The PsychoKitty Speaks Out

Okay so my people decided they were gonna start eating better and they wanted to shed some girth because apparently that gets in the way of things they think are fun but I find just plain disgusting and I don't even wanna go there, really. They decided this before the man had that scare thinking his heart was broken, so they've been eating better for like 5 weeks now.

Kitties...this is not a good thing. The food they eat now? It smells good and all but there's so little of it that they refuse to share! It used to be that if I sat there very politely I would get a tiny taste of whatever they had for dinner unless it was going to make flames shoot out my asterisk, but now? Not a chance. They're =this= close to sticking their faces down and licking their plates clean.

Now every week they go see this person Jenny Craig and she sells them the food they're going to eat all week. Kind of like a crack dealer for fat people. I mean really, they could do crack and get the same results and have a lot more fun, I think, but they seem to like this Jenny person.

But Jenny Craig does not give them enough food to share with the kitties. She gives them these tiny, tiny meals and then makes them eat fruits and vegetables, which I cannot stand. This tells me that Jenny Craig is rude and inconsiderate.

This also tells me something very important: Jenny Craig must be pooped upon.

I just don't know how to get the people to bring her here, where this can be accomplished, instead of going there every week.

But clearly, she must be pooped upon.