Every morning between 4:15 and 4:45 for the last couple of weeks, I've been singing for the Woman. And I've been giving it my all, making sure my sweet, sweet voice reverberates off the walls so that she can appreciate my entire range at top volume. Because that's how good music is done, right? You sing as best you can so that it skips off the walls and into someone's brain.

Well, yesterday I heard her complain to the Man that I was waking her up every morning and it was taking her a good hour or two to get back to sleep, and that just makes her tired.

So this morning? I decided since she obviously didn't appreciate my singing for her that I wasn't going to bother. I curled up on the big comfy chair in her office and wished for the fireplace to be on because frankly, I was a little cold. But I didn't say so. No, I was very quiet lest we disturb her beauty sleep, and trust me, she needs it.

So did I get any thanks when she got up today? No! I got "Cripes, I woke up at 4:30 expecting your obnoxious little voice and it still took me over an hour to get back to sleep."

I can't win!

"Woman," I said as she sat just staring at nothing because she's lazy like that, "pretty up my blog."

"Huh?" she grunted. "Why?"

"Because it's been the same for five hundred years and I bet my friends are tired of it."

"Maybe that has nothing to do with how pretty it is."

"Bite me. And I'm going to poop on your pillow tonight, just before you get into bed."

"You're demanding I make your blog pretty."

"Yes. But in a manly sort of way."

"What are the magic words?"

"If you do it I won't eat your face off."

"Fair enough."

So I sent her to the computer where she typed and muttered and scripted and muttered some more, then she pronounced it "Pretty enough."

Phffft. Just barely.

It may be tweaked a little here and there, but for now...it's a little prettier, I think. I still need to make her declutter the right sidebar. I had to let her take a break, though, because it's almost time for my Stinky Goodness.

We have a winner! Out of 112 comments (there were 113, but the last commenter commented twice but that's ok) the winner is:



#103

JETER HARRIS!!!


Dood! Email me your snail mail address so I can send you your brand new TURBO TRACK!!!

Doods! Take a look at this! A really nice lady sent me a couple of Turbo Track kits to try out, so I did! (Ok, I think it's a lady. If it's a dood with a lady's name, I'm gonna be WAY embarrassed, but it's a COOL name and there's even a SONG about her by the group Bread. It's like really, really old, though. From the 70's. I think they had fire back then but I'm not sure.)



This track was made out of 2 kits (with some pieces left over) It's like the round Turbo Track a lot of us have, but your Person can mix it up and create all kinds of shapes. The Woman made this one, and a couple others, but Buddah went bonkers over this shape so she put it back together that way for him. And seriously...he's going nuts over this. I played for a few minutes, but he's gone back to it over and over all freaking afternoon. It was supposed to be for me, but I'm not gonna fight it. I can't say NOT YOURS, MINE! because he's having so much fun. And I'm mean but I'm not cruel.




He likes the hump.



He really likes rolling the ball under the hump, and sticking his paws through it. That's what he's done the most, play with the hump.

Plus, I like saying 'hump.'

Here's another shape the Woman made from 2 kits with some pieces left over:



Plus a view of one of the boxes...

What's really cool is that you can get as many kits as you want and make MONSTER big shapes, and each kit comes with a ball, so if you have lots of playful kitties, they're gonna go APECHEETOS over this thing if you put it together with lots of kits. Oh man, can you imagine a bunch of KITTENS with this? I really, really want to see like six 12-week old kittens playing with one made out of like 6 kits.

Now, here's the really sweet part...I have one more kit, and I'm gonna give it away! With one kit you can build a few basic shapes, which is still tons of fun. And if your really like it and want more, you can sit on one of your People and say "Hey. I NEED MORE PIECES!" and they will surely bend to your will and go buy you another kit or two or 4. I vote for 4.

To enter to win, just make a comment--it doesn't have to be anything more than "Me! Me! Me!"--but sob stories won't increase your odds, since I'll use a random number generator to pick the winner. So if you have a rash of the nipples and your whiskers are on fire plus you JUST CAN'T POOP, that's not gonna help. Though it might amuse me. Just because all that happening to one kitty, well, if you don't laugh you gotta cry.

So comment and enter! One entry per kitty, please. And you only have until 8 p.m. Pacific time on Sunday 2-22-09.

Oh man...the Woman and I were on the couch watching stuff on TV that was on the DeeVee Arrr (but not General Hospital, we watched that earlier, and it was so anticlimactic, all that fire and no one croaked other than the one guy that fell off the hospital roof, but he was a sleazeball so I guess he doesn't count) and we both looked up, and DOOODS! There was a kitty outside the window on the roof! It was a kitty that looked like me, only where I'm all black it was all orange. An orange tux! And it had a red collar like mine. But I'm not sure if it was a boy kitty or a girl kitty, because I was too surprised seeing it perched there so high up to think to inquire.

Anyway, it didn't notice us at first because it was too busy looking in the gutter to look inside to see that hey! There's a person with a kitty on her lap. She think the other kitty was up there hunting, and maybe it knows that there have been roof rats. She got up to take a closer look, and the kitty ran off, and she feels a little bad about that because 1) it was a pretty kitty and 2) it's welcome to any rat up there it can catch.

She told the Man about the kitty and he was all "Huh? How did it get up there?" because he cut the tree where it was near the roof, so they went outside to investigate, and apparently it's a short jump from the side fence to the roof on the garage. Short for a cat, anyway. So the Woman says the kitty can jump on our the roof anytime it wants, but she hopes if it catches a rat that the rat's not bigger than it is.

Part of me would to see that actually, as long as the kitty didn't get hurt.

Yo Buddah



Bite me.
I'm in yer bed, farting my cooties into it.

OHMYGAWSH!



I won something!
I got funniest Valentine in Skeezix's contest!!!
Dooods!

Happy Valentine's Day!



Oh, your blue eyes I adore,
Most beauteous ever seen
Oh wait a minute, my mistake
My bad...I see they're green.

Temptations I will give you
In flavors tasty and unique
Come closer to my mighty paw
That I might touch your cheek.

I can't deny this truth I know
'Tis clear, in the mirror I do see
My one great love, TeH Awesomeness
My heart...belongs to me.



This was my entry in Skeezix's 3rd Annual Valentine's Day Contest. There are lots of really awesome valentines there. Go see!

WooHoo! The Man fixed my fountain and now it doesn't pee on the floor and it spits my water out just the way I like it. If only the Woman hadn't locked me in a closet and the BUDDAH being the one to rescue me by telling the Woman "Hey, Max is stuck!" today would have been AWESOME!

My..my...my water fountain... IT'S BROKEN! It peed all over the floor so the Woman unplugged it and the man sopped up all the water, but now it just SITS there and doesn't DO anything. How am I gonna drink now? I'm not liking up fountain pee, and it's no fun drinking water out of a bowl. I am so bummed out right now. The Man said he'd try to fix it, but I'm not holding my breath.

Doods! Look!




I've got REAL FIRE again! AND it doesn't need fire food! The Woman can just turn it on!





I may stay here forever. Or at least until it's time for dinner.

Don't forget, we're writing a book! An AWESOME book! I want YOU to be a part of it. yes, even you in the corner, licking yourself in an unseemly manner...



And dooods! It's time for Skeezix's Valentine's Day contest! Give a Valentine to your special someone! I even wrote a love poem this year!!!

Jake, my man, you are gonna be missed...



Find all the fun stuff at the Bridge, so that when I get there, you can show me the ropes.

It's not goodbye...it's just See Ya Later.

Oh man the people are upset. Yesterday the thingies on the wall that make the TV work and the fake fireplace (it spits out fake hot air without any real fire!) work...well, they just stopped working. Then later on the lights flickered and annoyed them even more. And tonight the Woman was writing an email and all the lights and her computer and little hot air blowing box thingy turned off. She grabbed a flashlight and went outside and poked at something on the house, which must have hurt because the house turned the lights back on, but the people are very, very not happy.

The wall thingies in the living room still don't work and it'll be a WEEK before someone who knows about such things shows up to look at them, which annoys them even MORE. They're, like, 52 kinds of annoyed right now. I can't say as how I blame them, because there's a good chance all the wire thingies throughout the whole place are just crap, and who knows how much that'll cost to fix.

Oh, and before anyone suggests it cause people already have, the wall thingies in the living room ARE all attached to a light switch (which is, the Woman thinks, totally in violation of Code) but the switch was on when they quit working. And the Man has this little night light (hehehe he needs a nightlight to pee by) that he stuck on the wall thingies and there's a tiny tiny trickle of power, just a tiny trickle which is not especially useful.

I get to listen to them whine for a whole week. Oh joy.

Bah.



It's not even a REAL fire thingy...

Dooods...it's time again...




Let's write another book!!!

Click the images for details. But the gist...we're gonna write another book. Essays, fictions, poetry...pretty much anything! This year we're gonna rock the pink and donate any profits to breast cancer research. Now, you might be thinking that doesn't have anything to do with kitties! But really, if you've ever used one of those as a pillow, you'd know how important the care and protection of boobies is. Beside, I counted and I got like 6 or 8 of the useless things. Mine aren't pillow worthy, but hey. BOOBIES!

Heh. I said boobies.

More details will come later, but for now--we have a concrete deadline of June 30 for submissions, and a projected publication date of August 24th (earlier if everything is in order, including layout and book covers done), so that the first to the royalties will be ready by October--Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE BOOBIES AND JOIN IN!!!

Got questions? Just add 'em in the comments, or if you prefer, email me.

"Why," the email asked me (because emails speak, don'tcha know) "don't you have a girlfriend? Are you...you know...?"

I get asked that every once in a while. Why I don't have a kitty girlfriend, not about whatever ...you know... means. Whatever ...you know... means sounds ominous, but there's nothing ominous about me, so I guess I'm not ...you know.... And if I'm not, I guess I'm ...don't know...?

Whatever. I do not have a kitty girlfriend and am not looking for one.

That doesn't mean I don't find many, many of the girl kitties in the blogosphere special and nice and wonderful and attractive. I do. But even if I wanted a girlfriend, they've all got boyfriends, and I would never ever bat my beautiful green eyes at another boy kitty's special girl. That's disrespectful, and I like to reserve my disrespect for People, not my kitty buds.

Here's the other thing. It's the one good thing about the People having me nootered, robbing me of my boy bits. Since I'm useless to girl kitties when it comes to the things girl kitties need boy kitties for, it means my affections can be spread out a little. I don't have to like just girl kitties, I can really like my boy buds, too.

Truly, there's nothing wrong with a little mancrush, you know. I mean, I would not go so far as to say I carry notions of a bromance with any of my guy kitty buds, but since I've been nootered beyond all repair, I'm free to seriously like all my kitty friends the same. If I find another boy kitty especially handsome, there's not a thing wrong with me saying so. If I find a girl kitty beautfulest, that's awesome, too.

Basically, I'm an equal opportunity crusher. I can think Luxor and Beau Beau and Harley are every bit as pretty as Daisy and Sadie and LC. I can have a little crush on any kiity, boy or girl, and it doesn't mean anything beyond that I find them fun and funny and I can't wait to read their blog every day.

So no. I don't have a girlfriend. I have lots of friends and I think they're all beautiful and I can crush on all of them no matter if they're boys or girls. And I doubt I'm ...you know... but perhaps I'm ...polyfriendcrush...

You know?