See how good I was? I sat in front of the tree and I didn't bother anything. I didn't chew on it like I wanted to and I didn't open any of the presents. Well, none of them were for me anyway, so what was the point? But I usually like to chew on it, but I was good and waited until after the People have opened their presents before I did.

And you know what? Santa totally came through!


He brought us a Starchaser ball thingy, A Furminator, and a Morgen bed! I'm kinda too big for the bed, but it's still cool looking. I think Buddah might be too big for it, too, but sometimes he curls up so he might be able to make himself fit.

But the best thing of all, even though I didn't get a picture...

THERE WAS REAL LIVE FRESH DEAD SHRIMP!!!
Santa was smart and stuck it in the fridge so that it wouldn't get all gnarly, and we got to have a bunch of it tonight. And it was AWESOME.

I knew Santa would come through. All I wanted was shrimp, and I got it! Buddah can play with the rest if he wants.

I hope everyone else had a really awesome Christmas! I got to see the Younger Human, and he made pizza, and I got to eat a little squirt cheese today, too! So I had a really really nice day.

So today the Man loaded all the litter and food and toys into the car and the People took all the stuff over to the SPCA, and you know what? The Woman said they went into the office and there was a GIANT pile of beds for the dogs and cats! She thought there was probably 30 of them! And when the Man was unloading the car into a cart the SPCA had, a lady who works there said someone else had also just brought some litter over, so the kitties are going to have plenty to poop in for a little while! Since I consider pooping to be an important part of a kitty's day, this makes me happy.

I got to thinking last night...they need stuff all the time, not just on the holidays. And I have some books that sell a few copies every month. So I think what I wanna do is save my book money and every 3 months buy some stuff for the shelter kitties. Maybe even the dogs, too.

This doesn't make me a nice guy, though. I still think people suck.

Wherein I get a little repetitive...

A little while ago, I had a conversation about Christmas with the Woman, and it went kinda like this:

Me: How much money do I have? Because I really want to get toys for the shelter kitties. Do I have enough?

Her: You have enough.

Me: What about food? Do I have enough to get them some food, too?

Her: You do. In fact, when we were at the store today we bought around 60 pounds of dry cat food for you to donate.

Me: Good. It's about time you listened to me.

Well, after we talked I was looking online to see when the shelter was going to be open again, and it's not going to be open until Thursday (they still go feed the cats and dogs, right???) and they had this thing at the top of their website

We are in desperate need of kitty litter.

Well...I had to get the Woman and show her that.

Me:How much money do I have after buying the food and toys? Do I have enough for kitty litter?

Her: Max, you've been a cheap little furball all year, so you have some book money left. Just tell me how much you want to get.

Me: All of it.

Her: That might be a problem...

The point is, while I wanna give the shelter kitties toys because I don't think they get very many of them, there are some things they need. Can you imagine not having any litter to poop in? Just going in an empty box is, well, kind of...unsatisfying. I've done it once or twice when the Woman wasn't quick enough in filling the box after cleaning it. Not having the litter to use to bury things just ruins a good poop.

And can you imagine not having enough to eat? Sure, I don't get as much as I want, but even I have to admit I get more than I need.

Pile all that on top of not having a forever home... well, you can see where I'm coming from.

If you can, call your local shelter and see what they need. Even if you can only get a few cans of Stinky Goodness or a bag of crunchy food, they would welcome it. Some shelters will need your used towels--hey, that's an excuse for you to get some new ones! They might need a PTU or two. Or kitty litter. Shelters need a lot, and they don't always have the money for it.

And toys. It doesn't matter if you buy stuff for the cats or the dogs, or if you make something. But think about your forever home, and how much you have just by living there.

Not every kitty has that.

I have enough junk, so I'm thinking that I'm going to ask the People to not get me anything after all, and to use the money they would have used on me to buy a few extra toys or extra litter.

Santa will bring me something. That's enough.

Finally, a tree.

But you see that stuff under it? None of it is for me! Or Buddah! The only thing that makes me happy about it is that there's also nothing under there for the Woman, either. If I don't get a present, she doesn't get a present. That only seems fair.

But, I did hear her and the Man talking about Monday after he gets up going to do Toys for Tots shopping and then Tuesday finishing up the rest of their shopping, so I still have hopes that I'll get something. Now, I know Santa will bring me something because I've been very good, but the people really should stop being cheap and get me something, too.

Now, don't get started about how I didn't get them anything. They have the gift of ME every freaking day. So they still get the better end of the deal.

And double still...I want the Woman to take my book money and use it for the Toys for Tots thingy. She has toys. Like a rumbly bike and toys that make her do stupid things in the snow. If she wants something she can go out and get it. Lotsa kids don't have that. They don't have books that make them money so they can't get the toys they would like.

I also want her to take some of it and go get some toys for the shelter kitties. Skeezix's Food Lady had a post on the Cat's Meow about shelter kitties needing toys and that got me thinking, I made a little money every month, so instead of getting something for the People, I want to get something for the kitties. And I don't think the People will mind.

I mean, my people suck, but not that much.

Okay, dooods, this is as near as I can figure it (oh and you little guys, you might want to skip this because there's people boobage involved, and I drew a diagram. This is not for the feint of heart. I didn't draw nipples, though, because that would have just been gross.)

The blue X is where the Woman landed when she went to do stupid things in the snow. The red parts are what still hurts. Now, I get why her shoulder hurts; anything is gonna hurt if 500 pounds of people crushes it into the ground, even if there is snow to cushion the landing.

Now, the Man says that red place on her chest hurts because when her 500 pounds of self hit the ground, her shoulder went back and it pulled on the tendons and stuff, maybe even the giant chest muscle that attaches to the boobiebone.



This sort of makes sense, but doods, I watch the Woman change clothes sometimes (and! I don't even barf!), and let me tell you, those boobs? The older she gets the floppier they are, and I'm pretty sure I figured it out for reals.

When she landed upside down, those suckers whipped around in the wrong direction and slammed into her upper chest. She's lucky they didn't get her in the face, or whip around her neck to strangle her.

Boobies are dangerous things, let me tell you.

So now she rubs her chest a lot, but I think she's also grabbing her boob at the same time. I dunno, maybe the sudden force of acceleration stretched it or something and she can't get used to it being longer and skinnier.

She needs to stop feeling ouchy, though, because the Man put the Christmas tree up and there are NO presents under it for me. She has to go shopping! I mean, I know Santa will bring me something, but doods, she needs to start think of the kitties and not herself so much, ya know?

A'ite. Riddle me this. The Woman got stupid in the snow and landed on her shoulder. Everything's been "my shoulder this" and "my shoulder that" and she's used it pretty much as a catch all excuse to sit on her asterisk and do not much of anything.

So I noticed the other day during one of her poor pity me whine-fests that--dooods!--she grabbed her BOOB because her SHOULDER hurt.

Really.

Dooods!

1) Just what did she really fall on?
and
2) I should not have to witness that!

Oh man, what has been seen cannot be unseen...

But, at least I'm not having to work so hard at purring on her. She's not drugging herself up left and right anymore, just at night so she can get some sleep. So today I took a break and spent most of the day in my mancat closet cave where I got some much needed rest.

But, I missed Buddah getting behind the curtain and not being able to figure out how to get back into the room. he couldn't find the middle where it opens and is too BUDDAH to figure out all he had to do was walk to the end of the window sill and there was a way out there...the Woman says he sat there and cried, but she wouldn't help him. That's kinda mean, but I see her point. He needs to figure these things out for himself.

Doods. I am wrecked. I admit, I'm sitting here leaking like crazy, because I am so, so sad right now. One of my heroes, Rocky the Gutter Cat, went to the Bridge yesterday.



We all knew Rocky. All the ladycats wanted to be with him, and all the mancats wanted to be him.

I mean, come on. He was ROCKY and he had VIXENS!

I know we're gonna see him again, and he's got some special company waiting for him at the Bridge, but dooods...Rocky is one of a kind. I think I'm leaking so much because I know how much he meant to Mr. Tasty Face the Food Lady. And to Skeez and Tripper and Mao.

Sir Rocky...you will be missed. I'd tip my hat to you if I wore one.

I have to go wipe my nose on Buddah now.

Cripes...It's been over 10 days since I got a shot at writing a blog post, because I live with massive human globs of fleshy FAIL. I mean, here I promised to get caught up with Ask Max Anything, but noooo...I haven't been able to.

The People have actually been at home the last couple of days and you'd think that the Woman would let me use the laptop, but she's been sitting here with it while she drools all over herself in a nonstop drugged out medicated haze, which is her own damned fault because she thinks she's still 21 years old and went outside to do stupid things in the snow. And at her ancient age, she just doesn't bounce back from Teh Stupid the way she used to.

So now instead of getting premium online time, I'm babysitting and playing nurse to her. When she got back from Stupidity in the Snow she needed me to sleep on top of her and purr hard, being very careful to avoid the really ouchy parts, and all day yesterday she was in bed and needed more purr therapy. Cripes, that's hard work. I mean, I had to sleep on her so long that when she got up to let the Man make food for her, I needed a nap.

Today she's not all drugged up and she's upright and drooling in front of the TV, so I got a shot at the computer. But in a little while she's going to swallow more drugs and then she'll want to lie down because the world will start swimming and she doesn't have any good water wings, so she'll need me to crawl back up on top of her on the bed and purr.

She's a little strange, though...she hurt her shoulder, but the most ouchy parts are on her chest and her back, and she feels best when I'm stretched out across her stomach, hips, and legs, with my head between her boobs. Hey, whatever works.

Plus, the Man is all jealous, so, HA!