I bet it tastes like chicken...

Ok, the Woman said she bought a moose when she was somewhere that was not here paying attention to me. I have looked all over this freaking house, and I don't see any kind of a moose. It's not in the back yard, either, I looked out the window to check. I did notice some bacon in the fridge, but I don't think it's related. I went to inform her that she lost her moose, but when I jumped into her lap her I could smell ickiness coming from her head, so I just ran off. It's not like she would share the moose with me, anyway.

HE'S TOUCHING ME!!!

Make him stop!

The Woman shared this picture of me on Facebook last night because she thought I was watching TV and for some reason that amused her.

In reality, there was a fly on the wall above the TV, and that's what I was looking at. I didn't really feel like getting up and chasing it, though. Besides, I don't eat bugs, I only rip off their arms and legs, so I might as well leave them to Buddah.

But today, I was looking at exactly what she thought I was.

The outside.

She had the window and front door open because it's not too hot out, so there was a nice breeze moving through the house, and it just felt good on my furs. There's not much out there to see, partly because that outside cooking thing is there and partly because there's a fence around the yard, but staring out at the back yard beats staring at Buddah.

I dunno where he was. Probably plastered on the big bed, flat on his back with his feet sticking up, like a person who's had one Stupid Drink too many.

I need to enjoy the open window days, because it's not normal for this time of year, and pretty soon the people won't open them at all because the cold air blowing thing will be on.

Don't get me wrong, I like that, too, but it's not the same as a cool, fresh breeze ruffling your fur.

I bet if we moved to San Francisco where Spitty lives, we'd have a breeze all the time. The Woman says we have to win the lottery first.

Or I have to write a best seller.

I'm working on that, I really am.

Man...looks like someone is getting ready for the Cat-o-lypmics!



I'm not sure what event this is, but everyone entering better start training cause this kitty is in pretty good shape!

DOODS! I have had the most AWESOME birthday! The People went to San Francisco because the Woman's sisters were there, and GUESS WHO GOT TO GO!!!

It was so sweet, it kinda needs to be like a photo essay...

First, We went to Pier 39, where I sat in front of some flowers. They smelled pretty good, but I was hoping for fish. I mean, that's what you expect on a Pier, right?

There were lots of places to buy stuff. The one store I wanted to go into, they wouldn't let me, on account of it was a knife shop and I wanted to buy a switchblade. Apparently, I am not allowed to have one.

But...I got to sit on Forrest Gump's bench. The dood must have left in a hurry, because he left his box of chocolates. They wouldn't let me take it, either. I suppose in case he comes back for it.

Then we walked a little bit and stopped to pee on Fisherman's Wharf. Seriously, doods, we peed there! And you have to stand in a freaking line to pee there! But it all smelled like fish, so I didn't mind.

This is the Woman and me chillin' by a fountain at Ghiradelli Square. I think we look kinda badass. Right after that, everyone got a piece of chocolate. Except me. Because, you know, I didn't want to croak on my birthday.

Then we got to ride a cable car! The line was really long and it took us like 40 minutes to actually get on one, but it was pretty spiffy to ride. We took it from near Ghiradelli Square to Union Square. We got off there because the people were all hungry and wanted to see what they could see from the terrace at the Cheesecake Factory. And that sucker is 8 stories up on top of Macy's!

This is me with the ants, Kathy and Mary. I think they liked petting me. And the food there? Pretty decent. Even the birds think so.

See this guy? He sat there and talked those people into feeding him. There's actually a plexiglass barrier between them, but there's also a inch wide space where they put pieces of food for him.I think he was jealous that I actually got to sit at a table.

Then we went back down to Union Square, where I sat on top of one of the giant hearts. 

See? Pretty freaking high up! I could see a lot from up there.

After that we walked down to a mall and the people all peed again...and by then it was time for us to go, so we said goodbye to the ants and got on the BART train to go home, where I got to scarf down a bunch of fish and shrimp. It was an AWESOME day.

Yep.

It's my birthday.

The big onety-one.

I suspect it's going to go alot like that picture.

Unmet expectations.

Disappointment.

No cake.

But, we'll see.

I hope there's real live fresh dead shrimp.

That's not too much to ask for.

But man.

Onety-one.

I'm getting old.

It's not Buddah...


...but when he was that little, he woulda done the same thing...

This is my You Got What You Deserve face

Look...if you clean my box EVERY SINGLE DAY, preferably twice a day, I will refrain from inappropriate peeing. But lady, if I go in there and it's still got yesterday's pee clumps and Buddah's uncovered bizness, I am going to march into the living room, squat, and pee on the floor RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU because, really, IT WORKS. Sure, you got 5 different kinds of unhappy excited, but I have a clean box now, don't I?

I've always kinda wanted to try this...but maybe not so much now...

Look at this guy! The People went out yesterday and were gone for a few hours (but not long enough for me to worry about dinner...they had the courtesy to leave during my napping hours) and when they came back they had a picture of this guy.

Now, at first I thought that I would REALLY like to find out if he tastes like chicken, but I had no idea what the heck I was looking at, so I asked the Woman. What the heck is that?

"That," she said, "is Macaroni."

I called shenanigans. I've seen macaroni. It doesn't look a thing like that dood. It looks all weird and whitish until the cheese whiz gets poured on, and then it's a bowl full of lickable goodness.

"His name is Macaroni," she added.

Well, that would have been good information to have upfront, ya know?

Macaroni is a new seal at Six Flags, the place they go a lot during the summer to walk around and look at all the fun things they've gotten too old to ride. He's a rescue seal--kind of like a lot of the CB are rescue kitties--and he got in a fight with a boat, and because of it he's blind.

I don't have all the details about his boat battle, but I'm thinking he won. Other than being blind he looks pretty good.

He doesn't catch fish that people throw into the water for the seals, but he's really good about sitting there and the handlers let him sniff their hands, and then they hold out fish to him, so he knows he's got something to eat. And they feed him as much as he needs to keep all those muscles.

Since he can't see, he sometimes gets lost in the water, but there are a bunch of other seals with him and most of them are girl seals, and when he gets lost all he has to do is cry and the girls come and get him and guide him back out of the water. Then he can bask in the sun and smell everything around him. The Woman said he's kind of like Stevie Wonder; he lifts his head and turns his face back and forth. I dunno what Stevie Wonder is doing when he does that, but Macaroni is sniffing and smelling everything around him. And there's a lot to smell, with all the people in the park, and all the food and stuff.

And ya know, after hearing his story, I didn't want to find out if he tastes like chicken. In fact, if it didn't mean leaving the house and taking a car ride, I wouldn't mind going to meet him. I mean, dang doods, he beat up a boat! How badass is that?

I'm glad he was rescued after the fight and has people who are willing to feed him, and his own harem of girl seals who help him in the water. Because a guy like that? Seems to me he deserves the attention now.

So in his honor, I will never eat seal meat.