Seriously, don't.
Trust me. You'll thank me when you sober up.
Trust me. You'll thank me when you sober up.
February 09, 2014
February 07, 2014
OhMyCod Just JUMP Already!
Really, I've been watching this dood for like 5 minutes and he Just.Won't.Jump!
* * *
Apparently a lot of people like to see how lazy they are every day, because stores can't keep this sucker in stock. But the Younger Human has one brand new in the box, and on February 20th someone is going to win it. To win it, you gotta donate to his Polar Plunge thing. It's a win-win all the way around: he raises money for the Special Olympics, there's a prize to be won, AND your donations are tax deductible.
Every $5 gets you a shot at it.
Clicky Here to donate.
* * *
In other news, I heard the People talking about the weather this weekend and it's going to be all rainy and windy. Normally this would not affect me, but doods, I heard the Woman say she's staying home and not going outside because she's 13 kinds of delicate, and she's going to walk on her treadmill.
That sucker is noisy.
My naps are going to be interrupted.
This weekend is going to suck.
February 06, 2014
New routine working just fine...
I decided to mix it up a little. I've kind of overdone the whole singing in the middle of the night thing, so I decided to just wake the Woman up a lot during the night. Only I'm doing it nicely, so it's taking her a bit to figure out that she's tired for a reason.
Take last night.
She went to bed around 12:30 and was asleep pretty fast. I waited until 2, then jumped up by her head and meowed softly into her ear; she woke up a little, skritched my head, and then rolled over.
That was fine.
At 3:30, I did it again. And again she rubbed my head and behind my ears.
Then at 4:30.
And at 6:30.
And at 7? Well, that's time to get up and feed the kitties. She fought it until 7:13, rolled out of bed and shuffled down the hall to open a can for us, and because she is not a morning person, she went back to bed.
That was fine, too.
But at 8 I wanted to nap in the big comfy bed, so I jumped up by her head and meowed, then plopped down and curled up near her head. And every 5 minutes, I meowed again, until she sighed hard and got up again.
I was nice; I made sure she did everything she's supposed to, followed her into the kitchen to make sure she got a drink, and when she sat down in her chair I told her "See ya, sucker!" and took over the bed.
I've done this just about every night for a week.She's starting to catch on, because I heard her whining to the Man that I keep waking her up, but she also said she can't really get mad because I'm not being a dick about it. I'm just meowing and then curling up by her.
I am so totally winning this. I mean, I don't really know what this is, but I'm winning!
Take last night.
She went to bed around 12:30 and was asleep pretty fast. I waited until 2, then jumped up by her head and meowed softly into her ear; she woke up a little, skritched my head, and then rolled over.
That was fine.
At 3:30, I did it again. And again she rubbed my head and behind my ears.
Then at 4:30.
And at 6:30.
And at 7? Well, that's time to get up and feed the kitties. She fought it until 7:13, rolled out of bed and shuffled down the hall to open a can for us, and because she is not a morning person, she went back to bed.
That was fine, too.
But at 8 I wanted to nap in the big comfy bed, so I jumped up by her head and meowed, then plopped down and curled up near her head. And every 5 minutes, I meowed again, until she sighed hard and got up again.
I was nice; I made sure she did everything she's supposed to, followed her into the kitchen to make sure she got a drink, and when she sat down in her chair I told her "See ya, sucker!" and took over the bed.
I've done this just about every night for a week.She's starting to catch on, because I heard her whining to the Man that I keep waking her up, but she also said she can't really get mad because I'm not being a dick about it. I'm just meowing and then curling up by her.
I am so totally winning this. I mean, I don't really know what this is, but I'm winning!
February 03, 2014
January 30, 2014
Yep, time for a change
I have carefully cultivated a night time routine that suits me quite well. After my 10 p.m. snack I stretch out on the big comfy bed until around 11:30, when the Woman comes into the room and sits in bed to read before shutting things down for the night. When she comes in, I yawn, glare at her, and then jump down, making sure she understands that I am not happy; I was comfortable and don't want to share the bed.
After I get some dry noms, I take a nap in her chair in the living room, waiting until 4:30 in the morning, when I jump up onto the bed right by her head, and meow softly. She wakes up just enough to give me head skritches, and then I plop down and let her sleep until it's time for breakfast. She gets up, feeds us, stumbles back to bed, and I go plop down by her head again. When it's time for her to get up for real, I meow her away, get head skritches, lead her to the giant litterbox room, I make sure she does everything in the right order and that she doesn't forget her drugs, then I lead her into the kitchen so she gets a fizzy drink.
After all that, I'm tired, so I get some dry noms and go back to the big bed to sleep for a few hours.
This routine has been really nice for a long time.
The problem? She noticed it. She told the Man how I've been getting head skritches at 4:30 but I'm not keeping her awake, and that she likes that so much more than the concertos I was holding in the hallway.
Well.
Now I have to change the routine. It's bad enough she noticed it. She LIKES it. Clearly, I have to resume singing instead of getting head skritches. I won't enjoy it as much, but a guy has to do what a guy has to do.
I can't go around being predictable.
I hope she enjoys the music I've selected for tonight. I call it "Cat Tail Under Giant Foot."
It's a real screamer.
After I get some dry noms, I take a nap in her chair in the living room, waiting until 4:30 in the morning, when I jump up onto the bed right by her head, and meow softly. She wakes up just enough to give me head skritches, and then I plop down and let her sleep until it's time for breakfast. She gets up, feeds us, stumbles back to bed, and I go plop down by her head again. When it's time for her to get up for real, I meow her away, get head skritches, lead her to the giant litterbox room, I make sure she does everything in the right order and that she doesn't forget her drugs, then I lead her into the kitchen so she gets a fizzy drink.
After all that, I'm tired, so I get some dry noms and go back to the big bed to sleep for a few hours.
This routine has been really nice for a long time.
The problem? She noticed it. She told the Man how I've been getting head skritches at 4:30 but I'm not keeping her awake, and that she likes that so much more than the concertos I was holding in the hallway.
Well.
Now I have to change the routine. It's bad enough she noticed it. She LIKES it. Clearly, I have to resume singing instead of getting head skritches. I won't enjoy it as much, but a guy has to do what a guy has to do.
I can't go around being predictable.
I hope she enjoys the music I've selected for tonight. I call it "Cat Tail Under Giant Foot."
It's a real screamer.
January 23, 2014
January 19, 2014
The People Hath Returned
...and they're like, "Did you miss me? DID YOU MISS ME?"
Um. No. I had the Grandma, who provided food and treats and a lap. Yes, a lap. AND SHE WEARS PANTS. The Woman could learn from her.
So I haven't been hanging all over them, trying to make them think they're being gone was important or anything. In fact, I was pointedly ignoring them so they would understand they're not exactly necessary to my having a complete and wonderful life. Plus, they didn't bring me anything, so why should I fawn all over them?
But.
They did do this for me while they were on their way home.
They stopped at the Chuck Erreca Rest Stop, the one that Skeezix made world famous, so they could give him a salute for me, and see the places where his awesomeness had been.
They didn't even have to pee; the Woman knew the rest stop was along the way so she told the Man she wanted to stop because Skeezix had been there, and he was all, "Well, of course," so they stopped to pay homage to him. She knows how much I miss His Royal Pinkness. Since I don't like to go outside, having them stop there and take it all in (including, she says, some pretty funky odors) was a pretty cool thing.
So they went to the House of Mouse and didn't buy me anything, but they got to see something that Skeez made ultra world famous, so I think I'm kinda cool with that.
I'm not too sure I'm cool with this, though:
Is she SINGING? What the heck, doods. She must be singing, cause that lady in front of her is screaming and the guy next to her is laughing. Yeah, she sings that badly.
The Man is laughing...but he can hardly hear, so he must not know how awful it is.
Um. No. I had the Grandma, who provided food and treats and a lap. Yes, a lap. AND SHE WEARS PANTS. The Woman could learn from her.
So I haven't been hanging all over them, trying to make them think they're being gone was important or anything. In fact, I was pointedly ignoring them so they would understand they're not exactly necessary to my having a complete and wonderful life. Plus, they didn't bring me anything, so why should I fawn all over them?
But.
They did do this for me while they were on their way home.
They stopped at the Chuck Erreca Rest Stop, the one that Skeezix made world famous, so they could give him a salute for me, and see the places where his awesomeness had been.
Fun fact: if you do a Google Image Search for the Chuck Erreca Rest Area, you get to see a lot of pictures of Skeez. And some of Mr. Tasty Face.
They didn't even have to pee; the Woman knew the rest stop was along the way so she told the Man she wanted to stop because Skeezix had been there, and he was all, "Well, of course," so they stopped to pay homage to him. She knows how much I miss His Royal Pinkness. Since I don't like to go outside, having them stop there and take it all in (including, she says, some pretty funky odors) was a pretty cool thing.
So they went to the House of Mouse and didn't buy me anything, but they got to see something that Skeez made ultra world famous, so I think I'm kinda cool with that.
I'm not too sure I'm cool with this, though:
Is she SINGING? What the heck, doods. She must be singing, cause that lady in front of her is screaming and the guy next to her is laughing. Yeah, she sings that badly.
The Man is laughing...but he can hardly hear, so he must not know how awful it is.
January 13, 2014
It's kinda mean, but...
I kinda laughed.
My posting will be scarce this week. Like non-existent. Because my People are rude and going somewhere without me. BUT! I get the Grandma, so it's cool.
My posting will be scarce this week. Like non-existent. Because my People are rude and going somewhere without me. BUT! I get the Grandma, so it's cool.
January 10, 2014
Yep, it's a dog...
...but come on, this is awesome.
The dood stole some chicken nuggets. CHICKEN NUGGETS!
Who knew there was a dog out there with those kind of smarts?
The dood stole some chicken nuggets. CHICKEN NUGGETS!
Who knew there was a dog out there with those kind of smarts?
January 06, 2014
Please go read this...
http://hilaryfields.com/2014/01/06/my-fathers-cats/
These two kitties are going to need someone sooner than anyone would like, and my gut says they need to stay together.
I'm hoping one of my east coast/NYC buds knows someone who would be able to provide a good home for them when the time comes, or help in some way.
Please go take a look.
They don't deserve what might happen to them if no one can give them their last forever home. They've been really, really important in getting two people through some awful things...
The CB has pulled off some miracles...I really hope this can be one of them.
I'm hoping one of my east coast/NYC buds knows someone who would be able to provide a good home for them when the time comes, or help in some way.
Please go take a look.
They don't deserve what might happen to them if no one can give them their last forever home. They've been really, really important in getting two people through some awful things...
The CB has pulled off some miracles...I really hope this can be one of them.
December 31, 2013
December 24, 2013
December 22, 2013
December 18, 2013
SECRET PAWS!!!
Doods, I totally did not expect to get mail today but I got a BIG box, and on it was a return address that said,
and it was for me and Buddah! I inspected it pretty closely before it got opened and I could already tell there was some stellar stuff inside.
I mean, look all all this!
There were crunchy treats--TEMPTATIONS!--and toys and a nip banana and a scracther, and this little red sproingy toy that Buddah went nuts over, and even a mug for the Woman!
(Ok she took it whether it was for her or not. Because IT IS AWESOME and she thinks it's too nice for me or for Buddah.)
See? it is pretty spiffy.
We took too many pictures to show here, so if you want to see us get our presents from Allie, Ellie, and Raz from Friends Furever, go peek at the whole set of pictures on our Flickr thingy.
SECRET PAWS
and it was for me and Buddah! I inspected it pretty closely before it got opened and I could already tell there was some stellar stuff inside.
I mean, look all all this!
There were crunchy treats--TEMPTATIONS!--and toys and a nip banana and a scracther, and this little red sproingy toy that Buddah went nuts over, and even a mug for the Woman!
(Ok she took it whether it was for her or not. Because IT IS AWESOME and she thinks it's too nice for me or for Buddah.)
See? it is pretty spiffy.
We took too many pictures to show here, so if you want to see us get our presents from Allie, Ellie, and Raz from Friends Furever, go peek at the whole set of pictures on our Flickr thingy.
Allie & Ellie & Raz, thank you so much! Your gifts were super spiffy and totally made my day!
December 17, 2013
I'm really digging the tree this year
I mean, look at it. It's loaded with Doctor Who awesomeness, and one of my beds is near it--you can see the corner of it in the picture, there on the lower left--and it's near the fire place thingy.
And even though none of those presents are for me--and that's cool because I ask the people to spend money on toys and stuff because I know Santa will hook me up--I like looking at them. The Woman got all inspired and color-matched presents to people. The blue ones are for the Younger Human and the red and white ones are for the Man (and trust me, it's more even than it looks) and having them stacked like that makes for my absolutely favorite part.
Having everything there makes my nook even more private and I can take nice, quiet, Buddah-free naps, because he never thinks to look behind the tree. Doods, he's not even really playing with the tree this year. And that's a good thing, because the really cool Doctor Who ornaments are glass. Heck, there's another bigger tree in the front room and he's leaving that alone, too, though he gets under it.
That's actually all right. The people bought the skirt thingy just for us, so we'd have something soft to lay on if we wanted to lounge under the tree. I don't use it, really, but Buddah likes it.
There's only a week until Christmas, guys! ONE WEEK! I'm excited because I'm pretty sure Santa will bring me a new nip banana, but I'm also not looking forward to it because that means that not long after the tree will get put away and I'll lose my private space.
I wonder if I can glue the tree down when no one is looking...
December 14, 2013
The Woman went shopping with DKM today...
...and what did she get me?
NOTHING. She got me a big fat NOTHING.
On the other hand, she bought a couple somethings for That Damned Dog Butters. But ya know, I'm so used to it now that I didn't even bother registering a complaint. I just plopped down on the floor, hitched my back leg up, and licked myself.
I'm just gonna be 6 kinds of chill, and wait for Santa to bring me that real live fresh dead shrimp.
I'm not even gonna go poop on anyone's pillow.
Just chill.
That's how I roll.
What? Hell yes I've been in the nip tonight. Why are you asking?
NOTHING. She got me a big fat NOTHING.
On the other hand, she bought a couple somethings for That Damned Dog Butters. But ya know, I'm so used to it now that I didn't even bother registering a complaint. I just plopped down on the floor, hitched my back leg up, and licked myself.
I'm just gonna be 6 kinds of chill, and wait for Santa to bring me that real live fresh dead shrimp.
I'm not even gonna go poop on anyone's pillow.
Just chill.
That's how I roll.
What? Hell yes I've been in the nip tonight. Why are you asking?
December 12, 2013
Hmphf
Okay, so today the people put pants on--REAL PANTS--and left the house, saying they were going shopping for toys.
Now, the Younger Human doesn't play with toys.
The people don't play with toys.
So clearly, they were buying cat toys. I am a cat; I occasionally hunt the toys in the house to kill them.
When they go shopping they're usually gone for a long time, so I went into the room with the big comfy bed and jumped up there to take a long nap, and I admit, I was a little excited. New toys! It's been a while since I've had a toy I wanted to kill, so that was something to look forward to.
But then they came home, and what did they have?
A whole lot of nothing.
Seriously, nothing.
They walked in empty handed.
At first I thought they'd just struck out and couldn't find anything Max-worthy, but then the Woman left her phone where I could see it and LOOK AT THIS
There are a lot of toys there but not one damned cat toy.
So when the Woman sat down I jumped in her lap and was going to tell her exactly what I thought about it but then she went and said, "Lots of toys, right, Big Guy? And you bought most of them."
Well dammit, now I can't even be mad.
Not even a tiny bit.
And really, doods, you bought these toys: it took 2 trips, filling up the back of the HHR both times. I save most of my money from my books every year to buy things for Toys for Tots at Christmas and some random cat thingies for cats that need cat thingies, but this is the Toys Haul.
When you bought copies of my books, you were also buying toys for sticky people who might not get much for the holidays.
It would have been nice if they'd SAID this is what they were doing instead of getting me all excited about waking up to a new thing to kill, but it's cool. Now I feel all warm and tingly, and it's not much longer until Christmas, and Santa will hook me up. The Woman assures me that she made sure he knows I would like a new nip banana and some real live fresh dead shrimp, and that's all I really want or need.
Thanks, guys. I don't always get a real feel for how many books I sell or where the money goes, but seeing this?
I freaking have warm fuzzies right now.
Now, pet my head and tell me I'm pretty. I feel pretty tonight.
Now, the Younger Human doesn't play with toys.
The people don't play with toys.
So clearly, they were buying cat toys. I am a cat; I occasionally hunt the toys in the house to kill them.
When they go shopping they're usually gone for a long time, so I went into the room with the big comfy bed and jumped up there to take a long nap, and I admit, I was a little excited. New toys! It's been a while since I've had a toy I wanted to kill, so that was something to look forward to.
But then they came home, and what did they have?
A whole lot of nothing.
Seriously, nothing.
They walked in empty handed.
At first I thought they'd just struck out and couldn't find anything Max-worthy, but then the Woman left her phone where I could see it and LOOK AT THIS
 |
| Water fountain not included |
So when the Woman sat down I jumped in her lap and was going to tell her exactly what I thought about it but then she went and said, "Lots of toys, right, Big Guy? And you bought most of them."
Well dammit, now I can't even be mad.
Not even a tiny bit.
 |
| Second load being delivered to the fire station |
When you bought copies of my books, you were also buying toys for sticky people who might not get much for the holidays.
It would have been nice if they'd SAID this is what they were doing instead of getting me all excited about waking up to a new thing to kill, but it's cool. Now I feel all warm and tingly, and it's not much longer until Christmas, and Santa will hook me up. The Woman assures me that she made sure he knows I would like a new nip banana and some real live fresh dead shrimp, and that's all I really want or need.
Thanks, guys. I don't always get a real feel for how many books I sell or where the money goes, but seeing this?
I freaking have warm fuzzies right now.
Now, pet my head and tell me I'm pretty. I feel pretty tonight.
December 08, 2013
I'm just surprised he still sorta fits in that
First he was like this
Then he was all
I feel his pain. It really sux when someone interrupts a good nap by taking a picture.
Then he was all
I feel his pain. It really sux when someone interrupts a good nap by taking a picture.
December 06, 2013
December 02, 2013
Cripes
It's December, right?
Chilly outside, right?
Fire thingy weather, right?
So why won't the Woman PUT SOME PANTS ON???
Seriously...aside from the eye bleach I'm hoping Santa brings me, instead if pant she wears these slippery shorts that fit like skin, and that makes it very unpleasant for me to sit on her lap.
It's cold.
She should wear pants.
Five bucks to whomever can convince her that she needs pants.
Chilly outside, right?
Fire thingy weather, right?
So why won't the Woman PUT SOME PANTS ON???
Seriously...aside from the eye bleach I'm hoping Santa brings me, instead if pant she wears these slippery shorts that fit like skin, and that makes it very unpleasant for me to sit on her lap.
It's cold.
She should wear pants.
Five bucks to whomever can convince her that she needs pants.
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