticky stuff! It really is that easy!

This time, I'm not gonna be nice and even try to lick that thing off her. You'd think at her age she would know better.